The Last Post

I've been coming to this post for awhile.  I'm taking inventory of most everything in my life - or at least that's what my friend/counselor Pastor Andy tells me.  It's true.  When my Dad died, it shifted my foundation and I don't understand the full impact of it yet.  It's a big adjustment in uncountable ways.  Big probably isn't the most effective word to use right there, but I'm not always as eloquent as I would like to be. 

I will say it is another order of magnitude of inventory-taking from the season right after Sophia's diagnosis.  Poignantly, my Dad died the day after Sophia was given the all clear.  He got to see it.  Thank You Jesus.

After writing a blog for 7 years, I've come into agreement with God: it is time to move on.  I'm entering into a unknown season, one where I don't share everything God gives me all the time - at least not on an easily accessible public forum.  It is going to be hard for me, as I enjoy the gratification of knowing I've helped people, encouraged them in their faith and (more than a little selfishly) the praise that comes with writing a piece people like.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and when people click "like," comment, email or tell me in person they like what I wrote, it makes me feel pretty darn good, productive and.....deeply fulfilled. 

Writing is a gift God has given me, a gift that touches me at the deepest level.  There isn't anything wrong enjoying the praise that comes from being a useful tool in His hands.  It's just time to have the courage to say Yes to Him using this tool in different and new ways.  It's time to seek His approval alone for a little while.  Does that mean I won't share?

No, I'm on social media (probably too much for some folks) so I will continue to document my family's antics, adventures and the events we experience that move the Kingdom of God forward.  I'm too much of a people person to keep totally silent.

There is an element of discipline and obedience required to go deeper into what the Lord wants to do in and through me.  I've got to be taught to teach.  Also, in order to finish some of the projects He has entrusted me with and will bring to my doorstep in 2016, I need to put this down.  I know I haven't written much lately and didn't quite persevere with #2015TheYearofPrayer like I wanted.  Still, this blog occupies my mind and heart in a way that doesn't leave enough space for the work He wants me to do now.

I read this verse during my quiet time this morning - which put me in a wonder-filled mindset at the timing: For loving God means obeying his commands.  Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as its Father overcomes the world.  And this is what victoriously overcomes the word: our trust.  Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, CJB/NIV)

What is coming is not burdensome, just as this blog has not been so, only the opposite.  It's always been a precious outlet.  It's now time for me to take up my Cross in a little different way - to switch shoulders, if you will and trust Jesus more to carry the load.  I treasure those of you I've told about this change, who received it with grace and humility.  Thank you for letting me know how you've enjoyed reading.  I know that's only  15 of you, but still. 

We are all coming to the end of 2015 - headed into a new year, but more than that; it is a fresh start to lay down what we might have carried for too long, plans we've made that aren't producing the sweetest fruit.  It's time for us, as the People of God, to seek, without any timidity, our purposes and destiny in Christ.  We must press in to overcome the barriers and distractions of this world - to step out from behind the curtain and show the world what He has done, is doing and will do through a Church who loves Him, is learning to love itself and wants to others well.

(Not) Incidentally, a couple weeks back, the Lord gave me "my" word for 2016.  If 2015 was Prayer - 2016 is Love.  I thought that word was just for me until I spoke to my friend Wynter this morning and she got the same word!!  The Lord is setting this world up to see what His ultimate display of love really looks like in His People - His United and Unified Church.  The time is short to do it, so we have to do it NOW.

What I've always tried to do on this blog is answer the question, "What does faith look like in real life?"  So: what does God's love look when His people breath it in and out in every moment of life?

Well, the Spirit has given me 2 verses this year - one for my ministry life and one for my personal life.  The ministry one came much earlier in the year, the personal one only since my Dad's passing.  It is the personal one, Psalm 116, that gives me the idea on how to help people understand the reality of what God's love looks like:

Be at rest, once more, O my soul, 
For the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I just have to tell my story of how good the Lord has been to me.  It's that simple.  It's all you have to do, too.

How has He been good to you?

How has He delivered you from death?

How has He dried your tears?

How has He held you up when you were about to fall?

Ironically, of course, you would think this medium would be perfect for that!  But not in the coming season.  I need to craft my story through alternative means and wait for Him to show me how to share it with the world.

I hope you've felt through these sometimes silly, sometimes desperate and sometimes searching posts that I love Jesus and I love you.  I hope You've seen His marvelous power to destroy the shade of death over the lives of my family and friends.  I hope You've seen how He is teaching me to love myself, by drying my tears over Sophia and thereby giving me permission to cry about other things - including my Dad.  I know I've felt like I've hit the concrete so hard so many times, but in reality, He cushioned, or even broke my fall - even pulling me back just in time.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you laughing and crying with me and listening to my thoughts. Thank You for serving me with your companionship.  I do hope it's made a difference in Your walk with Christ.  He is so close - He left it all to come to us and be not just WITH us, but One of us.  He knows you and He knows me.  He doesn't miss a thing and that's a very good thing.  

Don't stop seeking Him, ever.  Keep getting closer, even if it is uncomfortable or scary.  Even (and especially) when others don't get it.  He is as close as your breath but even closer - as close as the blood pumping in your veins.  I know He wants to do marvelous things through you, and me.  We are all in this together.  By trusting what He has done and how He is demonstrating it through us, we do overcome everything this world throws at us.

Keep in touch!  I will.

amysvogel@hotmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/awvogel 

https://twitter.com/amywvogel

My Eyes Are On The Storm

There is a storm raging in and around me.

I can't help but see it.  There are so many needs, it seems everyone in my life is going through something and needing the Lord's mighty intervention.  There are winds gusting to hurricane-force in some of those situations.  There are waves crashing over the heads of my beloved ones.  The threat is real. The storm of circumstances, of trials, persecution, suffering and life in general can be overwhelming.

This morning, I began by asking for the Lord to make me of one heart and mind with Him so I could pray as He would have me this morning.  So, as I sat, I was moved to pray for protection.  I named everyone I could think of, including people I don't pray for on a regular basis.  I started with those closest to me and worked my way out.  I just let the names roll off my lips without hesitation. 

It seems protection of His faithful ones was on His mind.

This does not feel like a huge, mountain-moving prayer but I see how the enemy wants to discourage, disrupt and destroy the people of God.  He wants us to gaze into the bleakness, keep our eyes on the hail of fiery darts that he rains down on this whole earth.  Even if some of the people I'm praying for aren't very close to God, the last thing satan wants is for them to move in His direction.  The best way to do that is by distraction, and he uses whatever means to do that.

Jesus quieted the storm.  He spoke, the wind and waves obeyed.  It was His power, filtered through His love for His Father, that enabled that word - QUIET - to be effective.  Yet, I know from personal experience, He does not always speak that word into our circumstances.  The storms of life are not always quieted because we need to see the storm for what it really is.

You see, when it FEELS like chaos reigns, when it FEELS like you are about to drown....when it FEELS like this storm will never be quieted....that's when a question forms and rises to the top in your soul.

WHICH STORM ARE YOU FOCUSING ON?

There is more than one storm raging and I realized it this morning.  I was/am listening to a song that has been my anthem for over 2 weeks now; it's called Gracious Tempest by Hillsong Young and Free.  I started listening to it the week of receiving His touch of love I last wrote about.  And as I was praying simply for protection, I realized why.  We need to be protected from focusing on the wrong storm.


Surround me like an ocean.

Your love is crashing over me.
It's surging like a raging sea.
Immerse me in the wonder of Your love.

A downpour of unending grace.
Consuming all my reckless ways.
My sin submerged, Your Love has saved my soul.

Your love is like a storm.

This song presents the storms of our lives from a totally different perspective.  The poetry and anointing of it, I can not deny.  In the middle of the YouTube video, the singer reads a portion of Psalm 116.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I don't know exactly what your storm looks like, and I know some are worse than others.  Yet, the challenge, as you get up to face it today, is not how to endure or survive it.  It is a choice to ask the Lord to change how you see it.  Rather than see the circumstances consuming you, look to Jesus and see His consuming love for you.  The Father doesn't go back on His promises.  He is faithful to complete what He started.

The Israelites saw a raging storm around them once.  They were the waves of salvation and deliverance, keeping them safe across the Red Sea as they escaped Egypt.  They witnessed the great love of God for them, making a path in the midst of what surely looked like a raging storm.  The Lord didn't quiet those waves, but He did hold them back.  Exodus 14 details the whole situation and it is no different in our case thousands of years later.

Nothing in heaven or earth can change who you are to God.  You are His Beloved, His treasured possession.  He longs to keep you safe, and in many ways He is doing that in ways you cannot even fathom, much less see. But you do have a choice - you can choose which storm to look at: your circumstances or God's love for you.

I know that may seem like the most impossible statement, which is why I'm praying protection over your eyes.  I'm praying they won't get pulled off the outpouring of God's grace on your life.  I'm praying He will protect your sense of direction and purpose.  I'm praying He will extend His mighty arm over you and all that seems to be swirling around you.  I'm praying you will be rescued and delivered today as your turn your eyes upon Jesus.  The things of earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

I hope you can take a moment today to soak in the eternal truth of this song....it has transformed the way I see my circumstances and I know it will do the same for you. 

 

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 32 and 33

Pray for me.  It's been PEA-NUTS.

The last week of summer and the first week of school are in the books.  If I thought there was little time to write during the summer, I had even less time this first week of school.  It was a Release week (our monthly praise and prayer service at church), I spoke to a women's group and we were having our floors replaced.  All that plus a few "extras," made this a week that left me spinning.

On Monday or Tuesday, I reported to my mom that one of the girls was going to have a fit by the end of the week.  Little did I know it was going to be me!

I am hopeful I'm off the roller coaster of the last 2 weeks (and 2 1/2 months of summer).  With the establishment of our new routine (with Natalie in 6th grade at West Briar Middle School and Sophia in 4th at Shadowbriar Elementary...both new schools for us) and Ella Grace going back to Mother's Day Out next week.....I'm hoping, praying and looking forward to some time for me to be creative; to write and just generally pursue all the "professional" opportunities the Lord is continuing to present.

I'm asking for protection, guidance, insight, strength and compassion in all areas, with my family (always and ever) coming first, as well as knowing how to balance all the other good stuff coming my way.

Even as I've been going in a million different directions, wearing multiple hats per day, the spiritual work continues.  Sometimes it is through joy, sometimes through power and sometimes through tears and frustration.  I've prayed with people and witnessed them have breakthroughs, as the Lord prepares them for what He has next.  I've seen the ministries I'm involved in start to come into their own and the people I'm walking life with grow in leaps and bounds.  I've seen people in devastating emotional circumstances be kept in perfect peace.

This life, this faith is not designed to be grasped completely this side of Heaven.  I feel that so acutely sometimes it hurts.  But my outbursts, the explosions of emotion are much fewer and farther between,.  They catch everyone (including me) off guard because the grace of God is so thick around our family.  Everyone was surprised Friday night when I went a little bonkers, but by Saturday morning, we'd all gotten right again.

The Lord has taught me what it means to have a sound mind (even if I have my moments of crazy).  The Spirit is teaching me what the fruit of the Spirit of temperance (or what we call self-control) looks like.  More than anything in this last year, I've learned the process of bearing this fruit is both a joy and a burden.  It's a joy because when we learn to manage our flesh (I mean emotions, thought patterns, etc.), we see what it looks like to live like Christ.  It's a burden because sometimes we just want to have a pity party and behave badly.

The Spirit is indeed willing but the flesh can still be pretty weak.

With this in mind, I'm remembering how much anchoring in Scripture I need.  I've gone back to it after being out of Bible Study and daily reading of the Word, for more than a few months.  I've been reading a lot of books - which is good - but there just is no substitute for the Bread of Life and Truth - Our Lord and Savior's very words.

I'm in the Gospel of John - only in Chapter 4 after several weeks.  I'm trying to savor it.  That sounds very high and lofty but it is more satisfying a craving or scratching a desperate itch.  My spirit feels the lack when I'm not in the Word.  It is a necessity; daily mind and heart renewal, being reminded what is important so I can go about living life in a way that is worthy and worth it.  This morning, from the Message, I read these words from Jesus to the Samaritan women at the well: It's who you are and the way you life that count before God.  Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.  That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.  God is sheer being itself - Spirit, Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. (John 4:23-24)

I have not done any of this perfectly in the last 2 weeks.  But I take comfort in knowing I have been myself, just as I am, before God.  I don't think the actual execution of worship, prayer, service, etc, ever has to be perfect...frankly because we don't know what perfection - true Godly (pure, holy, righteous) perfection - really looks like.  Furthermore, we really can't be perfect this side of heaven (or Christ's 2nd coming).  And the Lord KNOWS THAT.  That's why Jesus came, to give us a shot again, as imperfect and flawed as we are, even after justifying faith takes root in our lives.

That theological reality is an enormous comfort to me, as someone recovering from a performance-based value system.

Even as perfection alludes me, God's grace in all its forms and types, does not.  He is way too big, way too loving, way too merciful to let me slip backwards.  So - forward on I press, towards the goal of knowing, loving, serving and sharing the prize of Jesus Christ.  (Phil 3:14).

I figure that's about the only thing I really have to do.  If I do that, He will make sure it will all work out for His glory and my goodness.  

That is something to be thankful for and I am.  Always something to be thankful for, in this life with Christ.

I hope you can find more than enough thankfulness when you think about your last few weeks.  Sometimes it takes some work to dig it out.  Other weeks praise of God is the most natural thing ever.  Wherever you are, I encourage you to take a moment - to center yourself, take a deep breath and thank the Lord for something.  It is a great start and a good habit to have throughout the day.

Keep praying.  Keep presenting all your requests with thanksgiving.  Keep finding things to be thankful for because that's how our world gets changed for the better.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 30 and 31...Catching Up Again

We are 13 days away from normalcy....I mean school.  To answer the obvious question: Yes, we are all ready to go back.  Both the Olders start in new schools and can't wait.  This summer has been great, it really has.  But in the words of Jen Hatmaker - I'm over it.  We all are.  So, we will make the best of the nearly 2 weeks left, working towards somewhat of a routine so the first week of school won't be a total and complete shock to our systems.  Shock yes, but hopefully not a total one.

I'm still praying, just don't have a lot of time to write about it.  I do have a post teed up for tomorrow or Thursday, if I can carve out the time (because I have talks to give to the women's group at my church the next 2 Tuesdays) that really is rocking my world.  I'm structuring the 3 Wednesdays of prayer (@URPrays on Twitter) leading up to the next Release around what the Lord gave to me last week.  It's very powerful and I truly look forward to sharing.

In terms of checking in on this journey of prayer, I'll quickly share a miracle from last week.  It is one of those things where I look back and smack myself on the head....like why didn't I think of that earlier!!  It is really only important to our family, but that in no way diminishes what happened and we continue to enjoy the fruits of the Holy Spirit's labor on our part.

Last Sunday,  August 2nd, we were out of town and ran out of pull ups for the youngest - Ella Grace.  All we had were swim diapers.  As necessity is the mother of many things, as well as desperation, we (really I) decided to plunge cold turkey into potty training.  We've been toying with it, playing around, not truly committed (in all truth) for a couple of months, even buying big girl panties.  But not forcing the issue.

The issue forced us, so to speak.  As with a lot of things in my life, I won't really go for it until I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DO IT AND THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION.

Here we were, no pull-ups (I did go the resort gift shop and scoured it for emergency supplies, even diapers, to mitigate this potential disaster.  Full disclosure here.)  It became clear though, it was time to suck it up and go for it.  We did and the first day was pretty good.  The next 2 days were moderately successful with only 1 or 2 accidents.  But my irritation/exasperation/frustration level was starting to soar.  Why wouldn't this small child get it!?!?!?

(She will be 2 1/2 on the 21st by the way.  Yes, managing my expectation levels continues to be an area of growth for me.)

Wednesday rolls around - it's time to lead the weekly prayer meeting.  The whole time we were walking through the movements of prayer of Adoration and Admittance (we do the 4 As...our version of A.C.T.S. at the Upper Room), the verse you find in Proverbs (see 14:12 and 16:25) kept going around, rotisserie-style, in my head.  There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end leads to death.

Between that and the word "Fresh," which kept coming to me, I knew the Lord was telling me I was trying to potty-train her the wrong way.  I needed a fresh perspective to help my youngest get this thing down.  I was trying to get Ella to do what I wanted her to do and in my timing.  In my own strength, not His.  If this year (and my whole Christian walk) has taught me anything, when I struggle with something, I'm usually in my own way.  If I can just move aside, get low and let the Lord do what only He can do, things are much smoother, happier, fuller.

Ok, I got it Lord.  Now what?

As we came into the Ask movement - where we present our requests to the group to be prayed over - I humbled myself.  I asked for prayer over these talks I'm going to give but also over what to do about Ella.  It was a small group, so we just went around and laid out our requests and then I walked around, laying hands and praying over each woman (it was all women that night) present.  It was very powerful.

Then they prayed for me.  My friend Ann put her hands on my shoulder, praying through all I'd voiced.  I will never forget her saying,

"Lord, we know this is all in Your timing, but if You could just help Ella to get it, right now, we would really appreciate it."  

We all giggled at that, several of us being mothers, familiar with the trials of potty-training.

A new women, as we were wrapping up asked me, "Have you prayed with her about it?  I see you praying with her before she gets on the potty, asking for help."

DUH.

That was the 2x4 to the back of the head, the fresh perspective, the RIGHT way, to go about this.  Seriously, Amy, get it together!  The next morning, when she called for me, we prayed before she got out of bed.  And she went potty....on the potty!  We said, "Thank you Jesus!"  We prayed 2 more times that day and it became clear, Ella had indeed gotten this.

Ella was potty-trained and we haven't had an accident since.  After the 2nd time we prayed, she started telling me she had to go when she had to go.  In fact as I was writing this post, she ran in here, told me she had to go and as she finished yelled, "I DID IT!" (as she every time now.) 

Just like that, the Lord not only removed my frustration as I obeyed Him by doing it His (right) way, He opened up Ella's little body-mind-bladder connection.  She is a big girl, thanks to Jesus' help.  Truly, He is an ever-present help in time of trouble.  No matter big or small your trouble is, He is the answer.  And I am very, very, very grateful!!!

THANK YOU JESUS!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 28 and 29 - Catch Up Post

This summer has been spanking my "regular" schedule.  Really, in summer time, with 3 kids at home, there is no "regular."  But the last 2 weeks have been particular out of the norm, as we've been on vacation and extremely busy when home.  I didn't even lead our URPrays meeting last Wednesday - SHOCKER!

(Moseka Medlock, my lead prayer partner in the Upper Room did a fantastic job.  Too bad she doesn't follow this blog, I'll have to tell her later about how I'm going to take advantage of her love for Wednesday night prayer more often in the coming year.  ;))

My last post described a Wednesday night where the Lord gave me more freedom.  These last 2 weeks have been a lesson in walking that out.  Before, if my regular devotion routine was different, I would struggle against guilt.  Now I know the guilt is gone.  I got the time in the last 2 weeks to do "living prayer," where I prayed wherever I was.  It was a really neat experience because it confirmed what was spoken over and into me that night.

I hear from the Lord.  I know Him.  He knows me.  He is always with me.  I am never disconnected from His Spirit because His Spirit is on the inside.  I am valuable to Him and to His people, wherever I am.

Experiencing God not something I have to earn because I got up early and sat down to be quiet.  He is always available.  I knew this, but because I was so wrapped in insecurity, doubt was fostered, so I have always struggled with mentally accepting it.  I knew it in my heart but my head didn't believe it.  So, by practicing centering on Him, wherever I was, talking (mostly silently...which has also been a stretch for me, to believe I'm praying with power when not speaking) about whatever was happening or on my mind.....The Lord and I got just that much closer.

On the beach playing with my family, He was with me.

Cooking meals and cleaning up, He was with me.

In the morning before I got out of bed, He was there.

At night when I was dead tired, He was there.

Anytime......He was, is and will always be there for me.

I read parts of Psalm 139 this morning, in which King David describes this whole concept.  This is my version of it:

You have searched me.  You know me.  You see me wherever I am, in whatever I'm doing.  You know what I am going to say before I say it.  He protect and keep me, holding me, making me safe and secure in Your care and compassion.

I seek You again, so You can sort-through me, soaking into me, renewing me.  Anything that offends You, remove from my heart, mind, soul and life.  Let me continue to walk the love-lighted path, being made more fully alive in You.  Renew the best of You in me.

Things got back to semi-regular status this weekend and I am grateful for it.  I'm grateful for the time away because there is just nothing quite like coming home - to our home and our church home. I'm continually grateful and finding that is the key to unlocking the Presence to flood my heart and mind again. 

There is still much to pray for.  Our world needs our prayers more than ever.  God's people need hope and direction or they will continue to wander in the wilderness.  I am called and you are called to roll up our sleeves and do our part.

But thankfully, He also calls off to far-away places, for refreshing and restoration.  I got that, praise God.  I'm ready to work again. 

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 27

Have you ever read something in Scripture, but never fully, truly believed it?

Have you ever, for years, wished for something to be true but it never rang that way inside your soul?

Have you ever looked in the mirror, knowing God loves you but never deep down, felt it?

Yeah, me too.

Nothing about praying a lot or leading people in prayer or knowing the Bible really well or consistently hearing from the Lord or having a deep well of hope, purpose and meaning completely erased this nagging sense of doubt in my mind and heart.  When I would read the verses about being dearly loved, treasured, purified, whole, beautiful in the Bible, I didn't completely accept it for myself.  I'm being as blatantly honest as I can.  I've been journaling for weeks now about how I knew the Lord wanted to rid me of these deep-seated insecurities.  It's been a good 4 months of full consciousness of this nonsense (for I've known it was nonsense for the last 11 years since I came back to Christ).  But still, my thoughts about myself never quite matched God's thoughts about me.

It wasn't just that, though, either.  My thoughts about who I was never quite lined up with anyone else's thoughts either.  That's why I have always been uncomfortable when people compliment me -  on anything.  I am literally struck dumb and my response comes out feeling painfully awkward and inadequate.

That's the word - inadequate.  For most of my life, on and off, I have felt I'm in no way up to the task - whatever that task is.  That's spilled over into my perception of my physical self too.  (I know I've written about this before, even last week.  See, it's been on my mind for a long, long, long time).  Culture grossly inflates the idea that you aren't good enough and then add in the efforts of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy....well, I just didn't believe what others said.

I've had moments of fleeting freedom.  Multiple times, I set my face like a flint against this insecurity but it never lasted more than a few days.  I knew the end of it was coming, though.  I've witnessed and participated in too many miraculous works of God lately to think He wasn't going to set me free from this.  I just had to wait on the right time, when everything was lined up in His order. In our Wednesday night regular prayer meeting, it was.  

It didn't start that way, for the first 45 minutes, I was leading the prayers.  But it ended with me on the floor being prayed over...and stuff getting prayed out.  It was a most holy and interesting experience.  I'm tempted to get on my face now, I am still so humbled by it.  Thanks to the gifted and Holy Spirit-led ministrations of 9 friends family members, all that insecurity, all that inadequate feeling was removed from my soul and body.  I didn't thrash around, I never lost control of my mental facilities - I was a willing and able participant.  I contributed to the process because I knew it was time for all this double-mindedness to go.

For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind...For being as he is a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), he is unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything he thinks, feels, decides.

The Apostle James wrote that in the first part of his letter (James 1:6,8).  It describes who I was when I thought about myself.  40 years of hesitating, dubious, uncertain thinking about agreeing with God about me was healed.  It was really a miracle hour for me, a long time in coming.  Even (and especially) church leaders need to be prayed for and poured into.

This is not the end of the story - I still have to walk this truth out.  I have to stand firm against the wiles, tricks, illusions, imaginations of the enemy, the influence of the world and even when my own negative self talk rears its ugly head.  I have to remember to walk down a brand-new neurological path.  I can't go on auto-pilot down the same-old worn trail of self-doubt.  I have to remember the word the Lord left with me after that intense session was "Today you will be with Me in paradise."  The real truth of it is, I'm already there but not yet completely.  It's the now-not yet principle of eternal life in Christ.

(Read what I have to say about that idea here.)

The difference now verses before prayer on Wednesday is: the hole that was filled with insecurity and doubt is now filled with truth and faith.  I am secure in Him and I believe it.  I am not perfect and I am indeed more dependent on Him than ever.  But real freedom comes from dependence and obedience.  I can actually point to the area of my body where all those ugly feelings and thoughts were housed and know that place is now cleansed and cleared.

It really was a miracle.  That's the currency God deals in if you let Him.  He doesn't want His children to suffer, especially under the weight of any other yoke than His.  Every burden we would put on our own shoulders (or others have put on us) is too heavy.  Ella says that now when she tries to pick up a basket or bag.  She tries, puts it back down and looks at me.  She says, "Too heavy Mama."

We need to look at our Heavenly Father and say the same.  

I finally put this burden down.  I know and believe the truth of who I am....and when you know the Truth, you are free indeed.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 26

If you went to church with me last week, you might have seen me trying hard not to come apart during this song. Never heard it before but sometimes, the Lord comes upon me unexpectedly like that.  When that happens, your very spirit shifts.  Like tectonic plates moving around, an earthquake happens - in your soul, mind, body and ultimately in your life.

This song is called "Good Good Father" by Housefires.  I've listened to it about 49 times (that's 7 times per day if anyone is counting) in the last week.  To the point where my husband, every time he sees me with my earbuds in and tears streaming down my face says, "You are listening to that song again."

Deep within me I have been unsettled for most, if not all, of my life.  I've struggled against insecurity in every imaginable way.  It drove to me success in business but that's not a good thing I realize now.  Over two weeks ago, I woke up one morning and had enough of insecurity - especially about the way I look - running roughshod over my heart and mind.  I just got sick of living from that place anymore...by myself.  I don't want to think badly of myself or steel myself as I go to look in the mirror.  I want to see and feel the connection to how others see me.  My body image issues are only just a symptom of a much deeper problem: I don't love what God created....me.

Yet, that is the core of this song.  It is the crux of our new life in Christ.  It is what the Apostle Paul was saying in Romans 8 (I think I need to memorize the whole chapter): Don't live the old way.  Live the new way, bought with a price and it lasts forever.  Please God, not just yourself or anyone else.

One of the things that struck me as I've listened to this song so much is......this must be what Jesus' prayer time was all about.  You read over and over and over again that He often escaped the crowds and His Disciples to go off to "lonely places" and pray.  (That's probably from the King James version).  And I've always wondered.....

What did Jesus pray about when it was just Him and His Abba?

Jesus came to meet His Father to remember Who He was and to be Beloved.  The world, even His closest friends, ran roughshod over His heart and mind too.  So, when it was just the two of them, Father and Son, I have no doubt it was not just face-to-face like Moses.  There had to be a deeper connection.  To me, Jesus' personal "quiet time" as we like to call it had to have been the most contemplative heart prayer ever.  I believe it was the real-time, whole-self integration of Him and God.  When I listen to this song....it defines for me Jesus' personal prayer life....and I realized this week it can be my personal prayer life too.

Jesus prayed all kinds of prayers - He is our model for prayer after all.  And I lead a church prayer ministry, which is continuing to grow and expand.  I pray often for others and with all different types of prayers.  But more and more, in my own early morning time, it is VERY contemplative.  Sometimes so much centering is going on, I fall asleep...till I hear someone else wake up (then sort of scramble to look like I was "in prayer" and not just knocked out.)

(Come to think of it, I wonder if that time when Jesus was asleep on the boat during that really bad storm was after some centering/contemplative prayer....I look forward to asking Him about that someday.....among many other things!!)

My guess is Jesus needed this prayer time as much as I do because it is the only way to recharge after pouring out.  And He lived perfectly!  I don't.....AT ALL. I love the way Paul describes it in another letter,

 For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim or blurred reflection of reality as in a riddle or enigma, but then, when the perfection comes, we shall see in reality and face to face!  Now I know in part (imperfectly) but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood, by God. (1 Cor 13:12)

We know imperfectly, in part, incompletely.  During this year of prayer, I keep coming face to face with that fact nearly every week (if not every day).  There are major limiters to my knowledge, gifting, love and ability.  Yet God, Who is Perfect Now, knows me perfectly now.  There is no shortage in His knowledge, even though there is shortage in mine.  I believe that better than anyone else ever has, Jesus lived from this place, when He walked the earth, of being fully known and loved by God.  And I've been living from my short-hand knowledge, not the fully, free-flowing script of God's love.  All my attention has been on how I come up short, not the completeness of the God I serve.

But no longer.  I no longer choose to live from the place of my lack.  I don't want to pray in a grasping, unsure way.  I want to rest and let it flow as it comes - whether that is in word, song or just silence.  What keeps getting me though is that God's love is perfect....all of His Ways are perfect.  And His perfect love loves us completely even when we are completely imperfect!

It's love so undeniable I can hardly speak.
It's peace so unexplainable I can hardly think.
As you call me....deeper still.
Into love...love...love..

Courtesy of Rev Christian Washington

Some folks turn their noses up at contemplative prayer practices, saying they are only about the individual.  I agree when contemplation doesn't turn into conversion, conviction or connection with others.  I think Jesus went to those lonely places in His heart where He could open Himself up and let all the weights, cares and burdens of being the Messiah fall away - and as they fell, He was fully restored and empowered to live His mission.  It was after that communion He could walk with such power, forgiveness, strength and humility.  He could do the Father's work because He had the Father's heart - for Himself and others.  Such is the place I want to learn to live from.....that I'm starting to learn to live from.  Soaking up the goodness of my Good Good Father and going back to that well whenever the need arises.

What if we all started to live from that place? 

You are a Good Good Father...
It's who You are.
And I'm loved by You....
It's who I am.

It's a revolutionary thought.  If we stopped trying to do what Jesus did, never quite measuring up and rest in being fully known....then we could really let Him work through us.  It wouldn't be hard, stuff would just happen.  It's promised that way.

You are perfect in all of Your ways....to us.

2015: Year of Prayer, Week 24-25

For it is God's will and intention that by doing right (your good and honest lives) should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. (1 Peter 2:15, AMP)

This morning, I started on Psalm 34:8  (Taste and see the Lord is good!)  But in weeks like the last couple, it gets real easy - too easy - to move from a position of grace to a position of anger (righteous, justified or otherwise).  I ended up in 1 Peter 2 because the Apostle references Psalm 34:8, as he is instructing Christian believers (I tend to think they were probably Messianic Jews; his words apply to us Gentiles too.)  He is helping them understand how to act in a time when their faith was a liability in the eyes of the world.

These last 10 days make me think our faith looks like a liability to some now too.

Between the shooting at Emanuel AME church in Charleston 10 days ago, or the ruling by the Supreme Court on Friday morning making same-sex marriage legal nationwide, it seems more than ever as Christians, we need to not only KNOW the right way to act to please God and draw others to Him......but do it. 

(Of course that means we will apply that to life differently, so grace and love must be the rule in every situation...especially in the family of faith.) 

One of my very good friends got a word from the Lord about 2015: RAPID.  Now is the time, there is probably not many more moments to waste if you are on the fence about making Jesus front and center in your life.  I'm not a harbinger of doom, but based on some of the commentary I've seen on social media....in the United States being a Christian may start doing us more harm than good.

But there is lies the challenge and what Peter was saying.  Jesus is either a stumbling block or a stepping stone (1 Peter 2:8).  He is either going to trip you up or raise you up.  He will either cause you to fall on your face or He will turn His face upon you (Num 6:24). 

In the case of Dylann Roof killing 9 brothers and sisters in Christ during a prayer meeting on 6/17/15, Christ was obviously a stumbling block.  But for those believers left behind, He was a stepping stone to lift them up to show what is possible with Christ.  Last Sunday, our pastor preached the quintessential message on this and in it, showed the video where Roof was confronted by several of the victim's family members...and they forgave him.  The clincher was the last lady to speak.  She was actually there, a witness to his crime....and she only spoke forgiveness.  Here is that video:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.  Forgiving the man who you watched murder 9 of your church family members less than 48 hours afterwards is impossible, short of the indwelling and overflowing of the Holy Spirit.

To the other major event this week, I'm not going to say much about same-sex marriage, other than I don't agree with it.  I have prayed and sought the mind of the Lord repeatedly on this issue and my heart is never changed.  However, I don't have to agree with a lifestyle to love someone.  In that same vein, as children of God, we don't have to be on the same side politically to worship Christ together.  The Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives trumps every human institution and affiliation.

Our cultural system accepting and even promoting the LGBT way doesn't shake me.  What causes me concern is when it starts to affect our ability to freely live our faith.  That's where this is going, in case you didn't realize it.  Christians who support gay marriage will eventually feel the squeeze on their faith, just as those of us who don't agree with the ruling. 

My prayers (and the prayers of others) for the last 2 weeks (even longer really) have been for the Body of Christ.  We have got to put aside our doctrinal, denominational, political and self-serving issues and come together.  Revival is here and if anything gets in the way of you loving a brother or sister in Christ, it is time to sweep that leaven out of the house.  

Peter's words in his nearly-2000 year old letter are so critical to us now.  We must conduct ourselves properly, not according to our own understanding.  We must lean even more heavily into who the Lord has revealed Himself to be.  We must love the brotherhood - the Christian family - taking pains to make sure we don't give unbelievers any more ammunition not to come to Christ.  We have tasted and seen the Lord is good.  We KNOW HE IS.  It is time to demonstrate that to the world so they, too, will see He is good.

I know this doesn't sound much like a record of my prayer journey but it is.  This is a post for me.  This is me pouring out my heart to God.  This is me going vertical.  This is what is on my mind.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever be on this Earth (praise God, I will be in heaven!).  It is convicting to look back on my day yesterday and see how many times I failed to reflect His heart especially when emotions and hot-bed issues are involved.

So, I repent.  I ask for forgiveness.  I ask the Lord to create a right spirit in me, not one of my own making, but right in His eyes.  I don't want to be known for anything other than my faith.  It speaks the loudest, through the actions of my life and my character. 

It is a challenging business being a Christian.  I pray for me.  I pray for you.  I pray for all of us.  We are heading into perilous waters.  But I know the One who walked on the waves.  And so did Peter, which is why he could tell us how to live, even as he was walking it out too (pun intended). 

Let my heart reflect Yours, Oh, Lord.  Help me.  Help us, Your People. Help our nation and our world.  Let us become more aware of Your Presence.  Let us experience....let us taste and see and live for...the glory of Your Goodness.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 20

Didn’t you know that I had to be concerning myself with my Father’s affairs? (Luke 2:49b, CJB)

This week I was preparing and being prepared.  Something big is coming and we are getting ready to receive it.  Hope and Healing have taken flight and will be landing at 7 pm on Wednesday, May 27th in the Upper Room at Chapelwood when the next Release service begins.

I understand that is a brash statement, but I can't help it.  Whatever happens, it will be big - to us, to the people in attendance, to those who hear about it.  It will be big not because we've spent a month planning it (verses a week and even less a few times).  It will be big because the Lord has business to attend to.  He is coming for His broken, captive, wounded, hurting people.  He is coming for the ill, the maimed, the diseased - of heart, mind, soul, spirit and body.  He is coming and we are waiting on Him.

Some of the prep activities are practical: meetings, laying out the music, the Scripture and who is involved, as well as working out the form (yes, there is a form to it for those of you who have been, but we try very hard to not let that get in the way, so Holy Spirit can do what only He can do.)  We are making sure everyone is in prayer about it. 

All very practical stuff.

Yet, there is the other, internal stuff going on.  January kicked off a season of intense growth and it keeps rolling.  I'm literally learning something new every day - whether it is in reading the Bible or other books; praying and living life with people; or just being with my family.  

He is teaching me what it means to be open, to be vulnerable to Him and be about His business, instead of always just my own.

That's a been a meaningful verse for 4-5 years.  I realize in context it is Jesus' words about Himself and the precept He lived His life by, but as His disciple, it demonstrates what my focus should be too.  I'm becoming more aware of how that applies to my life.  The key to it is not the word "business" - not the stuff of doing for the Kingdom of God.  It is the relationship to the Lord, which I have been reminded of several times in prayer over the last 2 weeks.  The impact of God being My Father is enormous and overloads my mental circuits every time I ponder it. 

I have a great Dad - I've written about him before. But my Father is in Heaven.  I need a constant reset of that on a regular basis, especially with big, fun, exciting things on the horizon.  I started a new habit yesterday, really picked back up on an old one.  One of my favorite things to do is to listen to music while I walk and run (notice I did not put run first, I don't necessarily enjoy that....swimming, yes.  Running, not all that much).

The music makes it fun because all of it is worship.  As my body is engaged, my mind and spirit can soar.  I can praise, pray and just be with the Lord, as we circle the blocks and work Pepper, our dog, out too.  It is something I got twisted and had to take a break from at the end of last year.  It is time to pick it back up again and I remember now why I started running in the first place...

It certainly has health benefits (still fighting 10 lbs of baby weight, at 40, who would have thought I'd ever say that?)  More than that, it is an opportunity to be free, to dream unencumbered, in the early morning.  I can envision what God has for me and my family and explore His Father's heart as take strides together. 

My DNA is His.  I am a shepherd and prophet because I'm following in His footsteps.  I'm leading people to greener pastures because that is where He longs for us to be and He is showing me the path on which to take them.  The Lord wants His people whole, happy, blessed, joyous.  Jesus' Mission Statement from Isaiah 61:1-10 (just read all of Isaiah 61 and 62, it's incredible), proves it.  He and the Father are one and They want us FREE!

He is teaching me (and many others around me) how to help folks understand this eternal fact and go to and with Him themselves.  He sets the boundaries of our understanding, not the other way around.  Logic is good but it will only take you so far when you are dealing with the One who Created logic.  So, as He chooses to push my boundaries (and sometimes my buttons), this time with Him helps me walk in a manner worthy of Him....which is gratefully.

This week has been about seeing and knowing the beauty of the vulnerability of us to the Father but even more than that, the vulnerability of the Father to us....It is a mysterious, glorious reality.

I'm continuing to learn, listen to and operate in obedience and God-given authority, with the instruction I am given.  I don't get it right all the time.  I mess up the timing and the message.  Still, His grace and His love cover those foul ups. Being about my Father's business is the best place to be.

One of the songs that came on while I was typing this (I'm still listening to my running playlist) was a song from Francesca Battestelli - "He knows My Name."  In it, she calls out who she is in the Lord and it is true for all of us:

Chosen.

Free.

Forgiven.

Wanted.

Child of the King.

His Forever.

Held and Treasured.

I am Loved.

Maybe this week was hard for you.  Lean into the Father's arms for a little bit.  I hope your Saturday schedule gives you some time to do that.  Mine won't but that's why I get up so darn early.  ;)

In the meantime, I'm going to continue to wait till tomorrow and Wednesday, when I get to be with my faith family in the Presence of Our Savior and watch Him before miracles.  It's a little bit like waiting to go on vacation, I just can not wait!

Considering joining us Wednesday night and let me know if you would like more details.  I will have a wonderful report next week.  We are going deeper than our feet could ever wander, where our faith will be made stronger....Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and I'm only about Your business.

(When in doubt....Oceans.)

2015: The Year of Prayer: Week 18

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. - Micah 7:7

If you are looking for passages of Scripture to memorize, that's a good one because it is easy.  Its "address" is easy too.  Sometimes we just need the fundamental truth of God - anticipation, hope, salvation, recognition, expectation.  We have prayers, needs that are yet to be met.  Fulfillment of what we know God will do is not quite complete.  It's the now-not yet principal of our faith.

Thankfully, though, we have one advantage over the prophets - what they longed for, what they predicted - what here Micah eagerly awaits - we already know.  Messiah has come and He has finished the work for all of us.  The Apostle Paul (who I have a complicated relationship with although I truly love the guy) completes the thought of the promise from Micah in 2 Corinthians 1:20: For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.

It is significant Paul uses "Amen" in this verse because Amen actually means "Let it be so," or "It is so."  We end our prayers with that word (knowingly or unknowingly, as I wasn't aware of this till recently!) and we are saying, God, this is Yours.  We have prayed to You, now let Your will be established.  Let it be as You say it will be and we will give You all the glory for it.

In prayer, saying Amen is a final act of relinquishing - of giving everything over to God to do with as He sees fit.

I say all of this only because it highlights my week.  After last week (read about Week 17 here), this week felt more like a lull.  In the church seasons, we live most of our life in "Ordinary Time," (although technically that's not the season we are in).  This week has felt pretty ordinary.  Having every week be like last week is not physically speaking, sustainable....(our bodies need rest from the adrenaline soaked workings of the Holy Ghost)...still, this week sort of felt like a downer.

Not for lack of great God work.  Another young man I've been walking life with, Oliver, experienced a major deliverance on Sunday morning from 18 years of having to control everything.  He walked into our prayer time with back spasms and TMJ.  He walked out healed of the back spasms and well on his way to being freed from his painful jaw condition, with new spiritual weapons at his disposal.

On Wednesday, my good friend Audrey experienced the power of prayer like never before.  She was the recipient of the wonder-working power of the agreement of God with His people.  It was really intense and highlighted for me how much I need (we all need) Him directing things, so we can make those giant leaps into greater freedom.

Thursday, my friend Brad's sister Brooke, was seriously ill coming back from vacation.  She had to be rushed to the ER on her layover here on her way home to L.A.  Yet, thanks to God's foreknowledge, she was in the best place for care.  She obeyed the Lord when booking her trip.  She asked Him where she should connect through and He answered.  Months later, she was delivered into the best hands possible, medically and emotionally speaking (her family lives here). After only 48 hours in the hospital, she's been discharged, no surgery or procedures required, resting at home with her mom.  We are believing she will be well enough to come to church with her family on Sunday!   

Only God.

The tapestry He is weaving in the community of faith in Houston (and the U.S.) is taking shape for all who wish to see it.  It is incredible to be a part of!

As busy as God has been this week, so has the enemy.  I don't say that to give him any credit, I truly can't stand that devil.  He has been stirring up trouble, working to wreak havoc.  That's why Oliver had back spasms in the first place, and Brooke got sick.  None of that mess was from the Lord. 

For me personally, there were some tough lessons.  Character development is always rough.  Still, I'm thankful.  I know nothing is wasted, God is the original recycler.  He takes the past and the present, when we let Him, making all our trash into beautiful, useful, helpful new creations.  (See Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28)

One of the big things I learned was not to focus on the one area that is wrong in a relationship.  Instead, I need to let Holy Spirit shift me up a level - to look at the bigger picture.  Having a myopic view of a situation is very dangerous.  When you focus on the one area that is out of whack or balance, it ruins fellowship, connection and intimacy.  People aren't just one day, one week, one habit.  God made us whole in Christ, each on our own journeys towards the greater abundance He came to give. (see John 10:10).

There are no overnight successes in the Kingdom of God!  When you look back, you see the Hand of God working all along, bringing you to the right place, ready to receive.  However, the insidious tactic of the enemy is to make us think we should all be instant rock-stars of faith at the moment of salvation; no longer needing the grace of God because we are all perfect. The enemy of our hearts WANTS US only to focus on what needs to change because he knows, if we are grateful for what God has and is doing, his plan of destruction is already lost.

It is all too easy to try and jam our fingers into our brother's eye to dig out the speck and forget the logs God has surgically removed, with His instruments of gentleness and grace, from our own.

If I know one thing, though, this life is not a sprint.  It isn't even a marathon.  My pastor and dearest friend (and this week counselor), Christian Washington, pointed that out a few months back - our lives of faith are actually triathlons!  You might finish swimming, but then you have to get on the bike.  You get off the bike only to start running.  We are never "done in Christ," this side of eternity and to forget that is to forget our need for God - and then we start leaning too far into our own understanding.  

It doesn't mean we stop praying or encouraging change where it is needed.  Jesus met people where they were but never left them that way.  Jesus was the Master of knowing what kind of pressure - and where - to apply.  He rarely spoke a harsh word of rebuke to His Disciples.  There was that one time with Peter (Get behind Me satan...) but even then, that was to crowbar Peter out of his own understanding of what the Messiah was to do.  

In this week of "the lull," I have to keep in mind He is in charge and I am not.  When I try to make every week like last week, every day a mountaintop, trying to do Holy Spirit's work for Him, I will be disappointed.

We need the lulls to recover.  It doesn't mean we aren't doing anything.  Rather, we are taking the critical step of resubmitting ourselves to His direction.  When a farmer plants a field, much of the time it looks like nothing is happening, but the fruit is growing.  At the right time, those mountaintops will be revealed and all our labors will not have been in vain.  The harvest will be ready and ripe.  We will work side by side with the Lord and each other to reap it.  (See Galatians 6:9-10)

Until then, like Micah, in certain areas of my life, I watch in hope for the Lord.  I wait expectantly for God my Savior to come in fullness, to answer, to help.  The answers to our prayers enter our dimension when the time is right, but the Lord has already released them.  They are above and ahead of me.  I'm the one that has to catch up to the "Yes," of God.

So, in hopeful expectation of that YES...I will say AMEN.

Give Jesus Your Rubik's Cube (or how to cast your cares on God)

So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. - 1 Peter 5:6-7, MSG

Last week, a pastor friend inadvertently told me what I do when I write.  He was telling me about a couple of trends in the church and mentioned one called "practical theology."  Ever have those moments when a cathedral bell goes off in your head?

Those two words, practical theology, rung through my soul.

Not that I'm into definitions because those most assuredly get me into trouble (especially when given to me by others.)  Still, when you get a moment of clarity, you gotta realize and be grateful to the One who gave it to you.  I'm a practical theologian. (Don't twist into "practically-a-theologian" although that might work too).

Practical theology is essentially what I'm doing here.  Taking the study of God and making it applicable, useful to living life.  That's my calling.  That's what I study.  That's what I'm passionate about.  Jesus has given me purpose, direction, value.  Because of that, I want others to find their own in Him.

Still, if I'm being real, there are days when people "step on my happy,"* and I don't want to practice what I preach anymore.

There is an increasingly popular form of prayer - which I'm not sure is really "new" - but is extremely powerful.  It is called Theophostic Prayer and the way I understand it, in agreement with others, you go back to the moment in time (usually childhood) when the wrong idea or the lie was supplanted for God's truth in your life.  You let Christ remove the hurt and pain and then you let Him speak His reality into your soul (mind, will and emotions).

I hope to do my own official exploration through Serenity Retreat in Houston soon.  Until then, I've had others who've been through it teach me some basics it and applied it in just a few instances in praying for others.  I'm not trained in it so I mostly let the Spirit do the talking.  This type of prayer is especially for adults.  Why?  

Because those lies, the deceptions and unwanted untruths we assimilate as children when we don't have the maturity to process life...the enemy of our souls jumps on like white on rice.  Those ideas grow into identities and yokes we can't shake with out the Lord's strong power.  Theophostic prayer leads to freedom and deliverance - and often healing.  It is a way to reverse the cycle of negative self-talk that leads to self-hatred, self-abuse and in some extreme cases, self-mutilation.  It is part of the three-part command in Matthew 22:37-39 (that I'm writing a book on...https://thejesusrule.wordpress.com/): Love God.  Love Yourself.  Love Your Neighbor.

We can't really love God's way until we permanently put down the baggage we've been carrying (for way too long).  Whether we picked it up or let others load us down, we have to get rid of it at some point to get truly healthy.  I'm unequivocally convinced God wants us - His people - to live freely, lightly, unbound by the world.  Why would we want to be otherwise?  It's the abundant life work - digging in with God to get to the life He came to give us.  That's why I quoted the verse from 1 Peter 5:7 - commonly read as "Cast Your Cares Onto Him Because He Cares for you." 

Now, as adults, we have to go back.  But since this twisted re-wiring of our brains happens when are children, I'd like to help my girls fend it off.  I want my girls to grow up unhindered by the things that so easily tripped me up.  Part of that effort is to show them how to have their own relationship with Jesus.  This is so they can learn what His voice sounds like because the flesh, the world and the enemy will come to call.  Yet if they know the voice of the Good Shepherd, they don't necessarily have to leave the fold.  There is more than enough room in His Creation for adventure, we don't have to do it on culture's terms.  

This is a daily, sometimes hourly, monumental task.  But it is my primary calling as a mother/parent.  And it has very great, eternal rewards.  So, I'm plugging into my girls, listening to their "speech," (both spoken and unspoken) and regularly reminding them who Their Heavenly Father says they are. They already know His love but in the harsh light of "life," they need constant refreshers of Who He is and Who they are to Him. 

On Monday, my best friend told me about a message her daughter heard from a speaker encouraging the kids to do a real-time theophostic technique.  When she told me about it, I realized this was a way to short-circuit the enemies tricks; one that would blow out all the smoke and mirrors he employs to steal, kill and destroy us by any means necessary.  The gist is: when someone says or does something that hurts you - take those feelings and give them to Jesus.  Let Him sort them out and restore your heart to His perfect peace.

Good stuff, right??  I had the opportunity to use it with Sophia less than 24 hours later.  Sophia is working through a lot of anxiety and stress (and making significant progress I might add).  She told me about a situation where a little girl, who has been on-and-off nasty to her all year, told her she was ugly.  Last week, the little girl told Sophia her pictures was ugly.  Now, it has escalated.  And all Sophia wants is for this little girl to accept her the way she is (her words, not mine.) Isn't that what we all want from others?  Isn't that what we all want from God?

To know but more than that, to be known and loved for who we are.

Henri Nouwen called it "The Life of the Beloved."  I count myself as one of those who needs to remember I am The Beloved.  It is the same for my girls.  So, as Sophia and I were talking, I got a divinely inspired mental image.  I asked her if she remembered what a rubik's cube was and she said she did.  I told her to picture her heart like a rubik's cube that's complete, that's solved, in perfect order. 

Then I asked if she remembered
what a rubik's cube looks like when it is messed up.  I told her when she gets upset or angry, the messed up cube is what her heart, her emotions look like.

Now, here is where the real-time theophostic technique comes in.  I told her "You can take that messed up, unsolved, tangled rubik's cube of your emotions - AND GIVE IT TO JESUS TO STRAIGHTEN OUT."

Well, she ran with it.  When she got in the car after school yesterday she said, "Mama, there were 2 times today I had to give my Foosball to Jesus."  (I said, "You mean rubik's cube?"  "Yes, that's it.")

I asked her if He gave it back to her in the right order.  She said, "I don't know, I just gave it to Him and I was ok!" Mission accomplished.

When your mind, heart, spirit and/or body is messed up - give it to Jesus.  Short circuit the enemy's plans by submitting yourself to the Lord.  Cast your cares onto Him because He can and will straighten it out.  Our hearts are only puzzles to us, but Jesus knows how to solve them.  He can put them back in order - even better working order than before.  Explore your options in prayer, fellowship, worship and serving.

His goal, as stated in Philippians 4:7 is to keep our hearts and minds wrapped up in His peace.  Our part in it is to give Him access.  We must give ourselves to Him and He will make us unburdened, un-weary.  He will give us the rest we crave because we have too long tried to figure it out on our own.  He will make our hearts and our paths straight.

 P.S. If anyone has a rubik's cube they want to give Sophia, let me know.  The Targets around me seem to be fresh out!! 

*taken from Lysa TerKuerst in her book Unglued

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 14

Roller Coaster.  Again.

I was reminded several times this week, as my emotions went up and down on this ride called "Life," of other roller coaster weeks in recent memory.

There was that one time, back in 2013, when we didn't know if we were going back to Italy or not.  Oh yes, and I was 9 months pregnant.  (Read about that here: View from Houston...)

Such a stressful, emotional week.  It was as if God was saying to me the whole time, "Just wait a minute.  I have this handled.  You can keep praying but if you would just stop grabbing at Me for a second, your view will clear up to see my deliverance is at hand...."

(Just wait on the Lord.)

Then there was that time, 4-5 weeks later, when Ella Grace was born and in the NICU.  The Lord spoke into my heart she was going to come home on Friday of that week I got out of the hospital.  I didn't tell anyone that because I didn't have the faith to really believe it.  But He said it and she was home on FRIDAY.  I learned a lot about having faith when it doesn't make sense.  (You can read that story here: Ella Grace's story...)

(Just wait on the Lord.)

My dear friend Ms. Janice texted that to me during my biggest freak out moment - on MONDAY.  It bounced around the inside of my skull all week......Just wait till FRIDAY.  My prayers have been very myopic, focused nearly entirely on one issue, regarding Sophia's school experience.  Should we stay at her school or should we go?  Should she go onto 4th grade or should we hold her back to be in 3rd again to make sure she gets the foundation she needs?  I wrote about my heavy heart and mind several times on FaceBook and the encouragement The Word showed up with.

Yet, it all came down, like those other times, to just one lesson:  

Just wait on the Lord.

I had to walk through a whole bunch of angst to be able to let go and let God do what only He can do - which is help her (and help Dave and I.)  There are so many variables in her school situation right now, I was so stressed out.  I was ready to yank her out and home school her on Monday.  But Janice said:

Just wait on the Lord.

I cried, I faced my worst fears and I threw a fit.  I prayed silently, I prayed fervently, I wrestled with God and myself.  I praised Him, thanked Him and exalted His Name.  I claimed Scripture and I prayed from my heart.  Here we are at the end of the week - another FRIDAY.  Didn't He remind me before of the 2 previous times He told me to wait till Friday?  Yes, He did.

This time I listened and I have seen the parting of the Red Sea.

We are not across the great divide just yet.  There are still a lot of things up in the air.  But it's Friday I know we are just about to come out on the other side of this tunnel.  I know my God has and will come through for her.  She prayed herself through 2 practice STAAR tests this week and her scores reflect God honoring her dependence on Him.  She still has to take the real tests but light is flooding the tunnel we've been walking through together. 

I don't know what the scenery will look like when we get out, but my job is to just be in the moment.  We have worked like it depends on us and prayed like it depended on God.  Those are taken directly from Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker.  Sophia's schooling has been my most consistent prayer circle over the last 2 1/2 months.  We've been standing in that circle, together, for awhile.  We've doubted, we've argued, we've laughed and we've cried.

The Lord has shown Himself faithful through it all. 

I know it is not the biggest challenge we've ever faced, especially where Sophia is concerned.  But in this moment, it is a big one.  We want her prepared to be successful, in school and life.  We want her to have the confidence to believe in herself, like we believe in her.  This is a lesson for our whole family and I know it is a lesson well learned.

I don't know the circumstances you are in, but I know what you need to do: Just wait on the Lord.  Your very own "end of the week," is coming (even if it has been more like months or years.  Wait on Jesus.  He is already there, with the answer to your need in hand.  He is ready, He is willing and He will provide.

Keep praying - keep walking around your own prayer circles (highly recommend the book if you can get your hands on it!!).

The Year of Prayer keeps going....

A Short (Monday) Meditation After I Turned 40

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday.  It was also Easter (or Resurrection Sunday, depending on what you call it).  Sophia told me on Saturday she felt bad for me because at church, everyone would be coming up to me saying, "Happy Easter," instead of "Happy Birthday!" I told her, in a moment of divine inspiration, I was ok with it because I was glad to share my birthday with the most important day in the history of the universe.

(I don't know if she internalized that or not, but I did.  I think most of the time, what I say to my kids is really for me, not them.)

I got lots of presents and blessings.  My husband really went all out and even wants to keep going.  He wants to take me out, just the two of us.  I got to find a sitter!  He has been incredible, despite just a few "old" jokes.  I can take it, although I've, truthfully, been waiting to be 40 for a long time. 

For whatever reason, I feel legitimate now.

This sounds egotistical, but I don't mean it that way....but I feel like my age has finally caught up with my experience.  I've felt like an "elder," for awhile, but now, I could really qualify to be one.  (I'm sure those of you over 40 reading this will get a good chuckle about that statement.)  I still can't run for president, but that's not on my bucket list anyway.

I have a really good feeling about 40. 

It was a parade of blessings yesterday: an incredible worship service, lunch at my parents and then pizza/movie night with our little motley band.  Even so, I slept poorly.  I woke up with a heavy mind.  I have had many cares to take to Jesus.  We have an incredibly busy week - Natalie is going to 5th grade camp but between the time she leaves and right after she gets back, she has a practice STAAR test, private swim lesson and 3 softball games.  That and I caught her up reading after lights-out last night, when she looked like she was about to fall over.

Dave is also traveling this week and I continue to circle Sophia in prayer on her academics, which she is making progress but not there yet.  My best friend is sick, I was under the weather a lot this weekend and Ella is full TWO YEARS OLD.  Add to that other struggles I'm interceding for at church and other friends, I felt like I am was carrying a mountain on my shoulders.

I keep adjusting my verb tense because when I got up for my quiet time this morning, the Lord had me do a simple exercise.  After confessing I was worried, He had me look into my heart and see those weights/burdens/worries as rocks.  Then He had me take each of those weights out, one by one, and put them in His hand. Then He had me thank Him for each of them.

I can't exactly explain how all this took place, but it was an exercise for me directly "cast my cares onto Him because He cares for me."  I actually used my hands, acting it out, rather than just visualize it.  It was very powerful and I know this because I'm completely at peace now.

The thanksgiving part sealed the deal.

Gratitude and praise open the doors of our hearts wide for God to come in.  He is the Prince of Peace after all, so when we make room for Him to come in and sit, we quickly find He changes the atmosphere of our heart from fretful to peaceful.  That spills over into our mind and emotions.  Instead of viewing my day/week in terms of all I HAVE TO DO, He wants me to sit quietly in His presence.

In Matthew 6:34, Jesus specifically commanded us not to worry.  He didn't tell us or make a good suggestion, it was a full on - general to His troops - direct order:

Therefore you shall not be concerned about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be concerned for itself. A day's own trouble is sufficient for it. (Aramic Bible in English)


My translation?  Quit projecting your anxiety over your whole week.  Stop looking so far ahead. Be present in this moment, in each moment, because that is where I am.  I am with you and will help you but you have to stay focused on Me.

Oh, the intentionality of the ministry of being present!  So simple in theory, yet so hard in application.  Worry takes our focus off of what is happening now and puts it on what might happen later.  The Lord wants us zeroed in on this present moment, on His Presence in this present moment.

Easier said than done, it certainly does take practice.  He reminded me to practice it today.  My prayer is this then: This first day of my next 40 years will be marked with more peace because I am focused on His Presence.

I could pray about the next 40 years, but I won't.  That would be disobeying a direct order.  He said to focus on today, so I will.  The next 40 years will take care of themselves.  I hope you, too, can learn from this and make today about.....today.  Monday is going to be a good one!