Tears - An All Saints Day Tribute

As I often do, I'll start this post off with some brutal honesty.

I've never given All Saints Day much thought.  It is a centuries old tradition, especially meaningful in the first 300 years of the Church when so many were martyred.  It still has a place today, and in the Methodist church, on the first Sunday of November, we celebrate the lives of those who've gone home to heaven in the last year.  As a family, we've lost people before now - including Dave's beloved grandmother Mable 18 months ago.  Yet, it's never hit this close to home; so close to pull me out of my self-absorbed reverie to grasp the full meaning. This All Saints Day, the day we put my Dad's ashes in the ground after church, definitely brings the full concept painfully close.

I woke this morning with a song in my head, "Already There," by Casting Crowns (you can listen to it here).  I've listened to that song a lot in the last 6 weeks.  We all have moments where we look at God and go, "What is happening?  Why?  When?  Where?....Huh, God?"  It is immensely comforting for me to be able to say, One day I'll stand before You and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

Today, of all days, when I know it will be so hard, I am desperately clinging to that hope of glory.  There will be a day when those questions get answered.  It's funny to think, too, some of those questions I think are so important right now will not be when I'm standing next to Jesus. 

But for right now, just for today, for the next few hours, I'm not going to ask any questions.  I am just going to rest in the comfort of knowing God has me.  He has us.  He has my Dad.  He has the whole world.  He has not lost His grip. He is  present and able, always.  He is kind and gracious.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows it hurts and how badly it does.  He is already at the end of my life on earth but at the same time, and I write this with incredible mystery and wonder, He is right here with me in this moment and time.  I know all of that for sure, even if I don't understand it at all.

For anyone out there struggling like me, on this All Saint's Day, I gained permission from my friend
to post a vision she shared with me this week.  It is SO powerful, it shifted my thought-life about the world to come in a major way.  My friend is working through a decade-old grief and recently had a healing experience in prayer which is nothing short of otherworldly.  It's called Tears and will speak to the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one, as well as all those who've wondered what the Lord really does with our tears.  It's precious.  Please take it in and know the Lord indeed provides this level of comfort to all when we ask. 

Lord, You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping.  You've stored my many tears in Your bottle, not one will be lost.  You care about me every time I've cried.  For it is recorded in Your book of remembrance. - Psalm 56:8

I asked the Lord for a picture and this is what He gave me.  I share it with you.

I saw your tears, I felt my own - I fell to my knees.  Why Lord, why so much pain - who will carry all this pain?

In an instant I was swept away to a place; a weighty place so beautiful that words alone are insufficient.  I believe it was a secret place, for the most magnificent beings I have ever seen lined the room in majesty.  There were more than I could count and each one was holding a bottle.  Was it a bottle of light?  A bottle of gold?  A bottle of glory?  I could not tell.

No one spoke and I knelt, trembling in fear.  When I looked up, one bottle caught my eye.  It seemed to shine like the stars of Heaven.  The angel holding it summoned me toward it.  As I came near I saw its color; iridescent blue mixed with a majestic purple I have never seen on earth.  I could not take my eyes off such a stunning sight - my eyes were fixed, almost frozen as I looked upon this jar of beauty.  What was stored in such a container?  It could only be something worth more than all the wealth of the nations or all the hearts of men.  What could it be?

As I looked at this amazing bottle, I saw a name written on it - it was your name. The angel tipped the bottle and summoned me to look in - I trembled and tried to look away but I could not; I wanted to see the treasure within.  As I looked, I saw you my sweet friend, crying.  There you were, broken-hearted and tears unstoppable.  Before I could reach out to you, I saw your tears dropping, dropping into the beautiful bottle.  Yes, every tear spilling into this jar, not one to be lost.  As I watched the scene before me, I saw your tears turning into gems, diamonds and sapphires.  Each tear that dropped turned into splashes of beauty that were carefully contained so as not to be lost.   

I looked up at the angel as if to ask why but then I saw beyond the tears - it was a great and glorious ocean, iridescent blue and majestic purple splashing upon the beach.  Each splash formed a beautiful gemstone creating the sand.  Then I saw Him - my Jesus - His eyes the color of the ocean, His smile so joyful my heart could barely contain such magnificence.  He was running and laughing in the sand.  He was playing with someone - a family - I looked, it was you.  You were together - all of you - your faces looked happy, joyful yet filled with a peace I have never seen.  I watched Jesus as He carefully ran His hand through the sand.  It was as if the joy were come from the gems that formed the sand.

Yes, the joy was coming from the gems; the diamonds and sapphires that had been your tears.  The ones He had guarded so closely and stored in this jar of beauty were shining with joy.  How could this be - such pain turned to joy?  I looked again and I saw you crying, yet dancing together in the sand at the same time.  Could this ?  Two worlds so carefully knit together?  One of pain and one of joy?

Then I asked: WHY LORD ARE THESE TEARS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT NONE ARE TO BE LOST?

Immediately the angel tipped the jar so I could no longer see the contents but before me sat another bottle.  This one was gold, so bright I could barely look upon it but I saw for a fleeting moment the name: THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB.

I fell to the floor with my face down for fear I would die at such a precious sight.  My Savior's blood - the very blood that was shed for my life.  And then I knew....His blood that come from such a great sacrifice was shed for our tears, your tears, my tears, all the pain of this world.  Those tears were worth more than I could think or imagine and none were to be lost.

In an instant I was back on my knees, tears streaming down my face - tears for you.  The Lord was there holding a bottle - this one had my name on it - collecting my tears; the ones He gave His life for.  At that moment I let go - I surrendered my tears to Him who promised to carry my sadness, my pain, my heartbreak.  I know each tear has a safe place till Heaven and earth are one.  I do not understand but I will trust.

I pray that you will allow your tears to flow freely - for not one is ever lost or wasted and someday those tears will be like grains of sand that look like diamonds filling an ocean that only knows JOY.

I am forever thankful for you...my friend. 

2015: The Year of Prayer: Week 18

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. - Micah 7:7

If you are looking for passages of Scripture to memorize, that's a good one because it is easy.  Its "address" is easy too.  Sometimes we just need the fundamental truth of God - anticipation, hope, salvation, recognition, expectation.  We have prayers, needs that are yet to be met.  Fulfillment of what we know God will do is not quite complete.  It's the now-not yet principal of our faith.

Thankfully, though, we have one advantage over the prophets - what they longed for, what they predicted - what here Micah eagerly awaits - we already know.  Messiah has come and He has finished the work for all of us.  The Apostle Paul (who I have a complicated relationship with although I truly love the guy) completes the thought of the promise from Micah in 2 Corinthians 1:20: For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.

It is significant Paul uses "Amen" in this verse because Amen actually means "Let it be so," or "It is so."  We end our prayers with that word (knowingly or unknowingly, as I wasn't aware of this till recently!) and we are saying, God, this is Yours.  We have prayed to You, now let Your will be established.  Let it be as You say it will be and we will give You all the glory for it.

In prayer, saying Amen is a final act of relinquishing - of giving everything over to God to do with as He sees fit.

I say all of this only because it highlights my week.  After last week (read about Week 17 here), this week felt more like a lull.  In the church seasons, we live most of our life in "Ordinary Time," (although technically that's not the season we are in).  This week has felt pretty ordinary.  Having every week be like last week is not physically speaking, sustainable....(our bodies need rest from the adrenaline soaked workings of the Holy Ghost)...still, this week sort of felt like a downer.

Not for lack of great God work.  Another young man I've been walking life with, Oliver, experienced a major deliverance on Sunday morning from 18 years of having to control everything.  He walked into our prayer time with back spasms and TMJ.  He walked out healed of the back spasms and well on his way to being freed from his painful jaw condition, with new spiritual weapons at his disposal.

On Wednesday, my good friend Audrey experienced the power of prayer like never before.  She was the recipient of the wonder-working power of the agreement of God with His people.  It was really intense and highlighted for me how much I need (we all need) Him directing things, so we can make those giant leaps into greater freedom.

Thursday, my friend Brad's sister Brooke, was seriously ill coming back from vacation.  She had to be rushed to the ER on her layover here on her way home to L.A.  Yet, thanks to God's foreknowledge, she was in the best place for care.  She obeyed the Lord when booking her trip.  She asked Him where she should connect through and He answered.  Months later, she was delivered into the best hands possible, medically and emotionally speaking (her family lives here). After only 48 hours in the hospital, she's been discharged, no surgery or procedures required, resting at home with her mom.  We are believing she will be well enough to come to church with her family on Sunday!   

Only God.

The tapestry He is weaving in the community of faith in Houston (and the U.S.) is taking shape for all who wish to see it.  It is incredible to be a part of!

As busy as God has been this week, so has the enemy.  I don't say that to give him any credit, I truly can't stand that devil.  He has been stirring up trouble, working to wreak havoc.  That's why Oliver had back spasms in the first place, and Brooke got sick.  None of that mess was from the Lord. 

For me personally, there were some tough lessons.  Character development is always rough.  Still, I'm thankful.  I know nothing is wasted, God is the original recycler.  He takes the past and the present, when we let Him, making all our trash into beautiful, useful, helpful new creations.  (See Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28)

One of the big things I learned was not to focus on the one area that is wrong in a relationship.  Instead, I need to let Holy Spirit shift me up a level - to look at the bigger picture.  Having a myopic view of a situation is very dangerous.  When you focus on the one area that is out of whack or balance, it ruins fellowship, connection and intimacy.  People aren't just one day, one week, one habit.  God made us whole in Christ, each on our own journeys towards the greater abundance He came to give. (see John 10:10).

There are no overnight successes in the Kingdom of God!  When you look back, you see the Hand of God working all along, bringing you to the right place, ready to receive.  However, the insidious tactic of the enemy is to make us think we should all be instant rock-stars of faith at the moment of salvation; no longer needing the grace of God because we are all perfect. The enemy of our hearts WANTS US only to focus on what needs to change because he knows, if we are grateful for what God has and is doing, his plan of destruction is already lost.

It is all too easy to try and jam our fingers into our brother's eye to dig out the speck and forget the logs God has surgically removed, with His instruments of gentleness and grace, from our own.

If I know one thing, though, this life is not a sprint.  It isn't even a marathon.  My pastor and dearest friend (and this week counselor), Christian Washington, pointed that out a few months back - our lives of faith are actually triathlons!  You might finish swimming, but then you have to get on the bike.  You get off the bike only to start running.  We are never "done in Christ," this side of eternity and to forget that is to forget our need for God - and then we start leaning too far into our own understanding.  

It doesn't mean we stop praying or encouraging change where it is needed.  Jesus met people where they were but never left them that way.  Jesus was the Master of knowing what kind of pressure - and where - to apply.  He rarely spoke a harsh word of rebuke to His Disciples.  There was that one time with Peter (Get behind Me satan...) but even then, that was to crowbar Peter out of his own understanding of what the Messiah was to do.  

In this week of "the lull," I have to keep in mind He is in charge and I am not.  When I try to make every week like last week, every day a mountaintop, trying to do Holy Spirit's work for Him, I will be disappointed.

We need the lulls to recover.  It doesn't mean we aren't doing anything.  Rather, we are taking the critical step of resubmitting ourselves to His direction.  When a farmer plants a field, much of the time it looks like nothing is happening, but the fruit is growing.  At the right time, those mountaintops will be revealed and all our labors will not have been in vain.  The harvest will be ready and ripe.  We will work side by side with the Lord and each other to reap it.  (See Galatians 6:9-10)

Until then, like Micah, in certain areas of my life, I watch in hope for the Lord.  I wait expectantly for God my Savior to come in fullness, to answer, to help.  The answers to our prayers enter our dimension when the time is right, but the Lord has already released them.  They are above and ahead of me.  I'm the one that has to catch up to the "Yes," of God.

So, in hopeful expectation of that YES...I will say AMEN.

Christmas Hypocrite (No More)

We "Church Regulars" tend to make fun of those who only go to church on "Big" Days.  I know  because I'm one of those who's done it.  The ridiculous fact of the matter is I'm a hypocrite because I only used to go on Christmas and Easter.  But now I judge people for it.  Sad.

It's only been 11 years since that change.  Ironically, my re-salvation came from the lips of someone calling me a hypocrite.  My boss at the time, in a moment of frustration over my behavior in a meeting, pointed the proverbial finger at me and called me a hypocrite for claiming the name of of Christ and having none of His character.  This was truly a case of, when accused of being a Christian, there was no evidence to convict me.

I thank God He removed that identity a few painful hours later.  I felt (more than heard) Jesus ask me if I wanted to stop being a hypocrite and live up to the name I claimed.  I said yes and all I can tell you is something shifted in me - down to the very core of my being.  I got a new life, a new identity...His.  It hasn't been easy to figure out what that looks like, but it is a reality, as imperfectly as I sometimes demonstrate it to be.

Reflecting on that, my heart is stirred this morning by a Facebook post from my pastor, Christian Washington.  He shared out the original post by our "Big" Church, Chapelwood UMC.  It is a prayer from the perspective of those who don't go to church very often.  I included it at the end.

It makes no difference how many times you come to church because families aren't built on quantity.  They are built on the quality of love and blood-ties.  In the Church, we have both: the love of Christ and His shed blood makes us one with Him and His Father.  It is similar to this: I don't see my brother, Craig, every week, but that doesn't change the fact that he is MY BROTHER AND I LOVE HIM.

You are no less family even if we see you once or twice a year.

In the Body of Christ, we should be the MOST grateful for those we don't see often.  We should treat them like we miss them, so maybe they will want to come more often!  Yet, what usually happens is, we judge those visitors the harshest (even if, like me, we were once like them.)  We have all been prodigals - traveling towards a moment of realization that home is better than our present circumstances.  But us "older, more responsible brothers" tend to get our noses in a twist.  (See Luke 15:28-29 here.)

In the craziness of this world, the times we live in, the confluence of events happening in our nation and world, you never know what is going to motivate someone to enter (or re-enter) a relationship with Christ.  The best rule of thumb is always to pour the love on thick.  That is what Jesus would do.  It is what He has always done.  If we are to accurately celebrate His birth and future return, we best do it with love in our hearts for fellow man, not hatred because they don't live up to our standards.

To those who don't go to church often - if you have ever felt judged by stares, glares or even a nasty comment or two, please forgive us "regulars." I include myself in that plea.  We are imperfect people, obviously in need grace because we don't have it right yet, even if we think we do.  Forgive us our trespasses against you.

To those who do go to church often - do some heart-house-cleaning if you tend to judge others.  It hurts you more than them.  It hurts them too and it is not God's best for anyone.  Scoot to the middle of aisle, smile at everyone and bask in the glory of Your God.  He knows you well and He loves you more than you can imagine.

I prayed this back in November, but I hope the Lord makes this holiday season....different.  I hope He changes us in ways that leave us different for the rest of the year.  I hope His Presence is tangible in every Christmas Eve service, in every candle lit, in every song sung and in every word prayed or preached.

You are loved.  You are family.  And we are glad to see you.  Hosanna in the Highest! 

A Christmas Eve Prayer for Those Who Don't Attend Church - by Bishop Ken Carter
I don’t go to church very often, Lord.
I don’t go at all…well, I am here at Christmas.
I’m home then. I feel drawn to it.
I like the Christmas Eve service.
The coolness of the air,
the aroma of the candles,
the familiarity of gathering with strangers.
I feel like a kid again.
It’s surreal.

I know it’s common to make fun of people like me.
What can I say? I’ve drifted…
But something pulls me back
Are You speaking to me?

I connect with something in the sermon, sometimes,
but mostly it’s the music and the candles.
What is it about the candles?
Darkness and light.
Light and darkness.

I know about light and darkness. I live in both.
I’ve got some of both in me.
And yet there is an impulse,
a movement to be closer to the light.
And so the flame of a stranger touches mine
and I sing the chorus,

Son of God, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from thy holy face…

That is the light, the face, the life I seek,
and in this moment, I am touching it.
And then a voice reminds me,
in the echo of ancient words
that are always needed,

the light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness did not overcome it.

I am speaking to you, Lord,
but on this night, from every conceivable direction,
you are speaking to me.

And I am listening.

To See the Glory of God

Didn't I tell you that if you keep trusting, you will see the glory of God?

I think my favorite section of Scripture, my #1 (from a long list of favorites), is John 11.  This morning, I added John 12 to it.  I never realized they were concurrent - Mary's anointing of Jesus' feet with her dowry (a jar of very expensive perfume); then wiping it off with her hair following Lazarus' raising from the dead.

That makes sense, of course.  You would throw a party, too, if your brother was raised from the dead.  At the very least, host a dinner party.  But I never saw it before.  Just goes to show you how fresh and exciting Scripture is.  Keep reading it!  

What got me started in John 11 was the verse I quoted above (v. 40), which is one of the Scriptures from today's Jesus Calling.  I've read that chapter a hundred times, but this verse jumped out at me because of a particular issue I've been praying over for my church.

I've been praying against unbelief.  I've been asking the Lord to remove any unbelief from the room, so we could see His glory, His work, His miraculous power clearly.  That we, as a congregation, wouldn't be party to any blocking of the Holy Spirit.  Because that is what unbelief does - it blocks us from seeing God at work.

Lack of belief not only blocks our vision of God's Handiwork, Scripture makes it clear that when unbelief is too thick, it can also keep God from doing His work.  Matthew 13:58 makes that clear.  Jesus could/would only do so much in His hometown because they couldn't/wouldn't believe His miracles meant He was Messiah.  Unbelief doesn't remove God's power - far from it.  I can say, though, it removes His willingness to display His power.  Unbelief displeases Him.  It saddens Him.  I would even go so far as to say it makes Him steaming mad.

Matthew Henry said this: "Unbelief is the great hinderance to Christ's favours."  And Pulpit Commentary echoes that thought: "Our Lord was hindered, not by lack of power, but by lack of those moral conditions which would alone have made his miracles really tend to the spiritual advantage of the inhabitants of Nazareth."

Here, in John 11, Jesus reminds Martha of the power of trust in Him.  This chapter is so rich and I especially love the radically different interactions with both sisters.  Both ladies are mourning the loss of their beloved brother (who, in verse 5, Scripture says Jesus also loved).  Yet, knowing the conditions of their hearts, He engages with them differently.  He gives Martha a chance to display her great faith in Him (redeeming her earlier upbraiding in Luke 10).  Then, when He sees Mary, we see Him break down.  He met them both where they were and it is so touching.  He is, in this chapter, fully man and fully God.

Jesus, the Lord, is not unmoved by darkness and death.  He is right in the thick of it.  Yet, He calls us to look beyond those present circumstances - really beyond the present, to eternity.  Through interactions with both sisters, He makes the same point: Believe in Me and you will Receive from Me.

How many times in our lives, in our church families, do we pull back from full belief in God and His power?

I know I have been there.  I have prayed BIG prayers, only to have them seemingly go unanswered.  I understand now, those prayers were on hold until I could receive the answer.  It isn't that I doubted His power, my heart just wasn't ready.  The answer was blocked from view because my heart still held onto a natural view, versus stepping into a supernatural view.

Some of us flat out don't believe miracles are possible anymore.  We can't even go there - it is too painful, too out of reach.  It is certainly too ridiculous, miracles are beyond the pale.  Those kinds of things happened in Jesus' time, in the Book of Acts, but not now....right?*

It is so hard when we don't see the evidence of our prayers.  They don't always come how we can or want to see them.  The details of the answers to our prayers are not our part.  Our part is to know, to believe and then to receive. 

http://www.thebricktestament.com/jn11_39.html

Martha knew Jesus was the Messiah.  Still, she balked at the idea of opening the tomb.  I get that. But then, she consented to receive when she consented to removing the stone.  She removed the barrier of seeing the Lord's wonders even when I am sure she didn't fully understand how He was going to work. But I feel sure her heart lept in anticipation when the men started to roll away the stone.  Her heart; then the tomb were opened. 

When you dare to believe, your heart opens wide in anticipation.  You may know.  You may believe.  So, the question is: Do you want to receive?

It is a small shift, with enormous consequences.  Martha put all her eggs, whatever remained following the death of her brother, in Christ's basket.  She gave Him all she had and He delivered, above and beyond what she could imagine.  She believed Jesus could have healed Lazarus from his sickness, while he was still alive.  And it isn't that raising the dead was beyond the realm of possibility.  Still, that stretches the limits of our senses, our knowledge.  Dead people don't come back, better than before.  Do they?

Clearly they did then, and they still do.  I was a dead-woman-walking for 15 years and yet, Jesus called me out of the tomb of myself and I came.  Raising a physically dead person is just as great a miracle as raising a spiritually dead person. 

Our current church season of Advent is meant to make room in our hearts to receive.

Christmas and Advent are preludes to Easter, just as the raising of Lazarus is a prelude to Jesus' Resurrection.  We are meant, especially in this time, to want more - more of God; to see His works, His Goodness in the land of the living.  It is right to want and expect this.  The Lord is the Great (and perfect) Gift Giver.  We should expect He wants to give us more.  It is our part to make room in our hearts for Him to pour more in. 

I will continue to ask the Lord to clear my church, the very air of the room - of unbelief.  I want Him to remove any barriers, misconceptions, preconceptions and biases.  I want to see the Glory of God - on a regular basis.  I don't just want the spiritual candy of miracles and wonders, although those results of faith are awesome.  

More than that, I want the people in my community, as the great evangelist and miracle-worker Smith Wigglesworth once counseled a woman, to see Jesus and takes Jesus.

It really isn't any more complicated than that.  When the Lord wants to give, we are to believe and we will receive.  And He always wants to give.  Therefore, we are to always want to receive: Him, His promises, His blessings and His works.

I hope you would pray for belief in your own church family.  I hope you would pray that now, in the season of the Great Miracle of God coming to earth.  I hope you would pray that for yourself.  Let's look to see more of God and we will then see more of His workings in the world.  Keep your eyes open.  He is coming!

*Eric Metaxas' new book is called Miracles.  It is an excellent dissertation on what miracles are, why they happen and he gives some great examples from his own circle of friends.  I highly recommend it, for those who believe in miracles already - and for those who don't.

Questions vs. Questioning - An Christmas Meditation

It's funny how things in my life often line up with things happening in the Church Season.  Usually, that means "Ordinary Time," (the majority of the Church Year).  I would say that best reflects our to-and-fro life - Ordinary. Not in a bad way, just regular ol' life.

But every once and awhile, dots connect and stars align.

My sweet Sophia is in a tough year.  It's called Year 8.  On top of that, she is in 3rd Grade.  I've gone through this once, so I knew it was coming, but it is still tough.  You aren't a little kid anymore but you aren't completely a big kid yet either.  Still, you are required to think like a big kid, which your brain and body are not always ready for.  On top of that, Sophia is a July birthday, so she is one of the youngest in her class.  It can be frustrating for her to figure out what is really expected of her.

That translate into a lot of training and discipline in our house right now.  Discipline specifically for things like back talk, little white lies and "omission" type offenses where you were just not motivated enough to get done what Momma asked you to do (in the time she asked you to do it).  There is always the middle sister factor, too, with a big sister on one side, who is generally Johnny-on-the-spot; and the little sister on the other, who gets away with a lot more than you do.  It's rough.

In the midst of this, the Lord is working on growing one fruit of the Spirit in particular in me: gentleness.  This is not my natural state of being when my kids disobey or are disrespectful.  I'm much more likely to bring down the hammer than be merciful and forgiving. 

Which is no doubt why the Lord is testing and proving me on this particular virtue, especially with Sophia.  We have so much history of me having to push, cajole and flat out make her do stuff - from my days as her caregiver.  The Lord redeemed that, but the reality is still working itself out in my parenting style.

Plus, out of all 3 daughters, Sophia is most like me.  There is a lot of iron sharpening iron going on right now and the sparks tend to fly..

Most of my grievances come in the form of her questioning my authority.  She asks a lot of questions, to be sure, but it's gone to a new level.  Lately, when she asks me a question, her whole attitude towards me (which I can read on her face) is: "Mother, you have no idea what you are talking about!"

On Sunday, I was inspired to ask her if she knew the difference between asking for information and questioning me.

She didn't, so I explained like this: It comes down to heart.  Question asking is ok, because you are looking for clarity and understanding.  Questioning means you doubt the authority/credibility/integrity of the person you are interacting with.  One is purely for information (question asking).  The other is an effort to stand your ground because you feel you are right and the other person is wrong (questioning).

It just so happened, on Monday at Ms. Janice's house for prayer, we read the Christmas story, including Luke's account.  It was then I saw the Biblical illustration of this principle of doubt of intention (questioning) vs. confirmation of action (questions).

It plays out with 2 people: Zechariah and Mary. 

In summary: in Luke 1:5-25, Zechariah loses his voice because he questioned the plan of God, told to him by the angel Gabriel.  Even though he and his wife were old enough to be grandparents, they
would have a son who would declare the Messiah's arrival.  That son ended up being John the Baptist, the last prophet to the Jews.  However, even in the middle of the Temple, on the Jewish high-holiest day of the year, Zechariah didn't believe what this messenger from on high was saying.  He doubted, he balked.  Zechariah flat out did not believe God!

In contrast, from Luke 1:26-38, there is Mary, the mother of Jesus, also being visited by Gabriel.  He brings her some outrageous news too.  He says, "You, my dear, you teenage virgin, are going to get pregnant and that child is going to be the Son of God."  Mary had questions, good ones, in fact.  But she didn't lose her voice because Gabriel was able to see the intention behind those questions.  Unlike Zechariah, who asked with doubt, fear and rebellion in his heart; Mary asked from a heart just wanted to know how all this was going to work, so she could respond appropriately.

This is not the revelation for me, although this has been communicated to the people of God down through the ages: Zechariah doubted, Mary didn't.

What hit me was: despite the initial questions, even in doubt and disbelief, Zechariah came around.  He and Mary, both, ended up acting in faith.  They obeyed the Lord becoming major contributors in the plans and purposes of the Almighty Savior, come to earth. 

It's true, Jesus would come regardless of their participation.  God could have found other vessels, but He saw past Zechariah's doubt.  God stayed with him, even as He disciplined him for his unbelief.  Mary was blessed because she believed outright.  Zechariah, even in his reluctance obedience, ended up being blessed too.

Our God is that faithful.  He is that merciful.  

Even when eternity is on the line, He doesn't forsake us.  His Promises were fulfilled and the people He asked to be involved were willing - even if the process of getting them there was different.

That gives me a lot of hope for Sophia and myself.  It renews my faith in our Great God, who is more than capable of handling our doubts, our rejection, our disbelief - and yes, even our disobedience...and still doing wonderful things in and through our lives.

Because of this awareness now, I can be more gentle with Sophia in her questioning and patient with her questions.  I don't have to be fed up with it.  I can (and will) remember this stage isn't the last one, or the last time, we will face doubt, disbelief and disobedience with our kids.

This, too, shall pass.
 
Because the church season of Advent is when we remember God's first incarnation and look ahead in anticipation of His Second Coming, I am reassured.  Zechariah and Mary remind me of a singular truth.  It proves without a doubt, the God of Heaven is involved here on Earth.  Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow....even when we have to be convinced to receive them....in faith, eventually, we will.

Lent: It is About You, God and Good

Ok.  Here is a quick (or maybe not so quick) synopsis of what is happening, churchly-speaking, this week and of course, my thoughts on it.

Today = Fat Tuesday.  Traditionally means binging and/or gorging on what you will be sacrificing during Lent.

Tomorrow = Ash Wednesday.  First of the 40 days in the church season of Lent.  It's designed to prepare us for Easter.  This is the day to start the purge from Fat Tuesday (and life in general).

One year when I was in high school, I asked my Dad what he was giving up for Lent.  His response was interesting,

If I feel like I need to give something up, I don't wait till Lent to do it.

In my twenties, the period of my life known as "Amy Unchurched," I pretty much followed this philosophy to the letter.  I didn't need church to be spiritual and close to God, I could do it whenever and wherever I wanted.  (Chalk that up to youthful ignorance and arrogance, please).  It went about as well as a lot of my Lenten sacrifices since I've been back with the Lord.  Namely, I do great the 1st week, but by the end of the 2nd week, I am desperately searching for a place to stick my finger into the ever-widening hole of my will-power.

My Dad's comment isn't wrong and he is a man who can live by it.  The strength of his character is incredible.  Indeed, both my parents are titans of will-power.  The fact that I don't have any will-power to speak of is pretty shameful. Still, knowing I have no real ability to stay true on my own is of benefit.  You see, even though the last 5 years of Lenten sacrifices are hit or miss, I've come to realize the Grace of God doesn't quit even when I throw in the towel early. 

It also means that if I'm relying on myself to make it 40 days without "something," I'm going to fail. I will only succeed if I rely on the Lord's strength.

A good example of this was 4 years ago, when I gave up alcohol.  Instead of plugging in Jesus, I plugged in chocolate.  *EPIC FAIL*  So, here I am again, faced with the reality of keeping Lent between me and Christ.  I have got to keep focused on Him, rather than the object of my sacrifice. 

I must give up something up to get more of Him. 

Beyond that, the Lord is birthing a new idea in my heart.  He is showing me I have to look not just at what is bad for me, but instead for what is good for me.  This time, this Lenten season, is just for me.  Does that sound weird?

It sounds like I'm saying be selfish, but hear me out.  Lent is a chance to pursue the higher, greater gifts of God.  There is nothing sinful at all about that.  There is nothing wrong with desiring God for yourself.  In fact, He tells, no commands, us to do so.  Over and over in Scripture, God says test Him and see how much He will pour out.  God is a good Person - the BEST.  He is love! 

So, if we ask for things that please Him, He is more than delighted to open the floodgates.

There is Biblical precedent: Solomon.  1 Kings 3, 4, 6, 9 and 2 Chronicles 1 all document the conversations between Solomon and God; how Solomon asked for wisdom to rule God's people, instead of the glories of the flesh (like riches and success.)  God, being so pleased with him, gave him all the other stuff (like riches and success) too.  Let me put it this way: God wants you to be the best YOU He created you to be.  Do that pursing Him. Lent is the church-wide opportunity to get on this.

By the way, Lent also symbolizes Jesus' 40 days in the wilderness.  Self-denial for getting in tight with Jehovah is a very good thing.  Jesus learned in the wilderness He could depend on His Father to provide, enable and empower Him to live a sinless, completely blessed life.  It wasn't easy, friends, but nothing ever worth doing is.  There is infinitely more for us in the wilderness with God then in a land of plenty without Him. 

If you want to make a change for you, Lent notwithstanding, don't be ashamed to admit it.  Don't feel like you aren't serving others because you are focused on you getting better in God.  It might be the best service you can provide to those around you: a spiritually, emotionally and/or physically healthy you. 

Go forth and offer up your sacrifices.  Mine is Facebook.  That's going to be really, really good for me.  And when Mama is happy, everybody is happy.

As you start on this year's Lenten journey, chase hard after Him. It is going to be good for YOU and that's ok!  

YOU + GOD = GOOD (for everyone)

Breakthrough, Part 2 or Wide-Open Spaces

One of my favorite songs as a single, young woman was "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks.  I love that group and personally think their politics shouldn't have brought them to a halt, because if all loud-mouths lost their careers, I'd be in big trouble.  But I digress. 

I discovered last year I still love the Dixie Chicks, even as an older, married Mom.  I often had them playing while I was cooking dinner in Italy.  (Here, we have English-speaking TV, so I'm back to watching the news or the Food Network).

That song meant so much to me because it was my life at the time.  I had lots of room, to run, to learn, to grow and especially, as Natalie Maines croons in the song,

Room to make a big mistake.

Mistakes are encouraged, or they should be, when you are young.  I remembered that last week when I was on the phone with a sweet young woman whose life I'm in awe of because she is remarkable in her faith.  She is at that point in her life - she can afford big mistakes.  She can grow and learn unfettered by responsibility and expectations.  Or so I told her because from my perspective, while I still have much to learn and some room to grow, my life has a center and she is in pursuit of hers.

What a WONDERFUL place to be in!!

I will admit, I'm a little envious.  I like to live vicariously through her because having a center means that, in many joyful ways, I am tied down.  I have a husband and kids who need me and that means I can't do what I want/when I want (at least all the time.)  I'd like to think I'm them-focused rather than me-focused.  Both seasons are good, unless you go off the edge of the cliff and pay no attention to how that affects others.

That's why, when God puts us in a wide-open space, we need to take advantage of it.  When He puts us in a season where anything is possible, where circumstances are consistently moving us out of our comfort zones, further and further away from what is comfortable or our innate abilities, we need to recognize we are there to learn.

And to make mistakes.

I was reading in Genesis the other day, fast-becoming one of my favorite books of the Bible.  Chock-full it is.  I have given up my Bible-in-a-year goal, after 5 failed attempts, and am now trying to read it in 90 days, from The Message translation.  It is both my Lenten-preparation and sacrifice as it will carry me through Easter.  Here's hoping I make it through, but again, I digress.

I came across something I'd never noticed before in Isaac's story.  You can find it in Genesis 26:19-25.  Isaac is in the middle of some business/financial disputes (as water was the currency back then) with his Canaanite neighbors; they were threatened by his enormous success.

(Success is a good thing - sometimes the Lord takes us by way of the clouds, not just the mud).

Well, Isaac is being forced farther and farther out.  He and his guys keep digging wells and losing them.  Finally, they come to Rehoboth or Rechovot in Hebrew.  I looked it up to make sure Eugene Peterson's translated meaning of that name was, well, kosher - and yep, he was right.  The English translated name of Rehoboth is:

WIDE OPEN SPACE

Verse 22 calls it like it is: 'Because now ADONAI has made room for us, and we will be productive in the land.'

Right after reaching this wide-open space, God appeared to Isaac in person.  The Lord re-iterates the promise He made to Isaac's father Abraham, to bless him and grow him into a great nation.  I don't want you to miss the significance of this encounter, so I'm going to risk repeating myself.

It was only when Isaac was forced out of his comfortable place, when he was pushed out away from what he knew that he found the blessing and presence of the Lord.  He became productive when He moved into the space God had for him to fill.

God can enter your circumstances at any time and place, nothing holds Him back.  But there is something about hardship, about challenge that forces us to stop relying on ourselves and be open for an encounter with Him.  I wrote last week about breakthroughs, not breaking points, and this is along the same vein - we get pushed and prodded and uncomfortable (maybe even desperate) - THEN WE DISCOVER GOD (AND HIS BLESSINGS) ALREADY THERE.

He isn't punishing us.  He is moving us.  He is getting us to a place where He has room to work with and teach us.  We will have room to make mistakes and grow.  He is breaking you through yourself to make more room for Himself.

I'll leave you with a picture I took up on a hill while we lived in Italy.  It is the cover photo on my Facebook page, but it is a perfect visual for this topic.  It was a beautiful day, with some spotty showers in the east towards our house.  Off in the distance, right there for the taking - was God's Promise displayed in a rainbow.  I had to capture the moment.

It is a striking reminder where you or someone you know might be.  There might be rain, but you also might be in the middle of some wide-open beautiful space.  Be open to the growth God is waiting to show you.  Mistakes are good - even encouraged because His grace covers so much!!  And you can depend on Him because His Promise is ready for the taking, and He never goes back on His Promises.

O Come Emmanuel, Into Our Mess

***********SPOILER ALERT!*************

Jesus wasn't born on December 25th.

But that's another story.  I'm not really meaning to burst any bubbles today.  Sorry if I just did.  When I revealed this fact to my family a few years back, it was quite upsetting.  Sorry if it is to you as well, I just wanted to get your attention.  

I've talked about not always being the biggest fan of Advent/Christmas because of the encroaching commercialization.  Yet, I've discovered something in the last 5 or 6 years.  The people I know that have the most joy all year round don't get all bah-humbug about Christmas.  They don't like the commercialization but they keep their eyes trained on the real reason for the season.

They aren't rude about it.  They aren't overbearing, screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS in the face of those wishing them, "Happy Holidays!"  They are quiet about their worship.  They are joyful in their service.  They revel in the music and drink in the experience of waiting for the Second Coming of Christ.

In addition to noticing others response to Christmas, the music is really doing it for me this year.  I wrote a few weeks back about sharing a couple of songs with my (somewhat) willing older children.  (Read that here.)  Yes, we were in the car, they had no choice but to listen.  Even still, that evening kicked off a new kind of Christmas for me, full of the movement of the Spirit through music.

My absolute favorite Christmas song is O' Come O' Come Emmanuel.  The traditional version is nearly a prophetic Psalm in itself - about a group of people waiting and expecting their salvation.  It hit me in church last week that is what our faith is about - believing with our hearts what our eyes do not yet see.  Just like being pregnant, you know there is a person in there even if you can't see them yet....you will.

Perhaps because I'm only 10 months removed from the birth experience, how Christ came to us is so real to me.  The birthing process - the pain and ecstasy of delivering a baby; the heartache and the joy.  The miracle of pregnancy ending and another, more miraculous wonder of a life of a person beginning.  It is a total and complete mess.  Any mother or father will tell you that much.

God did it.  God left the perfection and un-mess of Heaven to save us from our mess.

The wonder!  The marvel!  Messiah is just like us!

The incredible nature of how God came to us, to reconcile us to Himself was in full force upon my heart this morning as I watched Ella eating in her high chair.   Jesus was a baby.  He was a mess just like all of us, but at the same time, He was the Solver of All Messes.  It hit me:

Mess-iah.

I heard a song this morning that I'd never heard before.  It brought the imagery of all this messy time of year home to me.  Lauren Daigle's Light of the World is a haunting and incredibly descriptive summary of that first night of Jesus' life.

I've said it before, I wish I was a songwriter.

The drought breaks with the tears of a mother.
A baby’s cry is the sound of love come down.
Come down Emmanuel.
He is the song for the suffering,
He is Messiah, the prince of peace has come.
He has come Emmanuel.

For all who wait;
For all who hunger;
For all who’ve prayed;
For all who wonder;
Behold your King,
Behold Messiah!
Emmanuel, Emmanuel.

Glory to the Light of the World!

During that :BEHOLD: part, I picture something like the Lion King, when the baby being held up for Mary to see.  I don't think there was anything special about Him, glorious as He was.  There was no ethereal back-light making Him shine.  He was covered in goo like every newborn.

But not far from that cave, (***another spoiler***  It wasn't a barn.  Sorry again.) the Heavenly Host was singing their lungs out.  Their King was now the King of the World, in human flesh.  They might not have understood why He did it, but they praised Him for doing it.

That, my friends, is what Christmas is about.  O' Come, O' Come Emmanuel and we shall praise You for doing it!

Here is a video of the song I mentioned, enjoy it!

Advent Begins and It is All About Miracles

I love Thanksgiving.  I'm not always thankful for how I feel on Black Friday, but I love Thanksgiving Day.  It is a celebration of all the good things of the flesh, my favorite being the abundance of food to overfill my stomach.  Acceptable gluttony - nothing wrong with celebrating and being grateful for all the good gifts God gives - like turkey, sweet potatoes, homemade noodles, dressing and broccoli salad, with a little wine to wash it all down. 

It's the day-after, the kitchen is clean and I'm back to eating Greek yogurt & berries with my coffee (a paltry meal, so Leftover Lunch 2013 happened before 11.)  So, I turn my eyes back to more important things then food, namely the ways of God.

Just in time too because Sunday begins the Season of Advent.  It's my second favorite season, behind Easter.  Tuesday night, I introduced my girls to two of my favorite Christmas songs.  That might be a first because I usually just show up on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, always surprised to find purple everywhere in the sanctuary, then I begin to Christmas - like thoughts.  (The purple is the color of Advent, symbol of the coming King.  Read about it here.)

Now, my heart is moved early to start again on a work 5 years old, writing about the significant players in the story of Jesus' birth.  I figure I might never finish this side of glory because each year new feelings, experiences and revelations of Who God is and what He has done for me continue to shape how I feel about Advent.

Thinking about what the people involved were like, what they thought or felt is an interesting study of faith.  I think most about two of them, Mary and Jesus.  I dabble with others but Mary for the obvious reason: I'm a mother.  I think about Jesus for a related reason, I love babies.  Two things moved me the other night as I was listening to the music of the season with my girls.

In her song, Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) - Amy Grant helps me emote with the Mother of God.  Grant's voice is chocked full of emotion, articulating what could have been in Mary's meditative heart, as she rocked on the donkey behind Joseph, on the way to Bethlehem.  These last lines of the song get me every time.  They echo my plea to the Father during so many challenges during my own life,

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

Like I said, I get Mary.  Or at least I'd like to think I do.

The other thought that swirls around in my head is what Jesus left to put on our meat suit.  The brilliance of Heaven behind turning into a pinprick of the harsh light of Earth.  He was as helpless as any other shivering baby.  He left the warmth and comfort of the Father's side to be born, then to die like the rest of us.  As Bebo Norman documents in his song Born to Die, more than a few angels had to be scratching their heads at this part of the plan.  This line, in light of Psalm 139, makes me think of my own children in the womb.  They were no strangers to The Father, just Jesus was fully known even in His amniotic state.  It's been up to us, as mortal parents to get to know who God already does.

Majesty had come down, Glory had succumbed now
To flesh and bone
In the arms of a manger, In the hands of strangers that could not know
Just who they hold.

It's a miracle - the whole thing.  Whenever a baby is conceived, grows and is born, it is a miracle.  The baby is proof, we just watch, with really minimal participation.  Three times I've experienced it and once the baby is in there, I can do very little about it till they come out.  Like Mary, like Jesus, God moves us forward to our destinies, to play our parts in His plan.

Advent is certainly about a baby, but the most precious baby.  His mother watched God do what only God could do: bring their Son into this world to live as we do; to experience our lives and teach us what it was supposed to be; and to die for us so we could know Him for real.

Advent is about miracles.  It is the season where anything is possible; and anything can begin right here and now.  Faith in God is renewed in the manger, the glorious first step towards Calvary and Eternity.  I've written about expecting big things from God (the most recent here).  

This is the season to expect God to do the impossible, to grab onto Him with both hands.

This is the season to believe.  Do you?



If you'd like to listen to those songs I mentioned, here they are in video versions:

(Lenten) Fasting

It's nearly Ash Wednesday!  That's probably the topic of most, if not all, church services today, and at our church, it was no different.  We worship in the Methodist tradition, and come Lent, we focus on either a.) giving up something for the duration of Lent and/or b.) adopting a new discipline.
This has been hit or miss for me in the past, like reading the Bible in a year.  There are years when Lent just sails by and I feel the presence of God immensely.  But there are others, and this has definitely been true of the last 2 or 3, when my sacrifice has been a real struggle.  I'd give most of the credit to that struggle being trying to keep up in my own power.

But I have fasted before "successfully."  (Successfully meaning I got through it AND relied on God's power to do so.) I want to do it again this year, but in my (very) pregnant state and coming post-partum, giving up a meal or food is not a healthy option.  Also, giving up alcohol, in a word, would just be cheating.

This year, I want it to be a real fast - a challenge.  That might sound like crazy-talk and given my circumstances, I'm sure it would be acceptable to "pass" until next year.  But as I've written a lot lately - spiritual inventory is required in any season (i.e., whether I am pregnant or not.)  Plus, the Lord has shown Himself more than faithful, so the least I can do is use this time to draw closer to Him.
As I sat in worship thinking, I took a moment to actually ask God what He thought.  (That's been a long-standing issue, choosing what I want to do, rather than what the Lord would ask.)

Wouldn't you know, I got an answer!

Having thyroid issues and a busy life make me constantly think more sleep would cure me.  There are a lot of days I'm tired now and no doubt, with a newborn, it's only going to get worse.  But the Spirit has been stirring me for awhile to turn my eyes to Christ when I don't have the energy, not artificial stimulants or jabbering about it to a friend.  Turning to the Lord for rest and strength is not something I've practiced with any frequency or fervor - so this maybe the chance the Lord wants me to take.

My Lenten Fast is to not complain about being tired.

One of the things I learned during the excellent sermon this morning on Matthew 4:1-1 is that He used three different Scriptures to fend off Satan's advance.  Made me think when you take on something like this, just one verse - one rebuke - one turning away isn't going to be enough.  I mean, look at Joseph, he had to fight off Potiphar's wife a bunch!  In my brief fast, it was Scripture I leaned on to make it through and discovered the real power in using the spiritual to combat the physical.  When you tap into God's power, instead of your own will, it makes all the difference.

So, the first verse I'm committing to memory is Matthew 4:4, with a slight tweak.  In it, Jesus quotes Deuteronomy 8:3, saying:

It is written, ‘Man is not to live on bread only. Man is to live by every word that God speaks.’

My version is goes like this: Amy is not to rely on sleep alone for energy.  Amy is to live by every word that God speaks.

I hope that will give me relief when sleep is not possible.  I will take my chances to sleep when they come up, but the issue is not to complain about the lack of it.  I don't need to whine about being pregnant, worn out, weary, irritable, what a bad night we had, etc to anyone but the Lord.  (That's the acceptable/best place to whine because when we take our concerns and cares to Him, He will double-up on the blessings of energy and show us compassion.  And that's what we really want when we complain, isn't it?)

The point of my fast is thus: I'm going to live by the word that God speaks - and focus on the rest He will give me when I take on His burden (which is very light.)  I don't need to fuss about it.

My true test will be to think about what God's thinks, not focusing on my own weakness. (Philippians 4:8)

I have accountability partners, including my sweet husband (who is thinking about taking up as his own Lenten sacrifice of making sure he gives me every opportunity to rest to make this fast easier on me).  I am asking for prayer and would like to do the same for you (fasting/sacrifice not required) - please leave a comment (here, in a email, on FB).  Any spiritual inventory is hard and 40 days is a long time to do something consistently.  But I want to be an encourager.  As far as I can tell, encouragement and complaining don't mix!  Besides, I know the Lord is close to those who draw close to Him.

It's not going to be easy - but it is possible.  Because anything is possible with Jesus (Matthew 19:26, Luke 1:37.)

If you are giving up something for Lent, here are 10 verses to keep handy, to lean on when the going gets rough (and no doubt it will!).  It's all about growth in Christ here on this blog, so coming together to share our desires will definitely help keep me focused on the bigger picture, especially on days when I really want to gripe and moan about this exhausted life. 

I can do everything through him who gives me strength . - Philippians 4:13 

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. - Isaiah 40:29 

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. - Psalm 119:28 

The Lord answered Moses " Is the Lord's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you." - Numbers 11:23  

It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. - Psalm 18:32-34 

The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall i fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? - Psalm 27:1

So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand  - Isaiah 41:10 

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13

...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. - Mark 12:30