2015 - The Year of Prayer - Catching Up

From my last post (you can read it here), you would rightly guess I consider tears as prayers at the moment.  If Jesus holds out a one-of-a-kind bottle to catch each one of our tears, that He considers them priceless - so valuable to shed His own blood (even tears of blood) - then I will consider them my glorious sacrifice.

Today is a roller coaster.  I woke up feeling great and was a little concerned I felt so good.  I knew at 10 am, my Mom, my brother and I were to meet to put the remaining pieces into my Dad's niche at St. Luke's UMC's columbarium before they seal it. 

Contents of my Dad's niche

This is where his ashes will be and my Mom will eventually be next to him (although hilariously enough, she doesn't remember if it is the right or the left side).  I even forgot to tell Dave about our meeting.  I was to visit a friend after and then have lunch with another, so I focused on the positive and frankly, felt awesome.

Then as I was driving there, I felt the lead ball form in my stomach.  It is real, it is happening and I'm going to have to deal with it.

I could feel it coming as we stood there looking at his cremains.  A small wave of tears broke on the way to my first visit.  Fortunately I was able to get a hold of a friend.  I just couldn't be alone in the car.  I'm so thankful he answered because it got me through.  I held it together until later when I nearly broke down grocery shopping.

That's when the tidal wave of grief hit me full force in the face.

I shouldn't have been driving because I was crying so hard.  In that moment, as much as I wanted to call someone, I knew it would forestall the inevitable.  I knew this pain would pass but I needed to let it in.  I had to hurt for the hurt to pass.

I am sure everyone could tell when I went into school to get Ella.  It's pretty obvious, even with the waterproof mascara I remembered to put on this morning (THANK YOU HOLY SPIRIT), when I cry.  Ridiculously obvious. 


I've said a lot of popcorn prayers for folks today but mostly I just let my tears speak for themselves.  Jesus wept (John 11:35).  He knows.  I didn't feel any tangible presence of God in those moments but the fact that twice today, at my lowest, the Mercy Me song, "I Can Only Imagine" came on KSBJ, I knew He was with me.  He was reminding me where my Dad is and what he might be doing.  That speaks volumes of God's love and care for me.

Really, my prayer today is not very profound: Lord, This Just Sucks.

I know I'm a writer and a prayer warrior and supposedly this spiritual leader, so I should probably come up with something much more impactful (which my brother pointed out when I said it at the grave site).  But for this moment, it is my truth: THIS REALLY STINKS.  This is my prayer, this is what I'm living.

Everyone has moments like this, leaders are not exempted.  Everyone has those moments or days when we just put our heads in our hands and tell God - in words, thoughts or tears - how much something sucks.  Life on this fallen earth just does sometimes.  And we, in the Body of Christ, need to be available in those moments.  We need to have the openness and authenticity to stand by someone at their lowest, wrap our arms around them if possible, and just agree.  Agree it sucks and don't try and make it any better for a minute.  There will be time for that but take me at my word when I tell you, the pain has to be felt so it will subside.

I'm so glad I am surrounded by people who do that and who I can do it for.

As I posted on FaceBook this morning, I will end this day, this not-completely-but-in-a-few-ways-pretty-crappy day, being grateful.  I'll leave you with the chorus to the song I'm listening to, "Shepherd," from Amanda Cook on Bethel's You Make Me Brave Album.

You will lift my head above the mighty waves.
You are able to keep me from stumbling.
In my weakness, You are the strength that comes from within.
Good Shepherd of my soul, take my hand and lead me on.

Tears - An All Saints Day Tribute

As I often do, I'll start this post off with some brutal honesty.

I've never given All Saints Day much thought.  It is a centuries old tradition, especially meaningful in the first 300 years of the Church when so many were martyred.  It still has a place today, and in the Methodist church, on the first Sunday of November, we celebrate the lives of those who've gone home to heaven in the last year.  As a family, we've lost people before now - including Dave's beloved grandmother Mable 18 months ago.  Yet, it's never hit this close to home; so close to pull me out of my self-absorbed reverie to grasp the full meaning. This All Saints Day, the day we put my Dad's ashes in the ground after church, definitely brings the full concept painfully close.

I woke this morning with a song in my head, "Already There," by Casting Crowns (you can listen to it here).  I've listened to that song a lot in the last 6 weeks.  We all have moments where we look at God and go, "What is happening?  Why?  When?  Where?....Huh, God?"  It is immensely comforting for me to be able to say, One day I'll stand before You and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

Today, of all days, when I know it will be so hard, I am desperately clinging to that hope of glory.  There will be a day when those questions get answered.  It's funny to think, too, some of those questions I think are so important right now will not be when I'm standing next to Jesus. 

But for right now, just for today, for the next few hours, I'm not going to ask any questions.  I am just going to rest in the comfort of knowing God has me.  He has us.  He has my Dad.  He has the whole world.  He has not lost His grip. He is  present and able, always.  He is kind and gracious.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows it hurts and how badly it does.  He is already at the end of my life on earth but at the same time, and I write this with incredible mystery and wonder, He is right here with me in this moment and time.  I know all of that for sure, even if I don't understand it at all.

For anyone out there struggling like me, on this All Saint's Day, I gained permission from my friend
to post a vision she shared with me this week.  It is SO powerful, it shifted my thought-life about the world to come in a major way.  My friend is working through a decade-old grief and recently had a healing experience in prayer which is nothing short of otherworldly.  It's called Tears and will speak to the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one, as well as all those who've wondered what the Lord really does with our tears.  It's precious.  Please take it in and know the Lord indeed provides this level of comfort to all when we ask. 

Lord, You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping.  You've stored my many tears in Your bottle, not one will be lost.  You care about me every time I've cried.  For it is recorded in Your book of remembrance. - Psalm 56:8

I asked the Lord for a picture and this is what He gave me.  I share it with you.

I saw your tears, I felt my own - I fell to my knees.  Why Lord, why so much pain - who will carry all this pain?

In an instant I was swept away to a place; a weighty place so beautiful that words alone are insufficient.  I believe it was a secret place, for the most magnificent beings I have ever seen lined the room in majesty.  There were more than I could count and each one was holding a bottle.  Was it a bottle of light?  A bottle of gold?  A bottle of glory?  I could not tell.

No one spoke and I knelt, trembling in fear.  When I looked up, one bottle caught my eye.  It seemed to shine like the stars of Heaven.  The angel holding it summoned me toward it.  As I came near I saw its color; iridescent blue mixed with a majestic purple I have never seen on earth.  I could not take my eyes off such a stunning sight - my eyes were fixed, almost frozen as I looked upon this jar of beauty.  What was stored in such a container?  It could only be something worth more than all the wealth of the nations or all the hearts of men.  What could it be?

As I looked at this amazing bottle, I saw a name written on it - it was your name. The angel tipped the bottle and summoned me to look in - I trembled and tried to look away but I could not; I wanted to see the treasure within.  As I looked, I saw you my sweet friend, crying.  There you were, broken-hearted and tears unstoppable.  Before I could reach out to you, I saw your tears dropping, dropping into the beautiful bottle.  Yes, every tear spilling into this jar, not one to be lost.  As I watched the scene before me, I saw your tears turning into gems, diamonds and sapphires.  Each tear that dropped turned into splashes of beauty that were carefully contained so as not to be lost.   

I looked up at the angel as if to ask why but then I saw beyond the tears - it was a great and glorious ocean, iridescent blue and majestic purple splashing upon the beach.  Each splash formed a beautiful gemstone creating the sand.  Then I saw Him - my Jesus - His eyes the color of the ocean, His smile so joyful my heart could barely contain such magnificence.  He was running and laughing in the sand.  He was playing with someone - a family - I looked, it was you.  You were together - all of you - your faces looked happy, joyful yet filled with a peace I have never seen.  I watched Jesus as He carefully ran His hand through the sand.  It was as if the joy were come from the gems that formed the sand.

Yes, the joy was coming from the gems; the diamonds and sapphires that had been your tears.  The ones He had guarded so closely and stored in this jar of beauty were shining with joy.  How could this be - such pain turned to joy?  I looked again and I saw you crying, yet dancing together in the sand at the same time.  Could this ?  Two worlds so carefully knit together?  One of pain and one of joy?

Then I asked: WHY LORD ARE THESE TEARS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT NONE ARE TO BE LOST?

Immediately the angel tipped the jar so I could no longer see the contents but before me sat another bottle.  This one was gold, so bright I could barely look upon it but I saw for a fleeting moment the name: THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB.

I fell to the floor with my face down for fear I would die at such a precious sight.  My Savior's blood - the very blood that was shed for my life.  And then I knew....His blood that come from such a great sacrifice was shed for our tears, your tears, my tears, all the pain of this world.  Those tears were worth more than I could think or imagine and none were to be lost.

In an instant I was back on my knees, tears streaming down my face - tears for you.  The Lord was there holding a bottle - this one had my name on it - collecting my tears; the ones He gave His life for.  At that moment I let go - I surrendered my tears to Him who promised to carry my sadness, my pain, my heartbreak.  I know each tear has a safe place till Heaven and earth are one.  I do not understand but I will trust.

I pray that you will allow your tears to flow freely - for not one is ever lost or wasted and someday those tears will be like grains of sand that look like diamonds filling an ocean that only knows JOY.

I am forever thankful for you...my friend. 

I am Mary

Last week, I had to prepare a talk about who I was in the Bible.  It was an assignment for my Bible Study class in which I had to pick the person from Scripture I most identified with, in terms of life and ministry.  I asked a few friends for an opinion, but I didn't necessarily relate to the characters they mentioned.  I think that was more of a case how they related to me.  So, I decided I would pray about it.  I thought I should ask Jesus Himself.

Good idea, huh?  Go to the source.

So, I was praying but not much was really coming.  After the experience I had a few weeks ago when I was touched by the love of the Father (which you can read about here), I was praying a couple of days later.  I was listening to music and on my knees, feeling like I was at His feet.  That's when I felt/heard/realized the Holy Spirit spoke:  You are My Mary.

After I was able to get up off the floor, a long time later, as the weight of this download pinned me prostrate, I was able to process.  It was an identity shift, it moved the fabric of my own personal universe.  I've always thought of myself as Martha - I think most women nowadays too.  I've always been proud of that because Martha, despite her obvious misconception about what Jesus would do for her, she made the turn.  In John 11, she is all the way, on board.  She knows He is the Messiah.  She declares her belief in Him, her belief in Him as the Savior in this world and the next.

Now, He's changed my name.

Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, was perhaps the first official female disciple.  It is remarkable because Jesus choosing her in Luke 10:42 gives us a greater understanding of what the Kingdom should look like.  Paul echoes that in Galatians 3:28 when he writes, There is no male or female, Jew or Gentile, slave or free, in Christ Jesus.  It was completely counter cultural, an upset in the societal order for Jesus to call Mary as a Disciple.  BUT HE DOES.  

It is clear He meant business with her because her role was just as critical to Him personally as well as missionally.  You see, Jesus not only anointed Mary with His authority to minister to others - but He let her minister to Him.  She anointed Him for burial with her dowry, 3/4 pound jar of spikenard oil.  He let her minister to His heart.  He let her care for Him!  Wow.  What a shift for her too, I bet.

I feel both humbled and wholly empowered to do what He is calling me to do, knowing He is with me.  He has put His mark, His stamp on me and will show me the way to accomplish what He wants to do through me.  It's Him and it's Me.  It's a remarkable feeling, a new level of freedom.

In closing, I'll share the opening of my talk, a little imaginative story-telling.  I went on to explain Mary's call and how I relate to her in more detail but I'll have to post that another time.  Just want to leave you with the possibility of what our God can do for you too, as you seek Him and all that He has to give you. 

A long time ago, there was a woman.  She had a sister and a brother, whom she lived with in a small village, not far from the main town in all the land.  They were not rich but they had enough.  One day, a celebrity teacher and his entourage came to their house for a visit.  It was a huge honor to her host and they knew it.  Her sister, the master hostess, began the preparations for a feast for some 20 people.  Even though they were of low to moderate means, her sister knew how to stretch it.  She was an expert on how to create much from little.  Yet, she often wears herself out in the process.

The motley band of the teacher and his buddies were in the main living room.  They were having a great time, telling stories from the road, laughing and teasing each other; and listening to the teacher explain in deeper detail what his plans were.  It was magical and this young woman was pulled into it.  It was not the typical place for a woman to be, as in those days and still today, some people said a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  Truly, that was where her sister would have preferred her to be.  Still, this woman was different.  She would rather been soaking in the presence of this celebrity, this teacher of renown.  She wouldn’t have been pulled away unless by force.

In her heart of hearts, this woman loved the teacher from the start.  There was a special connection to him she could not put a finger on.  It was not necessary physical, as he wasn’t striking or devastatingly handsome, as many popular men even now have to be.  His charisma overpowered her.  It wa his wisdom, his focus that drew her in.  The shape and color of his eyes – the depth of his soul shining from them – it captivated her.  His words made her feel different inside.  She was uncomfortable but not in a bad way.  It was as if some long dead part of her was coming alive, was waking up from sleep as she listened to Him.

It was love that drew her in.  It was a more complete, sacred, holy feeling than she’d ever experienced.  It radiated from him.  He seemed to have a special eye for her too, not just because she wasn’t doing what was expected of her.  She was hungry and he knew it.  More than that, he had the food to feed her.  He admired her.  He saw her devotion and her sweetness.  He saw she cared for him, cared what he had to say – not because she could get something from him, like so many around him.  She wanted what he came to give.  She loved him for who he was, not just what he could do for her.  Their bond was unique and it stood out.

As the woman sat rapt, she did more than listen.  She internalized what he was saying.  She believed him with her whole heart.  The way he talked about his father was so unusual.  The way he talked about their God so unique.  She was completely present in the moment and felt like she could stay comfortable in his presence forever.  In fact, she was so lost in what he was saying, she didn’t notice her sister passive-aggressively berating her to their guest!

She shrank back, fearful of what he will say.  Would he reject her?  Would he send banish her back to the kitchen with her sister?  Would she have to settle for an ordinary life?  After hearing him teach, after sitting so comfortably in his presence…the idea of not being with him, of not being part of what he was doing, was unthinkable. If he told her to, she would go back to the kitchen, but she dreaded it.  She silently prayed to Yahweh to help her to stay where she was.  She wanted what the teacher had and she wanted her life to change.  She wanted freedom and she knew he was the way to it.  He was different than anyone else she’d ever met. 

A word from him would change her whole life.  So she held her breath.  She felt like she was on the teetering edge between life and death.  It all depended on him, on his decision.  He wielded authority like no one else, which is why her sister went to him.  When he walked in the house, he became the head.  He was head of this house, now, too. 

Her future would begin or end with his word.  So, she sat there and awaited her fate……

Team Sophia: 5 Years Later (Almost)

It's been 59 months and 26 days since that Sunday in October 2010 when Sophia walked in the living room of our rent house, where I was working at my "desk," (which was a TV tray at the time).  She was looking down her nose at me which struck me as weird.  I asked her why she was looking at me that way.

"Because I see two of you."

Right then, a tornado siren went off in my heart.  I'd just taken her that morning to an urgent care clinic because of the swelling of her left eye.  They told me she had pink eye.  I knew that wasn't right as this was my 2nd child and we'd all had pink eye before at that point.  What she had did NOT look like pink eye to me.  That was the last time I didn't argue ask well-thought out questions of a doctor when I thought they were not 100% in their diagnosis.

I told Dave what she said.  Immediately, we packed up to go to the ER and called my parents to drop newly-minted 7 year old Natalie on the way.  It was about 5 pm on Sunday evening.  After that fateful moment, our lives were never the same.

5 1/2 hours later, as I laid there on the ER room gurney with Sophia asleep in my arms, I did what most parents would do in an ER.  I prayed.  In what I now know to be a moment of Holy Spirit inspired prayer, I told the Lord I would praise Him no matter.  And I distinctly remember saying out loud, I will praise You, Lord.  Even if this is cancer.

After I uttered those words, there was no audible voice from God, no angelic messenger; absolutely nothing dramatic or supernatural occurred.  Sophia didn't twitch and I didn't feel the Spirit rise up in me.  It was just.....peace.  Not completely silent (hospitals never are) but like someone had thrown a blanket over us.  It was warm and safe and quiet.  That was the moment, I think, when the Lord stretched out His wings over us (Psalm 91:1,4) and I believe we've never left His side.

This picture is from the morning she got her port-a-cath put in, less than 2 weeks later.  I love this picture because that was my baby....that's what she looked like at 4 years old before cancer and chemo.

She's not here to complain and tell me "STOP CRYING!"  Apparently I do that more than she likes.  I apologize, but say her mother gets emotional and when that happens, my eyes leak.  They are really leaking now as I sit here writing this post.  It's not out of pain or despair or woundedness.  The Lord healed me of all that 2 years ago.  It's when I think about what's happened to us in the last 5 years....all the people who prayed for us....all the people who made meals....sent cards...stood by us....commented on Facebook and even read the open-ended journal this blog became....that's really what makes me cry.  Thank you is not enough, but I'll say it anyway....THANK YOU.

Then, I think about all the people who never knew us in that season, including our current church family (some just finding out last week Sophia had cancer!)  They only know "us" now, not the "us" from then.  But we wouldn't be who we are now without Sophia's ordeal...really our family's ordeal.

We are at the finish line now.  The last scans of her protocol/treatment plan happened Friday afternoon and this picture was taken right after.  I love this picture because it is fully Sophia, proud to be 9 and happy to be finished.  Tomorrow morning, we meet with her oncologist for what will surely be the very last time.  She will transfer us to the long-term care clinic at Texas Children's and Dr. Jodi Muscal will "retire" as Sophia's doctor.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being emotional at the end of the journey.

And I am.  I am emotional because we are so blessed.  Not just because she is completely healthy with no side effects AT ALL.  I can't express my gratitude to God for making her total healing a reality.  It is too much for me to express all He has done for us, all He has given us, all He continues to do in our lives.  It is obscenely extravagant and we are not worthy of it.

Theologically speaking, I know we are worthy because of Christ but that doesn't keep me from being totally humbled by that reality.  I live in that victory every day.  I operate, pray and minister out of that confidence I posted about yesterday (read that here).  But as me speaking to you, it is too much goodness given to just 4 regular people....now 5.  Yet HE STILL GAVE IT.

I don't know who that is for, who that encourages...to know that if God will give us all this, He will most certainly give you the same portion, or more.  I know He will.  

We will continue to care and serve and pray and believe for those fighting cancer.  I still do comfort kits (read about those here).  We will again pray-walk the road between MD Anderson and Texas Children's on Saturday, February 13th, 2016 (MAKE PLANS NOW TO JOIN US!)  We will have t-shirts made this time because I have a feeling because we sowed the seed this year, there is a harvest of people coming to pray in the reality of those hospitals becoming places of healing, not treatment.  

The back of our Team Sophia shirts quoted Galatians 6:9-10: Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the right time, you will reap a harvest.  I can say it has been a harvest all along.  We say the same thing in the cancer world: N.E.G.U.  We will never, ever give up till a cure is found - whether that is Jesus' 2nd coming or a medical miracle.  Either way, we are here to fight the evil-sent disease of cancer and the suffering it causes, with supernatural and natural means.  Jesus teaches us how to do that and He also teaches us healing is possible.

Sophia, our whole family is a great example of what He can do, with only a willing heart.  

Just keep showing us the way, Lord.  Thank You for always doing so.  Send us the cure for cancer and comfort those afflicted, Gracious God.  Raise up Your people to help in every creative way You can think of, Holy Spirit.  Bring more of Your Kingdom to earth, in Jesus' Name.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

Come Into The Light

When your sins weigh heavy upon you, come to Me....Man's tendency is to hide from his sin, seeking refuge in the darkness...But I am the Light of the world, and my illumination decimates darkness. - Jesus Calling, May 20th Entry, Sarah Young

As a writer, I sometimes have holy jealousy when someone writes something so moving.  When I read this entry, what stood out of me was that word decimate.  So often I think darkness is part of me, it lives and breathes around me.  I spent many of the first 10 years of my life of faith "fighting" the darkness - my flesh, the world and, of course, the enemy. 

There is absolutely a time and place for that.  I still have to confront those dark corners and spaces of my soul that are not surrendered to the Lord.

Yet what Sarah Young wrote here is the absolute truth.  God's light decimates the darkness, of us, the world and the evil.  Darkness can't overcome light....not even close.  Jesus calls Himself the Light of the world in John 8:12, so I opened that chapter and started reading.  I was reading from The Living Picture Bible, which I actually bought for my girls.  The language is really good, and it is in story form so I can read without getting distracted by verse numbers.

This chapter is especially meaningful because it starts with the redemption of a wayward, broken woman.  I can identify with that in more than a few ways but the clincher for me is (always) verse 9-11:

And the Jewish leaders slipped away one by one, until only Jesus was left in front of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers?  Didn't even one of them condemn you?"  "No sir," she said.  And Jesus said, 

Neither do I.  Go and sin no more.

Well, I tell you, I sat on my couch and bawled.  I have tears in my eyes now reading it again.  It never ceases to floor me that the One who had every right to condemn this woman for her sins.....to condemn me for my sins...did not.  HE IS NOT THE ACCUSER.  We don't have to fight darkness and condemnation because He has already won the battle.  Through Christ's victory on the Cross, proved by the Resurrection, there is NO condemnation in Him (Romans 8:1).  It just isn't part of His DNA.  He affirms this just a few verses down, You pass judgment on me without knowing the facts.  I am not judging you now; but if I were, it would be an absolutely correct judgement in every respect, for I have with me the Father who sent me.

BUT HE ISN'T JUDGING US!!  Do you hear that???  He did not come to punish.  He doesn't come into our lives to do anything but free us.  I wrote these words in my Bible: He is the Truth-Teller.  Even when we don't want to hear it...The more we position and surrender ourselves - even (and especially) when we don't want to or don't understand - the more we listen to HIM....the more free from lies and darkness we become. 

I kept reading John 8 and Jesus hits the bottom line from verses 34-36: You are slaves of sin, every one of you.  And slaves don't have rights, but the Son has every right there is! So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free.

He said this because freedom, infinite amounts of it, are available to us in His way of salvation- the ongoing process of walking with His Spirit, of staying close to His Word and living fully free in His Father's grace.  When we get this twisted, it turns into control and legalism.  When humans try to re-define who Jesus is and what He said to do, people get hurt and think God wants to punish us.  You might have experienced that in church and I am terribly sorry for it.

Or maybe you have actually done something, repeatedly, that you know does not please Him (haven't we all??).  So, you run.  You hide.  We stay away because we are afraid of what He will do to us.

In those corners, those closets, those cramped hiding spots, you stay enslaved to darkness.

That is not what God the Father, Christ the Son and Redeemer the Spirit want.

Those three want you free.  They want you walking in the light of life, never walking in darkness again.  Jesus is the light of the world.  You can walk free in and with Him now and forever.

You split the sea so I could walk right through it.
You drown my fears in perfect Love.
You rescued me and I will stand and sing,
"I AM A CHILD OF GOD."

I am no longer a slave to fear.  
I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

Those are lyrics from "No Longer Slaves" by Bethel Music.  When you come out of your hiding spot, the Son sets you free to be His brother or sister.  He makes His Father your Father.  It is a miracle, but it is true.  You get a new identity.  But many in our churches don't live into that identity.

Many in our pews and chairs are still in the dark.  They have never fully stepped into the Sonlight of their new identity because the dark is all they've ever known.  It's true it might hurt to surrender.  You might have to let some habits, even relationships go. 

Think of it this way: when I've been in the house for awhile and step outside, I have to close my eyes for them to adjust.  Some days here in Houston the sky is so clear and the sun is so bright, it actually hurts my eyes when I go outside.  But that pain only lasts for a moment and I realize I'm warmer and more comfortable than I was inside.  The sun drenches me in promise and life.  Our bodies need sunlight to survive.

Our spirits, souls, minds and yes, even our physical bodies need Sonlight even more.  We have a chance every day to sunbathe in the Light of the world.  When we do, He will liberate us more and more.  We have to come out of our darkness, coming close so His lovelight can surround us as we walk this earth.

It's the only way to peace.  He is the only way to be purified, cleaned up from the inside out.

It doesn't matter if you've never said the sinner's prayer or have been a saint for 50 years.  There is an opportunity today to walk farther into the light.  Come into it.  Take the hand His offering, letting Him pull you up and into His arms.

Better yet, grab someone else's hand and let Christ pull you both close together. 

Step outside with me.  I promise the weather is fine.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 17

Come Away with Me.
Come Away with Me.
It's never too late.
It's not too late.
It's not too late for you.

I have a plan for you.
I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild.
It's gonna be great.
It's going to be full of Me.  - "Come Away," Jesus Culture

How do you document faith?  How do you write up miracles?  How do you describe when the air of the room is so thick with the Presence of God you have a hard time breathing, walking, thinking?

I am tasked with documenting this last week in my prayer life but I'm not really sure I can because the eternal magnitude is too big to understand much less communicate.  I want to revert back to the old saying - you just had to be there.  I can say, though, that I was and you can be too.  These promises, these experiences, these moments when the light of the Son of God is so bright, your eyes hurt, can be yours too.  Open up your heart and let Me in.

This year has been the start of a ground-breaking project to build a new family - for me, for my church, for the Body of Christ in Houston.  Not because what we had before was bad - it was very good.  Still, as I said last week, God isn't in the "good" business.  He is constantly working for OUR BEST.  When Jesus' family came to get Him because they thought He was a whack-job and finally lost it completely - He said, Who do you think my mother and brothers are?...Look closely. These are my mother and brothers. Obedience is thicker than blood. The person who obeys my heavenly Father’s will is my brother and sister and mother.

I look back and laugh at what I thought was BEST but not in derision.  I thank God for where I came from.  I know my parents prayed for me in my Prodigal phase (no doubt before then).  I know 2 faithful women's prayers availed much because I came back to Christ.  I know the ladies Bible Study in Trinidad expanded my mind about faith and life in a way no Bible Study in the States ever could.  I got my calling as a writer, as "scribe" there.  The power of the prayers by the global church for Sophia's healing unlocked the door and let it in. 

As I testified last night, though, He didn't just heal her, though that would have been more than enough.  He healed me of anxiety disorder and PTSD too.  That's what happens to caregivers, we carry emotional wounds too deep to explain.  But I'm free of those.  By the miraculous grace of God - I AM FREE!  

The Lord is currently honoring the prayers of the generations before us and we get to be the torch-bearers.  Revival isn't just coming, it is here.  I can prove it.  You go to my Facebook account and it is there.  You come to my church and it is there.  You come to Monday night prayer at The Source for Women, it is there.  It is in so many places and the Lord is connecting all the little campfires into one big blazing beacon for the lost, lonely, hurting.

The fruit and the gifts of the Spirit are in abundance.  Only 2 weeks ago, I participated in the deliverance of a young man who is now so precious to me (and others).  That's what happens when you watch someone resurrected from spiritual, emotional, mental and in some respects, physical death.  Then last week, his mother was set free from 28 years of bitterness.

Sunday it was my turn.  My pastor and dearest friend used me as a sermon prop, speaking my love language, recognizing the callouses on my knees and heart for this community of faith.  Then Monday night, I worked in prayer with others to pray in the full magnitude of the Lord unleashing Himself on this city.

Then there was Wednesday - yesterday - last night.  The Release.  A City-wide prayer and praise service that we all knew was going to be huge.  After lunch, I spent 90 minutes walking the quiet, darkened room while Ella took a nap in the back.  Before she fell asleep, she (of course) saw an angel.  She said his name was "Christian," so I can only assume he was about 6'1", 215 and had Hershey's Kiss colored skin.  It's been awhile since she'd told me she was seeing an angel, and if you have time, go back on this blog and read the other accounts.  They are hair-raising.

While she slept, I got "undignified" before the Lord.  I danced like a fiend.  Good thing no one was around and I truly hope the cameras were off.  I've NEVER been like that, but I was so free, totally uninhibited.  No loincloths were used, but I was sweating like I ran a few miles - and I might have.

Left to get The Olders from school and then went back to the church with Sophia at 6-ish pm (David took Natalie to her softball game....pray for her, her team is struggling!).  Ella stayed with a wonderful babysitter the Lord provided at the last minute.  Sophia reminded me at 10:15 pm when we got home, we never ate dinner.  

I told her that was ok, because we'd just feasted at the Lord's Table.  (She was not impressed.)

The room/the service was primed ("fertile" as my friend Moseka said) and from the very beginning we knew it was going to be another level.  The music built, the praise began.  Confession was made and then 3 people got up to testify.

One of the most precious moments of my life will be Sophia and I standing there on stage.  All I said was, "She is healed and whole from cancer," and the room erupted.  It was as if the Heavenly Host came down, the noise was deafening.  A wall of praise hit us in the face.

I'm crying about it right now as I write the words.   I'm pretty sure she will remember it for the rest of her life too.  

Following all the testimonies, the real work began.  All over the room, people were being freed, delivered, healed.  After prayer, a lady who came in on crutches was able to put weight on her foot that, to that point, wasn't healing properly.  And her caregiver sister was freed too.  Prayed for lots of people, including the husband of my long-time Bible Study leader and mentor in faith.  He is in treatment for cancer and he had tears on his face when we finished.  He and everyone there received the life-changing touch of Holy Spirit power.

At one point I sat down with another precious new brother in faith, Oliver.  He put his arm around me and we took stock of what was going on...taking inventory of the Holy Spirit (important for a scribe to do but a wonderful moment for me because Oliver is one who experienced his own freedom only 2 months ago, at the February Release.)

It didn't stop, more work.  The picture is me praying and speaking into a little girl who is in Natalie's class.  The Lord broke her, her brother and her Mama of generations of cursing in this very moment.  (The young man in the red is the one I mentioned being delivered 2 weeks ago...he is already going to the mat with the enemy for others...that's what family does for each other and now he knows what it means to be in the family of God.)  

We worked, labored, travailed and PREVAILED in prayer for another 90 minutes.  Moseka said it was "the afterglow." Pretty sure we all had a very difficult time falling asleep.  You don't really feel like you need it after a night like that.  Oh sure, later today it will catch up with me, especially as I was woken before 5 from a dream about where things are and where they are going.

I know this is a really long post, but I can't help it.  I'll try and sum this week up in 3 words....

Tender - the tender mercies that are new every morning are no joke.

Extravagant - the Love of God is truly four-dimensional; wider, deeper, higher and longer than we can understand.  I will spend the rest of my life trying to touch the borders but I know I'll never get close.

Real - I ended a Facebook post with this statement last night (when I couldn't sleep):
"Prove God exists and still does the stuff in the Bible, you say. I can. Come see for yourself, May 27th, 7 pm, 11140 Greenbay, Houston, 77024. ‪#‎iamlivingproof‬"

 Open up your heart and let Me in.

Prayer, praise, is to invite the Lord God, the Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer of the UNIVERSE into your life.  When you really go there with Him, you will never be the same.  Ever.  I am not. And I'll never stop being thankful for it.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 16

I opened my Bible this morning, kind of a shot in the dark, to John 6 - where Jesus walks on water, then declares (more than once....quite a few times actually) He is the Bread of Life.

This is one of those I AM statements which has been hard for me to grasp.  In fact, in the ensuing text, the statements Jesus makes and questions those statements raise are hard.  They were hard to hear for His Disciples and they are hard to hear now. But in light of the last 9 days, I'm starting to really get it.  You see, this week in prayer has been about miracles.  Our worship leader called that out on Tuesday of last week and they became real the very next night.

People delivered from the grip of sin and the enemy, filled with the Spirit of God.  Lives changed.  Love, healing, grace on full display.

It's one thing to hear about it and be amazed.  It is another thing entirely to be a participant in someone's healing - to be a witness.  If When you have the privilege to be a part of it - when you have surrendered the details and outcome of the work to the Lord and then just let Him do it....it changes you and your prayer life FOREVER.

It has not been hard to ask the Lord to do miracles in people's life in the last 9 days.  When, like in Acts 2, you are filled with awe....asking for big, bold things doesn't seem as hard anymore.  It makes your prayers (or at least mine) more specific, targeted and centered on the will of God.

No more lukewarm prayers.  It's time to ask Me for what you really want.

God gave me that word last Thursday morning.  I'd been dancing around asking for something really big for maybe 10 years.  I've known I'd been lacking in faith for it the last 2.  Last Thursday, He finally put me on the spot.


It was what Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker, "If Jesus were to meet you face-to-face and ask, “What do you want Me to do for you?,” what would you answer?  What would you dare to ask of Jesus….and have the confidence that it is something He wants to accomplish in and through you?

(No coincidence there I start teaching this premise of drawing circles in prayer on Sunday.....)

Very early, as I lay in bed that morning, I humbly but boldly asked God for the thing I most wanted Him to accomplish in my life.  I'm waiting to see the reality of it, but because it is His will (and I've seen His will accomplished innumerable times in my life, especially in dramatic ways here recently) - I KNOW THE ANSWER IS ALREADY YES.

The timing of reading John 6, like the time and place of Jesus' declaration He is the Bread of Life, is significant.  He is at a place where they needed faith, not miracles, to believe.  15 weeks into this journey and it feels like I'm to the place of assured faith and the miracles are the icing on the cake.  Maybe it is has taken this long to prepare me (although I don't always feel prepared or very capable of doing what He asks of me).  Maybe I'm finally full enough - on His Bread, His Way, His Nourishment - instead of depending solely on my own.

I do know one thing: Prayers are my legacy.  A lot of people don't feel like you are doing very much when you pray, but I want to assure you.....you are doing the most powerful thing in the universe.  When you pray about something or someone - especially when you pray in the Spirit - you are literally shaking the foundations of the spiritual atmosphere around you.  You are making room for the God of Heaven to come and make His Home on your plot of Earth.

I don't just pray, I expect God will continue to do bigger and betters things.  Not just because I've seen the miraculous in the last week.  But because I am, my family is, nothing short of a miracle.  It took many months/years for the miracle to be revealed.  We are living stones representing the grace and love of God.  Jesus has given/is giving me (and us) more than our fill, more than our share of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical blessings.  He has given us the entire package - Himself.

With Him running things, we will never go hungry.  Whoever believes in Him will never be thirsty.

Who else, in the history of the world, has dared to make such an audacious, bold, impossible declaration???  No One!


I'll leave you with this....maybe you are in a situation where your faith is sagging or you've prayed for something for years and it is like a big empty hole in your soul.  Take that prayer back to God and really listen.  Ask for eyes to see how He is filling you and answering that prayer.  Change your position (from sitting to on your knees....from on your knees to on your face on the floor); change the place where you pray.  Change something in your atmosphere, so you can be given a different perspective on what and how you are praying.

The Bread of Life will meet you there.  Jesus will satisfy you.  He promised and He never goes back on a promise.

Maybe you are my friend who doesn't pray, doesn't believe in God.  I ask you to give Christ another shot.  Don't lean into what you already know about Him or what you've seen of Him in the lives of others.  Really open yourself, not for a minute or a day, but for longer than you ever have.  Give the Lord some space, reserve a chair for Him at your proverbial breakfast/lunch/dinner table.

I'm praying you will experience Him in a way(s) that change your life - your eternity - forever.

He has yet to disappoint me.  I've thought He had but looking back on those moments of doubt, they were clouded by fear and uncertainty in my situation....not in God.  Keep praying, He will not delay.  My refuge and strength...I will not fear.  He promise is true.....ALWAYS.

2015 Year of Prayer - Week 8

The potential for God to do the level of things never seen on this continent, or at least on the scale we have seen, is frankly, tremendous.  When we agree in prayer, knowing His will and praying for His Kingdom to Come, stuff starts getting D.O.N.E.

I've gotten more glimpses of the investment in prayer starting to pay dividends this week.  By dividends, I mean God answering prayers in ways that exceed way above what I could possibly think.  I'm not only seeing Him answer, I'm getting glimpses of how He weaves situations together as only the One with His perspective can.  He is, literally-speaking, the Only One sitting up high enough to see how it all goes together.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

Prayer can be hard.  I won't lie and say there are days I would rather (and sometimes do) stay in the cozy warmth of my covers and my husband's prodigious body heat (he's like my own personal space heater).  Still, I just know I'll be missing out unless/until I get with the Lord.  I tell you what though, the things I'm seeing happen get me excited to get out of bed and talk with God!  The prayer of a righteous man (and woman) avails much. (James 5:16)

There are 2 keys to "availing much," as I can tell.  We need to maximize the potential of our prayers with faith and gratitude.  When we pray using these tools of heart and mind, not only do we line up with God's heart and mind, but I imagine there is a sonic boom in the heavens, as God releases the answer which blows away the presence of the enemy; there is atomic energy potential in prayer!

Prayer is like an muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. The opposite is true: the less you pray, the flabbier your prayers.  Faith, like prayer, is developed through experience and knowledge.  You pursue faith as much as it is a gift from God.  You can certainly ask for more faith - Mark 9:24 demonstrates when the father of the demon-possessed boy asks Jesus for help believing He could heal.

Throughout my faith walk, the Lord has given me special "dispensations" in certain situations - an extra dose of faith to believe in what He can/will do.  It isn't something radical: I just have zero doubt He will do it. I don't ever really know how He will, but I know He will and that is all that He asks....for faith the size of a mustard seed.

•  (a mustard seed is smaller than this bullet point.)

 I have a few of those "dispensations" right now, including my friend Audrey who I wrote about a few weeks back (read about her here.)  I know my faith is not now (or ever) in vain.

We have to faith but Scripture also tells us over and over to encapsulate our prayers with gratitude.  Gratitude does more to usher me into the presence of God than anything else.  This morning, while I was swimming, I began to see gratitude as the streamline of prayer.

For those of you who are not swimmers, humor me.  Streamline is the position you adopt the second you push off the wall.  You can see in the diagram above, the better your streamline, the farther you can go with less work.  Your arms locked above your head, one hand on top of the other; your stomach and legs also tight together.  But if your position is floppy, your streamline will do you more harm than good.  A bad streamline means, instead of helping you cut through the water, it will slow you down.

Streamlining is the key to doing less work for more dividend.  Think of it this way: if you glide nearly halfway across the pool, you only actually swim half a length, instead of the whole!  It is worth the effort to tweak your form to get a streamline right for sure.

Gratitude gets us halfway across the divide between us and the Lord.  It slices through our thoughts, feelings and even our will power.  Gratitude put us right in the lap of Our Father in Heaven. I can testify the mornings I practice gratitude upon waking are the mornings I get the most out of prayer.

There are endless ways to express your gratitude to God: adoration, admiration, worship, praise and thankfulness.  They are all birds of the same kinda feather.  You don't just have to speak your gratitude either, you can sing, dance, get on your face on the floor, write, paint, walk...You can also just sit in restfully in the silence, basking in the goodness of God.

The body position and action of our prayers are not nearly as important as our heart position.  Faith gets us to ask in prayer.  Gratitude gets our hearts ready to receive His answers.

When we thank God, especially when we thank Him in advance of seeing the answer, we are doing heavy weight training of our prayer muscles.  We are building up what Jude calls "our most holy faith."  It takes faith to believe what we ask for, in His Name, He will do.  It takes gratitude to appreciate and see what He is doing in our lives and the lives of others.

Prayer is the most powerful of all our Christian muscles.  Keep strengthening yours as I strengthen mine.  Just imagine the work of God we will be looking back on in December!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 7 - A Recap So Far

No longer be conformed to the image of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...Romans 12:2 (my version)

The pruning continues, but a change is in the wind.  You see, in talking to my friend Leslie, I realized I've been focused mainly on the areas the Holy Spirit has been cutting off.  Those hurt, so it is easy to put your attention on them.  Pruning isn't fun and has, at times, brought out the worst in me.  But that's only part of the story. 

You see, when you snip off the "bad," leaves/stems/fruit/blooms, the way I understand it, there is more nutrition for the healthy part of the plant.  I'd already had in mind to write a short synopsis on the fruit that is blooming and this idea was confirmation.  I don't do every thing well and I am facing challenges.

But in the current analysis, these struggles are "light and momentary afflictions," especially compared to what we've been through and what is coming.  God's mercies are abundantly new EVERY MORNING, PRAISE GOD.  We keep getting chances to start over and as my pastor likes to say, If you are still breathing, there is still hope. Not all the fruit is ripe but there is joy in seeing it grow and change color.  This process is able to take place because the bad is coming off and the good is getting more time, attention, care and feeding. 

So far in the Year of Prayer, strange and wonderful things have been happening.

I'm more intentional about my prayer and spiritual life.  I have more joy in it and I have more of a hunger for God.  My hands are staying cleaner, my heart is turning more and more to the Lord instead of others.  My eyes stay open longer each day (some days that is literally).  I am more easily able to let go of the things of this world, the enemy and the flesh - to pour into the Spirit. 

I'm centered in on what God wants as my priorities: my marriage, my children, my church and those currently in my sphere of influence.  I am better able to love them, be there for them, have compassion for them and treat them as the Lord desires me to treat them.

My (older) children are beginning to really see what it means to live for Christ in a world that increasingly doesn't.  They are experiencing the goodness of God for themselves, in their own struggles.  They, too, are growing to bear fruit.  (I know because of their desire for God, their little sister will also find her place in His Kingdom when she is old enough.)

My church is growing - physically, spiritually and emotionally.  We are seeing miracles as He builds up this Body of Christ to do the work He has specifically assigned for us.  Our hearts are being knitted tighter together, in preparation for the work, challenges, trials and rewards yet to come.

I'm writing every single day.  That's new for me and it is really cool to know I don't have to be a slave to a word count, but I do need to walk in faithfulness to these gifts He's given.

We have more peace in our lives.  We have more favor.  We have more blessings.  We are being made aware of how we are currently conformed, yet still needing conformation to the character, love and work of Christ.

The Year of Prayer has not been without its fits and starts but fear, frustration, sin and stress are being replaced with faith.  There have been some pretty major dust ups and failings, but I am not discouraged.  I know each day is an opportunity to see God's hand.

Now it is Lent.  This is always an intense season and I'm looking forward to it like never before.  It has a beginning and an end and some of the testing and trials going into this season will end with it. I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm looking forward to looking back.  Easter Sunday (my 40th birthday...which makes me feel legit :)) will be around Week 13, so I'll try to do another recap then.  In the meantime, stay encouraged.  The battle isn't over but it is already won.  With that victory comes freedom and the chance to do something really great - something God will make sure that lasts.

Let me know how your year is going and keep going.  We are seeing the fruit begin to bud and only more is yet to sprout!

Faith, Hope and Love Prayer Walk 2015

A man reaps what he sows....so let us not grow weary of doing good, for at the right time, we will reap a harvest! (Galatians 6:8-9)

Yesterday, 6 friends and I went on a walk.  We prayed, talked and shared as we walked.  There were no earthquakes.  There were no visible signs what we were doing was anything more than an ordinary walk.

But since this physical world is only part of the story - I trust what we did, by encircling the main campus of MD Anderson and Texas Children's (and by extension St. Luke's) - sent shockwaves into the spiritual world.  Results aren't my business - they are for God to handle.  Our part was to take steps in faith, in trust - that with every step, we tilled up the ground around these two major cancer treatment centers and planted seeds of healing, peace, comfort, goodness, love, joy and salvation. 

There were no anointing oils.

There was no massive shouts of praise or trumpets blown.

We only went up and back once.

But that was all it took.  We walked from the front door of the main MDA building, down Bates Street to Fannin and came back.  I don't know that it was actually a mile in total.

Yet, we stood against the gates of hell, against the spirits of sickness, infirmity, depression, side effects and death.  We walked to bring in the light - to add to where it is already shining.  We called to people to look at the gorgeous day from their windows, to see the sun shining, the clarity of the sky.  To know there is more to life, that there can be, even when you feel like a caged animal, trapped by your room, your IV pole, your very circumstances.

I know that feeling.  Sophia and I know it all too well.  But there is hope.  We still have our faith because we were surrounded....no, carried...by the love of God, mostly through the love and care of others.

Our theme verse was one I took from my Sophia's own fight with cancer - it was on the back of her Team Sophia shirt.  At the time, I liked it, as it felt right to think we were waiting to see her harvest of healing, but know I know, God (as always) had a much greater purpose in mind...for a harvest of healing....for MDA and TCH to become places of His healing, rather than just treatment!

This was just the first year and I'd like to do it again (always) around Valentine's Day.  As we drove away, I looked at the other parts of the MDA complex and thought...."I'm coming back for you."  Yes, this was our meager beginning and that's ok.  We had a list of people we called out by name, but they were surrogates for all those battling this disease.  We prayed for a cure and we prayed for comfort.  Both are in short supply but we trust cancer will not have the final say on this world.

We were thankful for all who have given to the cause because healing wouldn't be possible without the patrons to add their literal earthly wealth to it.  We are grateful for all those who have gone on to fight the battle in Heaven, having finished their earthly races.  They join the cloud of witnesses surrounding the throne of God - Our God - El Roi - Who sees all.  Nothing, not even a sparrow falling to the ground, is lost to His sight.

That gives me immense relief, knowing that our small band of prayer warriors were seen, heard and honored because we came in the name of Christ.  I do hope you will join us next year.  We will have awesome t-shirts, I already have the designed (see the pictures above).

Thank you to those who joined us praying at home (or wherever). Social media is a wonderful medium for prayer because to be connected, we just have to agree that what we want is what God wants. And He wants healing.

Here was the list of our "surrogates," who stood in for all those affected by cancer, everywhere.  Feel free to add a name in the comments and we will lift them up as they journey with the Lord.  He is never closer than when your heart and body are broken and He will lift your head to see His glory!

Mary Smith
William Lewis
Sophia Vogel (healed)
Brian Locher 
Bennett Nester
Audrey Fontanot (healed)
Bill Hoffman
Amy Teague
Anna Grace Dennis (healed)
Kieran Ellis
Melissa Ferrand (healed)
Shannon Perry's Mom
Brandy Nichols
Gunner Patterson (healed)
Rylee Beard (healed)
Matthew Lucas (healed)
Ali Smallwood (healed)
Devin Duncan (healed)
Diana Brown (healed)
Holden Underwood (healed)
Natalie Fraker (healed)
Izzy Slot (healed)
Linda Lummus (healed)
Zoe (healed)
Mike Dunlap (healed)
Kristian Barrett (healed)
Brennan Scurlock (healed)
Miles Rosser (healed)
Lucy Weber (healed)
Courtney Pette (healed)
Jimmy Coe
Hunter Calvey
Prissy Mikulanka
Steve Seeling
Tiger Coffman
Lynn Ashdown
Marion Jaynes
Jerry Smith
Thomas Laskowski
Kayla DeRoche
Maggie Cook
Ava Roten
Sherrie Higgins

To See the Glory of God

Didn't I tell you that if you keep trusting, you will see the glory of God?

I think my favorite section of Scripture, my #1 (from a long list of favorites), is John 11.  This morning, I added John 12 to it.  I never realized they were concurrent - Mary's anointing of Jesus' feet with her dowry (a jar of very expensive perfume); then wiping it off with her hair following Lazarus' raising from the dead.

That makes sense, of course.  You would throw a party, too, if your brother was raised from the dead.  At the very least, host a dinner party.  But I never saw it before.  Just goes to show you how fresh and exciting Scripture is.  Keep reading it!  

What got me started in John 11 was the verse I quoted above (v. 40), which is one of the Scriptures from today's Jesus Calling.  I've read that chapter a hundred times, but this verse jumped out at me because of a particular issue I've been praying over for my church.

I've been praying against unbelief.  I've been asking the Lord to remove any unbelief from the room, so we could see His glory, His work, His miraculous power clearly.  That we, as a congregation, wouldn't be party to any blocking of the Holy Spirit.  Because that is what unbelief does - it blocks us from seeing God at work.

Lack of belief not only blocks our vision of God's Handiwork, Scripture makes it clear that when unbelief is too thick, it can also keep God from doing His work.  Matthew 13:58 makes that clear.  Jesus could/would only do so much in His hometown because they couldn't/wouldn't believe His miracles meant He was Messiah.  Unbelief doesn't remove God's power - far from it.  I can say, though, it removes His willingness to display His power.  Unbelief displeases Him.  It saddens Him.  I would even go so far as to say it makes Him steaming mad.

Matthew Henry said this: "Unbelief is the great hinderance to Christ's favours."  And Pulpit Commentary echoes that thought: "Our Lord was hindered, not by lack of power, but by lack of those moral conditions which would alone have made his miracles really tend to the spiritual advantage of the inhabitants of Nazareth."

Here, in John 11, Jesus reminds Martha of the power of trust in Him.  This chapter is so rich and I especially love the radically different interactions with both sisters.  Both ladies are mourning the loss of their beloved brother (who, in verse 5, Scripture says Jesus also loved).  Yet, knowing the conditions of their hearts, He engages with them differently.  He gives Martha a chance to display her great faith in Him (redeeming her earlier upbraiding in Luke 10).  Then, when He sees Mary, we see Him break down.  He met them both where they were and it is so touching.  He is, in this chapter, fully man and fully God.

Jesus, the Lord, is not unmoved by darkness and death.  He is right in the thick of it.  Yet, He calls us to look beyond those present circumstances - really beyond the present, to eternity.  Through interactions with both sisters, He makes the same point: Believe in Me and you will Receive from Me.

How many times in our lives, in our church families, do we pull back from full belief in God and His power?

I know I have been there.  I have prayed BIG prayers, only to have them seemingly go unanswered.  I understand now, those prayers were on hold until I could receive the answer.  It isn't that I doubted His power, my heart just wasn't ready.  The answer was blocked from view because my heart still held onto a natural view, versus stepping into a supernatural view.

Some of us flat out don't believe miracles are possible anymore.  We can't even go there - it is too painful, too out of reach.  It is certainly too ridiculous, miracles are beyond the pale.  Those kinds of things happened in Jesus' time, in the Book of Acts, but not now....right?*

It is so hard when we don't see the evidence of our prayers.  They don't always come how we can or want to see them.  The details of the answers to our prayers are not our part.  Our part is to know, to believe and then to receive. 

http://www.thebricktestament.com/jn11_39.html

Martha knew Jesus was the Messiah.  Still, she balked at the idea of opening the tomb.  I get that. But then, she consented to receive when she consented to removing the stone.  She removed the barrier of seeing the Lord's wonders even when I am sure she didn't fully understand how He was going to work. But I feel sure her heart lept in anticipation when the men started to roll away the stone.  Her heart; then the tomb were opened. 

When you dare to believe, your heart opens wide in anticipation.  You may know.  You may believe.  So, the question is: Do you want to receive?

It is a small shift, with enormous consequences.  Martha put all her eggs, whatever remained following the death of her brother, in Christ's basket.  She gave Him all she had and He delivered, above and beyond what she could imagine.  She believed Jesus could have healed Lazarus from his sickness, while he was still alive.  And it isn't that raising the dead was beyond the realm of possibility.  Still, that stretches the limits of our senses, our knowledge.  Dead people don't come back, better than before.  Do they?

Clearly they did then, and they still do.  I was a dead-woman-walking for 15 years and yet, Jesus called me out of the tomb of myself and I came.  Raising a physically dead person is just as great a miracle as raising a spiritually dead person. 

Our current church season of Advent is meant to make room in our hearts to receive.

Christmas and Advent are preludes to Easter, just as the raising of Lazarus is a prelude to Jesus' Resurrection.  We are meant, especially in this time, to want more - more of God; to see His works, His Goodness in the land of the living.  It is right to want and expect this.  The Lord is the Great (and perfect) Gift Giver.  We should expect He wants to give us more.  It is our part to make room in our hearts for Him to pour more in. 

I will continue to ask the Lord to clear my church, the very air of the room - of unbelief.  I want Him to remove any barriers, misconceptions, preconceptions and biases.  I want to see the Glory of God - on a regular basis.  I don't just want the spiritual candy of miracles and wonders, although those results of faith are awesome.  

More than that, I want the people in my community, as the great evangelist and miracle-worker Smith Wigglesworth once counseled a woman, to see Jesus and takes Jesus.

It really isn't any more complicated than that.  When the Lord wants to give, we are to believe and we will receive.  And He always wants to give.  Therefore, we are to always want to receive: Him, His promises, His blessings and His works.

I hope you would pray for belief in your own church family.  I hope you would pray that now, in the season of the Great Miracle of God coming to earth.  I hope you would pray that for yourself.  Let's look to see more of God and we will then see more of His workings in the world.  Keep your eyes open.  He is coming!

*Eric Metaxas' new book is called Miracles.  It is an excellent dissertation on what miracles are, why they happen and he gives some great examples from his own circle of friends.  I highly recommend it, for those who believe in miracles already - and for those who don't.