Tears - An All Saints Day Tribute

As I often do, I'll start this post off with some brutal honesty.

I've never given All Saints Day much thought.  It is a centuries old tradition, especially meaningful in the first 300 years of the Church when so many were martyred.  It still has a place today, and in the Methodist church, on the first Sunday of November, we celebrate the lives of those who've gone home to heaven in the last year.  As a family, we've lost people before now - including Dave's beloved grandmother Mable 18 months ago.  Yet, it's never hit this close to home; so close to pull me out of my self-absorbed reverie to grasp the full meaning. This All Saints Day, the day we put my Dad's ashes in the ground after church, definitely brings the full concept painfully close.

I woke this morning with a song in my head, "Already There," by Casting Crowns (you can listen to it here).  I've listened to that song a lot in the last 6 weeks.  We all have moments where we look at God and go, "What is happening?  Why?  When?  Where?....Huh, God?"  It is immensely comforting for me to be able to say, One day I'll stand before You and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

Today, of all days, when I know it will be so hard, I am desperately clinging to that hope of glory.  There will be a day when those questions get answered.  It's funny to think, too, some of those questions I think are so important right now will not be when I'm standing next to Jesus. 

But for right now, just for today, for the next few hours, I'm not going to ask any questions.  I am just going to rest in the comfort of knowing God has me.  He has us.  He has my Dad.  He has the whole world.  He has not lost His grip. He is  present and able, always.  He is kind and gracious.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows it hurts and how badly it does.  He is already at the end of my life on earth but at the same time, and I write this with incredible mystery and wonder, He is right here with me in this moment and time.  I know all of that for sure, even if I don't understand it at all.

For anyone out there struggling like me, on this All Saint's Day, I gained permission from my friend
to post a vision she shared with me this week.  It is SO powerful, it shifted my thought-life about the world to come in a major way.  My friend is working through a decade-old grief and recently had a healing experience in prayer which is nothing short of otherworldly.  It's called Tears and will speak to the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one, as well as all those who've wondered what the Lord really does with our tears.  It's precious.  Please take it in and know the Lord indeed provides this level of comfort to all when we ask. 

Lord, You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping.  You've stored my many tears in Your bottle, not one will be lost.  You care about me every time I've cried.  For it is recorded in Your book of remembrance. - Psalm 56:8

I asked the Lord for a picture and this is what He gave me.  I share it with you.

I saw your tears, I felt my own - I fell to my knees.  Why Lord, why so much pain - who will carry all this pain?

In an instant I was swept away to a place; a weighty place so beautiful that words alone are insufficient.  I believe it was a secret place, for the most magnificent beings I have ever seen lined the room in majesty.  There were more than I could count and each one was holding a bottle.  Was it a bottle of light?  A bottle of gold?  A bottle of glory?  I could not tell.

No one spoke and I knelt, trembling in fear.  When I looked up, one bottle caught my eye.  It seemed to shine like the stars of Heaven.  The angel holding it summoned me toward it.  As I came near I saw its color; iridescent blue mixed with a majestic purple I have never seen on earth.  I could not take my eyes off such a stunning sight - my eyes were fixed, almost frozen as I looked upon this jar of beauty.  What was stored in such a container?  It could only be something worth more than all the wealth of the nations or all the hearts of men.  What could it be?

As I looked at this amazing bottle, I saw a name written on it - it was your name. The angel tipped the bottle and summoned me to look in - I trembled and tried to look away but I could not; I wanted to see the treasure within.  As I looked, I saw you my sweet friend, crying.  There you were, broken-hearted and tears unstoppable.  Before I could reach out to you, I saw your tears dropping, dropping into the beautiful bottle.  Yes, every tear spilling into this jar, not one to be lost.  As I watched the scene before me, I saw your tears turning into gems, diamonds and sapphires.  Each tear that dropped turned into splashes of beauty that were carefully contained so as not to be lost.   

I looked up at the angel as if to ask why but then I saw beyond the tears - it was a great and glorious ocean, iridescent blue and majestic purple splashing upon the beach.  Each splash formed a beautiful gemstone creating the sand.  Then I saw Him - my Jesus - His eyes the color of the ocean, His smile so joyful my heart could barely contain such magnificence.  He was running and laughing in the sand.  He was playing with someone - a family - I looked, it was you.  You were together - all of you - your faces looked happy, joyful yet filled with a peace I have never seen.  I watched Jesus as He carefully ran His hand through the sand.  It was as if the joy were come from the gems that formed the sand.

Yes, the joy was coming from the gems; the diamonds and sapphires that had been your tears.  The ones He had guarded so closely and stored in this jar of beauty were shining with joy.  How could this be - such pain turned to joy?  I looked again and I saw you crying, yet dancing together in the sand at the same time.  Could this ?  Two worlds so carefully knit together?  One of pain and one of joy?

Then I asked: WHY LORD ARE THESE TEARS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT NONE ARE TO BE LOST?

Immediately the angel tipped the jar so I could no longer see the contents but before me sat another bottle.  This one was gold, so bright I could barely look upon it but I saw for a fleeting moment the name: THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB.

I fell to the floor with my face down for fear I would die at such a precious sight.  My Savior's blood - the very blood that was shed for my life.  And then I knew....His blood that come from such a great sacrifice was shed for our tears, your tears, my tears, all the pain of this world.  Those tears were worth more than I could think or imagine and none were to be lost.

In an instant I was back on my knees, tears streaming down my face - tears for you.  The Lord was there holding a bottle - this one had my name on it - collecting my tears; the ones He gave His life for.  At that moment I let go - I surrendered my tears to Him who promised to carry my sadness, my pain, my heartbreak.  I know each tear has a safe place till Heaven and earth are one.  I do not understand but I will trust.

I pray that you will allow your tears to flow freely - for not one is ever lost or wasted and someday those tears will be like grains of sand that look like diamonds filling an ocean that only knows JOY.

I am forever thankful for you...my friend. 

My Eyes Are On The Storm

There is a storm raging in and around me.

I can't help but see it.  There are so many needs, it seems everyone in my life is going through something and needing the Lord's mighty intervention.  There are winds gusting to hurricane-force in some of those situations.  There are waves crashing over the heads of my beloved ones.  The threat is real. The storm of circumstances, of trials, persecution, suffering and life in general can be overwhelming.

This morning, I began by asking for the Lord to make me of one heart and mind with Him so I could pray as He would have me this morning.  So, as I sat, I was moved to pray for protection.  I named everyone I could think of, including people I don't pray for on a regular basis.  I started with those closest to me and worked my way out.  I just let the names roll off my lips without hesitation. 

It seems protection of His faithful ones was on His mind.

This does not feel like a huge, mountain-moving prayer but I see how the enemy wants to discourage, disrupt and destroy the people of God.  He wants us to gaze into the bleakness, keep our eyes on the hail of fiery darts that he rains down on this whole earth.  Even if some of the people I'm praying for aren't very close to God, the last thing satan wants is for them to move in His direction.  The best way to do that is by distraction, and he uses whatever means to do that.

Jesus quieted the storm.  He spoke, the wind and waves obeyed.  It was His power, filtered through His love for His Father, that enabled that word - QUIET - to be effective.  Yet, I know from personal experience, He does not always speak that word into our circumstances.  The storms of life are not always quieted because we need to see the storm for what it really is.

You see, when it FEELS like chaos reigns, when it FEELS like you are about to drown....when it FEELS like this storm will never be quieted....that's when a question forms and rises to the top in your soul.

WHICH STORM ARE YOU FOCUSING ON?

There is more than one storm raging and I realized it this morning.  I was/am listening to a song that has been my anthem for over 2 weeks now; it's called Gracious Tempest by Hillsong Young and Free.  I started listening to it the week of receiving His touch of love I last wrote about.  And as I was praying simply for protection, I realized why.  We need to be protected from focusing on the wrong storm.


Surround me like an ocean.

Your love is crashing over me.
It's surging like a raging sea.
Immerse me in the wonder of Your love.

A downpour of unending grace.
Consuming all my reckless ways.
My sin submerged, Your Love has saved my soul.

Your love is like a storm.

This song presents the storms of our lives from a totally different perspective.  The poetry and anointing of it, I can not deny.  In the middle of the YouTube video, the singer reads a portion of Psalm 116.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I don't know exactly what your storm looks like, and I know some are worse than others.  Yet, the challenge, as you get up to face it today, is not how to endure or survive it.  It is a choice to ask the Lord to change how you see it.  Rather than see the circumstances consuming you, look to Jesus and see His consuming love for you.  The Father doesn't go back on His promises.  He is faithful to complete what He started.

The Israelites saw a raging storm around them once.  They were the waves of salvation and deliverance, keeping them safe across the Red Sea as they escaped Egypt.  They witnessed the great love of God for them, making a path in the midst of what surely looked like a raging storm.  The Lord didn't quiet those waves, but He did hold them back.  Exodus 14 details the whole situation and it is no different in our case thousands of years later.

Nothing in heaven or earth can change who you are to God.  You are His Beloved, His treasured possession.  He longs to keep you safe, and in many ways He is doing that in ways you cannot even fathom, much less see. But you do have a choice - you can choose which storm to look at: your circumstances or God's love for you.

I know that may seem like the most impossible statement, which is why I'm praying protection over your eyes.  I'm praying they won't get pulled off the outpouring of God's grace on your life.  I'm praying He will protect your sense of direction and purpose.  I'm praying He will extend His mighty arm over you and all that seems to be swirling around you.  I'm praying you will be rescued and delivered today as your turn your eyes upon Jesus.  The things of earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

I hope you can take a moment today to soak in the eternal truth of this song....it has transformed the way I see my circumstances and I know it will do the same for you. 

 

Team Sophia: 5 Years Later (Almost)

It's been 59 months and 26 days since that Sunday in October 2010 when Sophia walked in the living room of our rent house, where I was working at my "desk," (which was a TV tray at the time).  She was looking down her nose at me which struck me as weird.  I asked her why she was looking at me that way.

"Because I see two of you."

Right then, a tornado siren went off in my heart.  I'd just taken her that morning to an urgent care clinic because of the swelling of her left eye.  They told me she had pink eye.  I knew that wasn't right as this was my 2nd child and we'd all had pink eye before at that point.  What she had did NOT look like pink eye to me.  That was the last time I didn't argue ask well-thought out questions of a doctor when I thought they were not 100% in their diagnosis.

I told Dave what she said.  Immediately, we packed up to go to the ER and called my parents to drop newly-minted 7 year old Natalie on the way.  It was about 5 pm on Sunday evening.  After that fateful moment, our lives were never the same.

5 1/2 hours later, as I laid there on the ER room gurney with Sophia asleep in my arms, I did what most parents would do in an ER.  I prayed.  In what I now know to be a moment of Holy Spirit inspired prayer, I told the Lord I would praise Him no matter.  And I distinctly remember saying out loud, I will praise You, Lord.  Even if this is cancer.

After I uttered those words, there was no audible voice from God, no angelic messenger; absolutely nothing dramatic or supernatural occurred.  Sophia didn't twitch and I didn't feel the Spirit rise up in me.  It was just.....peace.  Not completely silent (hospitals never are) but like someone had thrown a blanket over us.  It was warm and safe and quiet.  That was the moment, I think, when the Lord stretched out His wings over us (Psalm 91:1,4) and I believe we've never left His side.

This picture is from the morning she got her port-a-cath put in, less than 2 weeks later.  I love this picture because that was my baby....that's what she looked like at 4 years old before cancer and chemo.

She's not here to complain and tell me "STOP CRYING!"  Apparently I do that more than she likes.  I apologize, but say her mother gets emotional and when that happens, my eyes leak.  They are really leaking now as I sit here writing this post.  It's not out of pain or despair or woundedness.  The Lord healed me of all that 2 years ago.  It's when I think about what's happened to us in the last 5 years....all the people who prayed for us....all the people who made meals....sent cards...stood by us....commented on Facebook and even read the open-ended journal this blog became....that's really what makes me cry.  Thank you is not enough, but I'll say it anyway....THANK YOU.

Then, I think about all the people who never knew us in that season, including our current church family (some just finding out last week Sophia had cancer!)  They only know "us" now, not the "us" from then.  But we wouldn't be who we are now without Sophia's ordeal...really our family's ordeal.

We are at the finish line now.  The last scans of her protocol/treatment plan happened Friday afternoon and this picture was taken right after.  I love this picture because it is fully Sophia, proud to be 9 and happy to be finished.  Tomorrow morning, we meet with her oncologist for what will surely be the very last time.  She will transfer us to the long-term care clinic at Texas Children's and Dr. Jodi Muscal will "retire" as Sophia's doctor.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being emotional at the end of the journey.

And I am.  I am emotional because we are so blessed.  Not just because she is completely healthy with no side effects AT ALL.  I can't express my gratitude to God for making her total healing a reality.  It is too much for me to express all He has done for us, all He has given us, all He continues to do in our lives.  It is obscenely extravagant and we are not worthy of it.

Theologically speaking, I know we are worthy because of Christ but that doesn't keep me from being totally humbled by that reality.  I live in that victory every day.  I operate, pray and minister out of that confidence I posted about yesterday (read that here).  But as me speaking to you, it is too much goodness given to just 4 regular people....now 5.  Yet HE STILL GAVE IT.

I don't know who that is for, who that encourages...to know that if God will give us all this, He will most certainly give you the same portion, or more.  I know He will.  

We will continue to care and serve and pray and believe for those fighting cancer.  I still do comfort kits (read about those here).  We will again pray-walk the road between MD Anderson and Texas Children's on Saturday, February 13th, 2016 (MAKE PLANS NOW TO JOIN US!)  We will have t-shirts made this time because I have a feeling because we sowed the seed this year, there is a harvest of people coming to pray in the reality of those hospitals becoming places of healing, not treatment.  

The back of our Team Sophia shirts quoted Galatians 6:9-10: Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the right time, you will reap a harvest.  I can say it has been a harvest all along.  We say the same thing in the cancer world: N.E.G.U.  We will never, ever give up till a cure is found - whether that is Jesus' 2nd coming or a medical miracle.  Either way, we are here to fight the evil-sent disease of cancer and the suffering it causes, with supernatural and natural means.  Jesus teaches us how to do that and He also teaches us healing is possible.

Sophia, our whole family is a great example of what He can do, with only a willing heart.  

Just keep showing us the way, Lord.  Thank You for always doing so.  Send us the cure for cancer and comfort those afflicted, Gracious God.  Raise up Your people to help in every creative way You can think of, Holy Spirit.  Bring more of Your Kingdom to earth, in Jesus' Name.

2015: The Year of Prayer: Week 34 & 35

After many long years of being uncomfortable with the moniker of "Prayer Warrior," I think I get it now...in a way that allows me to wear it with (holy, humble) pride.

I love God and I love His people.  I know He can do great things because He already has - in the big sense of Creation and Redemptive History - but also in my own life.  He saved my life from a selfish, self-absorbed pit.  He restarted my marriage.  He gave me purpose and meaning.  He saved my daughter from cancer.  He saved my other daughter from complications during birth. 

He still saves us daily - but not only that...He moves us forward into being more complete people  We love more and better.  We are full of joy and then some.  We are grateful for everything and understand how blessed we are.  We serve cheerfully.  I'm not saying this to brag, only to show you where I am on the map, compared to the complaining, ungrateful, easily angered greedy woman I was before Jesus got a hold of me.  He changes us....for His glory and our betterment.  He is that kind of guy.....that kind of God.

He has saved me in mind, body and soul and continues to reveal the path of life when I seek Him. And even sometimes when I don't!

It's a daily practice for me to think on those such things.  Yet, it isn't just the knowledge that God is good all the time (and all the time He is good) that makes me a prayer warrior.  It isn't something unique or special about me that makes me want to - even drives me to pray, worship and experience Holy Spirit in my spirit and in His truth.

The thing that makes me a prayer warrior is the same thing every Christian has: faith.

It is belief in the finished work of Jesus.  That reality changes the game because you can't have faith in faith or faith in yourself (or anyone/anything else).  What makes us Christians is being saved by faith IN CHRIST, not our own deeds (See Acts 16:31).  It is the trust and hope in Who Christ is and What He completed in His birth, life, death and resurrection that gives us eternal life as well as the power to live abundantly in the here and now.  I don't do it, He does.

That's the thing that makes me step into the spray of this fallen life, into the jacked up culture and assaults of the enemy.  It is Jesus.  Maybe I have "the gift of faith," the Apostle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 12.  Maybe I've just seen enough that I can't deny the goodness and power of God.  Maybe when I see someone sucking in the quick-sand of life, I have the urge to give them a taste of Living Water.  Maybe when I know I've made a choice for something, our Gracious Lord built me to go all in.  Maybe I am just stubborn.

Maybe it is all of that and more.

Either way, I know what I've got that makes other people call me that "Prayer Warrior."  The light bulb went off Wednesday morning while reading a book by Francis MacNutt simply called Healing (highly recommend).  On pages 103-104, he describes an experience where he and his foundation put up $50,000 to make a short film to demonstrate the power of healing prayer.  His friends felt he showed extraordinary faith in risking so much money when, during filming, there is a chance no one will be healed and the project a total flop with his reputation unraveled  He writes,

...I was surprised that they thought I had extraordinary faith, because I think that my faith is very ordinary.  When I pray I usually have no special sense whether or not the person I am praying for is going to be healed; in my own eyes I lack the special "gift of faith" connected so often with the healing ministry....what they were actually saying, though, was that I had chutzpah. (That's a Yiddish slang term meaning something like "nerve" or "brass," "extreme confidence in action."  Hispanics might call it "huevos" or Italians "meatballs."  You get the point.)

I believed that we should risk all the finances we had and "go for it," assuming that God wanted to show people of good faith the kinds of healing that I ordinarily see.  Seeing faith as chutzpah will set you free.  In this view, faith isn't an extraordinary version of what you believe...As John Wimber used to say, "Faith is spelled 'R-I-S-K.'..The faith lies in setting out on the journey, not in being sure of exactly where we are going.  We believe that God is faithful, provided we do what is in our power - and that is to pray....

The summation of this passage, plus reading The Circle Maker earlier this year and then seeing the movie War Room Tuesday night left me fired up.  I am embracing my alter ego of Xena Prayer Warrior Princess, one part of me I've slightly embarrassed about for a long time, out of fear of false-pride.  It's time for me to step into believing, trusting in and praying the truth of Hebrews 4:14-16 from The Message:

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

Confident is who I am.  Bold is how I operate.  Although not in myself, in my God. I don't have to have a 100% win ratio because, in faith, God wins every time.  His sovereignty isn't just a good idea, it is the absolute truth.  It stake my claim and my life on it.

It's time to get to praying and more.  Be bold with me, friends.  Embrace the chutzpah the Lord has given you, your faith is rightly placed.  You don't have to worry about the results because I am sure the Lord will bless our attempts.  His love and grace cover a multitude of sins.  I'm counting on that and on you to join me.  

Let's pray the Kingdom of God, on Earth just as it is in Heaven!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 32 and 33

Pray for me.  It's been PEA-NUTS.

The last week of summer and the first week of school are in the books.  If I thought there was little time to write during the summer, I had even less time this first week of school.  It was a Release week (our monthly praise and prayer service at church), I spoke to a women's group and we were having our floors replaced.  All that plus a few "extras," made this a week that left me spinning.

On Monday or Tuesday, I reported to my mom that one of the girls was going to have a fit by the end of the week.  Little did I know it was going to be me!

I am hopeful I'm off the roller coaster of the last 2 weeks (and 2 1/2 months of summer).  With the establishment of our new routine (with Natalie in 6th grade at West Briar Middle School and Sophia in 4th at Shadowbriar Elementary...both new schools for us) and Ella Grace going back to Mother's Day Out next week.....I'm hoping, praying and looking forward to some time for me to be creative; to write and just generally pursue all the "professional" opportunities the Lord is continuing to present.

I'm asking for protection, guidance, insight, strength and compassion in all areas, with my family (always and ever) coming first, as well as knowing how to balance all the other good stuff coming my way.

Even as I've been going in a million different directions, wearing multiple hats per day, the spiritual work continues.  Sometimes it is through joy, sometimes through power and sometimes through tears and frustration.  I've prayed with people and witnessed them have breakthroughs, as the Lord prepares them for what He has next.  I've seen the ministries I'm involved in start to come into their own and the people I'm walking life with grow in leaps and bounds.  I've seen people in devastating emotional circumstances be kept in perfect peace.

This life, this faith is not designed to be grasped completely this side of Heaven.  I feel that so acutely sometimes it hurts.  But my outbursts, the explosions of emotion are much fewer and farther between,.  They catch everyone (including me) off guard because the grace of God is so thick around our family.  Everyone was surprised Friday night when I went a little bonkers, but by Saturday morning, we'd all gotten right again.

The Lord has taught me what it means to have a sound mind (even if I have my moments of crazy).  The Spirit is teaching me what the fruit of the Spirit of temperance (or what we call self-control) looks like.  More than anything in this last year, I've learned the process of bearing this fruit is both a joy and a burden.  It's a joy because when we learn to manage our flesh (I mean emotions, thought patterns, etc.), we see what it looks like to live like Christ.  It's a burden because sometimes we just want to have a pity party and behave badly.

The Spirit is indeed willing but the flesh can still be pretty weak.

With this in mind, I'm remembering how much anchoring in Scripture I need.  I've gone back to it after being out of Bible Study and daily reading of the Word, for more than a few months.  I've been reading a lot of books - which is good - but there just is no substitute for the Bread of Life and Truth - Our Lord and Savior's very words.

I'm in the Gospel of John - only in Chapter 4 after several weeks.  I'm trying to savor it.  That sounds very high and lofty but it is more satisfying a craving or scratching a desperate itch.  My spirit feels the lack when I'm not in the Word.  It is a necessity; daily mind and heart renewal, being reminded what is important so I can go about living life in a way that is worthy and worth it.  This morning, from the Message, I read these words from Jesus to the Samaritan women at the well: It's who you are and the way you life that count before God.  Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.  That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.  God is sheer being itself - Spirit, Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. (John 4:23-24)

I have not done any of this perfectly in the last 2 weeks.  But I take comfort in knowing I have been myself, just as I am, before God.  I don't think the actual execution of worship, prayer, service, etc, ever has to be perfect...frankly because we don't know what perfection - true Godly (pure, holy, righteous) perfection - really looks like.  Furthermore, we really can't be perfect this side of heaven (or Christ's 2nd coming).  And the Lord KNOWS THAT.  That's why Jesus came, to give us a shot again, as imperfect and flawed as we are, even after justifying faith takes root in our lives.

That theological reality is an enormous comfort to me, as someone recovering from a performance-based value system.

Even as perfection alludes me, God's grace in all its forms and types, does not.  He is way too big, way too loving, way too merciful to let me slip backwards.  So - forward on I press, towards the goal of knowing, loving, serving and sharing the prize of Jesus Christ.  (Phil 3:14).

I figure that's about the only thing I really have to do.  If I do that, He will make sure it will all work out for His glory and my goodness.  

That is something to be thankful for and I am.  Always something to be thankful for, in this life with Christ.

I hope you can find more than enough thankfulness when you think about your last few weeks.  Sometimes it takes some work to dig it out.  Other weeks praise of God is the most natural thing ever.  Wherever you are, I encourage you to take a moment - to center yourself, take a deep breath and thank the Lord for something.  It is a great start and a good habit to have throughout the day.

Keep praying.  Keep presenting all your requests with thanksgiving.  Keep finding things to be thankful for because that's how our world gets changed for the better.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

2015: The Year of Prayer: Week 18

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. - Micah 7:7

If you are looking for passages of Scripture to memorize, that's a good one because it is easy.  Its "address" is easy too.  Sometimes we just need the fundamental truth of God - anticipation, hope, salvation, recognition, expectation.  We have prayers, needs that are yet to be met.  Fulfillment of what we know God will do is not quite complete.  It's the now-not yet principal of our faith.

Thankfully, though, we have one advantage over the prophets - what they longed for, what they predicted - what here Micah eagerly awaits - we already know.  Messiah has come and He has finished the work for all of us.  The Apostle Paul (who I have a complicated relationship with although I truly love the guy) completes the thought of the promise from Micah in 2 Corinthians 1:20: For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.

It is significant Paul uses "Amen" in this verse because Amen actually means "Let it be so," or "It is so."  We end our prayers with that word (knowingly or unknowingly, as I wasn't aware of this till recently!) and we are saying, God, this is Yours.  We have prayed to You, now let Your will be established.  Let it be as You say it will be and we will give You all the glory for it.

In prayer, saying Amen is a final act of relinquishing - of giving everything over to God to do with as He sees fit.

I say all of this only because it highlights my week.  After last week (read about Week 17 here), this week felt more like a lull.  In the church seasons, we live most of our life in "Ordinary Time," (although technically that's not the season we are in).  This week has felt pretty ordinary.  Having every week be like last week is not physically speaking, sustainable....(our bodies need rest from the adrenaline soaked workings of the Holy Ghost)...still, this week sort of felt like a downer.

Not for lack of great God work.  Another young man I've been walking life with, Oliver, experienced a major deliverance on Sunday morning from 18 years of having to control everything.  He walked into our prayer time with back spasms and TMJ.  He walked out healed of the back spasms and well on his way to being freed from his painful jaw condition, with new spiritual weapons at his disposal.

On Wednesday, my good friend Audrey experienced the power of prayer like never before.  She was the recipient of the wonder-working power of the agreement of God with His people.  It was really intense and highlighted for me how much I need (we all need) Him directing things, so we can make those giant leaps into greater freedom.

Thursday, my friend Brad's sister Brooke, was seriously ill coming back from vacation.  She had to be rushed to the ER on her layover here on her way home to L.A.  Yet, thanks to God's foreknowledge, she was in the best place for care.  She obeyed the Lord when booking her trip.  She asked Him where she should connect through and He answered.  Months later, she was delivered into the best hands possible, medically and emotionally speaking (her family lives here). After only 48 hours in the hospital, she's been discharged, no surgery or procedures required, resting at home with her mom.  We are believing she will be well enough to come to church with her family on Sunday!   

Only God.

The tapestry He is weaving in the community of faith in Houston (and the U.S.) is taking shape for all who wish to see it.  It is incredible to be a part of!

As busy as God has been this week, so has the enemy.  I don't say that to give him any credit, I truly can't stand that devil.  He has been stirring up trouble, working to wreak havoc.  That's why Oliver had back spasms in the first place, and Brooke got sick.  None of that mess was from the Lord. 

For me personally, there were some tough lessons.  Character development is always rough.  Still, I'm thankful.  I know nothing is wasted, God is the original recycler.  He takes the past and the present, when we let Him, making all our trash into beautiful, useful, helpful new creations.  (See Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28)

One of the big things I learned was not to focus on the one area that is wrong in a relationship.  Instead, I need to let Holy Spirit shift me up a level - to look at the bigger picture.  Having a myopic view of a situation is very dangerous.  When you focus on the one area that is out of whack or balance, it ruins fellowship, connection and intimacy.  People aren't just one day, one week, one habit.  God made us whole in Christ, each on our own journeys towards the greater abundance He came to give. (see John 10:10).

There are no overnight successes in the Kingdom of God!  When you look back, you see the Hand of God working all along, bringing you to the right place, ready to receive.  However, the insidious tactic of the enemy is to make us think we should all be instant rock-stars of faith at the moment of salvation; no longer needing the grace of God because we are all perfect. The enemy of our hearts WANTS US only to focus on what needs to change because he knows, if we are grateful for what God has and is doing, his plan of destruction is already lost.

It is all too easy to try and jam our fingers into our brother's eye to dig out the speck and forget the logs God has surgically removed, with His instruments of gentleness and grace, from our own.

If I know one thing, though, this life is not a sprint.  It isn't even a marathon.  My pastor and dearest friend (and this week counselor), Christian Washington, pointed that out a few months back - our lives of faith are actually triathlons!  You might finish swimming, but then you have to get on the bike.  You get off the bike only to start running.  We are never "done in Christ," this side of eternity and to forget that is to forget our need for God - and then we start leaning too far into our own understanding.  

It doesn't mean we stop praying or encouraging change where it is needed.  Jesus met people where they were but never left them that way.  Jesus was the Master of knowing what kind of pressure - and where - to apply.  He rarely spoke a harsh word of rebuke to His Disciples.  There was that one time with Peter (Get behind Me satan...) but even then, that was to crowbar Peter out of his own understanding of what the Messiah was to do.  

In this week of "the lull," I have to keep in mind He is in charge and I am not.  When I try to make every week like last week, every day a mountaintop, trying to do Holy Spirit's work for Him, I will be disappointed.

We need the lulls to recover.  It doesn't mean we aren't doing anything.  Rather, we are taking the critical step of resubmitting ourselves to His direction.  When a farmer plants a field, much of the time it looks like nothing is happening, but the fruit is growing.  At the right time, those mountaintops will be revealed and all our labors will not have been in vain.  The harvest will be ready and ripe.  We will work side by side with the Lord and each other to reap it.  (See Galatians 6:9-10)

Until then, like Micah, in certain areas of my life, I watch in hope for the Lord.  I wait expectantly for God my Savior to come in fullness, to answer, to help.  The answers to our prayers enter our dimension when the time is right, but the Lord has already released them.  They are above and ahead of me.  I'm the one that has to catch up to the "Yes," of God.

So, in hopeful expectation of that YES...I will say AMEN.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 17

Come Away with Me.
Come Away with Me.
It's never too late.
It's not too late.
It's not too late for you.

I have a plan for you.
I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild.
It's gonna be great.
It's going to be full of Me.  - "Come Away," Jesus Culture

How do you document faith?  How do you write up miracles?  How do you describe when the air of the room is so thick with the Presence of God you have a hard time breathing, walking, thinking?

I am tasked with documenting this last week in my prayer life but I'm not really sure I can because the eternal magnitude is too big to understand much less communicate.  I want to revert back to the old saying - you just had to be there.  I can say, though, that I was and you can be too.  These promises, these experiences, these moments when the light of the Son of God is so bright, your eyes hurt, can be yours too.  Open up your heart and let Me in.

This year has been the start of a ground-breaking project to build a new family - for me, for my church, for the Body of Christ in Houston.  Not because what we had before was bad - it was very good.  Still, as I said last week, God isn't in the "good" business.  He is constantly working for OUR BEST.  When Jesus' family came to get Him because they thought He was a whack-job and finally lost it completely - He said, Who do you think my mother and brothers are?...Look closely. These are my mother and brothers. Obedience is thicker than blood. The person who obeys my heavenly Father’s will is my brother and sister and mother.

I look back and laugh at what I thought was BEST but not in derision.  I thank God for where I came from.  I know my parents prayed for me in my Prodigal phase (no doubt before then).  I know 2 faithful women's prayers availed much because I came back to Christ.  I know the ladies Bible Study in Trinidad expanded my mind about faith and life in a way no Bible Study in the States ever could.  I got my calling as a writer, as "scribe" there.  The power of the prayers by the global church for Sophia's healing unlocked the door and let it in. 

As I testified last night, though, He didn't just heal her, though that would have been more than enough.  He healed me of anxiety disorder and PTSD too.  That's what happens to caregivers, we carry emotional wounds too deep to explain.  But I'm free of those.  By the miraculous grace of God - I AM FREE!  

The Lord is currently honoring the prayers of the generations before us and we get to be the torch-bearers.  Revival isn't just coming, it is here.  I can prove it.  You go to my Facebook account and it is there.  You come to my church and it is there.  You come to Monday night prayer at The Source for Women, it is there.  It is in so many places and the Lord is connecting all the little campfires into one big blazing beacon for the lost, lonely, hurting.

The fruit and the gifts of the Spirit are in abundance.  Only 2 weeks ago, I participated in the deliverance of a young man who is now so precious to me (and others).  That's what happens when you watch someone resurrected from spiritual, emotional, mental and in some respects, physical death.  Then last week, his mother was set free from 28 years of bitterness.

Sunday it was my turn.  My pastor and dearest friend used me as a sermon prop, speaking my love language, recognizing the callouses on my knees and heart for this community of faith.  Then Monday night, I worked in prayer with others to pray in the full magnitude of the Lord unleashing Himself on this city.

Then there was Wednesday - yesterday - last night.  The Release.  A City-wide prayer and praise service that we all knew was going to be huge.  After lunch, I spent 90 minutes walking the quiet, darkened room while Ella took a nap in the back.  Before she fell asleep, she (of course) saw an angel.  She said his name was "Christian," so I can only assume he was about 6'1", 215 and had Hershey's Kiss colored skin.  It's been awhile since she'd told me she was seeing an angel, and if you have time, go back on this blog and read the other accounts.  They are hair-raising.

While she slept, I got "undignified" before the Lord.  I danced like a fiend.  Good thing no one was around and I truly hope the cameras were off.  I've NEVER been like that, but I was so free, totally uninhibited.  No loincloths were used, but I was sweating like I ran a few miles - and I might have.

Left to get The Olders from school and then went back to the church with Sophia at 6-ish pm (David took Natalie to her softball game....pray for her, her team is struggling!).  Ella stayed with a wonderful babysitter the Lord provided at the last minute.  Sophia reminded me at 10:15 pm when we got home, we never ate dinner.  

I told her that was ok, because we'd just feasted at the Lord's Table.  (She was not impressed.)

The room/the service was primed ("fertile" as my friend Moseka said) and from the very beginning we knew it was going to be another level.  The music built, the praise began.  Confession was made and then 3 people got up to testify.

One of the most precious moments of my life will be Sophia and I standing there on stage.  All I said was, "She is healed and whole from cancer," and the room erupted.  It was as if the Heavenly Host came down, the noise was deafening.  A wall of praise hit us in the face.

I'm crying about it right now as I write the words.   I'm pretty sure she will remember it for the rest of her life too.  

Following all the testimonies, the real work began.  All over the room, people were being freed, delivered, healed.  After prayer, a lady who came in on crutches was able to put weight on her foot that, to that point, wasn't healing properly.  And her caregiver sister was freed too.  Prayed for lots of people, including the husband of my long-time Bible Study leader and mentor in faith.  He is in treatment for cancer and he had tears on his face when we finished.  He and everyone there received the life-changing touch of Holy Spirit power.

At one point I sat down with another precious new brother in faith, Oliver.  He put his arm around me and we took stock of what was going on...taking inventory of the Holy Spirit (important for a scribe to do but a wonderful moment for me because Oliver is one who experienced his own freedom only 2 months ago, at the February Release.)

It didn't stop, more work.  The picture is me praying and speaking into a little girl who is in Natalie's class.  The Lord broke her, her brother and her Mama of generations of cursing in this very moment.  (The young man in the red is the one I mentioned being delivered 2 weeks ago...he is already going to the mat with the enemy for others...that's what family does for each other and now he knows what it means to be in the family of God.)  

We worked, labored, travailed and PREVAILED in prayer for another 90 minutes.  Moseka said it was "the afterglow." Pretty sure we all had a very difficult time falling asleep.  You don't really feel like you need it after a night like that.  Oh sure, later today it will catch up with me, especially as I was woken before 5 from a dream about where things are and where they are going.

I know this is a really long post, but I can't help it.  I'll try and sum this week up in 3 words....

Tender - the tender mercies that are new every morning are no joke.

Extravagant - the Love of God is truly four-dimensional; wider, deeper, higher and longer than we can understand.  I will spend the rest of my life trying to touch the borders but I know I'll never get close.

Real - I ended a Facebook post with this statement last night (when I couldn't sleep):
"Prove God exists and still does the stuff in the Bible, you say. I can. Come see for yourself, May 27th, 7 pm, 11140 Greenbay, Houston, 77024. ‪#‎iamlivingproof‬"

 Open up your heart and let Me in.

Prayer, praise, is to invite the Lord God, the Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer of the UNIVERSE into your life.  When you really go there with Him, you will never be the same.  Ever.  I am not. And I'll never stop being thankful for it.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 15

This week is good.  Not that there aren't things I'm swimming upstream against, but my intensity about it all seems to have come down a few (much needed) notches.  Of course, who knows what the next few days have in store, but I want to report on some good teaching I encountered, which really hit home on the point of making this year - 2015 - all about prayer.

There is a better best way to do things.

When I'm experiencing those feelings of stress, fear, frustration (etc.), I'm leaning on and into my own understanding of the situation.  I'm trying to process what is going on with my mind alone, rather than involving my heart, where Jesus is.  In Proverbs 3:4-5, we are instructed NOT to do that....
Lean NOT on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

"Jesus meets us where we are, but He never leaves us that way."  The rubber meets the road of this statement only in prayer.  It is there, before God and in conversation with Him where I am set free and right.  By not only talking to Him about what is going on, but listening for His perspective, I can move from good to better to best.  Prayer is when Jehovah shows me what the Apostle Paul called....The Most Excellent Way. (1 Cor 12:31)

That's the progression - the walk of faith - is always towards better.  But more than just getting to better, He wants us to get to THE BEST.  Every good father wants that for his children, so knowing who the Lord is, He is THE BEST Father; so He wants THE BEST for His children.....us, the People of God.

Sometimes the best requires walking uphill.  We are not meant to keep walking flat.  There has to be some peaks and valleys to strengthen our different faith muscles groups.  I feel as though much of this year has been one continuous training run, going uphill.  The good news is I will (eventually) reach the end of the race (this season).  And then I'll start a new one, the race this season prepared me for.

It is all about the preparation.  That's the adventure of Christ - always a new level, new mercy, new experience, new truth to make a part of your life with Him.  There are seasons of rest, to wind down and recover.  I did that for about 6 months after Sophia finished treatment because I had to figure out what life was about again.  When those times of rest are over - we are meant to get up and walk again with Him from glory to glory.

The Great Evangelist Smith Wigglesworth wrote this (which I read yesterday),

Any number of people are satisfied with "good" - that is, justification or salvation.  Other people are satisfied with "better" - that is, a sanctified life, purified by God.  Other people are satisfied with the "best" - that is, the fullness of God with revelation on high.  So I come to you with the fullness of God in the Holy Spirit through His baptism.  I come not with good, but better; not with better, but with best.

To say this was a challenge for me would be a gross understatement, but not a discouraging challenge.  I prayed, asking the Lord to keep moving me toward His best.  Truly, that is what I desire and the Lord works in us in such a way to make sure our desires line up with His; so He can give us what we ask for that will also bring Him maximum glory.

Then, after reading and praying through that early, a couple hours later, I was listening to Chuck Swindoll.  At the end of his message, he said the same thing, only another way!!!

Swindoll called the progression an extension of John 14:6.  He said salvation was finding Jesus as The Way; sanctification was learning and walking in Jesus as the Truth.  Finally, this glorified, best way was living with Jesus as our Life.  Get in the spirit, walk in it and move towards learning to live all the time in it. Good is ok, but it just barely scratches the surface.  Better is getting there, more and more of God at every turn. BUT BEST IS WHAT WE WERE MEANT FOR.

I will always need more clarification on what to desire more of in my relationship with Christ.  I don't want to settle, in any area of my life and I'm asking the Lord to show me where I have.  I've made a decision to start seeking His best, every time I pray.  I want the Lord to so renew my mind, I can discern the 3 options Paul gives in Romans 12:2 - the good, acceptable and perfect will of God.

It is daunting, to be sure, to seek the perfect will of God.  More valleys will follow but I learn more in the valleys than the mountaintops.  And because the perfect will is the best, I don't have to fear what is coming.  Jesus will be right there, making sure goodness and mercy keep me company all the days of my life with the end result being I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6).

I'll end with two questions: are you settling for only good or better?  What would happen if you sought God's best for your life?

Keep journeying and look forward to meeting up with you long the way....

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 14

Roller Coaster.  Again.

I was reminded several times this week, as my emotions went up and down on this ride called "Life," of other roller coaster weeks in recent memory.

There was that one time, back in 2013, when we didn't know if we were going back to Italy or not.  Oh yes, and I was 9 months pregnant.  (Read about that here: View from Houston...)

Such a stressful, emotional week.  It was as if God was saying to me the whole time, "Just wait a minute.  I have this handled.  You can keep praying but if you would just stop grabbing at Me for a second, your view will clear up to see my deliverance is at hand...."

(Just wait on the Lord.)

Then there was that time, 4-5 weeks later, when Ella Grace was born and in the NICU.  The Lord spoke into my heart she was going to come home on Friday of that week I got out of the hospital.  I didn't tell anyone that because I didn't have the faith to really believe it.  But He said it and she was home on FRIDAY.  I learned a lot about having faith when it doesn't make sense.  (You can read that story here: Ella Grace's story...)

(Just wait on the Lord.)

My dear friend Ms. Janice texted that to me during my biggest freak out moment - on MONDAY.  It bounced around the inside of my skull all week......Just wait till FRIDAY.  My prayers have been very myopic, focused nearly entirely on one issue, regarding Sophia's school experience.  Should we stay at her school or should we go?  Should she go onto 4th grade or should we hold her back to be in 3rd again to make sure she gets the foundation she needs?  I wrote about my heavy heart and mind several times on FaceBook and the encouragement The Word showed up with.

Yet, it all came down, like those other times, to just one lesson:  

Just wait on the Lord.

I had to walk through a whole bunch of angst to be able to let go and let God do what only He can do - which is help her (and help Dave and I.)  There are so many variables in her school situation right now, I was so stressed out.  I was ready to yank her out and home school her on Monday.  But Janice said:

Just wait on the Lord.

I cried, I faced my worst fears and I threw a fit.  I prayed silently, I prayed fervently, I wrestled with God and myself.  I praised Him, thanked Him and exalted His Name.  I claimed Scripture and I prayed from my heart.  Here we are at the end of the week - another FRIDAY.  Didn't He remind me before of the 2 previous times He told me to wait till Friday?  Yes, He did.

This time I listened and I have seen the parting of the Red Sea.

We are not across the great divide just yet.  There are still a lot of things up in the air.  But it's Friday I know we are just about to come out on the other side of this tunnel.  I know my God has and will come through for her.  She prayed herself through 2 practice STAAR tests this week and her scores reflect God honoring her dependence on Him.  She still has to take the real tests but light is flooding the tunnel we've been walking through together. 

I don't know what the scenery will look like when we get out, but my job is to just be in the moment.  We have worked like it depends on us and prayed like it depended on God.  Those are taken directly from Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker.  Sophia's schooling has been my most consistent prayer circle over the last 2 1/2 months.  We've been standing in that circle, together, for awhile.  We've doubted, we've argued, we've laughed and we've cried.

The Lord has shown Himself faithful through it all. 

I know it is not the biggest challenge we've ever faced, especially where Sophia is concerned.  But in this moment, it is a big one.  We want her prepared to be successful, in school and life.  We want her to have the confidence to believe in herself, like we believe in her.  This is a lesson for our whole family and I know it is a lesson well learned.

I don't know the circumstances you are in, but I know what you need to do: Just wait on the Lord.  Your very own "end of the week," is coming (even if it has been more like months or years.  Wait on Jesus.  He is already there, with the answer to your need in hand.  He is ready, He is willing and He will provide.

Keep praying - keep walking around your own prayer circles (highly recommend the book if you can get your hands on it!!).

The Year of Prayer keeps going....

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 12

Regard your endurance as discipline.  God is dealing with you as sons...All legitimate sons undergo discipline...how much more should we submit to our spiritual Father and live!...he disciplines us in a way that provides genuine benefit to us and enables us to share in his holiness.  Now, all discipline, while it is happening, does indeed seem painful, not enjoyable; but for those who have been trained by it, it later produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  (Hebrews 12:7-12, CJB/NIV)

It's funny how you read a Scripture, start praying and speaking it out to someone else, only to later realize it was for you too.  Yeah, that happened.  I read these verses yesterday, claimed them for my husband, whose workload is overwhelming.  That's why I underlined the line about "does indeed seem painful." Great truth right there.  Discipline, endurance testing, training - it is all meant to build up our endurance and character.

If you've ever trained for any sort of athletic contest, done a boot camp or an activity requiring physical sacrifice, you can identify with the metaphor the writer of Hebrews is making here.  It also refers to rearing children and I can tell you - there are times when it is painful for all involved to train up a children in the way he should go, for when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Prov 22:6)  (And maybe even building a solid, Christ-centered marriage...definitely pain involved there!)

I've learned one lesson this week - in the midst of great personal struggle with my own lingering mental battles, losses for the kingdom and yet witnessing the remarkable power of God on full display in the Body of Christ.  The lesson is simply this: Just when you feel comfortable, God is going to show you how far out of your depth you are.

The point is not to make you feel bad, although it is humbling (see reference to discipline).  The point is, He is reminding you of the reality that you can only walk on water by keeping your eyes on Him.  This journey of Christian maturity is one of greater de-pendence, rather than gaining in-dependence.  Only by holding onto Him do we get to go beyond our capabilities, which leads to bigger dreams and bigger miracles.  In the words of (my favorite) TobyMac in his latest release "Beyond Me,":

You gave me the stars put them out of my reach.

Called me to waters a little too deep.

Oh, I've never been so aware of my need.

You keep on making me see,  It's way beyond me.

We had our monthly city-wide prayer and praise service last night.  I'd been feeling pretty good, knowing my place on the team, when the Lord threw curveballs my way.  First, He gave me a prayer team of people who are (WAY) more experienced and skilled than I am.  Through that, He removed me from having any direct role in leading except to open the service in adoration and be available for prayer as a backup.

Then He asked me to go further.  He asked me to sing in front of a room of 100+ people.

I grew up in church.  I grew up singing in choir.  I sing all the time at home.  AT HOME.  I don't have a bad voice, it is pretty clear, actually.  I can also get up on stage and speak with no nervousness.

But sing?  Oh, Lord, have mercy!!

I only had to sing a chorus to "The Great I Am," by Phillips, Craig and Dean.  (Little did I know it was already on the set list, would have helped if I'd checked that first!)  He also gave me a word to speak, which I did and was totally comfortable.  But as I started to sing, my voice cracked - it didn't even sound like my voice. SO EMBARRASSING.

Yet, I did it.  Obedience always leads to blessing and I got to witness the powerful movement of God and be a vessel to channel His power into others.  Many times during the service, my arms and hands felt like they were on fire and at one point, I was so hot, I had to strip off some layers.  God is an all-consuming fire and I got pretty close to the flame.

In the end, it wasn't the singing, but stepping out of my comfort zone (and seeing others so completely in theirs) that thew me.    
As I tried *unsuccessfully* to sleep last night, I kept trying to process the experience.  I was struck with one thought: I AM SO COMPLETELY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

 I have little to no experience in the ways God is currently using me.  Thankfully, that is the place where God runs to meet us.  When we get down so low, putting the maximum amount of space we can between us and Heaven in submission to Him, Our gracious and beautiful Lord rushes in to fill the gap.  I can tell you, I am counting on Him doing that.  I am in no way qualified to do the things He is asking me to do, except by faith in the gifts and talents He has given.  They are all His.

The dreams we are dreaming, as a family, as a church, are so big.  But I know God will match us dream for dream, and raise us beyond our resources to prove Himself.  As Mark Batterson, the author of my (most recent) favorite book, The Circle Maker, repeats constantly throughout the book and ends the children's version with:

Perhaps you feel completely out of your league too.  Good.  It's discipline.  It is God.  He is good so what you are enduring will eventually be good for you....and for others.  He is taking you to the place you know you need Him and only Him.  It is by grace you have been saved, so you can't boast about it.  You can only praise the Person of Grace for it.  More to come, more endurance training to persevere through.  More bold prayers to be prayed.  More of God to be witnessed.  More to come in the Year of Prayer.

2015 Year of Prayer - Week 8

The potential for God to do the level of things never seen on this continent, or at least on the scale we have seen, is frankly, tremendous.  When we agree in prayer, knowing His will and praying for His Kingdom to Come, stuff starts getting D.O.N.E.

I've gotten more glimpses of the investment in prayer starting to pay dividends this week.  By dividends, I mean God answering prayers in ways that exceed way above what I could possibly think.  I'm not only seeing Him answer, I'm getting glimpses of how He weaves situations together as only the One with His perspective can.  He is, literally-speaking, the Only One sitting up high enough to see how it all goes together.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

Prayer can be hard.  I won't lie and say there are days I would rather (and sometimes do) stay in the cozy warmth of my covers and my husband's prodigious body heat (he's like my own personal space heater).  Still, I just know I'll be missing out unless/until I get with the Lord.  I tell you what though, the things I'm seeing happen get me excited to get out of bed and talk with God!  The prayer of a righteous man (and woman) avails much. (James 5:16)

There are 2 keys to "availing much," as I can tell.  We need to maximize the potential of our prayers with faith and gratitude.  When we pray using these tools of heart and mind, not only do we line up with God's heart and mind, but I imagine there is a sonic boom in the heavens, as God releases the answer which blows away the presence of the enemy; there is atomic energy potential in prayer!

Prayer is like an muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. The opposite is true: the less you pray, the flabbier your prayers.  Faith, like prayer, is developed through experience and knowledge.  You pursue faith as much as it is a gift from God.  You can certainly ask for more faith - Mark 9:24 demonstrates when the father of the demon-possessed boy asks Jesus for help believing He could heal.

Throughout my faith walk, the Lord has given me special "dispensations" in certain situations - an extra dose of faith to believe in what He can/will do.  It isn't something radical: I just have zero doubt He will do it. I don't ever really know how He will, but I know He will and that is all that He asks....for faith the size of a mustard seed.

•  (a mustard seed is smaller than this bullet point.)

 I have a few of those "dispensations" right now, including my friend Audrey who I wrote about a few weeks back (read about her here.)  I know my faith is not now (or ever) in vain.

We have to faith but Scripture also tells us over and over to encapsulate our prayers with gratitude.  Gratitude does more to usher me into the presence of God than anything else.  This morning, while I was swimming, I began to see gratitude as the streamline of prayer.

For those of you who are not swimmers, humor me.  Streamline is the position you adopt the second you push off the wall.  You can see in the diagram above, the better your streamline, the farther you can go with less work.  Your arms locked above your head, one hand on top of the other; your stomach and legs also tight together.  But if your position is floppy, your streamline will do you more harm than good.  A bad streamline means, instead of helping you cut through the water, it will slow you down.

Streamlining is the key to doing less work for more dividend.  Think of it this way: if you glide nearly halfway across the pool, you only actually swim half a length, instead of the whole!  It is worth the effort to tweak your form to get a streamline right for sure.

Gratitude gets us halfway across the divide between us and the Lord.  It slices through our thoughts, feelings and even our will power.  Gratitude put us right in the lap of Our Father in Heaven. I can testify the mornings I practice gratitude upon waking are the mornings I get the most out of prayer.

There are endless ways to express your gratitude to God: adoration, admiration, worship, praise and thankfulness.  They are all birds of the same kinda feather.  You don't just have to speak your gratitude either, you can sing, dance, get on your face on the floor, write, paint, walk...You can also just sit in restfully in the silence, basking in the goodness of God.

The body position and action of our prayers are not nearly as important as our heart position.  Faith gets us to ask in prayer.  Gratitude gets our hearts ready to receive His answers.

When we thank God, especially when we thank Him in advance of seeing the answer, we are doing heavy weight training of our prayer muscles.  We are building up what Jude calls "our most holy faith."  It takes faith to believe what we ask for, in His Name, He will do.  It takes gratitude to appreciate and see what He is doing in our lives and the lives of others.

Prayer is the most powerful of all our Christian muscles.  Keep strengthening yours as I strengthen mine.  Just imagine the work of God we will be looking back on in December!