What Expat Living Has Taught Me (2nd Time Around)

Natalie & Sophia in their Fano shirts

Being an expat is not for everyone.  Our first time, in Trinidad, was a total system shock, or rather detox.  This second time around was no less a struggle, primarily because of our unique family requirements.  Yet we are better for the just-over-six-months-in-total the girls and I have been here. (Dave almost 9 months).  To quote Ben Groundwater in his recent article about expats, 

"Expats tend to be adventurous, to be risk-takers. After all, they've already left their friends, their homes, their comfort zones and probably most of their possessions in another country to begin a new life abroad. That takes guts. It's only a certain type of person who'll do that."

I never knew I was that type of person till we moved.  I don't know I can say it is a either-or situation, but you have to be at least willing to be resourceful and more than a little bit uncomfortable at times to be an expat.  I like to imagine that if we were stranded on a desert island, we'd be fine because of how we've learned to adapt.  Dave would conjure up a shelter and/or escape plan, I'd figure out some delicious meal to cook and and my kids would learn to love coconut water.  They already love the beach, so that actually sounds pretty easy, now that I think about it.  (See beach commentary below.)

We've gained a lot of knowledge about what is important to our family since this venture as strangers in a strange land.  As a final salute to Fano, Italy and expat life (for now), here are a few of the things I'd like to document for posterity, in no particular order.  (And if you are thinking about the expat life, they might be good things to know ahead of time!)

• Family is all you've got, so you better make friends fast.  (And do your best to stay friends, especially since there are so few of us on this project!)
• Gelato is everything about Italy to my kids.  This picture to the right, from our recent trip to Parma, sums up Sophia's whole ambition while we've been here - eat as much gelato as possible, as often as possible.  (Home is going to be tough for her!)
• It's ok to fight.  It's going to happen when you are together nearly 24x7.  It's not ok not make up quickly.
• I like arugula a lot better than spinach and tomatoes are way better here.
• Kids grow up really fast and the best you can do is try to keep up.
• Fans, cool night air and window units do not replace central air conditioning.
• Say what you mean and mean what you say, but be careful not to ramble on.
• It's fun to have visitors and go traveling with them.  It's also fun to explore as just the five of us.
• Be patient with those who don't speak the language as well as you do.  One day, you might be the one no one understands.
• Walking and public transportation are awesome.  It doesn't preclude gaining weight but it can slow the creep.  We should do more of it in Texas.
• I like scarves.  
• I HATE MOSQUITOES!  *But they love me.*
• Italians have opinions - most are helpful, but some are just annoyed by your existence.
• Staring, contrary to what our mothers told us, is not rude.  It's completely acceptable here, so I've learned to do it back.  (I may have to let that one habit go when I step off the plane in Houston.)
• Babies are the common denominator.  And no one, absolutely no one has any issue asking you very personal questions within seconds of meeting you.
• Wine is cheaper than any other beverage, water included. 
• Fresh is the way to go.  Salt is pretty much the only preservative, even in snack foods.  I like that a lot and hope to copy it back home.
• I am so thankful for the beach.  Hours and hours of busy time in a very relaxing way.

  

  The Fano Beach on the Adriatic from my chair

• (Beach Related) Don't worry about what you look like in a swim suit.  No one else does.
• (Beach Related) Americans are prudes.  And I like being a prude.

The biggest thing I've come to realize I miss about America is the personal space.  Even more than showers and JIF Peanut Butter, I need my personal space.

In summary: We like being expats.  We like being home too.  Now closing our 2nd experience, we know a lot of the pros and cons.  We have our comforts at home that we don't have here, but it's good to be without those once and awhile.  It teaches you independence.  Being out of your comfort zone is good for the soul.  You learn about teamwork and that there is a much bigger world out there.  It's really been great for my kids.

And to answer the final, all encompassing question of whether or not (and when) we will be expats again?

I hope we will but maybe not too soon.

That Time I Forgot the Formula (or How to Depend Solely on God)

This past weekend, we went to Parma - the home of Parmesan cheese.  We stayed at an "agriturismo" or what we Americans would call a bed & breakfast on a farm.  This farm produces milk for the aforementioned cheese and offers tours of the whole process.  So, we went for a night.  It was to be a last Italian adventure before our return to the States.  It turned out to be (yet another) lesson in depending solely on the Lord.  For everything.  Including.Baby.Formula.

You might be wondering why I needed the Lord to help me with baby formula.  And I would have to confess that, although I swore on my life I packed it, I didn't.  We were fine through Saturday but when Ella Grace woke up before 6 am Sunday morning and I was searching to put a bottle together - I started to freak out.

I filled her up on as many pureed pears as she would eat and filled myself up on prayer.  I didn't know how we would be able to remedy this crisis.  (Babies don't understand a Mommy-blunder, they are not forgiving when it comes to milk, you understand why I deem this a crisis).  Most of everything on Sundays in Italy isn't open, including grocery stores and pharmacies.  To add to that, we were out in the boonies, so this already slim chance of this not turning into a catastrophe looked even slimmer.

Dave showered and got out his GPS; then went and walked around to see if he could find anyone to give us a ride.  Nada, zip, zilch, nein, nothing.

I knew there was only going to be One Person to help.  I put every single one of my eggs - thoughts, emotions and actions - into the Lord's basket.  I kid you not.  Every time I started to freak out, I would repeat (out loud if I could),

Lord, I know You are more powerful than this situation.  You have the answers.  I clearly don't.  I can think of no way to solve this problem at all.  I have to depend on You and You alone.  We are sunk without You, Father.  Send Your Holy Spirit to bend the future to solve this.  Send us the right people.  Send us the right formula.  Help me, my husband and this precious little one because I know You love us.  Do more than we can ask for or imagine.

That's a good summary of about 100 minutes of constant prayer.  I knew He was working when the baby went back to sleep.  Dave and I laid down for a few minutes till I felt an urge to get up.  To go where, I had no clue, so I just went down to the common area.  There was not a soul that wasn't bovine anywhere around.  Within five minutes, the two owners of the B&B drove up.  I poured out our story and as we sat in the kitchen, the lady who spoke perfect English said,

Oh, give me a second to look up on the interweb (they are so cute here with their sayings) because I know of a place open 24 hours.

My proverbial jaw dropped.  I had no clue that places in Italy were open 24 hours a day.  I thought they made it a point not to be open.  Perfect-English and I hopped in the car and took a pleasurable drive through this bucolic countryside. When we got to the place, she rings the bell - no answer.  I resume my prayer, boldly declaring in (and for) my mind that the Lord had this.  At last, a face appeared in the window.  She not only had what we needed, it was as close a match to our brand of formula as possible.  I paid with cash (I NEVER have cash, I don't even know where I got that money to tell you the truth) and drove back.

My family was enjoying breakfast with no issue apparent.  No baby fussing so I ate.  Soon after though, Ella Grace had her milk.  All was well and all prayer was answered to infinity and beyond.

Some might think what happened was coincidence, I did go downstairs right when our hosts showed up.  You could say it was good fortune one of our hosts knew the place we needed.  You could write this off as us having the common sense to ask for help.  You could argue if I had just nursed her, I wouldn't need the formula in the first place.  (That did cross my mind, but too late for that now.)

But for me, personally, I can never write this situation off.  That would diminish the power of God and turn my nose up at Him.  I've been wanting (and writing) that I want more of HIM in my life.  I truly do.  I want my life to be a witness to His glory - all the time.

He isn't just there in a crisis.  He doesn't just appear, like a genie in a bottle, when I need something.  He is there all the time and He loves me (and you) with an everlasting love.  He wants to help, (you or) I just have to depend on Him to do it.

Maybe you have a problem you can't solve or a crisis about to hit.  If you've never tried to depend solely on God or do it every day - He will come through for you.  You can cry out to Him from shaky legs or from a foundation built on the stone of Christ.  He will answer.  He is dependable and good, all the time for all His children.  Just like the Best Father Ever, if you have a need and ask Him for it.  Wait on His timing and prepare to be amazed.  You will, like me, have the chance to wonder at His power and revel in His mercy.

From baby formula to eternal life - He is ready to give it to You.  Just give it a shot. 

What We Are

I'm sitting here after a long day.  A long good day.  We spent all day in the town central of San Marino.  If you don't know what town that is, google it.  It's awesome.  First - a long drive through the Marche region.  Then - lunch over looking the Marche region.  Then - multiple hours of shopping over the Marche region.  Then - home through the Marche region and blissfully tired.  Not my ideal day but it was my Mom's ideal day and that makes it so much the better.

I've said before my kids are great travelers.  And while they are slightly greedy, I really do appreciate how good they are, even on trips to visit multiple jewelry stores, etc.

As I rocked the baby tonight, I recognized even though the last 12 months have been very tumultuous and extremely stressful, I'm truly thankful.  Next week, it will be 12 months to the day I realized I was pregnant with Ella Grace.  She continues to testify to the glorious work of Christ Jesus in the midst of my selfish life.  His plan will be established, no matter what mine are.

We are a family of five.  I am so proud of that.  Proud enough that I took a picture of what I consider a reflection of what I never asked for but what was freely given.  All 4 of us girls were watching "Puss in Boots."  (Perhaps not the best first movie for a 4 month old, but she really enjoyed grabbing her sisters' hair more than the movie.)

On the left is the wonderful older sister - totally driven to please (most of the time) and one who truly values the meaning of family.  On the far right is the willful middle child, blessed by the Lord's hand with full healing from cancer   and full of love for people she doesn't know.  Then in the middle is the 3rd child whose first 8 days on the Earth were scary but full of promise.  All of their potentials remain to be seen.  But when I look at this picture, something strikes me.

I am so happy.

That fluffy baby on my lap is the crowning point of it all.  We have been through so much.  That full head of hair that I just styled into pig-tails on Sophia this morning means so much.  That strong, proud look on Natalie's face after having to endure her family in such dire straights is nothing short of miraculous.  It's more than I can take.

This blog is so much more for me than for you.  It is a document of my life.  But I hope our existence on Plant Earth reminds you that Our God is a God of love.  He loves you.  I know this because He loves me. God's plans, no matter how contrary to my own, are so much better.  It is but a glimpse of Heaven.

I might not have a very good explanation for why I believe what I believe.  I might not be able to argue the rights of God over man perfectly.  My reasoning for being a Christian may not trump your reasoning for being what you are.  But the older I get, the less I want to convince you.  The the older I get, the less I want to argue.  The older I get, I just want to show you and love you.

I hope God gives me and my family the opportunity to love on many, many, many people.  And hopefully through many ways, so they know He is the way.  I don't doubt He can work through every single one of my relationships.  He already has.

We are not perfect, but this picture, of nearly all of us bathed, brushed and ready for bed shows, shows there is a God who loves you.  I only know that because of how He has loved me - and continues to do so, even as I wander and stray as a wayward sheep is likely to do.

The Good Shepherd knows His Sheep.  And I am thankful we are all in His flock.

More Gelato, for now

We got back from our Venice, Round 2, trip with my parents.  I don't think I wrote on Venice the last time and I don't think I will now.  Sorry to all of you who love it, but I don't.  It is apparently I place I go to get angry.  We don't travel well in Venice. 

Venice is for lovers.  Not for parents with young kids and babies.  Enough said.

Now, it wasn't horrible.  Other than the A/C wall unit in our room blowing mold that gave me a sinus infection and the makings of bronchitis, the trip was O.K.  They say that here in Italy, a lot.  O.K. means just what it does in the States.  Sophia got her snow globe, we got some masks (actually, that happened the first time) and I got a new cross for my collection.  Along with some gifts, we saw all the major sites, had a drink in St. Mark's Square and walked.  And walked.  And walked.  Oh, and ate gelato, like we do all the time now.

So - that's all I have to say about Venezia.

We have Rome coming up again.  I know I've written on that, don't expect much to change.  I will say, I'm glad we've seen what we have.  But when you compare it to our smaller trips, when we end up in our own beds at the end of the day (despite the war I'm waging against flying ants in the bathroom), we are all much, much, much happier.

In the hills above Fano

Italy is in the small towns, I'm finding.  Here is a good example.  Here is a picture I snapped *while the car was stopped* on the way back from seeing a doctor recommended by another of our project team folks.

He is a Bavarian doctor practicing here in Fano. (But don't suggest he's German, as I made the mistake of doing...apparently it's like asking someone from Alabama which part of New York he is from.)  He speaks English and did an ultrasound of my sinuses.  I can assure you that was a first.  I've had a lot of ultrasounds but never on my face.  He did a good job though and I'm, thus far, pleased with the prescribed medication.  It was cheap too.

This place is just SO beautiful.  It really stops the heart.  It is hard for me to appreciate in a big city, but out in the open air, out in real country, I praise the Lord for His creation.  I sang, as best as I could in my scratchy voice, His praises all the way to town.  The rainbow was an answer to many of today's prayers.  He is with us here.  He is with us everywhere.

He will be with us as we return home to Houston.  Yes, we are officially repatriating on July 28th.  This was designed to be a short-term gig and so it is.  We could have made it longer if the girls had an international school to go to, but without it, it is hard.  We want to get back and love on some close family we haven't seen in a long time.  We want to get back and put our girls in our beloved school, with our family there.  Expat life is good, but I'm glad it's coming to an end for now.  There are others staying longer, I know they will make the most of their time here. 

Mama, I'm coming home....to 110+ degree heat and full-time A/C.  We will leave Italy with an appreciation for many things, including wine, fresh produce, local markets and God's green Earth.  And of course, gelato.  We still don't get art or really architecture.  But we've done our best to see it.

I look forward to seeing our Houston crew.  I know we haven't been gone too long.  But there is no place like home.

Hearing from God

We have a long history of hearing from God in my family.  I've heard God's audible voice once about 7 years ago.  I will save the details for another time, but I assure you it wasn't in my head.  My parents have both heard God speak out loud - my Dad three times that I know of.  The last time was in January, 2 weeks before the girls and I came to the States to get our visas.  He was in bed, being quiet and still when he heard a female voice say, "I'm coming home."  (The other 2 times have been a male voice, so this was definitely "different," as if hearing God's voice isn't different enough!)

Initially, he thought it was his mother telling him HE was the one going home - literally to Heaven.  But eventually he worked out it was about Ella being born in the States - because she would need the extra care we could so easily get there.  He says that experience wiped all of his worry over us away.  He knew she would be fine.  (That story is here.) 

(When I asked my Dad if I could share that story, this is what he said,

Not at all on the hearing from God.  HE IS There and WILL HEAR YOU, sometimes even letting you know He is working, most times with His more important agenda.

 

I'm so thankful I have a man of faith as my father - one I can talk to about spiritual things!)

I'm used to hearing from God when I listen, usually in my heart and mind.  Lately though, I haven't been able to nail down any real time with him.  It's started to get me feeling out of sorts. The more time you spend listening for God's voice, the easier it is to hear.  Of course, the reverse is true.  The less you focus on God, the less you hear from Him. That's where I am.  I know it.  I don't like it.

I think about my schedule in Houston - I had loads more time to myself.  Our lives here are non-stop from sun-up to sun-down with no real time to still my mind and open the ears of my heart.  In an effort to figure out how I'm going to remedy this, I started thinking about what God's voice sounds like.  And I came to an interesting conclusion.

Even though I haven't been listening, I still know God's voice isn't going to make me feel bad.

Which got me to thinking that if I'm feeling really bad, really guilty and ashamed of not having the time in this season to dig deep in the Lord, whose voice am I actually listening too? 

I think about how I haven't talked to my best friend in a month.  Is she sitting in Houston being mad and holding a grudge about it?  No - she understands.  Just as God does.  He understands even more than she does because He sees what is going on.  So, who am I listening to?  Whose in my head making me feel so bad?

The enemy.

He's crossed battle lines to get here.  He's worked hard to stay hidden and plant the seeds of his evil desire.  His number one goal is to keep the Lord and me apart.  He doesn't want me seeking God, he wants me to feel awful but not do anything about it.  He is the ultimate Accuser, still dragging me back to court for crimes of which I've already been declared innocent, including this one. DUH - I just wrote about this in March!!

If you, too, have been wondering whose voice you have been hearing, here is what I have on the background of my computer:

I'm not listening to satan anymore.  I'm not listening to the lie my Heavenly Father is angry with me and won't forgive me because I can't/won't/haven't made time for Him.  I'm just going to have to catch up with God in the snatches of time available.  I can't grade myself against my past because that's exactly what satan would like me to do.  Christ freed me from that many moons ago and getting stuck in shame is not part of the plan of redemption.  He will find me when I seek Him, even if it is only for 5 minutes at a clip.

If you are struggling in the spiritual, ask yourself how that voice you keep hearing makes you feel.  Ask if that voice is keeping you from God or driving you to Him.  Then decide if you are going to keep listening.  Chances are, you won't want to anymore.

The Roma Aroma

So, last weekend we left for Rome! 

It was our first trip there and after being disappointed in both Florence and Venice, I had high hopes.  What I found to be true is echoed in the words of my brilliant cousin, Kristen Grant,

Rome is amazing but not charming.

Alas, our Italian big city experience is summed up by that statement.  Living in a small town, we have gotten used to getting around easily - not needing a map, much less public transportation.  Even in Houston, we had our circles we ran in, it didn't seem like a big town. 

Rome is much, much different. 

It's big, it's loud, it's dirty and it has seas of the unwashed masses.  (Ok, the masses were pretty much washed, but you get my drift).  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we went.  Everyone should see it....once.  It has so much history packed into that square mileage - it is really incredible.  So, I won't cast it in a bad light because we really enjoyed their sandwiches.  Nice change from our regional piadinas.  You could say we lived on those sandwiches (we really did).  I thought I would amuse you with our impartial observations.  Only ten, I promise.  Most of the pictures can be seen on my Facebook page (awvogel).  Enjoy!

1. It's Rome so someone always has to die.  From the Colosseum, to the Forum to the Vatican Museum, people have died everywhere in Rome.  It just seems you can't get away from it, like the city itself derives its life from the blood that has been spilled.  (Morbidly poetic thought.)

Baby Ella sleeping on the bus.

2. No one does fantastic architecture like the Romans.  Pictures do not do many of the structures justice, but by far the most impressive was the Vittoriano, the monument to Italian unification.  The scale on which this city was constructed is just mind-boggling, especially considering WHEN a lot of it was built.

3. Babies are just as interesting to Romans (and Italians in general) as the architecture and artwork.  Ella garnered so many "Bellissimas!" I stopped paying attention.  It's true, she is adorable. 

4. Our older girls are awesome sight-seers.  They walked and they walked and they walked so more.  They complained a bit about their feet hurting, but we all were after 6 hours.  They told us when they were hungry, but didn't whine.  For 9 and 6, that is truly a miracle.  Studying up on what we would see helped tremendously as well.

5. If a restaurant can't figure out how to seat a 6-top + a baby, they do not want your business.  Bad experience but a good lesson learned.  Leave quickly if they don't act quickly.

6.  I heard so many languages being spoken, I really get the miracle of Pentecost.

Sophia at the Spanish Steps

7.  When in Rome, anticipate Romans will do what Romans do.  This applies generally, along with the specific.  We rented a 3rd floor apartment, which seemed like a great idea, till the lady above us walked around in heels, moved furniture and other "activities" (*ahem*) that kept us awake in the middle of the night.   

8. The Rome of today is not the Rome of "Roman Holiday."  I figured as much, but it was hard to enjoy eating gelato on the Spanish Steps with 250 other people around.  She was so bummed about it, the picture to the left is as good a "Princess Anne" shot as I could get.

9.   I am SO American.  No confusion about it in Rome.  Nope, not at all.  Gotta own it I guess.

10. Defend for yourself.  I got really tired of being polite when people stepped in front of the stroller.  I mean REALLY FED UP because people wouldn't even be subtle about it.  They would just cut me off.  So, I stopped.  If they stepped to close and got rammed, so be it.  No apologies.  Not the most Christian thing to do, I admit.  But I decided this about the time a woman tried to push Nats (who was walking next to the stroller and being her gentle self as I already mentioned) out of the way to catch up with her tour group.  She didn't care that Natalie was a child, she just went to forcibly move her.  Not smart, lady.  The claws came out.  NO ONE MESSES WITH MY KIDS.

So - that's our somewhat impartial view of Rome.  There will be a Part Due to this as we are taking my parents there in a few weeks.  They get here next week!!  So, until then.....Do as the Romans do.  ;)

Our Town

This maybe one of a handful of "exclusively Italy" posts and not just because this is supposed to be a blog about growing deeper in your faith.  I'm not a really good traveler, I have a pretty short attention span and I much prefer sitting on a beach reading and drinking, to spending my vacation time looking at architecture and historic artifacts.

So it's pretty funny we moved to Italy - a land ripe with architecture and historic artifacts.

I'm trying to grow.  I'm trying to appreciate where we are living, because it is really a gift.  It blows my hair back to think about all that's happened in this land.  It's been a part of recorded human history for well over three millennium.  So to exist daily next to a wall that was erected in 2-9 AD by Cesar Augustus just spins my head around...

As "Bimbo" (as we've nicknamed Ella Grace) and I got out of the house in order to practice carrying her in the Moby Wrap, I decided I would soak up the history of our little town.  It's quite amazing really.

Our town is named Fano - or Fanum Fortunae.  It got that name because there used to be a temple here, dedicated to the Roman goddess Fortuna.  (Bet you can't guess what people came to her for.....)  It started as a little colony founded by yep - Augustus again.
 
The wall is really not unique in these parts.  The region we live in, Marche, has more than 100 castles and fortresses to boast.  The Romans and the Goths were all over this place.  Then came the medieval kingdoms and duchies and eventually the Nazis and the Allies.  It is a well-warred area for sure! 

We spent most of our time walking around the wall.  It extends around most of the central part of town and is pretty well described in various placards.

Casear Augustus himself

The "Augustus Gate"

I've often tried to imagine life back when this wall was in use.  One gate, called "The Herd Gate" led to the pasture where all the livestock grazed during the day.  Where our house is now, about a 2 minute walk from the wall, was probably considered the wrong side of the tracks.  Most people lived inside the gate walls.  (Or within running distance in case a band of Goths or soliders of nearby kingdoms came trolling through).  It is truly a different world than now, but these artifacts connect us to those times.  The main gate is dedicated to Augustus.  You can tell they liked him so much, they erected a statue of him!
 
I couldn't help but think what else was going on in the world in the First Century AD.  At the time this little fortification on the East Coast of Italy was being built, Jesus Christ was being raised in Bethlehem.  During this chaotic time in human existence, when the Romans were taking over the known world (among other things), God chose to enter time and space.  That really shook me.

Diagram of the wall - Adriatic at the top

People used to put their faith in how strong their fortifications were, but there was no keeping out the Creator of the Universe.  He snuck in over the wall, like a thief in the night.  He didn't seem like much at first, but eventually the name Jesus became the most influential name ever.  It's amazing how things change in a short two thousand years.

One last interesting piece of history I found.  There is a plaque on the main wall dedicated to the liberation of Fano from the Nazis by the Americans during World War II.  Perhaps because, temporally speaking, it is the closest time to mine, this moved me most of all.  Or maybe because all the events of the last week are so fresh in my mind - it sticks in my throat how possible another serious worldwide conflict could be.  I'm glad there is a reminder of good beating evil, even in this small town.

I'm sure I left a lot out for some of you art/history/architecture/travel buffs, so if you have any specific questions, I can try and get them answered.  This town, in the travel guides, is well-known for art as well as the architecture.

Maybe I'll post some more of our adventures, as we hit Venice, Rome and other amazing places in between.  There is so much more to come!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way (Back) to Italy....

Tons of you have let us know you've been praying for our return trip to Italy.  Your prayers were not only heard but answered.  The Lord was all over this trip, I knew it from the first moment at the airport.

(Thanks to my wonderful Dad who stayed with us till we got through security.  He might have even wiped his eyes when we went up to departures, I can't be sure.)

In honor of His faithfulness to us and yours as well, I thought I would put together a top ten list (with one extra!) of our amusing antics - or those of the people around us as the girls and I journeyed to Dave. (pictures included) 

1. We had two big issues before arriving at the airport.  a. Ella needed a ticket and b. the girls were sitting nearly 20 rows behind me.  When we checked in, both girls had been moved up next to me.  Yay!  However, it took KLM 43 minutes to fix the computer so I could pay the rate they quoted me on Thursday of last week (Yes, I timed it).  A few minutes later to check our baggage and an hour after arriving, we were onto security, which was a breeze.

2. When we got on the plane, we were sitting by the bulkhead.  We were seated next to a nice French couple with a 5 month old girl, who also used the baby bassinet.  The bassinets were so cute, just clipped right into the wall.  And we got to see our across-the-aisle neighbor's bottom crack, as he adjusted his luggage.  Sometimes track pants aren't such a good idea...

3. When we were getting arranged on the plane, an old man fussed at Sophia for not moving fast enough.  Never mind that she was obeying me to stay put till I got her baby sister settled.  If he'd have spoken English, he would have understood what I said back to him, but my hand gestures were no doubt enough. (Nobody messes with my children...)

4. Our unintentional sleep experiment got some interesting results.  Neither Natalie or I slept on the 9 hour flight and we were in better shape upon landing than Sophia, who slept for 2-3 hours.  Nats slept the entire length of the flight to Bologna, which was about 90 minutes, but Sophia and I stayed awake.  On landing, Nats was the mess.  As you might have guessed I didn't sleep, other than 1-2 minute cat naps, on either flight.  I was the best out of all of us but maybe I'm used to not sleeping. 

5. Thanks to Sophia, we are renaming Amsterdam to HAMSTERDAM.  I like it.

6. KLM is deadly serious about the safety of infants.  I am rather skeptical of their methods though, seeing as how I had to loop in a smaller lap belt onto mine and then strap it around Ella.  If you don't play along though, they get VERY annoyed.  I really don't see how this would keep babies safe in the event of an emergency (see picture) but I obeyed to avoid getting yelled at.

7. On the first leg of the journey, at takeoff, the 2 year old behind us was screaming for her mother.  When her father gave her over, she started screaming for him.  She fell asleep right about the time we hit altitude, then at some point threw up twice.  I'll let you extrapolate how I felt about this.

8. European women think babies will freeze to death at any temperature that's < 60 F.  When we were exiting the first plane, several flight attendants nearly tackled me to cover Ella, who was already pretty well wrapped in a blanket.  They kept saying "It's so cold for her!!"  It was 51 F.

9. Finally got to see the Alps as we were flying over (see picture).  It was a breathtaking view of God's wonderful creation.

10. If it wasn't for the sweet young woman sitting next to me on the leg to Bologna, we might not ever gotten to Dave, who was waiting on the other side of baggage claim.  With all the luggage we brought, including Ella's car seat, I desperately needed a cart.  Unfortunately, I had no Euros!  So, I humbly explained our predicament while we waited and she graciously gave me a 1 Euro piece.  We were able to load up and get out.  (Semantics note: luggage carts in Europe are called trolleys.)

Here's the bonus round (and I saved the best for last.)  This was how Natalie fell asleep on the second flight....

And this was Sophia's response....

We are glad to be "back," as much as we miss Houston.  In the words of Natalie tonight at dinner, "I like our Italian house, but I love our Houston house..."  Truer words have never been spoken.  More to come from the Traveling Vogels!

The One-Arm-Army Crawl of Faith

Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Psalms 27:7, 8 NLT)

I am so stubborn.

I know that's a huge shocker to you out there (insert sarcasm here).  The last few days have revealed I am stubborn in every aspect of my life - relationship with Jesus included.

It all started Sunday, over brunch with my family.  I was commenting (really complaining) about how stubborn my 9 year old has been lately.  She has to have the last word in a conversation, even when she is wrong!  I said she takes after her father.  My brother looked at me dead in the eye and said, "Oh because you aren't incredibly stubborn either?"

(He would know.)

I give God the glory for the strides I've made in this area.  I am a much kinder, gentler Amy than I was 10 years ago.  I used to be out, loud and proud of my prideful nature, digging my heels in whenever I could.  Just because I could.  That was me, take it or leave it.

In the good work of sanctification, that has been slowly chipped away.  Or I thought so.  Apparently I am still just as stubborn, only I do it secret.  I outwardly project humility, when inside I'm bound up tight as a drum because I.am.right. and I need to continue to be so.

The specific scenario that brought this to my mind was baby care.  I am pretty particular about who I let hold her, feed her, etc.  That's not unusual for new babies, but I've not really let anyone other than Dave feed or change her.  I certainly haven't taken up very many of the numerous offers to help, including bringing us meals.  Never mind anyone else but me doing a night feeding since Dave has been back in Italy!  I know her noises, I say and no one else could sleep through them.  Or Thanks but we are fine!  We are leaving soon!  We can get it, don't worry!

(All said without a touch of the heavy weight of exhaustion I feel.)

It's because of my pride.  That's what stubbornness is, you know: the outward demonstration of the inward feeling.  I haven't listened to my husband, my mother, my best friends - and now, because I think I know best, I haven't been listening to God.

In my competitive mind-set, the race is on.  If I can just make it to the Bologna airport, I can fall into my husband's arms and everything will be alright. Because I'm treating it that way, I stiff-arm blessings.  I reject the love the Lord wants to show me through others.  In pretending to be Wonder Woman, I am in danger of not only crashing and burning (physically, mentally, spiritually), but also becoming a stumbling block.  It's more than possible the Lord has directed people to act on our behalf, but I'm preventing their obedience because.....welll, I'm stubborn.   

This is an opportunity to be filled with more of God's love, but I'm too full of my pride already.

Here I go being Martha, instead of humble, loving Mary.  I see Jesus shaking His head as He sees me, His willful sheep wandering off yet again into dangerous pasture.  But He is a patient and gentle Shepherd.  He whispered His will to me yesterday in the words of John 14:18: 

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.  (John 16:18)

I realize He has been coming for some time with the remedy for way ails me. I've ignored Him.  He has been waiting for me to put aside my pride.  I see Him standing there with the cup of cool, refreshing water of rest that my parched body and spirit needs.  But pride is a nasty and powerful adversary.  It digs in deep, till every fiber in my being wants to stay where I am, to keep doing things as I have been, just until I get to Italy.   

Only now I know the cost of staying put.  I am aware of the danger of rejecting what God offers, only because I've done it so many times before.  I can't go down that road again.  So, even if I have to pull myself to Him, army-crawl style by one arm, or even one pinky finger - through the muck and mire of prideful thinking - I will get there.  I want that freedom, only found in His love. 

(I have already asked my Mom to help, which she, of course, will without hesitation...but maybe a touch of irritation I didn't do this sooner.)

The first step is always the hardest. 

I'm coming, Father.  Be patient with me, a humble sinner, and wait for me to get there.  And by the power of your Spirit - I will.

View from Houston or Bless the Lord - Italy Update

When the Lord brought back His exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream!  We were filled with laughter and we sang for joy!  And the other nations said, “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”  Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!  What joy!  Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert.  Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.  They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest. 

That is Psalm 126 and I have lived every word this week.  It’s always remarkable when the words of Scripture feel like they are written just for you.  I’ve also lived Psalm 42, after a shocking phone call on Monday – an hour after we’d completed our applications for our Italian visas.

As I mentioned last week, that’s why we are in the States in the first place.  So, we came back, expecting to leave on January 22^nd.  But on Monday, Dave was told the contract was ending and they were sending everyone back to Houston.  So, we had to get over that shock and switch gears to start thinking/preparing/dreaming of re-starting our life here in the States.

We didn’t get very far.

On Wednesday, things changed again – we were told everything had been worked out and the project was proceeding as normal.  Ok, great, except you can’t stuff that kind of revelation (and the insecurity it brings) back into Pandora’s Box once you’ve opened the lid.  I, for one, was freaking out.  I felt like I couldn’t return to Italy knowing any time before the baby came, during my recovery (I’m having a C-section) or while waiting on her passport, things could change and we would be left out like laundry on the line in a sudden gully-washer.

Lots of discussions ensued.  I had at least one full-blown panic attack and made myself sore with all the crying.  The girls, I’m sure, felt confused and disappointed; especially after the 180 of being told they would join their friends back at school.  We decided to put an offer to the company and based on their response, we would make our decision to come or go.

That’s what all those Facebook prayer requests have been about – because really, God was the only one we could depend on.  He was the only one who could help us and change minds.  This project has been a real struggle and many times, we’ve felt like we’ve been taking all the risk for extremely minimal reward.

So, after we had our plan and Dave hit send on the email that would either curse or bless us – we had to wait.  That was as much as I had been doing all week, beyond praying constantly for the Lord to intervene.  That’s when Psalm 42 became my prayer.  That’s when I had to get really, really honest before God; when I had to admit I couldn’t accept His will if it meant going back. 

Sleep was fleeting for us both, and probably for our parents as well. 

(I have to give both my parents and in-laws a lot of credit.  I know I will find out one day, but it has got to be so hard to have to watch your adult children struggle with decisions you have no influence over.  It has to be so difficult to turn over their decisions to the Lord and trust they will be ok.  Thanks Mom, Dad, Wilma and Terry, for doing that.  Thank you for trusting Dave and I with the fate of your grandchildren – born and unborn.)

The Bible says that those who wait on the Lord will gain strength.  They will be able to run, walk and stand when the going gets tough.  I don’t know I would say I felt strong this week.  What I do know is that He carried us– again.  I had to choose to trust Him and His promises that He works out EVERYTHING for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, even when everything in me told me not to.

I got down on my knees this morning to pray before I called Dave.  I had psyched myself up that we were going back; that I would have to learn how to deal with the anxiety.  I dreamed all night of walking through airports and trying to make flight connections.  I was not prepared, but as I prayed, the Lord gave me peace.  I felt so loved, so comforted and I know the Lord was in the room as I dialed the phone.

When Dave answered and gave me the news – I was floored.  Not only was he coming back, but they were keeping him on the project just like if he was in Italy.  They would provide all the financials as per the project contract, even while he was back here in the States and would like to bring us all back when it was safe for me and the baby to travel.  (Not to mention when it is warm in Italy!!)

That wasn’t an option we even remotely considered – we thought it was either come back or go home.  Leave it to the Lord to open the storehouses of Heaven for us.  Why?  Because He is so good; He wanted to show us how reliable He is.  We prayed not just to have assurance but proof of His power and Spirit at work (1 Thess 1:5).  I will not admit to having any part of this resolution – I have to give the Lord all the praise, glory and honor. 

This outcome – the best possible – is all God.

My faith – as puny as it has seemed throughout this week – has proved to be true.  I have been honest with my God and He has not forsaken me.  He is the same God that I have been reading about in Genesis – full of mercy and abounding in love.  We have been obedient and kept our trust in Him – but friends - this has been as hard a week as any we walked through with Sophia in treatment.  At least then we had a plan and could address whatever came up.  We had no clue this time what direction to go in.  If you talked to me, the insecurity, despite my bravado, was palpable.  I was weak.  But in my weakness, God demonstrated His strength.  This is a week I will remember my whole life.

I won’t remember it because it is a happy ending that keeps us all safe.  I will remember it because it gave me another opportunity to lean into the Lord and find Him so much more than capable.  I will remember it because He answered our prayers in the way only He could.  And I will remember it because it encouraged me to continue to believe in Him, even in a world full of problems, pain and trial. 

He has and will always be faithful.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul.  Oh my soul.
Worship His holy name.
Sing like never before – Oh My Soul!
I worship Your holy name.

You are rich in love and slow to anger.

Your Name is great and Your Heart is kind.
For all Your goodness I will keep on signing.
Ten Thousands Reasons for my heart to find.

An Ever-Present Help

I thought I would write something about what we are currently facing because it is confusing.  It is a continuation of the process of obtaining our visas to be legal residents here in Italy.  The steps to obtain that status are simultaneously complex and easily mishandled, which is a source of constant frustration for Dave and I.  But as of today, the end looks to be in sight. 

By tomorrow we should receive what are called "Nulla Ostas." Having those means we have the permission of the Italian government to apply for a residency visa.  And we have to apply for them at the consulate in Houston, leaving the passports with them for a week while they get the visa ready.  Was there an easier way to do this?  We think so but that is in the past.  So, the girls and I are scheduled to fly out on Friday at 6 am.  There is a lot of consternation as I'm 6 weeks out from delivering the baby, so an overseas journey isn't exactly advisable by medical standards, especially given that I have a unique situation that makes my pregnancy a little more high risk (I'll spare you the details). 

To say this is coming down to the wire/last minute/hail mary is pretty accurate. 

(If you are one of those people, like me, who asks, "What happens if the nulla ostas don't come before you are supposed to leave?" Good question.  It won't leave us with a lot of choice - we either stay or go.  There is too much to risk if we are illegally here and have a baby to try and get back to the States at some point.)

So, I've been in this weird spiritual and mental position that I've mentioned in my devotional writing.  I've been wondering if perhaps the Lord is unhappy with our decision to move here.  That we are living out of His Will because we jumped at the chance to come here without checking enough with Him.  I've begun to think all of these obstacles we've faced have been the result of that.  It has been weighing very heavily on me - so much so that I've felt really down, easily frustrated and just about ready to throw in the towel.

To think we've gone and done this outside of His will for our lives tears my heart to pieces.  It is anathema to me.  It makes me want to rip my clothes and pour dust on my head, literally.  To think at this point in my spiritual walk I have screwed up THAT BAD, that I've let God down in such a huge way about kills me.

But this morning the thought occurred to me: if I am giving that much power to myself, that means I'm not believing enough in His power to resolve this situation the best way possible.  

I think of my Bible in a Year reading from Genesis (my New Year's commitment) about how Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife not once but TWICE and God was still on his side.  The Lord still protected Sarah and made sure His promise wasn't messed up.  The Lord STILL blessed those crazy kooks, despite their failings.  Yes, Abraham was THE Patriarch, but he wasn't perfect.  God was patient, kind and loving with him.  The Creator of the Universe gave Abraham plenty of room to screw up and still had the power to fix it - which He did, for His glory.

So why must I keep insisting that my situation is any different?  Do I really think God loves me any less than Abraham and Sarah?

The answer is no - I know He doesn't.  I have the proof He loves me: all I have to do is look at the Cross and into my 6 year old cancer survivor's face.

Beyond that, I think I got the message today that coming here is not in fact out of God's will for our family.  In three separate readings and in multiple ways, the message was clear: GOD IS ON OUR SIDE.  I quote from one in Jesus Calling (January 9th entry):

I AM WITH YOU AND FOR YOU.  When you decide on a course of action that is in line with My will, nothing in heaven or on earth can stop you.  You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don't be discouraged - never give up!  With My help, you can overcome any obstacle.  Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with Me, but do remember that I, your very-present Helper, am omnipotent. (emphasis mine)

There it is - smacking me right in the face.  That was the second time in 2 entries Psalm 46:1 was quoted.  Plus the story of Abraham's servant finding a wife for Isaac the way he did in Genesis 24, gave me the reassurance of God's love, provision and power to see us through any situation.  It was my invitation to joy, renewal and peace.

Nothing is yet resolved - we won't know till tomorrow if the Nulla Ostas will actually show up.  I have another 36 hours to wait until our course of action is set or if we have to scramble again.  Yet the fact remains that my trust is not in the process or the people - my trust is in the Lord.  This spirit of heaviness that has plagued me has vanished for today.  That is all I can ask for - one day in His presence at a time.  Whether the paperwork comes or not, I know this to be true:

But, what then, shall I say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

Vogel Kid Inside Survival Guide

So here is one major difference about living in Italy versus Texas - it's cold here.  Cold enough that we can't always be outside for extended periods of time.  It has really hit home this weekend, when we didn't travel because Dave injured his heel (prayer please!).  Although the sun has been out, it hasn't gotten out of the lower 40s, which is really just too cold for my Texas blood to go to a playground or walk-around our town one more time.

I have been feeling some guilt about the girls being inside and either watching movies or playing games on the computer plus, I really like to hear them playing.  But their toys are limited, as is their space. 

That and I'm bored too, which is a great contributor to homesickness for all of us.  The weather isn't going to get significantly better till after the baby is born, as well as I'm going to get less and less mobile, so I wanted a resource to encourage honest-to-goodness "kid stuff."  Sophia in particular likes to say "I'm bored!" a lot, which is why the next time she says that - I want to pull out this list and tell her to pick one.

Maybe we will try and make it through all 50 of them before more suitable outside weather shows up.  But I have a hunch, after the grandparents after BG3 is born, we will be consulting this list during her sleepy time.  I figure it might come in handy for my Mom too if I happen to be trying to get some of the minimal shut-eye available to me while she is here!

Hope this helps - if you have any questions about specific items, feel free to email me (amysvogel@hotmail.com), although I've tried to explain them.  I've also included the links where I found some of these ideas, especially since you might need to tweak this depending on the age of your kids.  These ideas are geared towards our preferences, I didn't include any of the "paint with pudding/shaving cream"type ideas because frankly, I don't want to clean up the mess.  I look for limited mess and noise or it gets out of hand quickly, especially with a 9 & 6 year old!  The girls also help me cook a lot, so that's why you don't see that here. 

Enjoy!

1.      Read a book.	2.      Work on a Puzzle.
3.      Play a board or card game.	4.      Write a story.
5.      Act out a story you’ve read in a book or seen in a movie.	6.      Listen to a book online or online radio story.
7.      Make and play in blanket fort in guest bedroom.	8.      Have an indoor picnic or tea party.
9.      Make (salt) playdoh.	10.   Play TP Roll Bowling in the hall.
11.   Have a Dance Party.	12.   Play Pictionary.
13.   Write a letter to someone in the States.	14.   Write a story/comic book to send to someone in the States.
15.   Play with your toys in your room.	16.   Play Beauty Shop.
17.   Invisible Letter Game (draw letter on another’s back and they have to guess what you are writing).	18.   Make a Sock Puppet Theater.
19.   Learn to Tie Shoes or a different way to do it.	20.   Practice Telling Time.
21.   Get out the Building Blocks.	22.   Write out some Mad-Libs.
23.   Look up/Figure out some riddles or brain teasers.	24.   Play 20 questions.
25.   Play some clapping/slapping games.	26.   Make a Birthday Calendar.
27.   Play Simon Says/Mother May I or Charades.	28.   Pass the drawing game (one person draws something, the next person has to add onto it.)
29.   Play Kitchen.	30.   Play Grocery Store
31.   Make a bracelet with Natalie’s kit.	32.   Make a movie.
33.   Play “What Animal am I?”	34.   Make a countdown calendar (or baby, coming visitors, a trip, etc.)
35.   Make paper airplanes, paper chain or paper dolls.	36.   Make a thankful collage.
37.   Research an Italian city to visit.	38.   Play Hangman/Drawing Games.
39.   Work on your Italian.	40.   Memorizing games: (The 10 Commandments, alphabet backwards, etc.)
41.   Write a song and perform it.	42.   Bus Stop Exercises. (Jumping Jacks, Hop on one foot, pat head/rub tummy, etc.)
43.   Make Paper Dolls.	44.    Toss the ball in the Hall Game.
45.   Play Hide and Seek with a Stuffed Animal.	46.   Play the Never-Ending-Adjective Game (pick something to describe and see how long you can keep it up.)
47.   Play Hot Potato.	48.   Take a bath in your bathing suit and play.
49.   Play Restaurant (serve something!)	50.   Make a Treasure Hunt around the house for your sister.

http://simplemom.net/20-indoor-activities-for-kids-besides-tv/

http://specialchildren.about.com/od/behaviorstrategies/a/timewasters.htm

http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/families/index.php/fun/kid-fun/203-rain-kids.html

http://www.simplyinorder.com/uploads/100_Things_to_Do_When_Your_Kids_Say_Im_Bored.pdf

http://jacquedixon.com/?p=4540