The Last Post

I've been coming to this post for awhile.  I'm taking inventory of most everything in my life - or at least that's what my friend/counselor Pastor Andy tells me.  It's true.  When my Dad died, it shifted my foundation and I don't understand the full impact of it yet.  It's a big adjustment in uncountable ways.  Big probably isn't the most effective word to use right there, but I'm not always as eloquent as I would like to be. 

I will say it is another order of magnitude of inventory-taking from the season right after Sophia's diagnosis.  Poignantly, my Dad died the day after Sophia was given the all clear.  He got to see it.  Thank You Jesus.

After writing a blog for 7 years, I've come into agreement with God: it is time to move on.  I'm entering into a unknown season, one where I don't share everything God gives me all the time - at least not on an easily accessible public forum.  It is going to be hard for me, as I enjoy the gratification of knowing I've helped people, encouraged them in their faith and (more than a little selfishly) the praise that comes with writing a piece people like.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and when people click "like," comment, email or tell me in person they like what I wrote, it makes me feel pretty darn good, productive and.....deeply fulfilled. 

Writing is a gift God has given me, a gift that touches me at the deepest level.  There isn't anything wrong enjoying the praise that comes from being a useful tool in His hands.  It's just time to have the courage to say Yes to Him using this tool in different and new ways.  It's time to seek His approval alone for a little while.  Does that mean I won't share?

No, I'm on social media (probably too much for some folks) so I will continue to document my family's antics, adventures and the events we experience that move the Kingdom of God forward.  I'm too much of a people person to keep totally silent.

There is an element of discipline and obedience required to go deeper into what the Lord wants to do in and through me.  I've got to be taught to teach.  Also, in order to finish some of the projects He has entrusted me with and will bring to my doorstep in 2016, I need to put this down.  I know I haven't written much lately and didn't quite persevere with #2015TheYearofPrayer like I wanted.  Still, this blog occupies my mind and heart in a way that doesn't leave enough space for the work He wants me to do now.

I read this verse during my quiet time this morning - which put me in a wonder-filled mindset at the timing: For loving God means obeying his commands.  Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as its Father overcomes the world.  And this is what victoriously overcomes the word: our trust.  Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, CJB/NIV)

What is coming is not burdensome, just as this blog has not been so, only the opposite.  It's always been a precious outlet.  It's now time for me to take up my Cross in a little different way - to switch shoulders, if you will and trust Jesus more to carry the load.  I treasure those of you I've told about this change, who received it with grace and humility.  Thank you for letting me know how you've enjoyed reading.  I know that's only  15 of you, but still. 

We are all coming to the end of 2015 - headed into a new year, but more than that; it is a fresh start to lay down what we might have carried for too long, plans we've made that aren't producing the sweetest fruit.  It's time for us, as the People of God, to seek, without any timidity, our purposes and destiny in Christ.  We must press in to overcome the barriers and distractions of this world - to step out from behind the curtain and show the world what He has done, is doing and will do through a Church who loves Him, is learning to love itself and wants to others well.

(Not) Incidentally, a couple weeks back, the Lord gave me "my" word for 2016.  If 2015 was Prayer - 2016 is Love.  I thought that word was just for me until I spoke to my friend Wynter this morning and she got the same word!!  The Lord is setting this world up to see what His ultimate display of love really looks like in His People - His United and Unified Church.  The time is short to do it, so we have to do it NOW.

What I've always tried to do on this blog is answer the question, "What does faith look like in real life?"  So: what does God's love look when His people breath it in and out in every moment of life?

Well, the Spirit has given me 2 verses this year - one for my ministry life and one for my personal life.  The ministry one came much earlier in the year, the personal one only since my Dad's passing.  It is the personal one, Psalm 116, that gives me the idea on how to help people understand the reality of what God's love looks like:

Be at rest, once more, O my soul, 
For the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I just have to tell my story of how good the Lord has been to me.  It's that simple.  It's all you have to do, too.

How has He been good to you?

How has He delivered you from death?

How has He dried your tears?

How has He held you up when you were about to fall?

Ironically, of course, you would think this medium would be perfect for that!  But not in the coming season.  I need to craft my story through alternative means and wait for Him to show me how to share it with the world.

I hope you've felt through these sometimes silly, sometimes desperate and sometimes searching posts that I love Jesus and I love you.  I hope You've seen His marvelous power to destroy the shade of death over the lives of my family and friends.  I hope You've seen how He is teaching me to love myself, by drying my tears over Sophia and thereby giving me permission to cry about other things - including my Dad.  I know I've felt like I've hit the concrete so hard so many times, but in reality, He cushioned, or even broke my fall - even pulling me back just in time.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you laughing and crying with me and listening to my thoughts. Thank You for serving me with your companionship.  I do hope it's made a difference in Your walk with Christ.  He is so close - He left it all to come to us and be not just WITH us, but One of us.  He knows you and He knows me.  He doesn't miss a thing and that's a very good thing.  

Don't stop seeking Him, ever.  Keep getting closer, even if it is uncomfortable or scary.  Even (and especially) when others don't get it.  He is as close as your breath but even closer - as close as the blood pumping in your veins.  I know He wants to do marvelous things through you, and me.  We are all in this together.  By trusting what He has done and how He is demonstrating it through us, we do overcome everything this world throws at us.

Keep in touch!  I will.

amysvogel@hotmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/awvogel 

https://twitter.com/amywvogel

My Dad

This is a whiplash week.  That's the only way I can describe it.  Freedom came Tuesday.  Heartbreak (again) broke down the door on Wednesday morning.  My Dad, my wonderful father, got called home late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning.  We aren't sure exactly what the cause of death was, but we know one thing: The Lord made it so peaceful.  There was no fight, no tremor, no trauma.  It is literally like the Lord said, "David, it's time."

And he said, "Ok!"

That's the way it should be.  When the Lord calls, there should be no regrets about saying goodbye.  There should be no looking back like Lot's wife.  There should be no trying to hold up your finger to just take a second to tell the ones you love you will see them later.  We should live that way now and my Dad did that pretty well.

The living deal with the emptiness.  The living deal with being left behind and the gaping hole that is created by absence.  I'm not angry with God.  I know how He works and I know it was time for my Dad to go.  I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO, and I wouldn't have picked this kind of exit, or at this time, but my God knows better.  He could have taken him 15 years ago when he had an aneurysm but the Good Lord gave him more time to teach us how to live and be and have faith.  I just wish I could have said goodbye.  Or had the chance to love on him a little more.

Today, I wrote his obituary.  Something I never thought in my wildest I would ever do.  I guess that legitimizes my standing in the family as a writer.  I texted 2 friends after I wrote it that I felt like I was going to throw up.  I've gotten that feeling a few times in the last 54 hours.

Thank you to all who've called, texted, emailed, cooked and delivered food, asked after us and been with us in our as-yet-unprocessed-grief.

I've been here (sort-of) before, so I can ask for prayers.  Pray for our strength next Wednesday.  I pray for my Mom past the busyness of next Wednesday.  There is so much still to do, to handle, to process. It takes so long to move on.  We have to figure out a "new normal" again.  Yet, this time without the patriarch.  He was kind, generous, faithful and gracious.  He taught my brother and I to be that way too.  We are who we are because of who our Dad was.  And our children carry on that legacy, just as they will tell stories of him to their children.

We have 1,000 generations of blessing coming.

As I've said several times this week as his body has passed, Bye Dad.  I love you.  I will miss you terribly.  You were such a good Dad.  I'll see you soon.

********************************************************************************

(Here's the obituary I wrote which will be in the Chronicle and various church publications soon.) 

On Wednesday, September 16, 2015, David Warren Wakefield, treasured husband, father and grandfather, passed away peacefully in his sleep.  He is survived by his wife of 48 years, Carole, his son Craig, daughter and son-in-law Amy and David Vogel and his beloved 5 granddaughters: Madison, 16, Ryan, 12, Natalie, 11, Sophia, 9 and Ella Grace, 2.  

David was a man of great integrity, wisdom, generosity and humor.  He made an impact on all who met him, with his ideas, jokes and profound intelligence.  He graduated from Georgia Tech University in 1967.  He entered the Navy as a Lieutenant and served as a Naval Aviator from 1967-1971. 

He ran several successful companies; all in the Power Generation and Process Industry and his knowledge of this business cannot be duplicated.  His reputation for fair-mindedness and gracious conduct is felt by all who worked with and for him.  While business was his focus, family was his life.  He loved his wife, his children and was enormously proud of all of his granddaughters.  He saw the blessing and gift they were to his life and, just like with his children, he was a committed presence in their lives.

He was also a man of deep faith, especially in his time as a member of St. Luke’s United Methodist.  He always wore a gold Number One pin on his collar.  When he was asked about it, he simply said, “It reminds me to keep the Lord first.”  He taught so many the meaning of a well-lived life, how to have fun here and now and the importance of living in light of eternity.  He will be greatly missed and loving remembered.

A Memorial service is being held on Wednesday, September 23^rd, 2015 at 10 am at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church.  In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to St. Luke’s United Methodist Church (Building Fund in the memo, www.stlukesmethodist.org under “giving.”) or PKD Foundation, www.pkdcure.org.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 27

Have you ever read something in Scripture, but never fully, truly believed it?

Have you ever, for years, wished for something to be true but it never rang that way inside your soul?

Have you ever looked in the mirror, knowing God loves you but never deep down, felt it?

Yeah, me too.

Nothing about praying a lot or leading people in prayer or knowing the Bible really well or consistently hearing from the Lord or having a deep well of hope, purpose and meaning completely erased this nagging sense of doubt in my mind and heart.  When I would read the verses about being dearly loved, treasured, purified, whole, beautiful in the Bible, I didn't completely accept it for myself.  I'm being as blatantly honest as I can.  I've been journaling for weeks now about how I knew the Lord wanted to rid me of these deep-seated insecurities.  It's been a good 4 months of full consciousness of this nonsense (for I've known it was nonsense for the last 11 years since I came back to Christ).  But still, my thoughts about myself never quite matched God's thoughts about me.

It wasn't just that, though, either.  My thoughts about who I was never quite lined up with anyone else's thoughts either.  That's why I have always been uncomfortable when people compliment me -  on anything.  I am literally struck dumb and my response comes out feeling painfully awkward and inadequate.

That's the word - inadequate.  For most of my life, on and off, I have felt I'm in no way up to the task - whatever that task is.  That's spilled over into my perception of my physical self too.  (I know I've written about this before, even last week.  See, it's been on my mind for a long, long, long time).  Culture grossly inflates the idea that you aren't good enough and then add in the efforts of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy....well, I just didn't believe what others said.

I've had moments of fleeting freedom.  Multiple times, I set my face like a flint against this insecurity but it never lasted more than a few days.  I knew the end of it was coming, though.  I've witnessed and participated in too many miraculous works of God lately to think He wasn't going to set me free from this.  I just had to wait on the right time, when everything was lined up in His order. In our Wednesday night regular prayer meeting, it was.  

It didn't start that way, for the first 45 minutes, I was leading the prayers.  But it ended with me on the floor being prayed over...and stuff getting prayed out.  It was a most holy and interesting experience.  I'm tempted to get on my face now, I am still so humbled by it.  Thanks to the gifted and Holy Spirit-led ministrations of 9 friends family members, all that insecurity, all that inadequate feeling was removed from my soul and body.  I didn't thrash around, I never lost control of my mental facilities - I was a willing and able participant.  I contributed to the process because I knew it was time for all this double-mindedness to go.

For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind...For being as he is a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), he is unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything he thinks, feels, decides.

The Apostle James wrote that in the first part of his letter (James 1:6,8).  It describes who I was when I thought about myself.  40 years of hesitating, dubious, uncertain thinking about agreeing with God about me was healed.  It was really a miracle hour for me, a long time in coming.  Even (and especially) church leaders need to be prayed for and poured into.

This is not the end of the story - I still have to walk this truth out.  I have to stand firm against the wiles, tricks, illusions, imaginations of the enemy, the influence of the world and even when my own negative self talk rears its ugly head.  I have to remember to walk down a brand-new neurological path.  I can't go on auto-pilot down the same-old worn trail of self-doubt.  I have to remember the word the Lord left with me after that intense session was "Today you will be with Me in paradise."  The real truth of it is, I'm already there but not yet completely.  It's the now-not yet principle of eternal life in Christ.

(Read what I have to say about that idea here.)

The difference now verses before prayer on Wednesday is: the hole that was filled with insecurity and doubt is now filled with truth and faith.  I am secure in Him and I believe it.  I am not perfect and I am indeed more dependent on Him than ever.  But real freedom comes from dependence and obedience.  I can actually point to the area of my body where all those ugly feelings and thoughts were housed and know that place is now cleansed and cleared.

It really was a miracle.  That's the currency God deals in if you let Him.  He doesn't want His children to suffer, especially under the weight of any other yoke than His.  Every burden we would put on our own shoulders (or others have put on us) is too heavy.  Ella says that now when she tries to pick up a basket or bag.  She tries, puts it back down and looks at me.  She says, "Too heavy Mama."

We need to look at our Heavenly Father and say the same.  

I finally put this burden down.  I know and believe the truth of who I am....and when you know the Truth, you are free indeed.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 20

Didn’t you know that I had to be concerning myself with my Father’s affairs? (Luke 2:49b, CJB)

This week I was preparing and being prepared.  Something big is coming and we are getting ready to receive it.  Hope and Healing have taken flight and will be landing at 7 pm on Wednesday, May 27th in the Upper Room at Chapelwood when the next Release service begins.

I understand that is a brash statement, but I can't help it.  Whatever happens, it will be big - to us, to the people in attendance, to those who hear about it.  It will be big not because we've spent a month planning it (verses a week and even less a few times).  It will be big because the Lord has business to attend to.  He is coming for His broken, captive, wounded, hurting people.  He is coming for the ill, the maimed, the diseased - of heart, mind, soul, spirit and body.  He is coming and we are waiting on Him.

Some of the prep activities are practical: meetings, laying out the music, the Scripture and who is involved, as well as working out the form (yes, there is a form to it for those of you who have been, but we try very hard to not let that get in the way, so Holy Spirit can do what only He can do.)  We are making sure everyone is in prayer about it. 

All very practical stuff.

Yet, there is the other, internal stuff going on.  January kicked off a season of intense growth and it keeps rolling.  I'm literally learning something new every day - whether it is in reading the Bible or other books; praying and living life with people; or just being with my family.  

He is teaching me what it means to be open, to be vulnerable to Him and be about His business, instead of always just my own.

That's a been a meaningful verse for 4-5 years.  I realize in context it is Jesus' words about Himself and the precept He lived His life by, but as His disciple, it demonstrates what my focus should be too.  I'm becoming more aware of how that applies to my life.  The key to it is not the word "business" - not the stuff of doing for the Kingdom of God.  It is the relationship to the Lord, which I have been reminded of several times in prayer over the last 2 weeks.  The impact of God being My Father is enormous and overloads my mental circuits every time I ponder it. 

I have a great Dad - I've written about him before. But my Father is in Heaven.  I need a constant reset of that on a regular basis, especially with big, fun, exciting things on the horizon.  I started a new habit yesterday, really picked back up on an old one.  One of my favorite things to do is to listen to music while I walk and run (notice I did not put run first, I don't necessarily enjoy that....swimming, yes.  Running, not all that much).

The music makes it fun because all of it is worship.  As my body is engaged, my mind and spirit can soar.  I can praise, pray and just be with the Lord, as we circle the blocks and work Pepper, our dog, out too.  It is something I got twisted and had to take a break from at the end of last year.  It is time to pick it back up again and I remember now why I started running in the first place...

It certainly has health benefits (still fighting 10 lbs of baby weight, at 40, who would have thought I'd ever say that?)  More than that, it is an opportunity to be free, to dream unencumbered, in the early morning.  I can envision what God has for me and my family and explore His Father's heart as take strides together. 

My DNA is His.  I am a shepherd and prophet because I'm following in His footsteps.  I'm leading people to greener pastures because that is where He longs for us to be and He is showing me the path on which to take them.  The Lord wants His people whole, happy, blessed, joyous.  Jesus' Mission Statement from Isaiah 61:1-10 (just read all of Isaiah 61 and 62, it's incredible), proves it.  He and the Father are one and They want us FREE!

He is teaching me (and many others around me) how to help folks understand this eternal fact and go to and with Him themselves.  He sets the boundaries of our understanding, not the other way around.  Logic is good but it will only take you so far when you are dealing with the One who Created logic.  So, as He chooses to push my boundaries (and sometimes my buttons), this time with Him helps me walk in a manner worthy of Him....which is gratefully.

This week has been about seeing and knowing the beauty of the vulnerability of us to the Father but even more than that, the vulnerability of the Father to us....It is a mysterious, glorious reality.

I'm continuing to learn, listen to and operate in obedience and God-given authority, with the instruction I am given.  I don't get it right all the time.  I mess up the timing and the message.  Still, His grace and His love cover those foul ups. Being about my Father's business is the best place to be.

One of the songs that came on while I was typing this (I'm still listening to my running playlist) was a song from Francesca Battestelli - "He knows My Name."  In it, she calls out who she is in the Lord and it is true for all of us:

Chosen.

Free.

Forgiven.

Wanted.

Child of the King.

His Forever.

Held and Treasured.

I am Loved.

Maybe this week was hard for you.  Lean into the Father's arms for a little bit.  I hope your Saturday schedule gives you some time to do that.  Mine won't but that's why I get up so darn early.  ;)

In the meantime, I'm going to continue to wait till tomorrow and Wednesday, when I get to be with my faith family in the Presence of Our Savior and watch Him before miracles.  It's a little bit like waiting to go on vacation, I just can not wait!

Considering joining us Wednesday night and let me know if you would like more details.  I will have a wonderful report next week.  We are going deeper than our feet could ever wander, where our faith will be made stronger....Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and I'm only about Your business.

(When in doubt....Oceans.)

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 17

Come Away with Me.
Come Away with Me.
It's never too late.
It's not too late.
It's not too late for you.

I have a plan for you.
I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild.
It's gonna be great.
It's going to be full of Me.  - "Come Away," Jesus Culture

How do you document faith?  How do you write up miracles?  How do you describe when the air of the room is so thick with the Presence of God you have a hard time breathing, walking, thinking?

I am tasked with documenting this last week in my prayer life but I'm not really sure I can because the eternal magnitude is too big to understand much less communicate.  I want to revert back to the old saying - you just had to be there.  I can say, though, that I was and you can be too.  These promises, these experiences, these moments when the light of the Son of God is so bright, your eyes hurt, can be yours too.  Open up your heart and let Me in.

This year has been the start of a ground-breaking project to build a new family - for me, for my church, for the Body of Christ in Houston.  Not because what we had before was bad - it was very good.  Still, as I said last week, God isn't in the "good" business.  He is constantly working for OUR BEST.  When Jesus' family came to get Him because they thought He was a whack-job and finally lost it completely - He said, Who do you think my mother and brothers are?...Look closely. These are my mother and brothers. Obedience is thicker than blood. The person who obeys my heavenly Father’s will is my brother and sister and mother.

I look back and laugh at what I thought was BEST but not in derision.  I thank God for where I came from.  I know my parents prayed for me in my Prodigal phase (no doubt before then).  I know 2 faithful women's prayers availed much because I came back to Christ.  I know the ladies Bible Study in Trinidad expanded my mind about faith and life in a way no Bible Study in the States ever could.  I got my calling as a writer, as "scribe" there.  The power of the prayers by the global church for Sophia's healing unlocked the door and let it in. 

As I testified last night, though, He didn't just heal her, though that would have been more than enough.  He healed me of anxiety disorder and PTSD too.  That's what happens to caregivers, we carry emotional wounds too deep to explain.  But I'm free of those.  By the miraculous grace of God - I AM FREE!  

The Lord is currently honoring the prayers of the generations before us and we get to be the torch-bearers.  Revival isn't just coming, it is here.  I can prove it.  You go to my Facebook account and it is there.  You come to my church and it is there.  You come to Monday night prayer at The Source for Women, it is there.  It is in so many places and the Lord is connecting all the little campfires into one big blazing beacon for the lost, lonely, hurting.

The fruit and the gifts of the Spirit are in abundance.  Only 2 weeks ago, I participated in the deliverance of a young man who is now so precious to me (and others).  That's what happens when you watch someone resurrected from spiritual, emotional, mental and in some respects, physical death.  Then last week, his mother was set free from 28 years of bitterness.

Sunday it was my turn.  My pastor and dearest friend used me as a sermon prop, speaking my love language, recognizing the callouses on my knees and heart for this community of faith.  Then Monday night, I worked in prayer with others to pray in the full magnitude of the Lord unleashing Himself on this city.

Then there was Wednesday - yesterday - last night.  The Release.  A City-wide prayer and praise service that we all knew was going to be huge.  After lunch, I spent 90 minutes walking the quiet, darkened room while Ella took a nap in the back.  Before she fell asleep, she (of course) saw an angel.  She said his name was "Christian," so I can only assume he was about 6'1", 215 and had Hershey's Kiss colored skin.  It's been awhile since she'd told me she was seeing an angel, and if you have time, go back on this blog and read the other accounts.  They are hair-raising.

While she slept, I got "undignified" before the Lord.  I danced like a fiend.  Good thing no one was around and I truly hope the cameras were off.  I've NEVER been like that, but I was so free, totally uninhibited.  No loincloths were used, but I was sweating like I ran a few miles - and I might have.

Left to get The Olders from school and then went back to the church with Sophia at 6-ish pm (David took Natalie to her softball game....pray for her, her team is struggling!).  Ella stayed with a wonderful babysitter the Lord provided at the last minute.  Sophia reminded me at 10:15 pm when we got home, we never ate dinner.  

I told her that was ok, because we'd just feasted at the Lord's Table.  (She was not impressed.)

The room/the service was primed ("fertile" as my friend Moseka said) and from the very beginning we knew it was going to be another level.  The music built, the praise began.  Confession was made and then 3 people got up to testify.

One of the most precious moments of my life will be Sophia and I standing there on stage.  All I said was, "She is healed and whole from cancer," and the room erupted.  It was as if the Heavenly Host came down, the noise was deafening.  A wall of praise hit us in the face.

I'm crying about it right now as I write the words.   I'm pretty sure she will remember it for the rest of her life too.  

Following all the testimonies, the real work began.  All over the room, people were being freed, delivered, healed.  After prayer, a lady who came in on crutches was able to put weight on her foot that, to that point, wasn't healing properly.  And her caregiver sister was freed too.  Prayed for lots of people, including the husband of my long-time Bible Study leader and mentor in faith.  He is in treatment for cancer and he had tears on his face when we finished.  He and everyone there received the life-changing touch of Holy Spirit power.

At one point I sat down with another precious new brother in faith, Oliver.  He put his arm around me and we took stock of what was going on...taking inventory of the Holy Spirit (important for a scribe to do but a wonderful moment for me because Oliver is one who experienced his own freedom only 2 months ago, at the February Release.)

It didn't stop, more work.  The picture is me praying and speaking into a little girl who is in Natalie's class.  The Lord broke her, her brother and her Mama of generations of cursing in this very moment.  (The young man in the red is the one I mentioned being delivered 2 weeks ago...he is already going to the mat with the enemy for others...that's what family does for each other and now he knows what it means to be in the family of God.)  

We worked, labored, travailed and PREVAILED in prayer for another 90 minutes.  Moseka said it was "the afterglow." Pretty sure we all had a very difficult time falling asleep.  You don't really feel like you need it after a night like that.  Oh sure, later today it will catch up with me, especially as I was woken before 5 from a dream about where things are and where they are going.

I know this is a really long post, but I can't help it.  I'll try and sum this week up in 3 words....

Tender - the tender mercies that are new every morning are no joke.

Extravagant - the Love of God is truly four-dimensional; wider, deeper, higher and longer than we can understand.  I will spend the rest of my life trying to touch the borders but I know I'll never get close.

Real - I ended a Facebook post with this statement last night (when I couldn't sleep):
"Prove God exists and still does the stuff in the Bible, you say. I can. Come see for yourself, May 27th, 7 pm, 11140 Greenbay, Houston, 77024. ‪#‎iamlivingproof‬"

 Open up your heart and let Me in.

Prayer, praise, is to invite the Lord God, the Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer of the UNIVERSE into your life.  When you really go there with Him, you will never be the same.  Ever.  I am not. And I'll never stop being thankful for it.

2015 Year of Prayer - Week 8

The potential for God to do the level of things never seen on this continent, or at least on the scale we have seen, is frankly, tremendous.  When we agree in prayer, knowing His will and praying for His Kingdom to Come, stuff starts getting D.O.N.E.

I've gotten more glimpses of the investment in prayer starting to pay dividends this week.  By dividends, I mean God answering prayers in ways that exceed way above what I could possibly think.  I'm not only seeing Him answer, I'm getting glimpses of how He weaves situations together as only the One with His perspective can.  He is, literally-speaking, the Only One sitting up high enough to see how it all goes together.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

Prayer can be hard.  I won't lie and say there are days I would rather (and sometimes do) stay in the cozy warmth of my covers and my husband's prodigious body heat (he's like my own personal space heater).  Still, I just know I'll be missing out unless/until I get with the Lord.  I tell you what though, the things I'm seeing happen get me excited to get out of bed and talk with God!  The prayer of a righteous man (and woman) avails much. (James 5:16)

There are 2 keys to "availing much," as I can tell.  We need to maximize the potential of our prayers with faith and gratitude.  When we pray using these tools of heart and mind, not only do we line up with God's heart and mind, but I imagine there is a sonic boom in the heavens, as God releases the answer which blows away the presence of the enemy; there is atomic energy potential in prayer!

Prayer is like an muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. The opposite is true: the less you pray, the flabbier your prayers.  Faith, like prayer, is developed through experience and knowledge.  You pursue faith as much as it is a gift from God.  You can certainly ask for more faith - Mark 9:24 demonstrates when the father of the demon-possessed boy asks Jesus for help believing He could heal.

Throughout my faith walk, the Lord has given me special "dispensations" in certain situations - an extra dose of faith to believe in what He can/will do.  It isn't something radical: I just have zero doubt He will do it. I don't ever really know how He will, but I know He will and that is all that He asks....for faith the size of a mustard seed.

•  (a mustard seed is smaller than this bullet point.)

 I have a few of those "dispensations" right now, including my friend Audrey who I wrote about a few weeks back (read about her here.)  I know my faith is not now (or ever) in vain.

We have to faith but Scripture also tells us over and over to encapsulate our prayers with gratitude.  Gratitude does more to usher me into the presence of God than anything else.  This morning, while I was swimming, I began to see gratitude as the streamline of prayer.

For those of you who are not swimmers, humor me.  Streamline is the position you adopt the second you push off the wall.  You can see in the diagram above, the better your streamline, the farther you can go with less work.  Your arms locked above your head, one hand on top of the other; your stomach and legs also tight together.  But if your position is floppy, your streamline will do you more harm than good.  A bad streamline means, instead of helping you cut through the water, it will slow you down.

Streamlining is the key to doing less work for more dividend.  Think of it this way: if you glide nearly halfway across the pool, you only actually swim half a length, instead of the whole!  It is worth the effort to tweak your form to get a streamline right for sure.

Gratitude gets us halfway across the divide between us and the Lord.  It slices through our thoughts, feelings and even our will power.  Gratitude put us right in the lap of Our Father in Heaven. I can testify the mornings I practice gratitude upon waking are the mornings I get the most out of prayer.

There are endless ways to express your gratitude to God: adoration, admiration, worship, praise and thankfulness.  They are all birds of the same kinda feather.  You don't just have to speak your gratitude either, you can sing, dance, get on your face on the floor, write, paint, walk...You can also just sit in restfully in the silence, basking in the goodness of God.

The body position and action of our prayers are not nearly as important as our heart position.  Faith gets us to ask in prayer.  Gratitude gets our hearts ready to receive His answers.

When we thank God, especially when we thank Him in advance of seeing the answer, we are doing heavy weight training of our prayer muscles.  We are building up what Jude calls "our most holy faith."  It takes faith to believe what we ask for, in His Name, He will do.  It takes gratitude to appreciate and see what He is doing in our lives and the lives of others.

Prayer is the most powerful of all our Christian muscles.  Keep strengthening yours as I strengthen mine.  Just imagine the work of God we will be looking back on in December!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 6

In a certain seasons of life, the Holy Spirit will keep bringing the same verses and ideas to your attention. That's happening right now for me, but instead of a verse, He is bringing me an entire chapter. Perhaps that means I'm getting where I can handle more but I think the more likely reality is I don't need just a trickle of a verse. I need the fire hose on full blast.

The chapter is Romans 8: bearing the fruit of the Spirit over fruit of the flesh.  I talked a lot last week about the process of bearing more fruit. (Read it here).  Oh, the pruning, snipping, clipping and stripping of my flesh continues.  I have to keep in mind the point of it all is to bear MORE fruit than I currently am. I did not anticipate this when I got into this high and lofty idea of THE YEAR OF PRAYER, but I probably should have.  (Let that be a lesson to you.)

But it is all good.  Honestly, I'm good with it.

One of the many things I love about Romans 8 is the intensity.  You've had all this build up about sin and salvation, Paul could quit while he is ahead.  But he doesn't, the dude just keeps going higher, like he is trying to be the first one to scale a spiritual Mount Everest.  The Apostle Paul is the Sir Edmund Hillary of the Gospel.  The language is beyond meaty, with every word, every sentence and idea you could chew on for the rest of your life.  It wins the aware for "Best Theology and Life Application" in my book.

Because really, what good is theology if you can't apply it to life?

I've been in this chapter since October and I'm only up to verse 5.  Paul is taking the idea of bearing spiritual fruit to the stratosphere and putting the screw to us all. Bear fruit, not just because you want to but because CHRIST DIED FOR YOU TO DO IT.

We are supposed to be an intentionally-fruit-bearing-people.  We should be paying attention to the way we spend our time, money, energy, gifts, etc. To live a lift worthy of Christ, you have to live it for the way God wants, not the way you want.  Make the space, the time, the effort for HIM, NOT YOU. Simple, yet utterly profound.

This past week was another step in the direction of Spirit over flesh.  It's not just about a change of spiritual nature anymore, the Lord wants the internal change to be reflected externally, more than it is at the moment. This is because, when my flesh is not up to par, it effects my....well, effectiveness....in the Spirit.  It's an object lesson of sorts.

Three months ago, the Lord gave me a line of faith to believe He wants to heal my thyroid/adrenal disease. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease (or hypo-thyroidism) 5 years ago.  I've been on medication since, of varying dosages. It was only when I was ready, when He'd prepared me to think differently about what He wants for my physicality, that I felt like I could believe this was not meant to be.  It took half of decade, but He moved me away from the thought "I will always be on this medicine," to "Maybe I can get off someday....soon!"  However, He reminded me my lifestyle would have to support this goal.

He would heal me, but I would need to do my part.

I have not been consistent or intentional.  Things are changing, but only slowly because I haven't been fully committed.  I haven't been paying full attention to what goes into my body and how well my body functions as a result.  Not in a legalistic way, but in a way that takes care of this 5'11" Temple of the Holy Spirit.

The crux of the matter is this: when I don't feel good, I am not at the top of my stewardship game.  I don't use my gifts, time, presence...all that goes into a life of service to Christ...as well as I could.  When I do what I want, I get sluggish and lazy.  This does not please God, Amy.

 Richard Foster writes in his book Prayer, 

God cares as much about the body as he does the soul, as much about the emotions as he does the spirit.  The redemption that is in Jesus is total, involving every aspect of the person - body, soul, will, mind, emotions, spirit.

When I do what pleases the Lord (which includes take good care of my body by eating right, exercising within healthy limits), I am a more effective servant.  When I pour into the Spirit, I'm a joyful steward of all He is given me; the fruit really starts to pop up all over the place.  When I pour into my flesh, I am an unwilling steward of His blessings; the fruit starts to wither on the vine.

This week is all about coming to see and understand this, not just in my head but in my heart . 

The writer of Hebrews echos Romans 8 well when in 12:1-3 (from the Message, of course),

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it..he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever...When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

The pruning in me is happening to create a lean-mean-fruit-bearing machine, for His glory and the good of myself and those around me. Freedom comes with responsibility.  That responsibility is to take back our God-given authority from the enemy.  We can regain the ground lost when we let our flesh rule the roost.  To do things God's way is to rest in His finished work and be released to share our redemption.  We can't do things our own way and expect the same results.

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19, NLT)

I need to keep my eyes open.
I need to keep my heart desiring His fruit over my own.
I need to be willing to go where He sends, with a new level of personal holiness in mind. (There is more coming on this as we take this journey through the upcoming season of Lent.)

If you find yourself flagging in your faith, it might be time for you to let the Lord do some stripping, getting rid of some spiritual (and for me physical) fat. Keep praying, keep pushing in, keep going over Jesus line by line.

The Lord has already given me the theme for Week 7.  "I am an under-rower."  I'll explain later! 

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 4

I sat before the Lord this morning.  I bawled my eyes out.

The feeling just welled up in me, I couldn't hold back my tears.  I sat here in the dark, no devotional, no Bible Study; with the dog running around like mad and cried.

Prayer this week has been heart-wrenching in some cases, involving emotional differences, struggles, comparisons and misunderstandings. I've come face to face with my lack of ability to help my closest peeps.  Circumstances have threatened those most precious to me. Their work in the Kingdom is great and satan has pulled out all the stops to prevent that work from coming to light.

It seems people's words can bring you low, circumstances can bring you to your knees and even your own thoughts about yourself can keep you down.  But nothing is so humbling as knowing the Almighty God of the Universe has answered your prayers.

I don't think my prayers are anything special. In fact, I have a lot of prayer aides where I'm actually using other people's prayers, including the books Prayers that Avail Much and Prayers for Others.  The authors of those books REALLY know how to pray.

Maybe as this year of prayer goes on, I will experiment with other types of prayer. My go-to tool is always the Word of God, I pray a lot from Scripture. Still, there are so many other ways to pray, I know I'm only dipping my toe into this ocean called Prayer.

And don't get me wrong. I'm still praying for folks whose situations have not resolved. The need for prayer in 2015 is even greater than I ever thought. This fact does not discourage me.  The needs are beyond comprehension but the grace and provision of Jesus Christ are even greater than the needs.  It shows me how many windows are open for Holy Spirit to fly through with His answers.

The Apostle Paul, my go-to in his happiest of letters writes, This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. (Philip 4:19)

Jesus is the start, middle and end for every prayer. He is also the means to the answer. Jesus Himself said that if we pray anything in His Name (which means asking for things in line with God's will), the Father will not hesitate to give it.

Those are ridiculous level promises. By the grace and patience of God, I've come to believe them. In Christianity, believing is seeing.  I'm seeing the fruit of my faith: the answers to prayer. They are real and Christ is everything He says He is.  Faith is the most useful tool when we are praying. If we pray without believing, there is nothing to see. 

The beauty of faith is God meets us where we are. He doesn't require apostle-faith out of everyone, all the time. He will still answer. Yet, growing in the nature of what is possible with God means we will see greater and greater things - miracles, signs, wonders.  This is the level I want to go to in 2015, to witness and document the stories of our faith happening RIGHT NOW. 

So, I sit before the Lord and cry because I feel the weight of His love and His desire to prove Himself, and use us frail and faulty people - like me and you - to do it. 

The year is just beginning. We aren't even out of January and eternal earthquakes, shifts in spiritual tectonic plates, are happening.  Revival is coming and we are a part of it. It is growing and I don't want anyone to miss out.

God is so good.  He has been so good to me, to my dearest family and friends.  He want to be good to you in ways you cannot comprehend. Let this sign, on the prayer wall at Dr. Gleem Car Wash in the Heights, encourage you.

Let's keep going on in this journey of prayer, sweet friends and I know the words of King David, from my favorite Psalm (27:13), will be a reality: I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

The How: The Simple Disciplines of Gratitude & Praise (Growing in Faith Series)

A couple of weeks ago, I started a series and this continues the thread.  This is the How of the Who, What, When, Where, Why of faith.  I like that is happens to fall in Thanksgiving Week.  It fits.  (In the first post, I covered the What, you can read that here.)

I'm a personal believer in the power of gratitude, especially as commanded in Scripture.*  But as I grow in faith, I've discovered something remarkable.  Gratitude is the root of the fruit of the Spirit we think of as Joy.  Have you ever met a sour-faced joyful person?  No way!  Grateful people are smiling.  They freely sing, dance, give, serve, study and all those other things we should do as Christians.  Freely being the keyword here.

In fact, the people you know who have the deepest well of joy have learned, through literal trial and much error, to be thankful in all situations.  Giving thanks and praising God has set them free from the weight of sin, from death.  They know these two simple practices have immense power, and are perhaps our greatest weaponry on the spiritual battlefield.**

It might seem a bit shallow to say gratitude and praise are the biggest guns in our arsenal.  We've been taught to go deep in study, prayer, service, giving.  We feel we must start an orphanage across the globe.  These are all very good things, and I wish we all did more of them.  But there is a fundamental problem - we often don't have the purest intentions when we do them.  They tend to be about us and what we do for God, rather than freely (again that word) giving without expectation of anything in return.

That issue hits home in a a book I'm writing called The Jesus Rule, based on Christ's answer to the question: what is the greatest commandment?  He answers pretty simply, quoting Deuteronomy 6 and tacking on Leviticus 19, to create the be-all-end-all commandment to please the Lord.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

Christ says that 3 times in 3 Gospels: Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:28-31 and Luke 10:25-28.  You know if God repeats something three times, we better listen.  Those red-letter words support my point: Jesus was never about what we do for God.  He was about experiencing God by letting He Who is love transform you and those around you.  I submit to you now: the shortest distance between God's love and experiencing it is gratitude and praise.

That's why I call them disciplines because they should be practiced daily, if not hourly.  That looks like saying "Thank You, Lord;" like saying grace before a meal, but not only then.  We should be saying grace over everything.  We should be declaring (out loud) Who God is and What He has done/is doing/will do.  Stormie Omartian, in The Prayer That Changes Everything, writes these wros on the very first page of the introduction,

If prayer is communicating with God, then the purest form of prayer is worship and praise.  That's because it focuses our minds and hearts entirely away from ourselves and onto Him.

If praise is our vertical beam of the Cross, then gratitude is our horizontal.  Gratitude is how we demonstrate His power and work in our lives.  They are two halves of the whole.  In them, we meet the Lord, coming to a greater, fuller understanding of Who He is.  Our love for Him will grow wildly as a result.

Trust me when I tell you this because I've been practicing it for awhile: When you truly praise God; when you are truly thankful for Him - you will find what you've been missing in your faith walk.  If you are struggling to get closer to God, to feel His Presence more, these two active truths are the keys to opening the door of your heart to Him.  Maybe you are struggling with sin, with a diagnosis, with money problems, with your kids (whatever).....it is time to bust out your big guns of thanksgiving and worship.

Jesus told the Samaritan Woman at the Well in John 4, there will come a day when the place we worship doesn't matter, but instead the position of our hearts.  We will worship in spirit AND in truth.

For it’s not where we worship that counts, but how we worship—is our worship spiritual and real? Do we have the Holy Spirit’s help? For God is Spirit, and we must have his help to worship as we should. The Father wants this kind of worship from us. (v. 22-23, TLB)

The fastest way to have the kind of relationship the Father wants is to praise and thank His Son through His Spirit.  

Quote from Watchman Nee

This are very simple practices, truly.  No theology degrees required.  Yet, when we practice them, they will become our greatest witness to the world of the love and power of Christ: to save, heal, deliver, provide and set free.  They usher in the Kingdom of God right in our own hearts, right here at our desks or where we are on our phones.  Gratitude and Praise bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth: in your house, car, workplace, school, neighborhood, gym and especially in your church.

We have such a tendency to be what the Bible calls "double-minded."  We think about God on one half of our brain, but the other half is all about ourselves: what we are feeling; what we think is right; what others are doing/have done to us; what we will eat next; what we will wear next, etc.  The Lord wants us to be singularly focused on Him, which is why The Jesus Rule makes sense.  Jesus always started with God, so we must start there. 

A.W. Tozer called Psalm 103 "God's Pitch Pipe."***  If you know anything about music, a pitch pipe is used to get a choir in tune.  Psalm 103 is a great place to start, but you can just keep going through Psalm 109 (or just go through most of the Psalms, if not all).  Worship and Thanksgiving will not only build your faith, in them you will get eyes and ears to experience the Lord in real-time. There is no better easier week in America, no more acceptable time in our calendar year, to be grateful for the vast blessings we have.  

Take Thanksgiving Week one more step further.  Call it Thanks & Praise Week.  Be grateful and praise God for it.  Let Him get your spirit in tune with His.  Let this holiday season be different because it is marked by what really pleases the Lord: Not good works, not giving, not getting along with your relatives, but gratitude and praise of His name.

*For your study, here are some references to commands from Scripture to be grateful: Psalm 50:14; Psalm 100:4; Psalm 107:22; Psalm 116:17; Isaiah 51:3; Mark 8:6; Luke 22:17; Romans 1:21; 1 Corinthians 15:57; 1 Thessalonians 5:18; Philippians 4:4,6,8-9; Revelation 7:12

**So you know, the enemy can't get to you when you are thankful and full of praise.  It expels him from the area because you are submitting to the Lord.  He has to flee.  So, if you are experience some spiritual warfare, break out your shofar (that's a reference to a horn the Hebrews often used going into battle and it's purpose is to praise God).  You've got one, right there in your throat.  Shout your praise to God - thank Him with all your might.  Then you will see the very atmosphere of the room change.  I know this for a fact too.

***Thank you to my precious, dearest friend and mentor, Janice Heffer Wright, for telling me A.W. Tozer's comment during a sermon she heard him preach (in person!) so long ago.  I have never forgotten it!

To Natalie: Year 11 - Birthday Poem

I meant to write a poem for Natalie when she turned 10.  I finally got around to it.  Pretty familiar Wakefield family tradition - poems on milestones.  Better late than never and she got to read it just after having breakfast in bed (a relatively new Vogel family tradition).  For the rest of her birthday - day, she is going to have treats at school.  Then we are going to a mac-and-cheese only restaurant with my family.  Perfect for my girl.  She will get to celebrate with Dave's family in a couple of weeks.

To the left, she is in the middle of all the before-school birthday festivities, with her new rip-stick. (To the right is the gratuitous picture with Toddler, who kept photo-bombing the other shots.)  What a treat she is!  Love this girl so much......

****************************************************************************************************

God's mercy to me is plain

All over your beautiful face.

I look at it and all I can do is

Thank Him for this every day grace.

Your prayers are always answered.

Your jokes (almost) always funny.

Your brain is constantly working,

But it's your unceasing kindness that is sweeter than honey.

Eleven years have flown by.

One day never like the last.

And I know someday that today,

Will seem like a long time in the past.

But for the moment, I want to treasure that,

Everything is still new and exciting for you.

Even your Mac-And-Cheese obsession leads us

To try something new.

Soon, you will be all grown.

A woman in your own right.

When you’ve moved away,

I will miss tucking you in at night.

You’ve taught me how to be a Mom.

You are teaching me, still.

You challenge me to be better.

It’s not a burden, it’s a thrill.

Daddy and I are so proud of you;

It’s tough to think you’ll be soon off on your own.

Even though we want to see what’s next,

We regret it will eventually involve a phone.  (Not today though.)

Always remember I love you,

I am the one who loves you best.

Spread your wings and fly, little bird,

Just always come back to the nest.