The Last Post

I've been coming to this post for awhile.  I'm taking inventory of most everything in my life - or at least that's what my friend/counselor Pastor Andy tells me.  It's true.  When my Dad died, it shifted my foundation and I don't understand the full impact of it yet.  It's a big adjustment in uncountable ways.  Big probably isn't the most effective word to use right there, but I'm not always as eloquent as I would like to be. 

I will say it is another order of magnitude of inventory-taking from the season right after Sophia's diagnosis.  Poignantly, my Dad died the day after Sophia was given the all clear.  He got to see it.  Thank You Jesus.

After writing a blog for 7 years, I've come into agreement with God: it is time to move on.  I'm entering into a unknown season, one where I don't share everything God gives me all the time - at least not on an easily accessible public forum.  It is going to be hard for me, as I enjoy the gratification of knowing I've helped people, encouraged them in their faith and (more than a little selfishly) the praise that comes with writing a piece people like.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and when people click "like," comment, email or tell me in person they like what I wrote, it makes me feel pretty darn good, productive and.....deeply fulfilled. 

Writing is a gift God has given me, a gift that touches me at the deepest level.  There isn't anything wrong enjoying the praise that comes from being a useful tool in His hands.  It's just time to have the courage to say Yes to Him using this tool in different and new ways.  It's time to seek His approval alone for a little while.  Does that mean I won't share?

No, I'm on social media (probably too much for some folks) so I will continue to document my family's antics, adventures and the events we experience that move the Kingdom of God forward.  I'm too much of a people person to keep totally silent.

There is an element of discipline and obedience required to go deeper into what the Lord wants to do in and through me.  I've got to be taught to teach.  Also, in order to finish some of the projects He has entrusted me with and will bring to my doorstep in 2016, I need to put this down.  I know I haven't written much lately and didn't quite persevere with #2015TheYearofPrayer like I wanted.  Still, this blog occupies my mind and heart in a way that doesn't leave enough space for the work He wants me to do now.

I read this verse during my quiet time this morning - which put me in a wonder-filled mindset at the timing: For loving God means obeying his commands.  Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as its Father overcomes the world.  And this is what victoriously overcomes the word: our trust.  Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, CJB/NIV)

What is coming is not burdensome, just as this blog has not been so, only the opposite.  It's always been a precious outlet.  It's now time for me to take up my Cross in a little different way - to switch shoulders, if you will and trust Jesus more to carry the load.  I treasure those of you I've told about this change, who received it with grace and humility.  Thank you for letting me know how you've enjoyed reading.  I know that's only  15 of you, but still. 

We are all coming to the end of 2015 - headed into a new year, but more than that; it is a fresh start to lay down what we might have carried for too long, plans we've made that aren't producing the sweetest fruit.  It's time for us, as the People of God, to seek, without any timidity, our purposes and destiny in Christ.  We must press in to overcome the barriers and distractions of this world - to step out from behind the curtain and show the world what He has done, is doing and will do through a Church who loves Him, is learning to love itself and wants to others well.

(Not) Incidentally, a couple weeks back, the Lord gave me "my" word for 2016.  If 2015 was Prayer - 2016 is Love.  I thought that word was just for me until I spoke to my friend Wynter this morning and she got the same word!!  The Lord is setting this world up to see what His ultimate display of love really looks like in His People - His United and Unified Church.  The time is short to do it, so we have to do it NOW.

What I've always tried to do on this blog is answer the question, "What does faith look like in real life?"  So: what does God's love look when His people breath it in and out in every moment of life?

Well, the Spirit has given me 2 verses this year - one for my ministry life and one for my personal life.  The ministry one came much earlier in the year, the personal one only since my Dad's passing.  It is the personal one, Psalm 116, that gives me the idea on how to help people understand the reality of what God's love looks like:

Be at rest, once more, O my soul, 
For the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I just have to tell my story of how good the Lord has been to me.  It's that simple.  It's all you have to do, too.

How has He been good to you?

How has He delivered you from death?

How has He dried your tears?

How has He held you up when you were about to fall?

Ironically, of course, you would think this medium would be perfect for that!  But not in the coming season.  I need to craft my story through alternative means and wait for Him to show me how to share it with the world.

I hope you've felt through these sometimes silly, sometimes desperate and sometimes searching posts that I love Jesus and I love you.  I hope You've seen His marvelous power to destroy the shade of death over the lives of my family and friends.  I hope You've seen how He is teaching me to love myself, by drying my tears over Sophia and thereby giving me permission to cry about other things - including my Dad.  I know I've felt like I've hit the concrete so hard so many times, but in reality, He cushioned, or even broke my fall - even pulling me back just in time.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you laughing and crying with me and listening to my thoughts. Thank You for serving me with your companionship.  I do hope it's made a difference in Your walk with Christ.  He is so close - He left it all to come to us and be not just WITH us, but One of us.  He knows you and He knows me.  He doesn't miss a thing and that's a very good thing.  

Don't stop seeking Him, ever.  Keep getting closer, even if it is uncomfortable or scary.  Even (and especially) when others don't get it.  He is as close as your breath but even closer - as close as the blood pumping in your veins.  I know He wants to do marvelous things through you, and me.  We are all in this together.  By trusting what He has done and how He is demonstrating it through us, we do overcome everything this world throws at us.

Keep in touch!  I will.

amysvogel@hotmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/awvogel 

https://twitter.com/amywvogel

Tears - An All Saints Day Tribute

As I often do, I'll start this post off with some brutal honesty.

I've never given All Saints Day much thought.  It is a centuries old tradition, especially meaningful in the first 300 years of the Church when so many were martyred.  It still has a place today, and in the Methodist church, on the first Sunday of November, we celebrate the lives of those who've gone home to heaven in the last year.  As a family, we've lost people before now - including Dave's beloved grandmother Mable 18 months ago.  Yet, it's never hit this close to home; so close to pull me out of my self-absorbed reverie to grasp the full meaning. This All Saints Day, the day we put my Dad's ashes in the ground after church, definitely brings the full concept painfully close.

I woke this morning with a song in my head, "Already There," by Casting Crowns (you can listen to it here).  I've listened to that song a lot in the last 6 weeks.  We all have moments where we look at God and go, "What is happening?  Why?  When?  Where?....Huh, God?"  It is immensely comforting for me to be able to say, One day I'll stand before You and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

Today, of all days, when I know it will be so hard, I am desperately clinging to that hope of glory.  There will be a day when those questions get answered.  It's funny to think, too, some of those questions I think are so important right now will not be when I'm standing next to Jesus. 

But for right now, just for today, for the next few hours, I'm not going to ask any questions.  I am just going to rest in the comfort of knowing God has me.  He has us.  He has my Dad.  He has the whole world.  He has not lost His grip. He is  present and able, always.  He is kind and gracious.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows it hurts and how badly it does.  He is already at the end of my life on earth but at the same time, and I write this with incredible mystery and wonder, He is right here with me in this moment and time.  I know all of that for sure, even if I don't understand it at all.

For anyone out there struggling like me, on this All Saint's Day, I gained permission from my friend
to post a vision she shared with me this week.  It is SO powerful, it shifted my thought-life about the world to come in a major way.  My friend is working through a decade-old grief and recently had a healing experience in prayer which is nothing short of otherworldly.  It's called Tears and will speak to the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one, as well as all those who've wondered what the Lord really does with our tears.  It's precious.  Please take it in and know the Lord indeed provides this level of comfort to all when we ask. 

Lord, You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping.  You've stored my many tears in Your bottle, not one will be lost.  You care about me every time I've cried.  For it is recorded in Your book of remembrance. - Psalm 56:8

I asked the Lord for a picture and this is what He gave me.  I share it with you.

I saw your tears, I felt my own - I fell to my knees.  Why Lord, why so much pain - who will carry all this pain?

In an instant I was swept away to a place; a weighty place so beautiful that words alone are insufficient.  I believe it was a secret place, for the most magnificent beings I have ever seen lined the room in majesty.  There were more than I could count and each one was holding a bottle.  Was it a bottle of light?  A bottle of gold?  A bottle of glory?  I could not tell.

No one spoke and I knelt, trembling in fear.  When I looked up, one bottle caught my eye.  It seemed to shine like the stars of Heaven.  The angel holding it summoned me toward it.  As I came near I saw its color; iridescent blue mixed with a majestic purple I have never seen on earth.  I could not take my eyes off such a stunning sight - my eyes were fixed, almost frozen as I looked upon this jar of beauty.  What was stored in such a container?  It could only be something worth more than all the wealth of the nations or all the hearts of men.  What could it be?

As I looked at this amazing bottle, I saw a name written on it - it was your name. The angel tipped the bottle and summoned me to look in - I trembled and tried to look away but I could not; I wanted to see the treasure within.  As I looked, I saw you my sweet friend, crying.  There you were, broken-hearted and tears unstoppable.  Before I could reach out to you, I saw your tears dropping, dropping into the beautiful bottle.  Yes, every tear spilling into this jar, not one to be lost.  As I watched the scene before me, I saw your tears turning into gems, diamonds and sapphires.  Each tear that dropped turned into splashes of beauty that were carefully contained so as not to be lost.   

I looked up at the angel as if to ask why but then I saw beyond the tears - it was a great and glorious ocean, iridescent blue and majestic purple splashing upon the beach.  Each splash formed a beautiful gemstone creating the sand.  Then I saw Him - my Jesus - His eyes the color of the ocean, His smile so joyful my heart could barely contain such magnificence.  He was running and laughing in the sand.  He was playing with someone - a family - I looked, it was you.  You were together - all of you - your faces looked happy, joyful yet filled with a peace I have never seen.  I watched Jesus as He carefully ran His hand through the sand.  It was as if the joy were come from the gems that formed the sand.

Yes, the joy was coming from the gems; the diamonds and sapphires that had been your tears.  The ones He had guarded so closely and stored in this jar of beauty were shining with joy.  How could this be - such pain turned to joy?  I looked again and I saw you crying, yet dancing together in the sand at the same time.  Could this ?  Two worlds so carefully knit together?  One of pain and one of joy?

Then I asked: WHY LORD ARE THESE TEARS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT NONE ARE TO BE LOST?

Immediately the angel tipped the jar so I could no longer see the contents but before me sat another bottle.  This one was gold, so bright I could barely look upon it but I saw for a fleeting moment the name: THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB.

I fell to the floor with my face down for fear I would die at such a precious sight.  My Savior's blood - the very blood that was shed for my life.  And then I knew....His blood that come from such a great sacrifice was shed for our tears, your tears, my tears, all the pain of this world.  Those tears were worth more than I could think or imagine and none were to be lost.

In an instant I was back on my knees, tears streaming down my face - tears for you.  The Lord was there holding a bottle - this one had my name on it - collecting my tears; the ones He gave His life for.  At that moment I let go - I surrendered my tears to Him who promised to carry my sadness, my pain, my heartbreak.  I know each tear has a safe place till Heaven and earth are one.  I do not understand but I will trust.

I pray that you will allow your tears to flow freely - for not one is ever lost or wasted and someday those tears will be like grains of sand that look like diamonds filling an ocean that only knows JOY.

I am forever thankful for you...my friend. 

I am Mary

Last week, I had to prepare a talk about who I was in the Bible.  It was an assignment for my Bible Study class in which I had to pick the person from Scripture I most identified with, in terms of life and ministry.  I asked a few friends for an opinion, but I didn't necessarily relate to the characters they mentioned.  I think that was more of a case how they related to me.  So, I decided I would pray about it.  I thought I should ask Jesus Himself.

Good idea, huh?  Go to the source.

So, I was praying but not much was really coming.  After the experience I had a few weeks ago when I was touched by the love of the Father (which you can read about here), I was praying a couple of days later.  I was listening to music and on my knees, feeling like I was at His feet.  That's when I felt/heard/realized the Holy Spirit spoke:  You are My Mary.

After I was able to get up off the floor, a long time later, as the weight of this download pinned me prostrate, I was able to process.  It was an identity shift, it moved the fabric of my own personal universe.  I've always thought of myself as Martha - I think most women nowadays too.  I've always been proud of that because Martha, despite her obvious misconception about what Jesus would do for her, she made the turn.  In John 11, she is all the way, on board.  She knows He is the Messiah.  She declares her belief in Him, her belief in Him as the Savior in this world and the next.

Now, He's changed my name.

Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, was perhaps the first official female disciple.  It is remarkable because Jesus choosing her in Luke 10:42 gives us a greater understanding of what the Kingdom should look like.  Paul echoes that in Galatians 3:28 when he writes, There is no male or female, Jew or Gentile, slave or free, in Christ Jesus.  It was completely counter cultural, an upset in the societal order for Jesus to call Mary as a Disciple.  BUT HE DOES.  

It is clear He meant business with her because her role was just as critical to Him personally as well as missionally.  You see, Jesus not only anointed Mary with His authority to minister to others - but He let her minister to Him.  She anointed Him for burial with her dowry, 3/4 pound jar of spikenard oil.  He let her minister to His heart.  He let her care for Him!  Wow.  What a shift for her too, I bet.

I feel both humbled and wholly empowered to do what He is calling me to do, knowing He is with me.  He has put His mark, His stamp on me and will show me the way to accomplish what He wants to do through me.  It's Him and it's Me.  It's a remarkable feeling, a new level of freedom.

In closing, I'll share the opening of my talk, a little imaginative story-telling.  I went on to explain Mary's call and how I relate to her in more detail but I'll have to post that another time.  Just want to leave you with the possibility of what our God can do for you too, as you seek Him and all that He has to give you. 

A long time ago, there was a woman.  She had a sister and a brother, whom she lived with in a small village, not far from the main town in all the land.  They were not rich but they had enough.  One day, a celebrity teacher and his entourage came to their house for a visit.  It was a huge honor to her host and they knew it.  Her sister, the master hostess, began the preparations for a feast for some 20 people.  Even though they were of low to moderate means, her sister knew how to stretch it.  She was an expert on how to create much from little.  Yet, she often wears herself out in the process.

The motley band of the teacher and his buddies were in the main living room.  They were having a great time, telling stories from the road, laughing and teasing each other; and listening to the teacher explain in deeper detail what his plans were.  It was magical and this young woman was pulled into it.  It was not the typical place for a woman to be, as in those days and still today, some people said a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  Truly, that was where her sister would have preferred her to be.  Still, this woman was different.  She would rather been soaking in the presence of this celebrity, this teacher of renown.  She wouldn’t have been pulled away unless by force.

In her heart of hearts, this woman loved the teacher from the start.  There was a special connection to him she could not put a finger on.  It was not necessary physical, as he wasn’t striking or devastatingly handsome, as many popular men even now have to be.  His charisma overpowered her.  It wa his wisdom, his focus that drew her in.  The shape and color of his eyes – the depth of his soul shining from them – it captivated her.  His words made her feel different inside.  She was uncomfortable but not in a bad way.  It was as if some long dead part of her was coming alive, was waking up from sleep as she listened to Him.

It was love that drew her in.  It was a more complete, sacred, holy feeling than she’d ever experienced.  It radiated from him.  He seemed to have a special eye for her too, not just because she wasn’t doing what was expected of her.  She was hungry and he knew it.  More than that, he had the food to feed her.  He admired her.  He saw her devotion and her sweetness.  He saw she cared for him, cared what he had to say – not because she could get something from him, like so many around him.  She wanted what he came to give.  She loved him for who he was, not just what he could do for her.  Their bond was unique and it stood out.

As the woman sat rapt, she did more than listen.  She internalized what he was saying.  She believed him with her whole heart.  The way he talked about his father was so unusual.  The way he talked about their God so unique.  She was completely present in the moment and felt like she could stay comfortable in his presence forever.  In fact, she was so lost in what he was saying, she didn’t notice her sister passive-aggressively berating her to their guest!

She shrank back, fearful of what he will say.  Would he reject her?  Would he send banish her back to the kitchen with her sister?  Would she have to settle for an ordinary life?  After hearing him teach, after sitting so comfortably in his presence…the idea of not being with him, of not being part of what he was doing, was unthinkable. If he told her to, she would go back to the kitchen, but she dreaded it.  She silently prayed to Yahweh to help her to stay where she was.  She wanted what the teacher had and she wanted her life to change.  She wanted freedom and she knew he was the way to it.  He was different than anyone else she’d ever met. 

A word from him would change her whole life.  So she held her breath.  She felt like she was on the teetering edge between life and death.  It all depended on him, on his decision.  He wielded authority like no one else, which is why her sister went to him.  When he walked in the house, he became the head.  He was head of this house, now, too. 

Her future would begin or end with his word.  So, she sat there and awaited her fate……

2015: Year of Prayer, Week 24-25

For it is God's will and intention that by doing right (your good and honest lives) should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. (1 Peter 2:15, AMP)

This morning, I started on Psalm 34:8  (Taste and see the Lord is good!)  But in weeks like the last couple, it gets real easy - too easy - to move from a position of grace to a position of anger (righteous, justified or otherwise).  I ended up in 1 Peter 2 because the Apostle references Psalm 34:8, as he is instructing Christian believers (I tend to think they were probably Messianic Jews; his words apply to us Gentiles too.)  He is helping them understand how to act in a time when their faith was a liability in the eyes of the world.

These last 10 days make me think our faith looks like a liability to some now too.

Between the shooting at Emanuel AME church in Charleston 10 days ago, or the ruling by the Supreme Court on Friday morning making same-sex marriage legal nationwide, it seems more than ever as Christians, we need to not only KNOW the right way to act to please God and draw others to Him......but do it. 

(Of course that means we will apply that to life differently, so grace and love must be the rule in every situation...especially in the family of faith.) 

One of my very good friends got a word from the Lord about 2015: RAPID.  Now is the time, there is probably not many more moments to waste if you are on the fence about making Jesus front and center in your life.  I'm not a harbinger of doom, but based on some of the commentary I've seen on social media....in the United States being a Christian may start doing us more harm than good.

But there is lies the challenge and what Peter was saying.  Jesus is either a stumbling block or a stepping stone (1 Peter 2:8).  He is either going to trip you up or raise you up.  He will either cause you to fall on your face or He will turn His face upon you (Num 6:24). 

In the case of Dylann Roof killing 9 brothers and sisters in Christ during a prayer meeting on 6/17/15, Christ was obviously a stumbling block.  But for those believers left behind, He was a stepping stone to lift them up to show what is possible with Christ.  Last Sunday, our pastor preached the quintessential message on this and in it, showed the video where Roof was confronted by several of the victim's family members...and they forgave him.  The clincher was the last lady to speak.  She was actually there, a witness to his crime....and she only spoke forgiveness.  Here is that video:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.  Forgiving the man who you watched murder 9 of your church family members less than 48 hours afterwards is impossible, short of the indwelling and overflowing of the Holy Spirit.

To the other major event this week, I'm not going to say much about same-sex marriage, other than I don't agree with it.  I have prayed and sought the mind of the Lord repeatedly on this issue and my heart is never changed.  However, I don't have to agree with a lifestyle to love someone.  In that same vein, as children of God, we don't have to be on the same side politically to worship Christ together.  The Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives trumps every human institution and affiliation.

Our cultural system accepting and even promoting the LGBT way doesn't shake me.  What causes me concern is when it starts to affect our ability to freely live our faith.  That's where this is going, in case you didn't realize it.  Christians who support gay marriage will eventually feel the squeeze on their faith, just as those of us who don't agree with the ruling. 

My prayers (and the prayers of others) for the last 2 weeks (even longer really) have been for the Body of Christ.  We have got to put aside our doctrinal, denominational, political and self-serving issues and come together.  Revival is here and if anything gets in the way of you loving a brother or sister in Christ, it is time to sweep that leaven out of the house.  

Peter's words in his nearly-2000 year old letter are so critical to us now.  We must conduct ourselves properly, not according to our own understanding.  We must lean even more heavily into who the Lord has revealed Himself to be.  We must love the brotherhood - the Christian family - taking pains to make sure we don't give unbelievers any more ammunition not to come to Christ.  We have tasted and seen the Lord is good.  We KNOW HE IS.  It is time to demonstrate that to the world so they, too, will see He is good.

I know this doesn't sound much like a record of my prayer journey but it is.  This is a post for me.  This is me pouring out my heart to God.  This is me going vertical.  This is what is on my mind.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever be on this Earth (praise God, I will be in heaven!).  It is convicting to look back on my day yesterday and see how many times I failed to reflect His heart especially when emotions and hot-bed issues are involved.

So, I repent.  I ask for forgiveness.  I ask the Lord to create a right spirit in me, not one of my own making, but right in His eyes.  I don't want to be known for anything other than my faith.  It speaks the loudest, through the actions of my life and my character. 

It is a challenging business being a Christian.  I pray for me.  I pray for you.  I pray for all of us.  We are heading into perilous waters.  But I know the One who walked on the waves.  And so did Peter, which is why he could tell us how to live, even as he was walking it out too (pun intended). 

Let my heart reflect Yours, Oh, Lord.  Help me.  Help us, Your People. Help our nation and our world.  Let us become more aware of Your Presence.  Let us experience....let us taste and see and live for...the glory of Your Goodness.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 4

I sat before the Lord this morning.  I bawled my eyes out.

The feeling just welled up in me, I couldn't hold back my tears.  I sat here in the dark, no devotional, no Bible Study; with the dog running around like mad and cried.

Prayer this week has been heart-wrenching in some cases, involving emotional differences, struggles, comparisons and misunderstandings. I've come face to face with my lack of ability to help my closest peeps.  Circumstances have threatened those most precious to me. Their work in the Kingdom is great and satan has pulled out all the stops to prevent that work from coming to light.

It seems people's words can bring you low, circumstances can bring you to your knees and even your own thoughts about yourself can keep you down.  But nothing is so humbling as knowing the Almighty God of the Universe has answered your prayers.

I don't think my prayers are anything special. In fact, I have a lot of prayer aides where I'm actually using other people's prayers, including the books Prayers that Avail Much and Prayers for Others.  The authors of those books REALLY know how to pray.

Maybe as this year of prayer goes on, I will experiment with other types of prayer. My go-to tool is always the Word of God, I pray a lot from Scripture. Still, there are so many other ways to pray, I know I'm only dipping my toe into this ocean called Prayer.

And don't get me wrong. I'm still praying for folks whose situations have not resolved. The need for prayer in 2015 is even greater than I ever thought. This fact does not discourage me.  The needs are beyond comprehension but the grace and provision of Jesus Christ are even greater than the needs.  It shows me how many windows are open for Holy Spirit to fly through with His answers.

The Apostle Paul, my go-to in his happiest of letters writes, This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. (Philip 4:19)

Jesus is the start, middle and end for every prayer. He is also the means to the answer. Jesus Himself said that if we pray anything in His Name (which means asking for things in line with God's will), the Father will not hesitate to give it.

Those are ridiculous level promises. By the grace and patience of God, I've come to believe them. In Christianity, believing is seeing.  I'm seeing the fruit of my faith: the answers to prayer. They are real and Christ is everything He says He is.  Faith is the most useful tool when we are praying. If we pray without believing, there is nothing to see. 

The beauty of faith is God meets us where we are. He doesn't require apostle-faith out of everyone, all the time. He will still answer. Yet, growing in the nature of what is possible with God means we will see greater and greater things - miracles, signs, wonders.  This is the level I want to go to in 2015, to witness and document the stories of our faith happening RIGHT NOW. 

So, I sit before the Lord and cry because I feel the weight of His love and His desire to prove Himself, and use us frail and faulty people - like me and you - to do it. 

The year is just beginning. We aren't even out of January and eternal earthquakes, shifts in spiritual tectonic plates, are happening.  Revival is coming and we are a part of it. It is growing and I don't want anyone to miss out.

God is so good.  He has been so good to me, to my dearest family and friends.  He want to be good to you in ways you cannot comprehend. Let this sign, on the prayer wall at Dr. Gleem Car Wash in the Heights, encourage you.

Let's keep going on in this journey of prayer, sweet friends and I know the words of King David, from my favorite Psalm (27:13), will be a reality: I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

2015: Year of Prayer - Week 1

I want to go to my next level of faith, with 2015 seeing answers to prayer like never before!...By prayer - I mean consistent communication with God.

Last week, I wrote a post about 2015 being my year of prayer and these two statements are the take-aways.  This post is the beginning of what (I hope) will be my documentation of how that aim is changing me over the next 52 weeks.  I've already been praying more than I was before - mostly because I am more aware of it than ever before.  I wouldn't say I was a slouch in the area of prayer in 2014 but because I was witness to the Lord answering prayers in wonderful ways, which really started to grab my attention.

It was like God grabbing my face and saying, "Look at what I'm doing here!" I figure it is best to pay closer attention.

It is clear to me how much time there is in the day.  I have jam-packed days like everyone else, there are a lot of creatures to care for in my life.  I used to be keenly aware of how little time I had in the day, especially for myself.  But now, as my thought life is being upgraded (I'll talk more about that in a second), I feel my attention drawn to this fact: there are copious amounts of sections during my day I could be at prayer.

I don't mean spending hours on my face in "formal" prayer.  Maybe I'll get there, if I submit enough to letting the Lord wake me up in the middle of the night (I'm working on it but not wholly surrendered, I assure you).  

I've come to realize the majority of the time my mind is engaged in relative neutral.  Usually when my body is doing something else: exercising, driving, washing dishes, or laundry, I've noticed I'm not really thinking of anything, or I'm running through my to do list.  Usually, though, I've found is my mind is focused on how I can get what I want for myself.

That last one hits hard.  I am now acutely, almost painfully aware of just how much I think about only myself: my wants, my needs, my desires....and how to get them.

When these minutes of my life tick by, I can never get them back.  Whether I've used them for good, evil or nothing in particular, they are gone with the wind.  If I've spent most of them on myself, thinking about my comfort, my feelings, my intentions, I'm not storing treasures up in heaven.  I am the center of my universe.  Not God, not Christ, not my family, not my church.  Not anyone but......ME.  The central line running across the movie screen of my brain is: MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME
MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME
MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME
MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME (ad nausem)

Convicting, is it not?

I didn't say this was going to be easy.  In any economy, you don't get something for nothing.  Certainly, you don't get a better/stronger/more effective spiritual (or physical, emotional, relational for that matter) life without having to pay for it.  You have to pay to play.  You have to become aware the Cross is on the floor in order to pick it up.

It simply comes down to a transfer of minutes.  I must move some of my currency (of time) out of the "ME," account into the "PRAYER" account.  Fortunately, this kind of transfer will get me somewhere.  I think I'll get moved out of neutral (or in some cases going backward) in a few areas of my life.  That's not the end goal, but it sure is encouraging!

This week, I've been trying to move minutes around.  This isn't happening in ways anyone else would really notice.  For instance:

• Instead of thinking about how I wish I was already finished when I exercise, I've been praying for healing for my friends and family with health issues; praising God for being so close to them during this time. 
• When I'm lying down with Ella in her new big girl bed, instead of being annoyed she is flopping around like a fish, I've been praying for her to get some rest; thanking God I can be at home with her. 

Here's a few I just thought of:

• When I'm washing dishes, instead of being frustrated there is no one else around to do this loathsome chore, I'll be asking God to help my friend stay in her marriage; grateful He saved mine.
• When I'm folding laundry, instead of watching TV, I'll be asking the Lord to clearly guide my husband who is hard at work; thanking the Lord for His immense favor towards us. 
• When I have a few moments of quiet, instead of checking social media, I'll be praying for the next words (and time) to write in my book; remembering He gave me something important to say.  
• When I'm walking the dog, instead of wishing she would hurry up and do her business, I'll be praying for Natalie and Sophia; praising Him for blessing them with love for Him at such young ages. 
• When I'm driving, instead of tuning out the world, I'll be praying for my church and the world. 

I'm confident it will not stop there.  Prayer is something God loves for us to do, so when you work to take it seriously, the opportunities start popping up like popcorn.  

I pray in all kinds of ways.  I can be loud, especially when I'm in praise mode and singing.  I can be quieter when I'm speaking in English or my prayer language.  There are times when I just picture the words in my head as I'm saying them, trusting the Lord sees them too.  My eyes leak pretty often, (especially when I'm grateful) so I count my tears as prayers.  I can even let the motion of my hands be my prayer.  Or merely breathing in more of Christ in, as I breathe myself out.

Photo of ceiling of Sistine Chapel, was literally above me

Earlier, I mentioned that "thought upgrade."  Here it is, from the Apostle Paul in Colossians 3:1-2,

Seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

I read that on Tuesday.  It sparked the idea in me to wonder how much time I waste thinking about things "on the earth," instead of "things which are above, where Christ is."  Reminds me of a song my friend, Ms. Janice, loves to sing: 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

I hope you can find more time this week to pray, as we begin our year-long journey prayer.

P.S.: Not coincidentally (of course), today during church our pastor challenged us to pray, on our knees for 5 minutes for the next 7 days, using the "Examine" method.  That's where you review your day, looking for the things that took life from you and the things that brought life into you.  Then, of course, you give each of those to God, thanking Him and asking Him for help.


Look likes I got another 5 minutes each day added to my "Prayer" account!

To See the Glory of God

Didn't I tell you that if you keep trusting, you will see the glory of God?

I think my favorite section of Scripture, my #1 (from a long list of favorites), is John 11.  This morning, I added John 12 to it.  I never realized they were concurrent - Mary's anointing of Jesus' feet with her dowry (a jar of very expensive perfume); then wiping it off with her hair following Lazarus' raising from the dead.

That makes sense, of course.  You would throw a party, too, if your brother was raised from the dead.  At the very least, host a dinner party.  But I never saw it before.  Just goes to show you how fresh and exciting Scripture is.  Keep reading it!  

What got me started in John 11 was the verse I quoted above (v. 40), which is one of the Scriptures from today's Jesus Calling.  I've read that chapter a hundred times, but this verse jumped out at me because of a particular issue I've been praying over for my church.

I've been praying against unbelief.  I've been asking the Lord to remove any unbelief from the room, so we could see His glory, His work, His miraculous power clearly.  That we, as a congregation, wouldn't be party to any blocking of the Holy Spirit.  Because that is what unbelief does - it blocks us from seeing God at work.

Lack of belief not only blocks our vision of God's Handiwork, Scripture makes it clear that when unbelief is too thick, it can also keep God from doing His work.  Matthew 13:58 makes that clear.  Jesus could/would only do so much in His hometown because they couldn't/wouldn't believe His miracles meant He was Messiah.  Unbelief doesn't remove God's power - far from it.  I can say, though, it removes His willingness to display His power.  Unbelief displeases Him.  It saddens Him.  I would even go so far as to say it makes Him steaming mad.

Matthew Henry said this: "Unbelief is the great hinderance to Christ's favours."  And Pulpit Commentary echoes that thought: "Our Lord was hindered, not by lack of power, but by lack of those moral conditions which would alone have made his miracles really tend to the spiritual advantage of the inhabitants of Nazareth."

Here, in John 11, Jesus reminds Martha of the power of trust in Him.  This chapter is so rich and I especially love the radically different interactions with both sisters.  Both ladies are mourning the loss of their beloved brother (who, in verse 5, Scripture says Jesus also loved).  Yet, knowing the conditions of their hearts, He engages with them differently.  He gives Martha a chance to display her great faith in Him (redeeming her earlier upbraiding in Luke 10).  Then, when He sees Mary, we see Him break down.  He met them both where they were and it is so touching.  He is, in this chapter, fully man and fully God.

Jesus, the Lord, is not unmoved by darkness and death.  He is right in the thick of it.  Yet, He calls us to look beyond those present circumstances - really beyond the present, to eternity.  Through interactions with both sisters, He makes the same point: Believe in Me and you will Receive from Me.

How many times in our lives, in our church families, do we pull back from full belief in God and His power?

I know I have been there.  I have prayed BIG prayers, only to have them seemingly go unanswered.  I understand now, those prayers were on hold until I could receive the answer.  It isn't that I doubted His power, my heart just wasn't ready.  The answer was blocked from view because my heart still held onto a natural view, versus stepping into a supernatural view.

Some of us flat out don't believe miracles are possible anymore.  We can't even go there - it is too painful, too out of reach.  It is certainly too ridiculous, miracles are beyond the pale.  Those kinds of things happened in Jesus' time, in the Book of Acts, but not now....right?*

It is so hard when we don't see the evidence of our prayers.  They don't always come how we can or want to see them.  The details of the answers to our prayers are not our part.  Our part is to know, to believe and then to receive. 

http://www.thebricktestament.com/jn11_39.html

Martha knew Jesus was the Messiah.  Still, she balked at the idea of opening the tomb.  I get that. But then, she consented to receive when she consented to removing the stone.  She removed the barrier of seeing the Lord's wonders even when I am sure she didn't fully understand how He was going to work. But I feel sure her heart lept in anticipation when the men started to roll away the stone.  Her heart; then the tomb were opened. 

When you dare to believe, your heart opens wide in anticipation.  You may know.  You may believe.  So, the question is: Do you want to receive?

It is a small shift, with enormous consequences.  Martha put all her eggs, whatever remained following the death of her brother, in Christ's basket.  She gave Him all she had and He delivered, above and beyond what she could imagine.  She believed Jesus could have healed Lazarus from his sickness, while he was still alive.  And it isn't that raising the dead was beyond the realm of possibility.  Still, that stretches the limits of our senses, our knowledge.  Dead people don't come back, better than before.  Do they?

Clearly they did then, and they still do.  I was a dead-woman-walking for 15 years and yet, Jesus called me out of the tomb of myself and I came.  Raising a physically dead person is just as great a miracle as raising a spiritually dead person. 

Our current church season of Advent is meant to make room in our hearts to receive.

Christmas and Advent are preludes to Easter, just as the raising of Lazarus is a prelude to Jesus' Resurrection.  We are meant, especially in this time, to want more - more of God; to see His works, His Goodness in the land of the living.  It is right to want and expect this.  The Lord is the Great (and perfect) Gift Giver.  We should expect He wants to give us more.  It is our part to make room in our hearts for Him to pour more in. 

I will continue to ask the Lord to clear my church, the very air of the room - of unbelief.  I want Him to remove any barriers, misconceptions, preconceptions and biases.  I want to see the Glory of God - on a regular basis.  I don't just want the spiritual candy of miracles and wonders, although those results of faith are awesome.  

More than that, I want the people in my community, as the great evangelist and miracle-worker Smith Wigglesworth once counseled a woman, to see Jesus and takes Jesus.

It really isn't any more complicated than that.  When the Lord wants to give, we are to believe and we will receive.  And He always wants to give.  Therefore, we are to always want to receive: Him, His promises, His blessings and His works.

I hope you would pray for belief in your own church family.  I hope you would pray that now, in the season of the Great Miracle of God coming to earth.  I hope you would pray that for yourself.  Let's look to see more of God and we will then see more of His workings in the world.  Keep your eyes open.  He is coming!

*Eric Metaxas' new book is called Miracles.  It is an excellent dissertation on what miracles are, why they happen and he gives some great examples from his own circle of friends.  I highly recommend it, for those who believe in miracles already - and for those who don't.

Questions vs. Questioning - An Christmas Meditation

It's funny how things in my life often line up with things happening in the Church Season.  Usually, that means "Ordinary Time," (the majority of the Church Year).  I would say that best reflects our to-and-fro life - Ordinary. Not in a bad way, just regular ol' life.

But every once and awhile, dots connect and stars align.

My sweet Sophia is in a tough year.  It's called Year 8.  On top of that, she is in 3rd Grade.  I've gone through this once, so I knew it was coming, but it is still tough.  You aren't a little kid anymore but you aren't completely a big kid yet either.  Still, you are required to think like a big kid, which your brain and body are not always ready for.  On top of that, Sophia is a July birthday, so she is one of the youngest in her class.  It can be frustrating for her to figure out what is really expected of her.

That translate into a lot of training and discipline in our house right now.  Discipline specifically for things like back talk, little white lies and "omission" type offenses where you were just not motivated enough to get done what Momma asked you to do (in the time she asked you to do it).  There is always the middle sister factor, too, with a big sister on one side, who is generally Johnny-on-the-spot; and the little sister on the other, who gets away with a lot more than you do.  It's rough.

In the midst of this, the Lord is working on growing one fruit of the Spirit in particular in me: gentleness.  This is not my natural state of being when my kids disobey or are disrespectful.  I'm much more likely to bring down the hammer than be merciful and forgiving. 

Which is no doubt why the Lord is testing and proving me on this particular virtue, especially with Sophia.  We have so much history of me having to push, cajole and flat out make her do stuff - from my days as her caregiver.  The Lord redeemed that, but the reality is still working itself out in my parenting style.

Plus, out of all 3 daughters, Sophia is most like me.  There is a lot of iron sharpening iron going on right now and the sparks tend to fly..

Most of my grievances come in the form of her questioning my authority.  She asks a lot of questions, to be sure, but it's gone to a new level.  Lately, when she asks me a question, her whole attitude towards me (which I can read on her face) is: "Mother, you have no idea what you are talking about!"

On Sunday, I was inspired to ask her if she knew the difference between asking for information and questioning me.

She didn't, so I explained like this: It comes down to heart.  Question asking is ok, because you are looking for clarity and understanding.  Questioning means you doubt the authority/credibility/integrity of the person you are interacting with.  One is purely for information (question asking).  The other is an effort to stand your ground because you feel you are right and the other person is wrong (questioning).

It just so happened, on Monday at Ms. Janice's house for prayer, we read the Christmas story, including Luke's account.  It was then I saw the Biblical illustration of this principle of doubt of intention (questioning) vs. confirmation of action (questions).

It plays out with 2 people: Zechariah and Mary. 

In summary: in Luke 1:5-25, Zechariah loses his voice because he questioned the plan of God, told to him by the angel Gabriel.  Even though he and his wife were old enough to be grandparents, they
would have a son who would declare the Messiah's arrival.  That son ended up being John the Baptist, the last prophet to the Jews.  However, even in the middle of the Temple, on the Jewish high-holiest day of the year, Zechariah didn't believe what this messenger from on high was saying.  He doubted, he balked.  Zechariah flat out did not believe God!

In contrast, from Luke 1:26-38, there is Mary, the mother of Jesus, also being visited by Gabriel.  He brings her some outrageous news too.  He says, "You, my dear, you teenage virgin, are going to get pregnant and that child is going to be the Son of God."  Mary had questions, good ones, in fact.  But she didn't lose her voice because Gabriel was able to see the intention behind those questions.  Unlike Zechariah, who asked with doubt, fear and rebellion in his heart; Mary asked from a heart just wanted to know how all this was going to work, so she could respond appropriately.

This is not the revelation for me, although this has been communicated to the people of God down through the ages: Zechariah doubted, Mary didn't.

What hit me was: despite the initial questions, even in doubt and disbelief, Zechariah came around.  He and Mary, both, ended up acting in faith.  They obeyed the Lord becoming major contributors in the plans and purposes of the Almighty Savior, come to earth. 

It's true, Jesus would come regardless of their participation.  God could have found other vessels, but He saw past Zechariah's doubt.  God stayed with him, even as He disciplined him for his unbelief.  Mary was blessed because she believed outright.  Zechariah, even in his reluctance obedience, ended up being blessed too.

Our God is that faithful.  He is that merciful.  

Even when eternity is on the line, He doesn't forsake us.  His Promises were fulfilled and the people He asked to be involved were willing - even if the process of getting them there was different.

That gives me a lot of hope for Sophia and myself.  It renews my faith in our Great God, who is more than capable of handling our doubts, our rejection, our disbelief - and yes, even our disobedience...and still doing wonderful things in and through our lives.

Because of this awareness now, I can be more gentle with Sophia in her questioning and patient with her questions.  I don't have to be fed up with it.  I can (and will) remember this stage isn't the last one, or the last time, we will face doubt, disbelief and disobedience with our kids.

This, too, shall pass.
 
Because the church season of Advent is when we remember God's first incarnation and look ahead in anticipation of His Second Coming, I am reassured.  Zechariah and Mary remind me of a singular truth.  It proves without a doubt, the God of Heaven is involved here on Earth.  Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow....even when we have to be convinced to receive them....in faith, eventually, we will.

Contentment or Complacency?

I've been learning a lot recently about a stumbling block I keep tripping over, which I didn't know was there until a month ago.  I had a dream where I got pregnant, had a newborn and found myself pregnant again.  Right before I woke up, I remember crying out to the Lord,

"I can't handle 5 kids, Lord!  I can't do this!”

That was the beginning of the realization some band aids needs to be ripped off my life.

Weekend before last, my girls were complaining about a lot of really unimportant things.  They were not content with ALL that we have - and we have more than 99.999% of the world (I don’t think that’s an exaggeration).  So, we started a week long gratitude journal.  The plan was to write what we were grateful for 7 days in a row.  Day 1 was one thing; Day 2, two things; etc. on down the line.

We didn't make it through all 7 days, but we made it through 5. (I call that a win).  You see, slowly, painful, the Lord was pulling up the band aid.  Last Wednesday, I was in a prayer  

Rain Off the Coast of AL

meeting when one of our worship leaders started to pray for rain - favor, wonder and unreserved blessing. Now, I pray that for other people ALL THE TIME.

After we were done, though, I confessed to the group I was scared to ask for that.  Shouldn't I be happy with all He has given?  Was it even right for me to ask for more?

Needless to say, they called me out on my error.  In that moment of confession, I heard the rip of my skin as the band aid came off.

I have been just fine with where I am.  It has felt like A LOT already, but I've been able to handle it, to praise Him abundantly for it.  I feel like I'm being used enough by God, and have more than enough to share.

Yet, under this band aid was a festering wound - created by a lie I'd been believing.  lie.  The lie, the source of the infection (if I can be so graphic) is that I should be happy because to ask for more is selfish, greedy and unbecoming of a Christian woman.  The enemy would love for me to keep believing that because it keeps more out of my life. 

However, the enemy didn't cause the lie to sit there and fester.  I should have known it for what it was, but I was comfortable believing it.  He might have deadened me to the pain, but I gave him the good ground to plant the seed.

Why would I do that?  Why would I believe so obvious a lie?  I’ll tell you why: more is hard.

The kind of more we are talking about is more of God.  And more is just that: more.  It means more logistics, more work, more details.  But more also means just that - more; more ministry territory, more use of my gifts; more fruit of the Spirit; more blessings that comes from more of God made real in my life.

The Lord wants me (and all of us) to have more of Him.  Once the band aid was off, He could heal the wound.  And He did, after about 36 hours of consistent-on-my-face-repentance.  Lots of tears washed that wound clean when I realized I was not content, I was complacent.  Like the 2 tribes that didn’t want to cross over the Jordan, who stayed east of the Promised Land, I wasn't reveling in the goodness of God.  Actually, I was actively (even if unknowingly) holding off further goodness because I didn't think I could handle it.  I was fine with where I was.

To make a long story short: that just isn’t good enough for God.

Complacency was my band aid against facing the fear of not being able to handle all God has to give me.  That fear, that band aid, held me together.  I told myself:  "I'm good where I am, I don't need to ask God for more. Rain is messy, I'll just stay here, warm and dry, under my umbrella."

Contentment is, in essence, making the most of what the Lord has given you and being thankful for it.  That's what Paul is saying in Philippians 4:11-12,

I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

As I read these verses a few times, I begin to see a dynamic tension, essential to true, holy contentment.  Paul learned how to be content in all circumstances, yet, he doesn't want to stop there.  He is full, yet still hungry; low but lofty.  He is abundant but still in need.  I don’t think it is just my translation or imagination here.  True contentment is doing all you can with what you have from God and still (excitedly) expecting more. 

To put a finer point on it, another verse we've been praying through at church is Malachi 3:10, when the Lord Himself declares:

Try me now in this (if you bring all you have to me): See if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will be not room enough to receive it.

The Lord does not just promise eternal life in Heaven.  He promises it right here, right now.  So much of it, we can't handle it, by ourselves.  That’s the real trick, ain’t it?

The whole point of the victorious life in Christ is in Paul's very next statement, from Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

It is only by resting in trust, in the favor of God, will anything worthwhile be accomplished - especially more of it.  Contentment knows to rest where complacency knows to fear what might come if we ask too much.  In complacency, we don't ask because we know we won't be able to handle what God gives if we do.  The Apostle James says as much in James 4.  A few verses later, he also says if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us; if we humble ourselves.  Then He will lift us up (James 4:2-3,8,10).

Complacency is about doing what we can with what we have, not expecting anything more because we couldn't handle it.  It is trusting (only) us.  Contentment is about doing what we can with what we have and being grateful for the more that is coming.  It is trusting (only) Christ.

Perhaps you, like me, have been so blessed by God, you can't think of what to ask Him for.  Why ask, when He has already given so much?

That's not piety, as I found out last week .  It's fear and mistrust.  It boils down to the sin of pride.  If I ask the Lord for more, if I surrender more of my heart, mind, emotions....life to Him, then I'm going to get it and I can’t cope.  So, I stay silent and remain safe, comforted by the little I've received.

Righteous Contentment is the balance of being grateful and wanting more – and trusting God to equip you for what He gives.  It is living in excited anticipation there is so much better coming.  Satisfied, but yet still longing for more of Christ, the hope of glory.

Of course that includes expecting and thanking Him for trials, heartbreak and suffering for His name that might come with His more, because you know you will receive that much more of Him to overcome it.

Now that the band aid is off and the healing is complete, I’m going to ask for more, without an umbrella, without a safety net.  Certainly, without worry it will get messy because God specializes in making beauty out of mess.  He's done it before for us and I've learned a mess from God is always much better than a mess I create myself.

What Limits Your Faith?

The Lord gave me an idea for a post series, I'm calling "Questions of Faith."  Some of them are questions we have of God, but some of them are questions God has of us.  Today's entry is the What.  The When, Where, How, Why and Who come a little later.

It's right to start with this question though: What limits our faith?  With all that is possible with God, proved in Scripture and being proved around the world in other nations (especially for those Christians under terrible persecution), why aren't we seeing more of that here in the United States?  Why aren't miracles happening on mass scale and wonders beyond belief part of our every day lives?

Let me address that first: we are.  The United States has as many miracles and wonders happening as in Africa or Asia.  I truly believe that.  I can't accept the notion miracles aren't happening here because I see them every day.  I'm not delusional.  Truly, I see what God is doing, I pay attention and it is the truth.  I have a miracle living in my house in the body of an 8 year old girl.  The fact that I'm sitting in this chair, with the faith to write this post is a miracle.

The lie, the illusion is that the American Church is dying or already dead.  The news is that we are so broken, so hopeless, we can't ever grow again.  We won't ever experience revival here in the States because we are too far gone down the road of division and submission to culture, rather than Christ.  Wouldn't the enemy love us to just keep promoting that slime, like it's the truth?

In the natural, I see what is happening.  I see the decline, I see the wrong motives we've had for the last hundred years.  I see that our seminaries no longer teach the inerrancy of Scripture and major denominations are splitting over issues whether we should follow the clear commands of Scripture.  Yet, I also I see (and am part of) the most spiritually rich information era ever on planet Earth.  And I don't think the Lord plans to waste this time, when people have unlimited resources to come to Him.

Yes, it's bad in the natural and will get worse.  But that doesn't mean it's all over.  His mercies are new every morning.  

Sunrise means another chance

The Bible clearly outlines a principle called The Remnant, in both the Old and New Testaments.  Here is the Apostle Paul calling it out in Romans 11:5,

But what is the divine response to him? "I HAVE KEPT for Myself SEVEN THOUSAND MEN WHO HAVE NOT BOWED THE KNEE TO BAAL." In the same way then, there has also come to be at the present time a remnant according to God's gracious choice. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace is no longer grace.…

Point being: it isn't up to us who is part of that remnant.  We don't get to determine who is right and who is wrong - God does.  And He does it based on His revealed Word and in the Person of Jesus Christ.  What gets us all twisted is we think a remnant means a tiny number.  I don't.  I think a few million would do just fine.  IF....what?

If we would take the governors off our hearts.

A governor is something used to limit speed on a car.  The car would go much, much faster, if the engine were allowed to do so.  I most recently saw this in Abu Dhabi, where the governors kept the taxis from going over a certain speed - I'm sure to promote safe driving.  

Governors are good, they can promote order.  But in a life of faith, they create a dependency on what is, what we already know, instead of what can be.  We don't experience more of God's miraculous workings here in the American Church because we've been living with speed limitors on our faith.  Those things put in place, to create order, but instead have held us back.

Don't get me wrong, order is a good thing, but not when it comes at the expense of quenching the Spirit's work.

If we would only take off the governors of our faith, we would see a speed explosion of revival.  This victory is only going to be won when we praise God, not just for what He has done or what we know of Him, but Who He says He is and all the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical implications of that revelation.  

The lack of praise of His name is one of the major reasons - if not THE major reason - for the decline of the American Church.

But friends, we are making a comeback.  There is an awakening happening, in the Baby Boomers, in Generation X, Y, the Millennials. People of over age, race, ethnic orientation - they are all looking for authenticity of faith and are coming together to make it happen.  They are coming together for the purpose of praise, to be overcomers by the Blood of the Lamb and their testimony of what God has done....which leads us to think out of the box of what God will do when we trust Him more fully.  

The walls are coming down because they have to.  Those walls of long held tradition and separatism are being unmasked for what they are: division created by the enemy. Our part is to want to be a part of what God is doing; to not miss out on this great chance to be apart of something, not only bigger than us, but a revival more intense and immense than any ever seen.

It is God's grace that seals the deal, but He is not going to turn anyone away who seeks His face.  2 Chronicles 16:9 promises, The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

You just have to be brave enough to ask yourself - what is holding me back from more of God?

Are you too busy?

Are you too tired or sick?

Are you too anger (and bitter) because your prayers haven't been answered the way you wanted?

Do you carry a grudge against someone?

Do you want more than you need?

Do you have problems too big for Him to solve?

Has everyone let you down, including God?

Has your family always been bad, so you can't be any different?

Has it just always been this way? 

If we want to be released, as individuals and the Church at large, we have to be willing to be adjusted.  We don't make these adjustments, God shows them to us...when we ask the question.  Even if it is a doctrinal issue or teaching which could be holding you back; it must be tested in light of Scripture.  If it is truly from God, it will hold up under the microscope of His truth.  If not?  Well, then welcome to the new.

There are two reasons why we aren't seeing more of God: fear and pride.  Those are the deepest roots and the hardest to pull up.  And Fear and Pride are the enemy's favorite weapons, the evil twins of Goodness and Mercy, meant to be our companions.  (See Psalm 23).

Our constant pursuit of God is not only about what we think is right (pride) or what we can handle (fear).  There is a much deeper work the Lord seeks to do in us, through His very own character, forming us into His Son.  Praise does that - it radically changes who we are on the inside to line up with who God is on the outside.  

All of the New Testament was written to redefine what we think is possible.  Christ's whole mission was to prove what is possible with God - and the possibilities are limitless, just as He is.  He came to set us free, restore our sight, deliver us from the pit (Psalm 103:3-5).

Is there any reason to limit our faith, to keep the governors on?

We can see an explosion of the speed of transformation.  We have to be willing to let Him take the blinders off by asking the question.  Regardless of whether it is our expectations, experience, knowledge - or anything else - those don't matter to God.  He can and will show us - when we are willing - what is possible.  He did it during His life, after His ascension, over the last 2,000 years.  He is still doing it today.  

He isn't going to let our Church perish, even if He has to prune us down to a size He can work with.  

But that is His business.  Our business is to desire Him, to desire our eyes to be opened to His work.

If your life is rough or if it lacks a certain luster, it maybe time to have a serious conversation with your God, to ask Him what is keeping you from experiencing all He has for you.  I ask that question nearly every day.  I want to see the goodness of God in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).

You will never feel more alive when you step off the cliff of what you know into the wide, opens spaces of God's love, mercy and grace.  You may feel like you are falling, or sinking, at times, but trust me - He will pick you up - raise your head up to see His face.  Just keep focused on Him. It is so much better than staying comfortable and (seemingly) safe in what you know.

Let this song sink into your soul.  Then ask Holy Spirit to take the limits off and release your faith.   No limits.  Release Me, Lord.