The Last Post

I've been coming to this post for awhile.  I'm taking inventory of most everything in my life - or at least that's what my friend/counselor Pastor Andy tells me.  It's true.  When my Dad died, it shifted my foundation and I don't understand the full impact of it yet.  It's a big adjustment in uncountable ways.  Big probably isn't the most effective word to use right there, but I'm not always as eloquent as I would like to be. 

I will say it is another order of magnitude of inventory-taking from the season right after Sophia's diagnosis.  Poignantly, my Dad died the day after Sophia was given the all clear.  He got to see it.  Thank You Jesus.

After writing a blog for 7 years, I've come into agreement with God: it is time to move on.  I'm entering into a unknown season, one where I don't share everything God gives me all the time - at least not on an easily accessible public forum.  It is going to be hard for me, as I enjoy the gratification of knowing I've helped people, encouraged them in their faith and (more than a little selfishly) the praise that comes with writing a piece people like.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and when people click "like," comment, email or tell me in person they like what I wrote, it makes me feel pretty darn good, productive and.....deeply fulfilled. 

Writing is a gift God has given me, a gift that touches me at the deepest level.  There isn't anything wrong enjoying the praise that comes from being a useful tool in His hands.  It's just time to have the courage to say Yes to Him using this tool in different and new ways.  It's time to seek His approval alone for a little while.  Does that mean I won't share?

No, I'm on social media (probably too much for some folks) so I will continue to document my family's antics, adventures and the events we experience that move the Kingdom of God forward.  I'm too much of a people person to keep totally silent.

There is an element of discipline and obedience required to go deeper into what the Lord wants to do in and through me.  I've got to be taught to teach.  Also, in order to finish some of the projects He has entrusted me with and will bring to my doorstep in 2016, I need to put this down.  I know I haven't written much lately and didn't quite persevere with #2015TheYearofPrayer like I wanted.  Still, this blog occupies my mind and heart in a way that doesn't leave enough space for the work He wants me to do now.

I read this verse during my quiet time this morning - which put me in a wonder-filled mindset at the timing: For loving God means obeying his commands.  Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as its Father overcomes the world.  And this is what victoriously overcomes the word: our trust.  Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, CJB/NIV)

What is coming is not burdensome, just as this blog has not been so, only the opposite.  It's always been a precious outlet.  It's now time for me to take up my Cross in a little different way - to switch shoulders, if you will and trust Jesus more to carry the load.  I treasure those of you I've told about this change, who received it with grace and humility.  Thank you for letting me know how you've enjoyed reading.  I know that's only  15 of you, but still. 

We are all coming to the end of 2015 - headed into a new year, but more than that; it is a fresh start to lay down what we might have carried for too long, plans we've made that aren't producing the sweetest fruit.  It's time for us, as the People of God, to seek, without any timidity, our purposes and destiny in Christ.  We must press in to overcome the barriers and distractions of this world - to step out from behind the curtain and show the world what He has done, is doing and will do through a Church who loves Him, is learning to love itself and wants to others well.

(Not) Incidentally, a couple weeks back, the Lord gave me "my" word for 2016.  If 2015 was Prayer - 2016 is Love.  I thought that word was just for me until I spoke to my friend Wynter this morning and she got the same word!!  The Lord is setting this world up to see what His ultimate display of love really looks like in His People - His United and Unified Church.  The time is short to do it, so we have to do it NOW.

What I've always tried to do on this blog is answer the question, "What does faith look like in real life?"  So: what does God's love look when His people breath it in and out in every moment of life?

Well, the Spirit has given me 2 verses this year - one for my ministry life and one for my personal life.  The ministry one came much earlier in the year, the personal one only since my Dad's passing.  It is the personal one, Psalm 116, that gives me the idea on how to help people understand the reality of what God's love looks like:

Be at rest, once more, O my soul, 
For the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I just have to tell my story of how good the Lord has been to me.  It's that simple.  It's all you have to do, too.

How has He been good to you?

How has He delivered you from death?

How has He dried your tears?

How has He held you up when you were about to fall?

Ironically, of course, you would think this medium would be perfect for that!  But not in the coming season.  I need to craft my story through alternative means and wait for Him to show me how to share it with the world.

I hope you've felt through these sometimes silly, sometimes desperate and sometimes searching posts that I love Jesus and I love you.  I hope You've seen His marvelous power to destroy the shade of death over the lives of my family and friends.  I hope You've seen how He is teaching me to love myself, by drying my tears over Sophia and thereby giving me permission to cry about other things - including my Dad.  I know I've felt like I've hit the concrete so hard so many times, but in reality, He cushioned, or even broke my fall - even pulling me back just in time.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you laughing and crying with me and listening to my thoughts. Thank You for serving me with your companionship.  I do hope it's made a difference in Your walk with Christ.  He is so close - He left it all to come to us and be not just WITH us, but One of us.  He knows you and He knows me.  He doesn't miss a thing and that's a very good thing.  

Don't stop seeking Him, ever.  Keep getting closer, even if it is uncomfortable or scary.  Even (and especially) when others don't get it.  He is as close as your breath but even closer - as close as the blood pumping in your veins.  I know He wants to do marvelous things through you, and me.  We are all in this together.  By trusting what He has done and how He is demonstrating it through us, we do overcome everything this world throws at us.

Keep in touch!  I will.

amysvogel@hotmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/awvogel 

https://twitter.com/amywvogel

I am Mary

Last week, I had to prepare a talk about who I was in the Bible.  It was an assignment for my Bible Study class in which I had to pick the person from Scripture I most identified with, in terms of life and ministry.  I asked a few friends for an opinion, but I didn't necessarily relate to the characters they mentioned.  I think that was more of a case how they related to me.  So, I decided I would pray about it.  I thought I should ask Jesus Himself.

Good idea, huh?  Go to the source.

So, I was praying but not much was really coming.  After the experience I had a few weeks ago when I was touched by the love of the Father (which you can read about here), I was praying a couple of days later.  I was listening to music and on my knees, feeling like I was at His feet.  That's when I felt/heard/realized the Holy Spirit spoke:  You are My Mary.

After I was able to get up off the floor, a long time later, as the weight of this download pinned me prostrate, I was able to process.  It was an identity shift, it moved the fabric of my own personal universe.  I've always thought of myself as Martha - I think most women nowadays too.  I've always been proud of that because Martha, despite her obvious misconception about what Jesus would do for her, she made the turn.  In John 11, she is all the way, on board.  She knows He is the Messiah.  She declares her belief in Him, her belief in Him as the Savior in this world and the next.

Now, He's changed my name.

Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, was perhaps the first official female disciple.  It is remarkable because Jesus choosing her in Luke 10:42 gives us a greater understanding of what the Kingdom should look like.  Paul echoes that in Galatians 3:28 when he writes, There is no male or female, Jew or Gentile, slave or free, in Christ Jesus.  It was completely counter cultural, an upset in the societal order for Jesus to call Mary as a Disciple.  BUT HE DOES.  

It is clear He meant business with her because her role was just as critical to Him personally as well as missionally.  You see, Jesus not only anointed Mary with His authority to minister to others - but He let her minister to Him.  She anointed Him for burial with her dowry, 3/4 pound jar of spikenard oil.  He let her minister to His heart.  He let her care for Him!  Wow.  What a shift for her too, I bet.

I feel both humbled and wholly empowered to do what He is calling me to do, knowing He is with me.  He has put His mark, His stamp on me and will show me the way to accomplish what He wants to do through me.  It's Him and it's Me.  It's a remarkable feeling, a new level of freedom.

In closing, I'll share the opening of my talk, a little imaginative story-telling.  I went on to explain Mary's call and how I relate to her in more detail but I'll have to post that another time.  Just want to leave you with the possibility of what our God can do for you too, as you seek Him and all that He has to give you. 

A long time ago, there was a woman.  She had a sister and a brother, whom she lived with in a small village, not far from the main town in all the land.  They were not rich but they had enough.  One day, a celebrity teacher and his entourage came to their house for a visit.  It was a huge honor to her host and they knew it.  Her sister, the master hostess, began the preparations for a feast for some 20 people.  Even though they were of low to moderate means, her sister knew how to stretch it.  She was an expert on how to create much from little.  Yet, she often wears herself out in the process.

The motley band of the teacher and his buddies were in the main living room.  They were having a great time, telling stories from the road, laughing and teasing each other; and listening to the teacher explain in deeper detail what his plans were.  It was magical and this young woman was pulled into it.  It was not the typical place for a woman to be, as in those days and still today, some people said a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  Truly, that was where her sister would have preferred her to be.  Still, this woman was different.  She would rather been soaking in the presence of this celebrity, this teacher of renown.  She wouldn’t have been pulled away unless by force.

In her heart of hearts, this woman loved the teacher from the start.  There was a special connection to him she could not put a finger on.  It was not necessary physical, as he wasn’t striking or devastatingly handsome, as many popular men even now have to be.  His charisma overpowered her.  It wa his wisdom, his focus that drew her in.  The shape and color of his eyes – the depth of his soul shining from them – it captivated her.  His words made her feel different inside.  She was uncomfortable but not in a bad way.  It was as if some long dead part of her was coming alive, was waking up from sleep as she listened to Him.

It was love that drew her in.  It was a more complete, sacred, holy feeling than she’d ever experienced.  It radiated from him.  He seemed to have a special eye for her too, not just because she wasn’t doing what was expected of her.  She was hungry and he knew it.  More than that, he had the food to feed her.  He admired her.  He saw her devotion and her sweetness.  He saw she cared for him, cared what he had to say – not because she could get something from him, like so many around him.  She wanted what he came to give.  She loved him for who he was, not just what he could do for her.  Their bond was unique and it stood out.

As the woman sat rapt, she did more than listen.  She internalized what he was saying.  She believed him with her whole heart.  The way he talked about his father was so unusual.  The way he talked about their God so unique.  She was completely present in the moment and felt like she could stay comfortable in his presence forever.  In fact, she was so lost in what he was saying, she didn’t notice her sister passive-aggressively berating her to their guest!

She shrank back, fearful of what he will say.  Would he reject her?  Would he send banish her back to the kitchen with her sister?  Would she have to settle for an ordinary life?  After hearing him teach, after sitting so comfortably in his presence…the idea of not being with him, of not being part of what he was doing, was unthinkable. If he told her to, she would go back to the kitchen, but she dreaded it.  She silently prayed to Yahweh to help her to stay where she was.  She wanted what the teacher had and she wanted her life to change.  She wanted freedom and she knew he was the way to it.  He was different than anyone else she’d ever met. 

A word from him would change her whole life.  So she held her breath.  She felt like she was on the teetering edge between life and death.  It all depended on him, on his decision.  He wielded authority like no one else, which is why her sister went to him.  When he walked in the house, he became the head.  He was head of this house, now, too. 

Her future would begin or end with his word.  So, she sat there and awaited her fate……

The Words of God

I have no record of the best artistic piece I've ever created.  It truly was a miracle, primarily because I possibly have a negative amount of hands-on creative ability.  My house looks decently decorated because I can arrange photos and think up ways things look nice together.  But vision and design - and the hardest part - implementation of that vision and design - allude me completely. 

Maybe that's why I liked this little playdoh statue I made so much.  Not only was it actually pretty
good, but it dealt with words, specifically, C.S. Lewis' creative interpretation of how the Lord spoke the universe into being.  We know those first words - LET THERE BE LIGHT - from Genesis.  Lewis, in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew presents that "speaking" in a most unique way.  He intimates that Aslan - the God/Christ figure in his Narnian universe - sang creation into being.

In the darkness something was happening at last.  A voice had begun to sing…it seemed to come from all directions at once…Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself.  There were no words.  There was hardly even a tune.  But it was beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard.  It was so beautiful Digory could hardly bear it. (p. 62)

Creation starts not truly with words our ears could hear but in tunes we can feel; tones and notes so beautiful you think you might actual die from the experience of hearing them.  My brilliant clay sculpture was my version this Great Lion singing, with his wide, ferocious mouth forming a "O," that one Sunday night in Bible Study, ten (or more) years ago. 

(This was before the days of smartphones, dear children, so I couldn't document it.  I know it hurts your head to think of the dark, dreadful and seemingly complicated days your parents grew up in, when they didn't have easy access to everything.)

It lives on in my memory and, of course, in my pride.

Perhaps that is why I acquiesced to my mother's wish for a doctor in the family when I chose my major in college: Pre-Med.  Creation, especially the intricate ways the human body works together (99% of the time without us even being aware it is WORKING) is completely fascinating.  It's beautiful, exquisite in it's rhythms.  It is marvelous and majestic that I sit here breathing, thinking and typing.  It ranks as one of the most fantastic miracles of all time.

I'm a little philosophically poetic today, for some reason.  I digress.

The Words of God - and truly the Living Word of God (the Logos...that is Jesus Christ Himself) - are very important in our spiritual development.  Just over a month ago, as I was reading the first chapter of John, when the Lord bubbled something up in my spirit about the words He speaks into our lives.  All of these words come from THE WORD, meaning Christ, via His Spirit. 

Parenthetically - it is important to note all words we receive, from natural or supernatural sources, should actively be held up against the light of Truth - the full context of the Bible - as well as experience and feeling.  Sometimes that's obvious and sometimes it requires playing hide and seek for awhile until you get the confirmation.  Either way, that's fundamental Christian living - the balance of biblical knowledge and spiritual experience. We are people of Spirit and Truth, after all.

Back to beginning of August - I'm reading about Christ as The Logos and I get an idea we should be asking more regularly for God to speak - and speak specifically - in a word we can understand.  It's not a foreign idea, I've been asking for rhema words of knowledge and wisdom for awhile, but this was the first time the idea of these words having a category came to me.

Picture an org chart: Jesus is at the top as the Ultimate and Final Revealed Word of God but underneath Him are 3 subsets of words we can be asking Him for: creation, incarnate and resurrection words.

When I prayed on this idea (and you pray on it too, again, confirmation is key) the thoughts started to percolate some more.

Creation Words are those words God speaks into you/your life that create something out of nothing.  For instance, where a calling did not exist in your mind/heart/life before, suddenly it is there.  Or maybe where there were no funds in the bank, you receive an unexpected check in the mail.  Even more dramatically, where there no baby in your womb yesterday, now you are pregnant.

Creation words bring beauty and hope.  They spring up from nothing, just as our universe sprang up from the mouth of God all those millennium ago.  Where there were was no light, dirt, rivers, mountains, birds, mosquitoes, bananas or even people before, now there is.  Cool, huh? 

Incarnation Words are those words that help us know more about Jesus - Who He is and what He does.  We find a lot of these words in Scripture, but I believe He can give us more.  You could probably describe your best friend in 3 words but would that encompass all he or she really is? 

Incarnation words also tell us who we are in Christ.  They reveal more of Him and as a result, more of our identity and ability as Christians.  They are words we are to lean into when we start to slip or get confused or even as the enemy tries to trick us into believing lies.  They are words we can stake our faith on, and in fact, as in the case of Philippians 2:6-11, they are doctrinal.  Stay with me....

(Finally, of course) Resurrection Words are those words of desperate hope, faith and peace only Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, can speak.  These are words that bring dead dreams, emotions, situations and, yes, even people back to life.  God alone has the final word on everything, so it stands to reason, if He wants something living that is dead - He can and will do it.  The Resurrection of Jesus is what gives our faith credibility and power.  If it didn't happen, our faith is smoke.  BUT IT DID HAPPEN!!!  As a result, we can count on things coming back from the brink of death and beyond, when that meets His plan and purposes.

These are words we can't speak ourselves.  We don't have the capacity in our humanity.  It is only the divinity given to us by faith that makes these kinds of words possible - even desirable - to us.  They move us forward and bring light into our darkness - just as the WORD's First Word brought light into the void. 

I see there are other categories of words I haven't touched on (or experienced yet).  Another I thought of while typing: Salvation Words.  Those are words that save what is lost, make the broken whole and complete.  These are the words that bring wayward children home, rescue us from our slimy pits and put a fine robe on us so we can go to the party hand in hand with our loving Father.  I definitely think that ties into the Person of Christ - into Incarnation - because Jesus' name means The Lord Saves....to the utmost.  His life and death prove it. 

I don't know what kind of word or words you need spoken, prayed or even sung into your soul today, but I pray you get them.  I pray He changes you with these words, by the power of His Word, in Spirit and (of course) in truth.  He delights to give them.  I think He is talking constantly and we are the ones who have to slow down, turn down the volume of our thoughts enough to hear Him.

He is there for the having and these words are here for the taking.  I hope you don't pass them up!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 27

Have you ever read something in Scripture, but never fully, truly believed it?

Have you ever, for years, wished for something to be true but it never rang that way inside your soul?

Have you ever looked in the mirror, knowing God loves you but never deep down, felt it?

Yeah, me too.

Nothing about praying a lot or leading people in prayer or knowing the Bible really well or consistently hearing from the Lord or having a deep well of hope, purpose and meaning completely erased this nagging sense of doubt in my mind and heart.  When I would read the verses about being dearly loved, treasured, purified, whole, beautiful in the Bible, I didn't completely accept it for myself.  I'm being as blatantly honest as I can.  I've been journaling for weeks now about how I knew the Lord wanted to rid me of these deep-seated insecurities.  It's been a good 4 months of full consciousness of this nonsense (for I've known it was nonsense for the last 11 years since I came back to Christ).  But still, my thoughts about myself never quite matched God's thoughts about me.

It wasn't just that, though, either.  My thoughts about who I was never quite lined up with anyone else's thoughts either.  That's why I have always been uncomfortable when people compliment me -  on anything.  I am literally struck dumb and my response comes out feeling painfully awkward and inadequate.

That's the word - inadequate.  For most of my life, on and off, I have felt I'm in no way up to the task - whatever that task is.  That's spilled over into my perception of my physical self too.  (I know I've written about this before, even last week.  See, it's been on my mind for a long, long, long time).  Culture grossly inflates the idea that you aren't good enough and then add in the efforts of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy....well, I just didn't believe what others said.

I've had moments of fleeting freedom.  Multiple times, I set my face like a flint against this insecurity but it never lasted more than a few days.  I knew the end of it was coming, though.  I've witnessed and participated in too many miraculous works of God lately to think He wasn't going to set me free from this.  I just had to wait on the right time, when everything was lined up in His order. In our Wednesday night regular prayer meeting, it was.  

It didn't start that way, for the first 45 minutes, I was leading the prayers.  But it ended with me on the floor being prayed over...and stuff getting prayed out.  It was a most holy and interesting experience.  I'm tempted to get on my face now, I am still so humbled by it.  Thanks to the gifted and Holy Spirit-led ministrations of 9 friends family members, all that insecurity, all that inadequate feeling was removed from my soul and body.  I didn't thrash around, I never lost control of my mental facilities - I was a willing and able participant.  I contributed to the process because I knew it was time for all this double-mindedness to go.

For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind...For being as he is a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), he is unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything he thinks, feels, decides.

The Apostle James wrote that in the first part of his letter (James 1:6,8).  It describes who I was when I thought about myself.  40 years of hesitating, dubious, uncertain thinking about agreeing with God about me was healed.  It was really a miracle hour for me, a long time in coming.  Even (and especially) church leaders need to be prayed for and poured into.

This is not the end of the story - I still have to walk this truth out.  I have to stand firm against the wiles, tricks, illusions, imaginations of the enemy, the influence of the world and even when my own negative self talk rears its ugly head.  I have to remember to walk down a brand-new neurological path.  I can't go on auto-pilot down the same-old worn trail of self-doubt.  I have to remember the word the Lord left with me after that intense session was "Today you will be with Me in paradise."  The real truth of it is, I'm already there but not yet completely.  It's the now-not yet principle of eternal life in Christ.

(Read what I have to say about that idea here.)

The difference now verses before prayer on Wednesday is: the hole that was filled with insecurity and doubt is now filled with truth and faith.  I am secure in Him and I believe it.  I am not perfect and I am indeed more dependent on Him than ever.  But real freedom comes from dependence and obedience.  I can actually point to the area of my body where all those ugly feelings and thoughts were housed and know that place is now cleansed and cleared.

It really was a miracle.  That's the currency God deals in if you let Him.  He doesn't want His children to suffer, especially under the weight of any other yoke than His.  Every burden we would put on our own shoulders (or others have put on us) is too heavy.  Ella says that now when she tries to pick up a basket or bag.  She tries, puts it back down and looks at me.  She says, "Too heavy Mama."

We need to look at our Heavenly Father and say the same.  

I finally put this burden down.  I know and believe the truth of who I am....and when you know the Truth, you are free indeed.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 19

How do you hear from God?

That maybe the second most asked question in the history of religion, right behind Does God exist?

It is not an unfamiliar search for the answer, either, as every new Christian has to figure out the way God speaks to them.  The key to hearing Him, though, is faith.  Believing He will speak to you.  Frankly, if you never believe He speaks or take the time to listen...He will be speaking but you will never hear Him!

The next question is: What do I do when God speaks to me?  That's an easy one: you shut up and listen....then do what He tells you (or at least begin the work of how to obey...but you should obey!)

This week has been about re-examining if I hear from God and how.  The end result is: Yes, I do hear from God and I can trust that I do.

The most common way I hear from Him is through His Word.  That is the fail-safe.  You can never, ever, ever go wrong when you read The Word!  A (good) article I found on hearing from God says this about hearing from the Lord through Scripture: In order to actually "hear" from God, we have to know some things about God's character. We have to develop an understanding of who God is, and the way he does things. Fortunately for us, all that information is available in the Bible. The Book goes into a lot of detail about how you can expect God to react, what kinds of expectations he has for us, and most specifically, how he expects us to treat other people.  (Read the article in its entirety here.)

When we know God, we will begin to discern His voice from the other influences "speaking" into us.  I've told my girls I typically know the difference between God's voice and my own not because it really SOUNDS any different but usually because the Holy Spirit tells me things I wouldn't normally think, say or do, in and of myself.

There was one situation a few years ago I went back to this week.  We were really struggling with a major life decision and I could get no peace about it in prayer.  Early one morning, I got on the treadmill in our garage.  I was running along, having this running dialogue (no pun intended) when I felt - more than heard - the question:

Do you trust Me?

Now, that is not something I would say to myself because the answer would quickly be "No."  There was something so solid in this "voice," in the question itself.  It was like 11 years ago, after being called a hypocrite, I first felt Him probing me to answer the question, "Who do you say that I am?"  Answering that question put me on my current path of faith.  It was the same voice as before - not said to make me feel bad; only asked to reveal the content of my heart.

Occasionally, God wants to reaffirm Who He is - not for His benefit but for ours.  After I picked myself up from the shock of nearly being thrown off the treadmill, I got down on my face and said, "YES, LORD.  I trust You!"  The difficulty of our circumstances was in no way changed, but my perspective was completely altered in a way that equipped me to walk in a manner worthy of my calling - namely walking full of peace and hope.

The voice of God empowers us.  It fills us with life so we can act in loving, caring ways...to do what Jesus did.  The voice of the enemy only tears us down.  You see, the enemy doesn't speak about things like trust, faith, hope, love, goodness, decency, purity, excellence.  Those are not things he wants for us!  Hello!  He is the father of lies!  So while he might lead with a little bit of the truth, you won't hear life in his words.  Evil is only about death.  The enemy and his agents make statements which leave us feeling condemned, hated, ugly, unworthy, guilty and shameful (to name a few).

This week has been another lesson of trust - trusting His voice over the voices of others.  I have had to dig in deep...lots of conversations in prayer - both voiced and silent.  It was an effort to confirm the direction I'm headed is indeed the right one.  I got shaken up and unsure.  In the first letter to the Corinthian church (which I've been reading this week) the Apostle Paul gives them an earful on how to operate in the Spirit.  Right in the middle of establishing how things should run in a church (orderly, as in, we should take turns), he writes,

...for God is not a God of confusion but of peace...(1 Cor 14:33)

If I'm walking around confused and out of whack, upset, frustrated and without a shred of peace - that's not God.  Even if the Holy Spirit has asked me to do something hard (and He has) - even when I have heartburn and can't see how this is possibly going to work out - His peace will override my flesh.  You know....that peace that surpassing all understanding?

This week was an exercise in confirmation that the Lord will never leave me.  He will not forsake me.  The truth of Isaiah 30:20-21 in full effect:  He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left.

In the midst of questioning, doubts and internal wheel spinning, there has been peace at the core of me.  My own internal compass is pointed in the right direction, even when other voices were telling me it wasn't.  He primarily used His Word (as it is the most reliable source) but I experienced other ways too: His people, His Presence, circumstances, dreams and visions.

They have all been in full effect this week!

All these verses I quote, all these promises in Scripture - they aren't just for me.  They are for every believer.  The Lord wants to speak to us. Hearing from God isn't rocket science but it does require risk.  The risk is: when you ask the Lord to speak, you have to be willing to listen.  If He speaks to me, He wants to speak to you too.  I've written about how 3 times my father has heard an audible voice from God (read that here.)  I have too - once.  But 98% of the time, I hear from God by the tried and true methods I've mentioned.

(Bob Mumford has a great book on this called Take Another Look at Guidance, if you want to dig deeper.)

Walking through this challenging week in prayer has lead me back to one certainty: God does speak.  I do hear Him.  He loves me and I love Him.  I know and can trust His voice.  Lo, He is with me to the very end of the age.  (Matthew 28:20)

Hearing from God is a learned skill.  I will continue to learn but He is faithful to teach.  The struggle this week was worth it as I am more secure in what He is doing in and through me.  

My ears are open - speak, Lord, for your servant is listening!  (1 Sam 3:9)

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 17

Come Away with Me.
Come Away with Me.
It's never too late.
It's not too late.
It's not too late for you.

I have a plan for you.
I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild.
It's gonna be great.
It's going to be full of Me.  - "Come Away," Jesus Culture

How do you document faith?  How do you write up miracles?  How do you describe when the air of the room is so thick with the Presence of God you have a hard time breathing, walking, thinking?

I am tasked with documenting this last week in my prayer life but I'm not really sure I can because the eternal magnitude is too big to understand much less communicate.  I want to revert back to the old saying - you just had to be there.  I can say, though, that I was and you can be too.  These promises, these experiences, these moments when the light of the Son of God is so bright, your eyes hurt, can be yours too.  Open up your heart and let Me in.

This year has been the start of a ground-breaking project to build a new family - for me, for my church, for the Body of Christ in Houston.  Not because what we had before was bad - it was very good.  Still, as I said last week, God isn't in the "good" business.  He is constantly working for OUR BEST.  When Jesus' family came to get Him because they thought He was a whack-job and finally lost it completely - He said, Who do you think my mother and brothers are?...Look closely. These are my mother and brothers. Obedience is thicker than blood. The person who obeys my heavenly Father’s will is my brother and sister and mother.

I look back and laugh at what I thought was BEST but not in derision.  I thank God for where I came from.  I know my parents prayed for me in my Prodigal phase (no doubt before then).  I know 2 faithful women's prayers availed much because I came back to Christ.  I know the ladies Bible Study in Trinidad expanded my mind about faith and life in a way no Bible Study in the States ever could.  I got my calling as a writer, as "scribe" there.  The power of the prayers by the global church for Sophia's healing unlocked the door and let it in. 

As I testified last night, though, He didn't just heal her, though that would have been more than enough.  He healed me of anxiety disorder and PTSD too.  That's what happens to caregivers, we carry emotional wounds too deep to explain.  But I'm free of those.  By the miraculous grace of God - I AM FREE!  

The Lord is currently honoring the prayers of the generations before us and we get to be the torch-bearers.  Revival isn't just coming, it is here.  I can prove it.  You go to my Facebook account and it is there.  You come to my church and it is there.  You come to Monday night prayer at The Source for Women, it is there.  It is in so many places and the Lord is connecting all the little campfires into one big blazing beacon for the lost, lonely, hurting.

The fruit and the gifts of the Spirit are in abundance.  Only 2 weeks ago, I participated in the deliverance of a young man who is now so precious to me (and others).  That's what happens when you watch someone resurrected from spiritual, emotional, mental and in some respects, physical death.  Then last week, his mother was set free from 28 years of bitterness.

Sunday it was my turn.  My pastor and dearest friend used me as a sermon prop, speaking my love language, recognizing the callouses on my knees and heart for this community of faith.  Then Monday night, I worked in prayer with others to pray in the full magnitude of the Lord unleashing Himself on this city.

Then there was Wednesday - yesterday - last night.  The Release.  A City-wide prayer and praise service that we all knew was going to be huge.  After lunch, I spent 90 minutes walking the quiet, darkened room while Ella took a nap in the back.  Before she fell asleep, she (of course) saw an angel.  She said his name was "Christian," so I can only assume he was about 6'1", 215 and had Hershey's Kiss colored skin.  It's been awhile since she'd told me she was seeing an angel, and if you have time, go back on this blog and read the other accounts.  They are hair-raising.

While she slept, I got "undignified" before the Lord.  I danced like a fiend.  Good thing no one was around and I truly hope the cameras were off.  I've NEVER been like that, but I was so free, totally uninhibited.  No loincloths were used, but I was sweating like I ran a few miles - and I might have.

Left to get The Olders from school and then went back to the church with Sophia at 6-ish pm (David took Natalie to her softball game....pray for her, her team is struggling!).  Ella stayed with a wonderful babysitter the Lord provided at the last minute.  Sophia reminded me at 10:15 pm when we got home, we never ate dinner.  

I told her that was ok, because we'd just feasted at the Lord's Table.  (She was not impressed.)

The room/the service was primed ("fertile" as my friend Moseka said) and from the very beginning we knew it was going to be another level.  The music built, the praise began.  Confession was made and then 3 people got up to testify.

One of the most precious moments of my life will be Sophia and I standing there on stage.  All I said was, "She is healed and whole from cancer," and the room erupted.  It was as if the Heavenly Host came down, the noise was deafening.  A wall of praise hit us in the face.

I'm crying about it right now as I write the words.   I'm pretty sure she will remember it for the rest of her life too.  

Following all the testimonies, the real work began.  All over the room, people were being freed, delivered, healed.  After prayer, a lady who came in on crutches was able to put weight on her foot that, to that point, wasn't healing properly.  And her caregiver sister was freed too.  Prayed for lots of people, including the husband of my long-time Bible Study leader and mentor in faith.  He is in treatment for cancer and he had tears on his face when we finished.  He and everyone there received the life-changing touch of Holy Spirit power.

At one point I sat down with another precious new brother in faith, Oliver.  He put his arm around me and we took stock of what was going on...taking inventory of the Holy Spirit (important for a scribe to do but a wonderful moment for me because Oliver is one who experienced his own freedom only 2 months ago, at the February Release.)

It didn't stop, more work.  The picture is me praying and speaking into a little girl who is in Natalie's class.  The Lord broke her, her brother and her Mama of generations of cursing in this very moment.  (The young man in the red is the one I mentioned being delivered 2 weeks ago...he is already going to the mat with the enemy for others...that's what family does for each other and now he knows what it means to be in the family of God.)  

We worked, labored, travailed and PREVAILED in prayer for another 90 minutes.  Moseka said it was "the afterglow." Pretty sure we all had a very difficult time falling asleep.  You don't really feel like you need it after a night like that.  Oh sure, later today it will catch up with me, especially as I was woken before 5 from a dream about where things are and where they are going.

I know this is a really long post, but I can't help it.  I'll try and sum this week up in 3 words....

Tender - the tender mercies that are new every morning are no joke.

Extravagant - the Love of God is truly four-dimensional; wider, deeper, higher and longer than we can understand.  I will spend the rest of my life trying to touch the borders but I know I'll never get close.

Real - I ended a Facebook post with this statement last night (when I couldn't sleep):
"Prove God exists and still does the stuff in the Bible, you say. I can. Come see for yourself, May 27th, 7 pm, 11140 Greenbay, Houston, 77024. ‪#‎iamlivingproof‬"

 Open up your heart and let Me in.

Prayer, praise, is to invite the Lord God, the Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer of the UNIVERSE into your life.  When you really go there with Him, you will never be the same.  Ever.  I am not. And I'll never stop being thankful for it.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 16

I opened my Bible this morning, kind of a shot in the dark, to John 6 - where Jesus walks on water, then declares (more than once....quite a few times actually) He is the Bread of Life.

This is one of those I AM statements which has been hard for me to grasp.  In fact, in the ensuing text, the statements Jesus makes and questions those statements raise are hard.  They were hard to hear for His Disciples and they are hard to hear now. But in light of the last 9 days, I'm starting to really get it.  You see, this week in prayer has been about miracles.  Our worship leader called that out on Tuesday of last week and they became real the very next night.

People delivered from the grip of sin and the enemy, filled with the Spirit of God.  Lives changed.  Love, healing, grace on full display.

It's one thing to hear about it and be amazed.  It is another thing entirely to be a participant in someone's healing - to be a witness.  If When you have the privilege to be a part of it - when you have surrendered the details and outcome of the work to the Lord and then just let Him do it....it changes you and your prayer life FOREVER.

It has not been hard to ask the Lord to do miracles in people's life in the last 9 days.  When, like in Acts 2, you are filled with awe....asking for big, bold things doesn't seem as hard anymore.  It makes your prayers (or at least mine) more specific, targeted and centered on the will of God.

No more lukewarm prayers.  It's time to ask Me for what you really want.

God gave me that word last Thursday morning.  I'd been dancing around asking for something really big for maybe 10 years.  I've known I'd been lacking in faith for it the last 2.  Last Thursday, He finally put me on the spot.


It was what Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker, "If Jesus were to meet you face-to-face and ask, “What do you want Me to do for you?,” what would you answer?  What would you dare to ask of Jesus….and have the confidence that it is something He wants to accomplish in and through you?

(No coincidence there I start teaching this premise of drawing circles in prayer on Sunday.....)

Very early, as I lay in bed that morning, I humbly but boldly asked God for the thing I most wanted Him to accomplish in my life.  I'm waiting to see the reality of it, but because it is His will (and I've seen His will accomplished innumerable times in my life, especially in dramatic ways here recently) - I KNOW THE ANSWER IS ALREADY YES.

The timing of reading John 6, like the time and place of Jesus' declaration He is the Bread of Life, is significant.  He is at a place where they needed faith, not miracles, to believe.  15 weeks into this journey and it feels like I'm to the place of assured faith and the miracles are the icing on the cake.  Maybe it is has taken this long to prepare me (although I don't always feel prepared or very capable of doing what He asks of me).  Maybe I'm finally full enough - on His Bread, His Way, His Nourishment - instead of depending solely on my own.

I do know one thing: Prayers are my legacy.  A lot of people don't feel like you are doing very much when you pray, but I want to assure you.....you are doing the most powerful thing in the universe.  When you pray about something or someone - especially when you pray in the Spirit - you are literally shaking the foundations of the spiritual atmosphere around you.  You are making room for the God of Heaven to come and make His Home on your plot of Earth.

I don't just pray, I expect God will continue to do bigger and betters things.  Not just because I've seen the miraculous in the last week.  But because I am, my family is, nothing short of a miracle.  It took many months/years for the miracle to be revealed.  We are living stones representing the grace and love of God.  Jesus has given/is giving me (and us) more than our fill, more than our share of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical blessings.  He has given us the entire package - Himself.

With Him running things, we will never go hungry.  Whoever believes in Him will never be thirsty.

Who else, in the history of the world, has dared to make such an audacious, bold, impossible declaration???  No One!


I'll leave you with this....maybe you are in a situation where your faith is sagging or you've prayed for something for years and it is like a big empty hole in your soul.  Take that prayer back to God and really listen.  Ask for eyes to see how He is filling you and answering that prayer.  Change your position (from sitting to on your knees....from on your knees to on your face on the floor); change the place where you pray.  Change something in your atmosphere, so you can be given a different perspective on what and how you are praying.

The Bread of Life will meet you there.  Jesus will satisfy you.  He promised and He never goes back on a promise.

Maybe you are my friend who doesn't pray, doesn't believe in God.  I ask you to give Christ another shot.  Don't lean into what you already know about Him or what you've seen of Him in the lives of others.  Really open yourself, not for a minute or a day, but for longer than you ever have.  Give the Lord some space, reserve a chair for Him at your proverbial breakfast/lunch/dinner table.

I'm praying you will experience Him in a way(s) that change your life - your eternity - forever.

He has yet to disappoint me.  I've thought He had but looking back on those moments of doubt, they were clouded by fear and uncertainty in my situation....not in God.  Keep praying, He will not delay.  My refuge and strength...I will not fear.  He promise is true.....ALWAYS.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 15

This week is good.  Not that there aren't things I'm swimming upstream against, but my intensity about it all seems to have come down a few (much needed) notches.  Of course, who knows what the next few days have in store, but I want to report on some good teaching I encountered, which really hit home on the point of making this year - 2015 - all about prayer.

There is a better best way to do things.

When I'm experiencing those feelings of stress, fear, frustration (etc.), I'm leaning on and into my own understanding of the situation.  I'm trying to process what is going on with my mind alone, rather than involving my heart, where Jesus is.  In Proverbs 3:4-5, we are instructed NOT to do that....
Lean NOT on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

"Jesus meets us where we are, but He never leaves us that way."  The rubber meets the road of this statement only in prayer.  It is there, before God and in conversation with Him where I am set free and right.  By not only talking to Him about what is going on, but listening for His perspective, I can move from good to better to best.  Prayer is when Jehovah shows me what the Apostle Paul called....The Most Excellent Way. (1 Cor 12:31)

That's the progression - the walk of faith - is always towards better.  But more than just getting to better, He wants us to get to THE BEST.  Every good father wants that for his children, so knowing who the Lord is, He is THE BEST Father; so He wants THE BEST for His children.....us, the People of God.

Sometimes the best requires walking uphill.  We are not meant to keep walking flat.  There has to be some peaks and valleys to strengthen our different faith muscles groups.  I feel as though much of this year has been one continuous training run, going uphill.  The good news is I will (eventually) reach the end of the race (this season).  And then I'll start a new one, the race this season prepared me for.

It is all about the preparation.  That's the adventure of Christ - always a new level, new mercy, new experience, new truth to make a part of your life with Him.  There are seasons of rest, to wind down and recover.  I did that for about 6 months after Sophia finished treatment because I had to figure out what life was about again.  When those times of rest are over - we are meant to get up and walk again with Him from glory to glory.

The Great Evangelist Smith Wigglesworth wrote this (which I read yesterday),

Any number of people are satisfied with "good" - that is, justification or salvation.  Other people are satisfied with "better" - that is, a sanctified life, purified by God.  Other people are satisfied with the "best" - that is, the fullness of God with revelation on high.  So I come to you with the fullness of God in the Holy Spirit through His baptism.  I come not with good, but better; not with better, but with best.

To say this was a challenge for me would be a gross understatement, but not a discouraging challenge.  I prayed, asking the Lord to keep moving me toward His best.  Truly, that is what I desire and the Lord works in us in such a way to make sure our desires line up with His; so He can give us what we ask for that will also bring Him maximum glory.

Then, after reading and praying through that early, a couple hours later, I was listening to Chuck Swindoll.  At the end of his message, he said the same thing, only another way!!!

Swindoll called the progression an extension of John 14:6.  He said salvation was finding Jesus as The Way; sanctification was learning and walking in Jesus as the Truth.  Finally, this glorified, best way was living with Jesus as our Life.  Get in the spirit, walk in it and move towards learning to live all the time in it. Good is ok, but it just barely scratches the surface.  Better is getting there, more and more of God at every turn. BUT BEST IS WHAT WE WERE MEANT FOR.

I will always need more clarification on what to desire more of in my relationship with Christ.  I don't want to settle, in any area of my life and I'm asking the Lord to show me where I have.  I've made a decision to start seeking His best, every time I pray.  I want the Lord to so renew my mind, I can discern the 3 options Paul gives in Romans 12:2 - the good, acceptable and perfect will of God.

It is daunting, to be sure, to seek the perfect will of God.  More valleys will follow but I learn more in the valleys than the mountaintops.  And because the perfect will is the best, I don't have to fear what is coming.  Jesus will be right there, making sure goodness and mercy keep me company all the days of my life with the end result being I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6).

I'll end with two questions: are you settling for only good or better?  What would happen if you sought God's best for your life?

Keep journeying and look forward to meeting up with you long the way....

Being a Peace-Maker verses a Peace-Keeper

Blessed are the peace-makers, for they shall be called children of God. - Matthew 5:9

I was listening to a Christian talk radio show 10 days ago, on a long drive to deliver Ella to her grandparents.  They were featuring a lady whose family was living in major conflict.  I remember her saying, "I've tried to keep the peace.  We all have, but it just isn't working." In that moment, I thought, "There is a big difference between being a peace-keeper and a peace-maker."

Keeping the peace means the situation is not resolved, only status-quo.  Nothing changes and everyone walks on eggshells.  The undercurrent of an imminent blow up is just under the surface.  The elephant is in the room, taking up most of it, but everyone is content to leave it alone.  Indeed, no one wants to go near it.  JThe mindset is keeping your head down and not rocking the boat.

Peace-making is a whole other business, with a totally different mindset.  "Making Peace" is about seeking a resolve, not continuing to swim, thinking the riptide of conflict won't get you.  It isn't arrogance, but rather a humble confidence and a peace-maker keeps their head up.  A person that wants peace is willing to be the one to point out the elephant and show it the door.  Peace making seeks change and change for the better because ultimately, a peace-maker knows peace isn't dependent on what we can or will do, but rather what God will do when we invite Him into the conversation.

To that end, peace is a lot like forgiveness because it is impossible without God.  Real true lasting peace is a pipe dream without the work of the Holy Spirit; to give us a holy compassion for those in the middle of the conflict.  And like forgiveness, peace isn't just for the other person, it is for us.  You could say peace and forgiveness are close, personal friends.  Like goodness and mercy, they are siblings of the same parents; and most certainly fruit from the same vine.

In the New Testament, the word peace-maker is the word eirenopoios, a combination of two Greek words, eirene and poleo.  Interestingly enough, in that combination, it is an adjective instead of a noun or verb.  I have elementary school kids learning grammar fundamentals (good for me, I need to re-learn them), so it stands out to me.  That transition into a descriptive setting tells you something.  It communicates a message about something...or better yet, someone  It tells you about who we are as the Children of God.

In Matthew 5:9, being a peace-maker describes what happens when God's sons and daughters do what Daddy asks.  Obedience is part of our new-nature and as a result, it is required.  But we don't just obey like robots, obedience comes from seeing Who God really is and responding to Him, out of love.  And real, lasting peace is a product of love.  It is something created from nothing - light from darkness.  That's why it is a work of God and that is why we are called blessed when we desire to make peace.  We are seeking the will, the way of God over our own.

Confession time: when my natural self encounters offense, the best idea seems to stay hacked off.  I don't want to forgive, forget and make peace.  I want to sit in my "rightness" and let them suffer in their "wrongness," even taking it as far as I can to make sure they know how right I am (and, of course, how wrong they are.)

Taking the idea beyond normal, every day offenses, when you are talking like this lady on the radio was, about grievous sins, such as physical and emotional abuse and molestation, well....people should pay.  That is fair, especially when it is children bearing their offense.  Justice needs to be done; and who better than I to inflict it on those who need to be judged? 

But wait, did Jesus mean to be peace-makers in only the ordinary stuff?  That seems doable, but the bigger stuff, let's just string them all up!  Get a rope!

No, the Lord never stopped there.  In all things, we are not to try and keep peace or to take matters into our own hands.  We are to make peace, through His power and for His glory.

The Lord knows if He gave us the opportunity to avenge wrongs, we would scorch the earth.  The Almighty is the only one capable of vengeance because He knows the entire back-story.  Only He has the perspective required to deal justly with all of us because we've incurred just as many debts as our debtors, even if ours might are less obvious to the naked eye.

So - what's to be done?  How do we make peace?  Peace-making, stripped down to the bare bones, is an attitude of the heart.  Back again to forgiveness (that's always the beginning.)  Forgiveness ushers in a change of atmosphere like nothing else.  I've experienced this first hand.  Let me take you back about 8 years and walk you through a true story...

I was in the midst of a heavy learning curve on how to walk with Jesus on top of the shark-infested waters of corporate America (no easy task and I sank more often than not).  There was an incident I was involved in with a man on my sales team.  We were at an off-site conference when he confronted me, beginning with the words, "Let me finally tell you what I think about you."  I did not respond well.  Lots of people saw (and heard) the whole ugly business, which led to HR telling our bosses to get it resolved or they would.  I was (more or less) in the right and he in the wrong.  Did I mention we were on the same sales team?

For two weeks following "The Incident with Amy and John," management put in a sub to work with me so I could keep my sales pipeline going.  It was sublime.  But this was only temporary. The resolve came at a scheduled "sit down," so we could air our grievances and hopefully get on with the business of selling software together.  I will be totally transparent, I had no intention of forgiving this man.  He'd embarrassed me on a number of occasions, including in front of customers and he was flat out not doing his job.

With "The Incident," I would have been justified in pursuing an HR complaint that lead to his reassignment at the very least, or worse, his firing.

But this verse from Matthew 5:9, haunted me for for 2 long, uncomfortable weeks.  The Word kept working its way in, separating bone from marrow.  As the time for the meeting got closer, my heart got softer.  It dawned on me there was another way to go about this.  I had no idea what that was (I repeat NO IDEA) till one day when the thought took hold:

Forgive him, Amy,

WHAT?? NO WAY!! Not.going.to.do.it. That's nuts.

Still, if you've ever encountered "The Hound of Heaven," you will know what I mean when I say He chased me down till I gave up.  Or I gave in.  Either way, held my hands up and said, "Ok, God, I surrender.  I'm going to look like an idiot, but ok, I'll forgive him."

(By the way, that's the risk of being a peace-maker.  You might come off as an idiot.)

The day of the meeting came and we sat down on opposite sides of a conference room, each with our bosses flanking us.  The tension in the room was ridiculous.  I have never been more uncomfortable and able to almost touch the discomfort of others.  No one volunteered to go first, so my boss (thanks Jim) flipped a coin.  Heads I would go first, tails it would be John.

You know what happened.  It landed undoubtedly heads up.  You go, Amy. Don't be afraid and just speak it. I opened my mouth and simply said, "John, I forgive you.  Please forgive me."

You could have heard a pin drop, until our bosses' jaws hit the floor.  The air in the room literally shifted, I felt it happen, like someone opened a window.  I know now that was God's peace flooding in, from the window I opened into heaven.  John, my salty, rough-edged co-worker who regularly railed against anything and everything, started to cry. He bawled for a good 30 minutes as he unloaded all of his struggles (which explained a lot of his antagonism).

I discovered, in real time, the truth of Proverbs 16:7: When a man's ways please the Lord, he causes their enemies to make peace with them.

John and I didn't part best of friends, but we were able to work together till the end of the quarter (and not make life miserable for everyone, especially our bosses.)  He was moved to another team and then I had the two best quarters of my career, right before I left to stay home with our (then) 2 girls.  Two months after I resigned, we moved to Trinidad and I got my calling to write.  I left my corporate career like the Israelites left Egypt, gold being thrown at me.

Yes, I worked my tail off, but I believe the Lord blessed my work because of my willingness to forgive and make peace.  He blessed us even more so since then; in many ways much more significant than in the financial realm (although we are grateful for that!).

The moral of the story is this: when you obey Your Heavenly Father, He is able to bless you beyond anything you can ask or think.  When we seek to make peace - through forgiveness - He won't hesitate to help us, deliver us and form us into the image of His Son.  And add the cherry of character and gifts on top.

Peace-keeping is about staying where you are but peace-making is daring to move forward.  Peace-making is allowing God to do things His way by surrendering our own.  It is a significant step into really having the character of Christ.  It is truly, as the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 12:31 - the best way of all.

It is not the easy way, but it is the best.  I hope you have the chance to practice a little more best in your life this week.

Overcoming Anxiety

One of the sweet folks the Lord has given me recently, to walk life and in faith with, is Audrey.  She's been through a lot these last few years and recently, she fought and beat cancer!  But the victory is so fresh, it feels unstable.  I've been there, I know that feeling.  I've been trying to help her understand what life on the other side looks like.  But I know her ministry will be revealed soon after this time of trial and preparation is complete.

She is so hungry for Jesus; it is invigorating for my own faith. This week has been walking through
the steps the Lord gives us in His word to help us no longer be slaves to fear and worry.  It is well-timed because today, Audrey had follow up testing to confirm the status of her remission.  It is the well-known SCAN-XIETY.  But this works in any fearful/fretful/worrisome situation. 

These steps are found in James 4:7-10,

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet. (The MSG)

Our goal has been to break the hold of the endless mental loop worry creates.  You get stuck in a rut, going around in circles.  The path of anxiety you walk builds up walls so high in your mind and heart, they eventually lock you inside.  You get to a point where it seems impossible to imagine ever scaling those walls, so you start to make yourself comfortable there.  When you do that, you will never get out.  Indeed, without the Lord's intervention, you never will.

When it comes the enemy's desire to keep you locked up in your prison of anxiety, if you ever want to get out; you must know your enemy.  The enemy of your soul wants you to be scared.  He wants you to think the worst.  He wants you to think you are sick, worthless, poor, insecure, unsettled, incapable to be used of God.  He wants you to think no change will ever happen because you are not worth of God's time to change.  He wants you to think God has more important things to do than help you.

Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy any peace, security, joy and faith you have in Christ, by any means necessary.  But if that aim is not achieved, he can try to make your life miserable, keeping you busy and tired so you don't have time to seek God's peace. The trick here is THE VICTORY IS ALREADY WON.  But if the enemy can convince you otherwise, he will chalk that up as a win.  As long as you are focused on anything but God, satan wins.

Satan can't read our thoughts, but his power to tempt us comes from his extensive knowledge of the fallen human condition and his never-ending study of us as individuals.  He's studied you, he knows your weaknesses and he is going to play them up by using all sorts of lies and illusions to encourage you to fall into worry and be anxious.

The tide begins to turn when we realize the chink in the enemy's armor: your freewill to choose whether or not to agree you agree with God or with satan.  You can fix your mind on Christ and the things of His Kingdom (see Philippians 4:8) and (over time) reject what the enemy is trying to do in such a way that you don't have to go back to that well-worn path of anxiety.  

You do that most effectively by talking to Jesus more than you talk to anyone else (including yourself).  As Audrey said the other day, all we can do for each other is talk about the situation.

Only Jesus can actually do something about it.

I know this works because I used to have full-blown panic attacks when it came to ANY additional testing, during and after Sophia's treatment.  But I don't anymore, haven't for well over year (see my post regarding when I found that freedom here.)

In working through this with Audrey, I tried to articulate what I know - Scripture really does work when you apply it to your life.  You can take your thoughts captive, they do not have to own you.  So, here is what I know.....

Step 1: Examine every anxious thought.  Put your thoughts under the microscope of the Light of Christ.  By this litmus test, you will discover those worry-filled thoughts are not from the Lord, especially when the message of them seeks to drag you down (or keep you down).  The Lord doesn't do that!  .Confess - give those thoughts to Jesus to destroy, it's not your job to put them away.  You can't win this fight with willpower.  You can pray: "Lord, here are these thoughts. I don't want them anymore. Help me, Oh God, to think Your kind of thoughts about myself and my situation." (see Philippians 4:8 for a list of God's kind of thoughts.)

Step 2: Resist the temptation to dwell on or give into those thoughts! Jesus' whole mission in life was to build people up and not leave them the way He found them.  He wanted good, better, best - not worst.  So, resist the devil's scheme to make you think bad to worse.  Not by your own power, but by calling on the God of Heaven - the Holy Spirit - to do all things through Christ, including be courageous (see Joshua 1:6-9)

Step 3: Keep resisting.  Let the devil know, in the name of Christ, he can't read your mind and he can no longer have access to the pattern those thoughts create.  He will not convince you any of this negativity will do any good.  He can take it up with Jesus!

Step 4: Make sure you keep clean hands and a pure heart.  Confess any willful/known sin, receive the forgiveness and keep moving forward.  Don't let the enemy try to hold you back with guilt and shame!

Step 5: Praise God!!  This maybe the most important step to keep yourself sealed up from the enemy's schemes.  Praise is how you stand firm in your faith.  Psalm 103 never goes out of style.  Crank up the praise and worship music.  Declare the goodness of our God who is worthy to be praised!  There is no mood alter-er better than praising God, I guarantee it....and no hangovers either.

Everyone deals with fear and anxiety, but we can choose a better way - THE WAY.  Jesus showed us that.  He is The Way.  When we follow His example, we will win.  Satan and his minions will flee when we apply the force of our faith in Christ - holding up our shields and swinging the Sword of the Spirit - the Word of God.

Joyce Meyer has an excellent confessional "Letter to Fear," I've included it here:

I'm more than delighted to report Audrey's efforts were rewarded....she got her results back and she remains CANCER FREE!!