Tears - An All Saints Day Tribute

As I often do, I'll start this post off with some brutal honesty.

I've never given All Saints Day much thought.  It is a centuries old tradition, especially meaningful in the first 300 years of the Church when so many were martyred.  It still has a place today, and in the Methodist church, on the first Sunday of November, we celebrate the lives of those who've gone home to heaven in the last year.  As a family, we've lost people before now - including Dave's beloved grandmother Mable 18 months ago.  Yet, it's never hit this close to home; so close to pull me out of my self-absorbed reverie to grasp the full meaning. This All Saints Day, the day we put my Dad's ashes in the ground after church, definitely brings the full concept painfully close.

I woke this morning with a song in my head, "Already There," by Casting Crowns (you can listen to it here).  I've listened to that song a lot in the last 6 weeks.  We all have moments where we look at God and go, "What is happening?  Why?  When?  Where?....Huh, God?"  It is immensely comforting for me to be able to say, One day I'll stand before You and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit.

Today, of all days, when I know it will be so hard, I am desperately clinging to that hope of glory.  There will be a day when those questions get answered.  It's funny to think, too, some of those questions I think are so important right now will not be when I'm standing next to Jesus. 

But for right now, just for today, for the next few hours, I'm not going to ask any questions.  I am just going to rest in the comfort of knowing God has me.  He has us.  He has my Dad.  He has the whole world.  He has not lost His grip. He is  present and able, always.  He is kind and gracious.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows it hurts and how badly it does.  He is already at the end of my life on earth but at the same time, and I write this with incredible mystery and wonder, He is right here with me in this moment and time.  I know all of that for sure, even if I don't understand it at all.

For anyone out there struggling like me, on this All Saint's Day, I gained permission from my friend
to post a vision she shared with me this week.  It is SO powerful, it shifted my thought-life about the world to come in a major way.  My friend is working through a decade-old grief and recently had a healing experience in prayer which is nothing short of otherworldly.  It's called Tears and will speak to the heart of anyone who's lost a loved one, as well as all those who've wondered what the Lord really does with our tears.  It's precious.  Please take it in and know the Lord indeed provides this level of comfort to all when we ask. 

Lord, You've kept track of all my wandering and my weeping.  You've stored my many tears in Your bottle, not one will be lost.  You care about me every time I've cried.  For it is recorded in Your book of remembrance. - Psalm 56:8

I asked the Lord for a picture and this is what He gave me.  I share it with you.

I saw your tears, I felt my own - I fell to my knees.  Why Lord, why so much pain - who will carry all this pain?

In an instant I was swept away to a place; a weighty place so beautiful that words alone are insufficient.  I believe it was a secret place, for the most magnificent beings I have ever seen lined the room in majesty.  There were more than I could count and each one was holding a bottle.  Was it a bottle of light?  A bottle of gold?  A bottle of glory?  I could not tell.

No one spoke and I knelt, trembling in fear.  When I looked up, one bottle caught my eye.  It seemed to shine like the stars of Heaven.  The angel holding it summoned me toward it.  As I came near I saw its color; iridescent blue mixed with a majestic purple I have never seen on earth.  I could not take my eyes off such a stunning sight - my eyes were fixed, almost frozen as I looked upon this jar of beauty.  What was stored in such a container?  It could only be something worth more than all the wealth of the nations or all the hearts of men.  What could it be?

As I looked at this amazing bottle, I saw a name written on it - it was your name. The angel tipped the bottle and summoned me to look in - I trembled and tried to look away but I could not; I wanted to see the treasure within.  As I looked, I saw you my sweet friend, crying.  There you were, broken-hearted and tears unstoppable.  Before I could reach out to you, I saw your tears dropping, dropping into the beautiful bottle.  Yes, every tear spilling into this jar, not one to be lost.  As I watched the scene before me, I saw your tears turning into gems, diamonds and sapphires.  Each tear that dropped turned into splashes of beauty that were carefully contained so as not to be lost.   

I looked up at the angel as if to ask why but then I saw beyond the tears - it was a great and glorious ocean, iridescent blue and majestic purple splashing upon the beach.  Each splash formed a beautiful gemstone creating the sand.  Then I saw Him - my Jesus - His eyes the color of the ocean, His smile so joyful my heart could barely contain such magnificence.  He was running and laughing in the sand.  He was playing with someone - a family - I looked, it was you.  You were together - all of you - your faces looked happy, joyful yet filled with a peace I have never seen.  I watched Jesus as He carefully ran His hand through the sand.  It was as if the joy were come from the gems that formed the sand.

Yes, the joy was coming from the gems; the diamonds and sapphires that had been your tears.  The ones He had guarded so closely and stored in this jar of beauty were shining with joy.  How could this be - such pain turned to joy?  I looked again and I saw you crying, yet dancing together in the sand at the same time.  Could this ?  Two worlds so carefully knit together?  One of pain and one of joy?

Then I asked: WHY LORD ARE THESE TEARS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT NONE ARE TO BE LOST?

Immediately the angel tipped the jar so I could no longer see the contents but before me sat another bottle.  This one was gold, so bright I could barely look upon it but I saw for a fleeting moment the name: THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB.

I fell to the floor with my face down for fear I would die at such a precious sight.  My Savior's blood - the very blood that was shed for my life.  And then I knew....His blood that come from such a great sacrifice was shed for our tears, your tears, my tears, all the pain of this world.  Those tears were worth more than I could think or imagine and none were to be lost.

In an instant I was back on my knees, tears streaming down my face - tears for you.  The Lord was there holding a bottle - this one had my name on it - collecting my tears; the ones He gave His life for.  At that moment I let go - I surrendered my tears to Him who promised to carry my sadness, my pain, my heartbreak.  I know each tear has a safe place till Heaven and earth are one.  I do not understand but I will trust.

I pray that you will allow your tears to flow freely - for not one is ever lost or wasted and someday those tears will be like grains of sand that look like diamonds filling an ocean that only knows JOY.

I am forever thankful for you...my friend. 

My Eyes Are On The Storm

There is a storm raging in and around me.

I can't help but see it.  There are so many needs, it seems everyone in my life is going through something and needing the Lord's mighty intervention.  There are winds gusting to hurricane-force in some of those situations.  There are waves crashing over the heads of my beloved ones.  The threat is real. The storm of circumstances, of trials, persecution, suffering and life in general can be overwhelming.

This morning, I began by asking for the Lord to make me of one heart and mind with Him so I could pray as He would have me this morning.  So, as I sat, I was moved to pray for protection.  I named everyone I could think of, including people I don't pray for on a regular basis.  I started with those closest to me and worked my way out.  I just let the names roll off my lips without hesitation. 

It seems protection of His faithful ones was on His mind.

This does not feel like a huge, mountain-moving prayer but I see how the enemy wants to discourage, disrupt and destroy the people of God.  He wants us to gaze into the bleakness, keep our eyes on the hail of fiery darts that he rains down on this whole earth.  Even if some of the people I'm praying for aren't very close to God, the last thing satan wants is for them to move in His direction.  The best way to do that is by distraction, and he uses whatever means to do that.

Jesus quieted the storm.  He spoke, the wind and waves obeyed.  It was His power, filtered through His love for His Father, that enabled that word - QUIET - to be effective.  Yet, I know from personal experience, He does not always speak that word into our circumstances.  The storms of life are not always quieted because we need to see the storm for what it really is.

You see, when it FEELS like chaos reigns, when it FEELS like you are about to drown....when it FEELS like this storm will never be quieted....that's when a question forms and rises to the top in your soul.

WHICH STORM ARE YOU FOCUSING ON?

There is more than one storm raging and I realized it this morning.  I was/am listening to a song that has been my anthem for over 2 weeks now; it's called Gracious Tempest by Hillsong Young and Free.  I started listening to it the week of receiving His touch of love I last wrote about.  And as I was praying simply for protection, I realized why.  We need to be protected from focusing on the wrong storm.


Surround me like an ocean.

Your love is crashing over me.
It's surging like a raging sea.
Immerse me in the wonder of Your love.

A downpour of unending grace.
Consuming all my reckless ways.
My sin submerged, Your Love has saved my soul.

Your love is like a storm.

This song presents the storms of our lives from a totally different perspective.  The poetry and anointing of it, I can not deny.  In the middle of the YouTube video, the singer reads a portion of Psalm 116.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I don't know exactly what your storm looks like, and I know some are worse than others.  Yet, the challenge, as you get up to face it today, is not how to endure or survive it.  It is a choice to ask the Lord to change how you see it.  Rather than see the circumstances consuming you, look to Jesus and see His consuming love for you.  The Father doesn't go back on His promises.  He is faithful to complete what He started.

The Israelites saw a raging storm around them once.  They were the waves of salvation and deliverance, keeping them safe across the Red Sea as they escaped Egypt.  They witnessed the great love of God for them, making a path in the midst of what surely looked like a raging storm.  The Lord didn't quiet those waves, but He did hold them back.  Exodus 14 details the whole situation and it is no different in our case thousands of years later.

Nothing in heaven or earth can change who you are to God.  You are His Beloved, His treasured possession.  He longs to keep you safe, and in many ways He is doing that in ways you cannot even fathom, much less see. But you do have a choice - you can choose which storm to look at: your circumstances or God's love for you.

I know that may seem like the most impossible statement, which is why I'm praying protection over your eyes.  I'm praying they won't get pulled off the outpouring of God's grace on your life.  I'm praying He will protect your sense of direction and purpose.  I'm praying He will extend His mighty arm over you and all that seems to be swirling around you.  I'm praying you will be rescued and delivered today as your turn your eyes upon Jesus.  The things of earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

I hope you can take a moment today to soak in the eternal truth of this song....it has transformed the way I see my circumstances and I know it will do the same for you. 

 

2015: The Year of Prayer....I've missed a few weeks.

So, it's been awhile since I posted on this year long journey to document my life in prayer.  I just counted back and I guess this is Week 38.  It feels like an ocean of time has passed since the last time I thought to write.  I tried last week Tuesday and it didn't go very well.  I don't even really have the mental fortitude to journal.

The truth is, I hit a wall.  My Dad died.  Prayer was/is about the only thing I could/can really do "well," because the Lord is the most consistent voice in my head.  Every other input is all messed up.  My emotions are all over the place.  I'm either not hungry or starving.  My mind starts to spin on all sorts of weird ideas and there are some nights when sleep completely eludes me.

In short, things are off-kilter in my life.  I feel unbalanced and destabilized.  A good visual here is my desk....it's just a mess.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the calls, comments, emails, texts, cards, hugs, meals and condolences we've received.  I'm not capable of taking it all in or talking to everyone, but I am so grateful...Please know that.  We have so much to do to help my Mom get organized and the details of death continue to roll along.

The reality is starting to set in.  Friday it hit me hard.  I took some notes in the middle of my anguish (in the middle of the night) and to look at them is painful.  I don't include them because they are too personal and intimate, and would be at the very least, awkward for you.  It is a painful place we are in.  Saturday hit still harder when, in starting to clean out Dad's office, I found a file with my initials on it.  There were a few letters in there, one from in the last five years that starts, "Dad, our pastor encouraged us to write a note to the people in your life that mean the most to you....."

That's as far as I got.

In the middle of this mess is a life still to be cared for.  Something is pushing me through.  It's being a a wife and a mom, even if the person in those roles is a little nutty in certain moments.  It's being a daughter and a sister.  It's being a prayer warrior and friend.  It is who I am to just keep going but I'm pretty dang tired of going. 

We are still being held, kept close to the side of our Shepherd-Father-Comforter.  He is ever-present.

My spirit/soul/mind and body have been craving The Word, so I went and bought myself a couple of Bibles last week (which is crazy because I already have a lot but I figure it's a good investment).  One of them is a One Year Bible and part of this morning's entry, Psalm 77, really encapsulates how I feel.  The Psalms, I believe, were inspired, written and included because the Lord wants us to know He created, understands and gets the range of human emotion.  Bonus for me, this was written by Asaph, my personal favorite Psalm writer (although David is pretty good too.)  I like Asaph because he usually echos my voice as a person and a writer.  Asaph writes what I think.

We have a long way to go but we have a God who specializes in being in it for the long-haul.  Thank you for your prayers, keep them coming.  My Mom, my brother, myself and our families need them now that the dust is settling and the real work of grieving begins.  Love you.  Hug, Friend.

 Psalm 77 - For Jeduthun. Of Asaph.
 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.  When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.  I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah.

You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.  I thought about the former days , the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night.  My heart mused and my spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject forever?  Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful?  Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" Selah.

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."  I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.  Your ways, O God, are hold.  What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.  The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.  Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.  Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.  You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

My Dad

This is a whiplash week.  That's the only way I can describe it.  Freedom came Tuesday.  Heartbreak (again) broke down the door on Wednesday morning.  My Dad, my wonderful father, got called home late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning.  We aren't sure exactly what the cause of death was, but we know one thing: The Lord made it so peaceful.  There was no fight, no tremor, no trauma.  It is literally like the Lord said, "David, it's time."

And he said, "Ok!"

That's the way it should be.  When the Lord calls, there should be no regrets about saying goodbye.  There should be no looking back like Lot's wife.  There should be no trying to hold up your finger to just take a second to tell the ones you love you will see them later.  We should live that way now and my Dad did that pretty well.

The living deal with the emptiness.  The living deal with being left behind and the gaping hole that is created by absence.  I'm not angry with God.  I know how He works and I know it was time for my Dad to go.  I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO, and I wouldn't have picked this kind of exit, or at this time, but my God knows better.  He could have taken him 15 years ago when he had an aneurysm but the Good Lord gave him more time to teach us how to live and be and have faith.  I just wish I could have said goodbye.  Or had the chance to love on him a little more.

Today, I wrote his obituary.  Something I never thought in my wildest I would ever do.  I guess that legitimizes my standing in the family as a writer.  I texted 2 friends after I wrote it that I felt like I was going to throw up.  I've gotten that feeling a few times in the last 54 hours.

Thank you to all who've called, texted, emailed, cooked and delivered food, asked after us and been with us in our as-yet-unprocessed-grief.

I've been here (sort-of) before, so I can ask for prayers.  Pray for our strength next Wednesday.  I pray for my Mom past the busyness of next Wednesday.  There is so much still to do, to handle, to process. It takes so long to move on.  We have to figure out a "new normal" again.  Yet, this time without the patriarch.  He was kind, generous, faithful and gracious.  He taught my brother and I to be that way too.  We are who we are because of who our Dad was.  And our children carry on that legacy, just as they will tell stories of him to their children.

We have 1,000 generations of blessing coming.

As I've said several times this week as his body has passed, Bye Dad.  I love you.  I will miss you terribly.  You were such a good Dad.  I'll see you soon.

********************************************************************************

(Here's the obituary I wrote which will be in the Chronicle and various church publications soon.) 

On Wednesday, September 16, 2015, David Warren Wakefield, treasured husband, father and grandfather, passed away peacefully in his sleep.  He is survived by his wife of 48 years, Carole, his son Craig, daughter and son-in-law Amy and David Vogel and his beloved 5 granddaughters: Madison, 16, Ryan, 12, Natalie, 11, Sophia, 9 and Ella Grace, 2.  

David was a man of great integrity, wisdom, generosity and humor.  He made an impact on all who met him, with his ideas, jokes and profound intelligence.  He graduated from Georgia Tech University in 1967.  He entered the Navy as a Lieutenant and served as a Naval Aviator from 1967-1971. 

He ran several successful companies; all in the Power Generation and Process Industry and his knowledge of this business cannot be duplicated.  His reputation for fair-mindedness and gracious conduct is felt by all who worked with and for him.  While business was his focus, family was his life.  He loved his wife, his children and was enormously proud of all of his granddaughters.  He saw the blessing and gift they were to his life and, just like with his children, he was a committed presence in their lives.

He was also a man of deep faith, especially in his time as a member of St. Luke’s United Methodist.  He always wore a gold Number One pin on his collar.  When he was asked about it, he simply said, “It reminds me to keep the Lord first.”  He taught so many the meaning of a well-lived life, how to have fun here and now and the importance of living in light of eternity.  He will be greatly missed and loving remembered.

A Memorial service is being held on Wednesday, September 23^rd, 2015 at 10 am at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church.  In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made to St. Luke’s United Methodist Church (Building Fund in the memo, www.stlukesmethodist.org under “giving.”) or PKD Foundation, www.pkdcure.org.

Team Sophia: 5 Years Later (Almost)

It's been 59 months and 26 days since that Sunday in October 2010 when Sophia walked in the living room of our rent house, where I was working at my "desk," (which was a TV tray at the time).  She was looking down her nose at me which struck me as weird.  I asked her why she was looking at me that way.

"Because I see two of you."

Right then, a tornado siren went off in my heart.  I'd just taken her that morning to an urgent care clinic because of the swelling of her left eye.  They told me she had pink eye.  I knew that wasn't right as this was my 2nd child and we'd all had pink eye before at that point.  What she had did NOT look like pink eye to me.  That was the last time I didn't argue ask well-thought out questions of a doctor when I thought they were not 100% in their diagnosis.

I told Dave what she said.  Immediately, we packed up to go to the ER and called my parents to drop newly-minted 7 year old Natalie on the way.  It was about 5 pm on Sunday evening.  After that fateful moment, our lives were never the same.

5 1/2 hours later, as I laid there on the ER room gurney with Sophia asleep in my arms, I did what most parents would do in an ER.  I prayed.  In what I now know to be a moment of Holy Spirit inspired prayer, I told the Lord I would praise Him no matter.  And I distinctly remember saying out loud, I will praise You, Lord.  Even if this is cancer.

After I uttered those words, there was no audible voice from God, no angelic messenger; absolutely nothing dramatic or supernatural occurred.  Sophia didn't twitch and I didn't feel the Spirit rise up in me.  It was just.....peace.  Not completely silent (hospitals never are) but like someone had thrown a blanket over us.  It was warm and safe and quiet.  That was the moment, I think, when the Lord stretched out His wings over us (Psalm 91:1,4) and I believe we've never left His side.

This picture is from the morning she got her port-a-cath put in, less than 2 weeks later.  I love this picture because that was my baby....that's what she looked like at 4 years old before cancer and chemo.

She's not here to complain and tell me "STOP CRYING!"  Apparently I do that more than she likes.  I apologize, but say her mother gets emotional and when that happens, my eyes leak.  They are really leaking now as I sit here writing this post.  It's not out of pain or despair or woundedness.  The Lord healed me of all that 2 years ago.  It's when I think about what's happened to us in the last 5 years....all the people who prayed for us....all the people who made meals....sent cards...stood by us....commented on Facebook and even read the open-ended journal this blog became....that's really what makes me cry.  Thank you is not enough, but I'll say it anyway....THANK YOU.

Then, I think about all the people who never knew us in that season, including our current church family (some just finding out last week Sophia had cancer!)  They only know "us" now, not the "us" from then.  But we wouldn't be who we are now without Sophia's ordeal...really our family's ordeal.

We are at the finish line now.  The last scans of her protocol/treatment plan happened Friday afternoon and this picture was taken right after.  I love this picture because it is fully Sophia, proud to be 9 and happy to be finished.  Tomorrow morning, we meet with her oncologist for what will surely be the very last time.  She will transfer us to the long-term care clinic at Texas Children's and Dr. Jodi Muscal will "retire" as Sophia's doctor.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being emotional at the end of the journey.

And I am.  I am emotional because we are so blessed.  Not just because she is completely healthy with no side effects AT ALL.  I can't express my gratitude to God for making her total healing a reality.  It is too much for me to express all He has done for us, all He has given us, all He continues to do in our lives.  It is obscenely extravagant and we are not worthy of it.

Theologically speaking, I know we are worthy because of Christ but that doesn't keep me from being totally humbled by that reality.  I live in that victory every day.  I operate, pray and minister out of that confidence I posted about yesterday (read that here).  But as me speaking to you, it is too much goodness given to just 4 regular people....now 5.  Yet HE STILL GAVE IT.

I don't know who that is for, who that encourages...to know that if God will give us all this, He will most certainly give you the same portion, or more.  I know He will.  

We will continue to care and serve and pray and believe for those fighting cancer.  I still do comfort kits (read about those here).  We will again pray-walk the road between MD Anderson and Texas Children's on Saturday, February 13th, 2016 (MAKE PLANS NOW TO JOIN US!)  We will have t-shirts made this time because I have a feeling because we sowed the seed this year, there is a harvest of people coming to pray in the reality of those hospitals becoming places of healing, not treatment.  

The back of our Team Sophia shirts quoted Galatians 6:9-10: Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the right time, you will reap a harvest.  I can say it has been a harvest all along.  We say the same thing in the cancer world: N.E.G.U.  We will never, ever give up till a cure is found - whether that is Jesus' 2nd coming or a medical miracle.  Either way, we are here to fight the evil-sent disease of cancer and the suffering it causes, with supernatural and natural means.  Jesus teaches us how to do that and He also teaches us healing is possible.

Sophia, our whole family is a great example of what He can do, with only a willing heart.  

Just keep showing us the way, Lord.  Thank You for always doing so.  Send us the cure for cancer and comfort those afflicted, Gracious God.  Raise up Your people to help in every creative way You can think of, Holy Spirit.  Bring more of Your Kingdom to earth, in Jesus' Name.

2015: Year of Prayer, Week 24-25

For it is God's will and intention that by doing right (your good and honest lives) should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. (1 Peter 2:15, AMP)

This morning, I started on Psalm 34:8  (Taste and see the Lord is good!)  But in weeks like the last couple, it gets real easy - too easy - to move from a position of grace to a position of anger (righteous, justified or otherwise).  I ended up in 1 Peter 2 because the Apostle references Psalm 34:8, as he is instructing Christian believers (I tend to think they were probably Messianic Jews; his words apply to us Gentiles too.)  He is helping them understand how to act in a time when their faith was a liability in the eyes of the world.

These last 10 days make me think our faith looks like a liability to some now too.

Between the shooting at Emanuel AME church in Charleston 10 days ago, or the ruling by the Supreme Court on Friday morning making same-sex marriage legal nationwide, it seems more than ever as Christians, we need to not only KNOW the right way to act to please God and draw others to Him......but do it. 

(Of course that means we will apply that to life differently, so grace and love must be the rule in every situation...especially in the family of faith.) 

One of my very good friends got a word from the Lord about 2015: RAPID.  Now is the time, there is probably not many more moments to waste if you are on the fence about making Jesus front and center in your life.  I'm not a harbinger of doom, but based on some of the commentary I've seen on social media....in the United States being a Christian may start doing us more harm than good.

But there is lies the challenge and what Peter was saying.  Jesus is either a stumbling block or a stepping stone (1 Peter 2:8).  He is either going to trip you up or raise you up.  He will either cause you to fall on your face or He will turn His face upon you (Num 6:24). 

In the case of Dylann Roof killing 9 brothers and sisters in Christ during a prayer meeting on 6/17/15, Christ was obviously a stumbling block.  But for those believers left behind, He was a stepping stone to lift them up to show what is possible with Christ.  Last Sunday, our pastor preached the quintessential message on this and in it, showed the video where Roof was confronted by several of the victim's family members...and they forgave him.  The clincher was the last lady to speak.  She was actually there, a witness to his crime....and she only spoke forgiveness.  Here is that video:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.  Forgiving the man who you watched murder 9 of your church family members less than 48 hours afterwards is impossible, short of the indwelling and overflowing of the Holy Spirit.

To the other major event this week, I'm not going to say much about same-sex marriage, other than I don't agree with it.  I have prayed and sought the mind of the Lord repeatedly on this issue and my heart is never changed.  However, I don't have to agree with a lifestyle to love someone.  In that same vein, as children of God, we don't have to be on the same side politically to worship Christ together.  The Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives trumps every human institution and affiliation.

Our cultural system accepting and even promoting the LGBT way doesn't shake me.  What causes me concern is when it starts to affect our ability to freely live our faith.  That's where this is going, in case you didn't realize it.  Christians who support gay marriage will eventually feel the squeeze on their faith, just as those of us who don't agree with the ruling. 

My prayers (and the prayers of others) for the last 2 weeks (even longer really) have been for the Body of Christ.  We have got to put aside our doctrinal, denominational, political and self-serving issues and come together.  Revival is here and if anything gets in the way of you loving a brother or sister in Christ, it is time to sweep that leaven out of the house.  

Peter's words in his nearly-2000 year old letter are so critical to us now.  We must conduct ourselves properly, not according to our own understanding.  We must lean even more heavily into who the Lord has revealed Himself to be.  We must love the brotherhood - the Christian family - taking pains to make sure we don't give unbelievers any more ammunition not to come to Christ.  We have tasted and seen the Lord is good.  We KNOW HE IS.  It is time to demonstrate that to the world so they, too, will see He is good.

I know this doesn't sound much like a record of my prayer journey but it is.  This is a post for me.  This is me pouring out my heart to God.  This is me going vertical.  This is what is on my mind.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever be on this Earth (praise God, I will be in heaven!).  It is convicting to look back on my day yesterday and see how many times I failed to reflect His heart especially when emotions and hot-bed issues are involved.

So, I repent.  I ask for forgiveness.  I ask the Lord to create a right spirit in me, not one of my own making, but right in His eyes.  I don't want to be known for anything other than my faith.  It speaks the loudest, through the actions of my life and my character. 

It is a challenging business being a Christian.  I pray for me.  I pray for you.  I pray for all of us.  We are heading into perilous waters.  But I know the One who walked on the waves.  And so did Peter, which is why he could tell us how to live, even as he was walking it out too (pun intended). 

Let my heart reflect Yours, Oh, Lord.  Help me.  Help us, Your People. Help our nation and our world.  Let us become more aware of Your Presence.  Let us experience....let us taste and see and live for...the glory of Your Goodness.

#PrayforCharleston

I was at a prayer meeting last night.  When I read about what happened in Charleston, a chill went down my spine.  It was happening at the same time 12 of us were praying in the Upper Room at Chapelwood.

I'm not a harbinger of doom, as I don't believe in putting that out there.  I don't know if these are "the birth pangs" before the tribulation or just a terrible, random, act of a man possessed by something evil - himself or otherwise.

But as my friend Cherri and I prayed together and she told me about her connection to the church in Charleston (where she lived for 4 years) - it hit me: what is going on in our church, city and nation is going to continue to meet resistance and it might escalate.  The Revival that is taking place - and has been building for some years - will not go unchallenged.

My heart aches for this church and the families who lost loved ones in such a grisly manner.  My heart aches because they were my family too.  We are blood relations because we shared the Blood of Christ (a mystery of our faith).  Yet, I rejoice in the fact they are home now.  They are now safe, wrapped in white robes and crowned with righteousness.  It is another, difficult mystery of our faith - to be so sad, yet able to not be in despair when we look (any type of) death in the face.  Because I share the same faith and hope they did, there is no longer a sting to death, even if it hurts very much.

I don't know how Body of Christ in Charleston will come back from this but I predict it will be spectacular.  Everything I'm hearing coming out by the public officials and speakers is centered on rebuilding in love.  They will know we are Christians by our love - even especially our love for our enemies.  In the coming weeks, months and years, I pray the Lord will take this event and make it so people will focus on the truth of the Gospel, what they have in common, not what they don't.  Forgiveness makes a way where nothing else will, so I ask the Lord to guide that city and His Church down the narrow road, the more excellent way so His glory will be shown through His people in ridiculously miraculous ways.

I pray for that young man.  I pray he is caught and I also pray for mercy.  He will face the consequences of his actions because the Lord has instituted authority on this earth and there is music to be faced.  But I pray for the Lord to help him, for his soul to be saved and his life to be one of transformation.  I pray those affected by his violence will forgive him.  I pray those heaping coals will drive him to his face before Holy God and he will find salvation and peace.

I also pray this will embolden Christians everywhere across the nation to stand up IN LOVE.  I pray this will galvanize the Body of Christ to preach, teach, baptize, heal, exorcise and serve just as Jesus did.  I pray we will see the need to take our calling, our mission seriously and GET TO IT.  Time is of the essence, whether Jesus comes back in our lifetime or not.

There are no easy answers here.  I do not claim to have any.

But I know the weapons of our warfare.  They are: 

• love
• truth
• joy
• hope
• peace
• patience
• kindness
• goodness
• gentleness
• faithfulness
• self-control
• mercy
• graciousness
• life-giving speech
• forgiveness
• trust
• prayer
• praise
• worship
• service
• giving
• witness
• testimony

We need everybody.  We have room for everybody.  Everyone is called and will be equipped for their part in what the Lord is doing right now.

Pray for Charleston.  Pray for the Body of Christ.  Pray for your neighbor.  Pray.  Hosanna in the Highest - MARANATHA, COME QUICKLY LORD!

Write this to Smyrna, to the Angel of the church. The Beginning and Ending, the First and Final One, the Once Dead and Then Come Alive, speaks:  

I can see your pain and poverty—constant pain, dire poverty—but I also see your wealth. And I hear the lie in the claims of those who pretend to be good Jews, who in fact belong to Satan’s crowd. Fear nothing in the things you’re about to suffer—but stay on guard! Fear nothing! The Devil is about to throw you in jail for a time of testing—ten days. It won’t last forever.  Don’t quit, even if it costs you your life. Stay there believing. I have a Life-Crown sized and ready for you. Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. Christ-conquerors are safe from Devil-death. (Revelation 2:8-11, MSG)

God appeared to Solomon that very night and said,  

I accept your prayer; yes, I have chosen this place as a temple for sacrifice, a house of worship. If I ever shut off the supply of rain from the skies or order the locusts to eat the crops or send a plague on my people, and my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I’ll be there ready for you: I’ll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health. From now on I’m alert day and night to the prayers offered at this place. Believe me, I’ve chosen and sanctified this Temple that you have built: My Name is stamped on it forever; my eyes are on it and my heart in it always. (2 Chron 7:12-16, MSG)

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 11

What a week.  Full of power, glory, joy and sorrow.  No middle of the road this week; just the the full cult of the Christian personality and experience.  Not to mention, spring break began, so it's been busy life+++.

Up and down.  It is the reality of life, especially when you are digging into prayer.  This week has been about 3 themes:

1. Playing chicken with the enemy is pointless.  I will always flinch unless I let Christ stand in front of me.  After facing a persistent mental struggle, on Monday night, He gave me this verse about it: "Woman, no one here condemns you.  Neither do I" (from John 8).  It was like He was saying:

Amy, you are forgiven, so stop dwelling; stop circling the loop of your sin in your head.  Stop condemning yourself.  Don't stay in the place of 'I did wrong.' You confessed so trust that My forgiveness is Absolute.  Also remember my Truth is Absolute and that is what you live by, not how you feel or even sometimes what you think about.  When you don't reject what the enemy says about you out of hand, you are playing into his hands.  I will never forsake you, I promised! And I keep my promises.  Because of that, lift your head up.  Go and sin no more because you are in Me and that will never change. 

With that kind of message, how could I help but feel? It was a restoration of mind and soul-purpose. I fell asleep Monday night with a smile on my face. Literally!  I've been doing everything (including prayer, praise, work, parenting, being a wife, laundry, driving....literally everything) with renewed excitement and vigor ever since.

2. The Lord will connect the dots, just trust and wait because it is coming before you realize it.  When I look at all the progress in my own spiritual life, as well as the life of my church, it is simply mind blowing.  In what feels like years but is really months, He is starting to make to break down walls and kindle the fire of revival in our city.  He is doing it in such a personal, loving way.  It is almost like He has us in the nursery, caring for us like a mother of a baby.  One day soon, we will be invited into a "Big Kid Room" but until then, our job is to explore, to play, to learn about Him and His goodness.  He has to prepare all of us, His timing is perfect, so we will be satisfied with where we are, knowing more is coming.

When it does come, we will be ready.  Not because we will be independent but because we have learned to be so dependent on Him.

3. Praying big and praying hard is sometimes very, very hard.  Last night before I went to sleep, I was continuing to read The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  It was more than a little prophetic when I read these words, 

If you can trust God when the answer is no, you're likely to give Him praise when the answer is yes.  You need to press in and press on.  By definition, praying hard is praying when it is hard to pray. And it's the hard times that teach us to pray hard.  But if you keep praying through, the peace that transcends understanding will guard your heart and your mind.  So sometimes the answer to our prayers is no and you'll never understand why.  But here's some good news: What we perceive as unanswered prayers are often the greatest answers. (p. 124)

When I got up for my 3 am prayer-fast-listening time, I discovered a text from a mom whose little boy has been on the edge of eternity.  We'd been praying for a miracle, no lie. It was going to take a miracle to save him and we've been asking for the last month - asking in faith, believing God would do it.  I'd had visions of him as a teenager, walked his hospital room in the spirit and thrown my stone of faith against the Goliath of cancer.  Just last night at our URPrays meeting, we were still declaring in confidence God would do it.

The text from his mom told me Jesus took him home Tuesday afternoon.  From 3 - 4 am this morning, all I did was cry.  All the Holy Spirit (and my husband) did was hold me as I cried.

This morning, I received 2 other pieces of bad news, seeming more "Nos," to other big prayers I'd been praying.  Yet, none of this shakes my faith.  I know I don't know it all. On my face in the wee hours this morning, the Lord impressed 2 Scriptures on me: John 11:35: Jesus Wept; and 1 Corinthians 13:12: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror...Now I know in part.

I feel free to weep, to mourn with my friends in the loss of their child.  I carry a heavy heart for another friend who lost her daughter, leaving her young grandchildren without a mother.  I am burdened for the young couple whose baby will live for less than an hour after she is born.  I am wounded for them all and I know I don't know what to pray. 

Yet, I know someone else who was wounded for us, for our healing.  It is by His stripes we are healed.  Whatever form the healing takes, that is up to God.  That stings to say, but it is true. My job is to pray, the Lord's job is to answer, however He chooses.  I will continue to bring my friends to the Wounded Healer of Galilee, secure in the knowledge that what I don't know, He does.  His love covers them, much more than mine can.  Mine is limited, His is not.  My knowledge is incomplete, His is full.

His tender mercies are new every single morning.  For me.  For You.  For them.  I'm counting my life on it.

Mark Batterson also writes: Work like it depends on you.  Pray like it depends on God.

I'll do both, for myself, my friends, my church, for others He brings into my path.  My prayers will not always be answered the way I think, but I know He will answer.  I know He will work it all out for our good and His glory because we love Him and He loves us.  Love covers a multitude.

I'll end with a simple prayer, as that is about all I've got today.  Sometimes simple is exactly what we need.

Dearest Lord, I don't always get it.  I am not tall enough to see what You see. So, I will just trust that You do see.  You see my pain and the pain of others. You know that pain, so please carry it for them. Don't let it overwhelm them. Let Your light shine on and in them. Heal what needs to be healed, still.

But most importantly, Lord, help us. Keep doing what only You can do.  Thank You for Your peace that surpasses all understanding and please continue to pour it out, multiplying its effects on our lives.

I love You, Jesus.  I don't understand but I trust You.  Thank You, I lift up Your name because You are worth it. Amen.

2015 Year of Prayer - Week 9 and 10

So, this is a combo post because last week got away from me.  I’m all of a sudden playing catch up in a lot of areas of my life, which causes me no end of heartburn because I hate that feeling.  I have a lot of irons in the fire and I have not been disciplined enough to keep up with them all because I’ve put myself first.

Not in a good way, but in ways that drain my energy and sap my passion.

I actually had a post written for Week 9 but just never got around to editing it enough to put it up.

The short version of Week 9 is: I came face to face with my need for real, Godly rest.

Rest was the theme, rest was what was needed but rest I did not get.  Sometimes life just does not allow for it.  So, I slugged on through, engaging in some bad habits of the flesh (including a lot of sleep and T.V. watching) and got behind.

When I have a lot to do – and really when I haven’t managed my time well, instead of buckling down– I go the other way.  I don’t want to do ANYTHING.  So, that was last week.  It’s not that nothing got done, just not as much as I’d planned or wanted to do.

Enter Week 10.  I got a resource last week called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  He is the pastor of National Community Church in Washington, D.C. and not only does it chronicle the development of that church (and Mark’s personal prayer life), it sets the bar high for those of us who truly desire to see God’s greatness on display in our lives.

Well – that’s me.  I want it on display.  That’s why I’m documenting my prayer life this year.  I want to look back and say, “Holy God, You have done amazing things that everyone can see!”

Within the first four chapters of the book, I knew it was anointed.  This is the perfect time for me to read this book – in my life, the life of my family and the life of my church.  A new friend at church told me about it Thursday but another friend told me about over a year ago, so she should really get the credit for this revelation of my spiritual life. 

(Thank you Wynter and especially thank you Leslie for being so patient with me.  :D)

It has challenged me to dig into God with my hopes, dreams, fears and frustrations - along with long standing Scriptural promises I'm hanging on to.  Instead of thinking God wants my prayers to be “fresh and new” all the time, He is showing me how to P.U.S.H.

Pray (and Praise)

Until

Something

Happens

He led me to do a prayer fast.  For 28 days, I am to meet Him from 3 – 3:30 A.M.  That’s right, in the morning.  The point of these early morning meetings is to listen to God…to hear what He wants to say.

No caveats, no boundaries.  Whatever God wants to talk to me about for 30 minutes, He gets it.

I suppose because I wasn’t doing much listening before.  This is an effort of faith, trust and stamina.  I have an alarm set and I guard myself against going back to sleep.  After that time period is up, I do get to go back to sleep (which I am so grateful for) but it is going to take a little while for my body to adjust.  This is day 4 of the fast, which goes until Easter Sunday (which is also my 40^th birthday).  So far, He has taken 2 of my prayer circles and added to them, and given me a couple more as well.  He has given me Scripture for all but 1 of them and I fully expect the biblical promise for that one will make itself known pretty soon!

I have no idea how to define progress in this type of endeavor, other than my level of passion for the things of God has been amped up considerably.  Maybe that is more than enough.  This year – this year of prayer – is all about learning at the feet of Jesus and growing in my desire for Him, His Purposes and His People. 

I am getting more and more Mary time.  I also redeems the Martha time, making the rest of my day much more productive.

Of course I have to apply myself during the time I have, which is my current (flesh) challenge.  The spirit is willing but the flesh is SO WEAK.  But it is what it is and as I wrote a few weeks back, the more I pour into the things of God, the more He pours out the ability to do everything else.

First things first – starting at 3 am. 

I’m circling my prayers, circling my wagons and expecting big things from God.  I am confident I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living!! (Psalm 27:13)

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 5

^. There was a distinct theme of living this reality of #2015theyearofprayer.  I had no idea it would be like this but 5 weeks in, I can say it boils down to one idea in two thoughts.  The Lord calls it pruning.  I call it a roller coaster.

This past week has been intense on the inside.  On the outside, I have seen a lot of wonderful things happen.  I have been a vehicle for His Kingdom movement.  But inside, I have felt nothing but insecure.

It came up over and over and over again, in all kinds of situations.  Several times I didn't feel humbled (which I know to be good) but nearly humiliated by virtue of just being aware of my own internal dialogue. Other times, that internal dialogue got so vocal, it actually came out of my mouth in very unloving ways aimed at others.

At the same time that I'm experiencing the reward for my faith in months prior, I'm also looking inferiority in the face. It looks just like me. Oy Vay, Lord.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Well, I tell you what Ms. Roosevelt, You Are Right!  I consented to feel inferior....all by myself.  It is tough to look into the mirror of our own souls sometimes.

This week has been a real head-trip, y'all.

The flesh must be disciplined.  That's what pruning really is: discipline.  It is learning to walk in self-control that comes from the power of the Holy Spirit and not self-directed will power.  It is a chance to let God take the garbage out and put in real treasure.  That's what insecurity is, by the way, GARBAGE.

Pruning is good because the purpose is to produce MORE fruit.  You can't produce God-levels-of-abundance without regular clipping.  Good gardeners don't prune on a whim or for pruning's sake.  The best are like botanical surgeons.  They know what they are doing; which areas to clip and which ones to leave alone.  Broken, diseased and rotting limbs must be cleaned off for new, healthy branches to grow. If you leave the bad limbs on, withered, puny fruit results. Good fruit comes from good, healthy, whole vines.

Jesus, The One True Vine, called us His branches.  He plainly states that He will prune us.  Why?  He prunes us in order that WE CAN PRODUCE MORE FRUIT.  (See John 15:1-3).  It's not for harm, it is for gain!  For more!  For greater!  He presses our good measure down to make room for more, to be filled to overflowing!  (See Luke 6:38)

It's Pretty But Some Pruning Required

That puts God's internal work these past few weeks into perspective for me.  And our God never wastes anything, even the stuff He prunes off.  It is all preparation for the next phase of life to be lived and fruit to bear....for His glory, our good and for the good of those around us. PRAISE GOD!

Our job is to keep our eyes in the right place.  If you were a patient on the table, you wouldn't watch the scalpel in a surgeon's hand.  So, as the branch of the vine, you don't watch the pruning shears in the Gardener's hand.  You keep your eyes on His face and your mind on the impending result of the pruning.  That's called the harvest.  I was reminded about two specials verses regarding the harvest this morning:

• Luke 8:8 - Still other seed feel on good soil.  It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.
• Galatians 6:9 - So let us not grow weary of doings what is good; for if we don't give up, we will in due time reap the harvest.

The harvest requires patience and perseverance to see.  If we are careful to trust Him, it will be more than we could ever expect or hope for.  As Pastor Andy Cunningham told our church yesterday during his sermon, God operates in parason.  It's the Greek word for abundance and it means over the top, almost wasteful, excess.  I was struck by the word, struck by my need for this.

Like Mary breaking open the jar of nard and pouring it over Jesus - an act of excessive abundance - the Holy Spirit will return the favor when we submit ourselves in worship and reverence to what the Lord needs to do in (and through) us.  He is not a miserly God.  He doesn't pay us what we deserve, or just a 15% tip on top.  No, He is a God who gives in ludicrous fashion.  He gives oceans of life to deserts of dry bones.

It is always more than enough because it is not just physical or spiritual or emotional.

You see, the Lord only gives in WHOLE-NESS.  In Hebrew that word is shalom.  He gives to every part of us - spirit, soul and body.  He is a complete God, so His gifts are for the whole of us.  He is making me more whole as He prunes off the dead weight.  Even though this week was tough, I know, over the next 60 days in particular, I will find myself getting lighter.  I will learn, in even deeper ways, how to walk in His easy, unforced rhythms of grace.  The Lord is preparing my family and me to receive more.  I'm in agreement with that process, so much so, that the last 2 mornings I've prayed the prayer at the end of this post, which comes from one of my go-to resources Prayers That Avail Much. I think I will keep praying it over the next 60 (now 59) days. 

I don't like to hype it too much, but after the first day of praying it, I saw fruit start to blossom in my house - PRAISE GOD!  Small victories, but victories none the less.  The prayer section is aptly titled: To Bear Fruit.  You are welcome to join me in this prayer and I look forward to what will happen as we watch and see how He does answer it in each of our lives!

Lord Jesus, You chose me and appointed me to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.  Then the Father will give me whatever I ask in Your name.  Father, You are the Gardener.  You prune every branch that bears fruit, so it will be even more fruitful.  

The Apostle Paul said to be filled with the fruit of righteousness and that he desired that fruit might abound to our account.  Therefore, I commit myself to bring forth the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.  I renounce and turn from the fruit of the flesh, because I belong to Christ and have crucified the flesh with its affections and lusts.

A seed cannot bear fruit unless it first fails into the ground and dies.  I confess that I am crucified with Christ: Nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me.  And the life that I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me.  Father, I thank You that I am good ground, that hear Your Word and understand it, and that the Word bears fruit in my life - sometimes a hundredfold, sometimes sixty, sometimes thirty.  I am like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth fruit in its season.  My leaf shall not wither, and whatever I do shall prosper.

Father, in Jesus' name, I thank You for filling me with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding that I may walk worthy of You, Lord, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of You.  Amen.

Scripture References: John 15:16, Philippians 1:11, Philippians 4:17, Galatians 5:22-24, John 12:24, Galatians 2:20, Matthew 13:23, Psalm 1:3, Colossians 1:9, 10 

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 4

I sat before the Lord this morning.  I bawled my eyes out.

The feeling just welled up in me, I couldn't hold back my tears.  I sat here in the dark, no devotional, no Bible Study; with the dog running around like mad and cried.

Prayer this week has been heart-wrenching in some cases, involving emotional differences, struggles, comparisons and misunderstandings. I've come face to face with my lack of ability to help my closest peeps.  Circumstances have threatened those most precious to me. Their work in the Kingdom is great and satan has pulled out all the stops to prevent that work from coming to light.

It seems people's words can bring you low, circumstances can bring you to your knees and even your own thoughts about yourself can keep you down.  But nothing is so humbling as knowing the Almighty God of the Universe has answered your prayers.

I don't think my prayers are anything special. In fact, I have a lot of prayer aides where I'm actually using other people's prayers, including the books Prayers that Avail Much and Prayers for Others.  The authors of those books REALLY know how to pray.

Maybe as this year of prayer goes on, I will experiment with other types of prayer. My go-to tool is always the Word of God, I pray a lot from Scripture. Still, there are so many other ways to pray, I know I'm only dipping my toe into this ocean called Prayer.

And don't get me wrong. I'm still praying for folks whose situations have not resolved. The need for prayer in 2015 is even greater than I ever thought. This fact does not discourage me.  The needs are beyond comprehension but the grace and provision of Jesus Christ are even greater than the needs.  It shows me how many windows are open for Holy Spirit to fly through with His answers.

The Apostle Paul, my go-to in his happiest of letters writes, This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. (Philip 4:19)

Jesus is the start, middle and end for every prayer. He is also the means to the answer. Jesus Himself said that if we pray anything in His Name (which means asking for things in line with God's will), the Father will not hesitate to give it.

Those are ridiculous level promises. By the grace and patience of God, I've come to believe them. In Christianity, believing is seeing.  I'm seeing the fruit of my faith: the answers to prayer. They are real and Christ is everything He says He is.  Faith is the most useful tool when we are praying. If we pray without believing, there is nothing to see. 

The beauty of faith is God meets us where we are. He doesn't require apostle-faith out of everyone, all the time. He will still answer. Yet, growing in the nature of what is possible with God means we will see greater and greater things - miracles, signs, wonders.  This is the level I want to go to in 2015, to witness and document the stories of our faith happening RIGHT NOW. 

So, I sit before the Lord and cry because I feel the weight of His love and His desire to prove Himself, and use us frail and faulty people - like me and you - to do it. 

The year is just beginning. We aren't even out of January and eternal earthquakes, shifts in spiritual tectonic plates, are happening.  Revival is coming and we are a part of it. It is growing and I don't want anyone to miss out.

God is so good.  He has been so good to me, to my dearest family and friends.  He want to be good to you in ways you cannot comprehend. Let this sign, on the prayer wall at Dr. Gleem Car Wash in the Heights, encourage you.

Let's keep going on in this journey of prayer, sweet friends and I know the words of King David, from my favorite Psalm (27:13), will be a reality: I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 3

Here's the short version of Week 3 in the 2015 Year of Prayer:

Focus on the strength of God, not your own weakness. 

I'm painfully aware this is not earth-shattering revelation, as much as I like to have those.  Seems the Lord is sending me back to the basics of the faith, rather than promote me to graduate school. (No doubt that is to deal with my pride.) As Beth Moore famously said in Psalms of Ascent, "The way up in God's economy is down."  To really live something, you have to go back to the basics.  So, I'm on the ground floor - going up, please.

This truth has stood the test of time, since Paul wrote the words God spoke to him,

My Strength is Made Perfect in your weakness. (2 Cor 12:9)

It is a core belief of the Christian faith as well as a bedrock of Scripture.  We must decrease in order for Jesus to increase.  I've physically felt better this week, which is nice, but a few times last week, I was still limping along. I leaned hard into this whole My Yoke is Easy and My Burden in Light business Dr. Dennis called out a few Saturdays back.  

For real, this week has been about putting that truth into practice. Thankfully, I has not been as difficult as I secretly suspected it would be.

I've known for a good few years now that my feelings are only the triggers of something deeper.

When my nose is out of joint (so to speak), it is an indication the problem isn't completely with the person who knocked it that way.  When my feelings - specifically of frustration, irritation and most recently, jealousy, surface - I've treated it as an opportunity to converse with the Lord.  Lately, I start the conversation with, "Lord, this is most definitely NOT easy right now."

It helps me to admit things to Him out loud, if I have the space to do so.  It is an act of breathing in fresh air; like opening a window when you've accidentally overcooked popcorn.  There are times when my feelings/thoughts just sound so ridiculous when I speak them out, I have to laugh.  In that laughter, my mental clarity is reset. The joy we find in truth realized is often what we need to wipe away the cobwebs of our emotions, expectations and intentions that distract us.

Not that all emotions are bad. They are God-given. The process of venting them has been shown to have great physical benefit. We just have to vent in healthy ways - and prayer (or straight-up talking to God) should be one of those ways.

This week I've discovered I have to be honest about being human.  To deny my humanity is to focus on my own strength. When I don't admit I'm human and I have weakness, I depend solely on my own (human) strength. Yet, when I see myself for who I am, a regular person, or better put: a creature, not the Creator; shows me I need help because I am weak.  I cannot do the things God can do!! I cannot force them into existence!

I have to let Him do that. Seeing my weakness for what it is gives me eyes to see a glimpse of how strong the Lord really is. Usually, a glimpse of His strength is all I need.  There is certainly day-to-day (sometimes minute-by-minute) drudgery. Laundry still must be done, diapers must be changed, homework must be completed and dinner must be on the table so the troops don't plot an uprising.  But there is freedom in that too. 

The Lord put me where I am and the only priorities I must have are the ones He gives me.  I don't have to lay man-made burdens on my shoulders.  I'm strong but I'm not as strong in myself as when I am in Christ.

It has simply been a week of taking a step back when I can feel things getting too heavy. I can actually feel it, in my body like when I've been clenching my arm too hard around Ella and the tendons in my elbows are straining to keep up.  When I feel a cramp coming on, I just put whatever I'm carrying down. There have been times when that has literally been Ella.

Other times it has been trying to pray health into myself. Last Wednesday, I let my precious sister Moseka pray healing into me and it was so easy, I nearly fell over. She had to catch me before I toppled over backwards because of the ease of which she prayed it in.

I got the opportunity to run outside at lunch today. Exercise has long been a vehicle of self-condemnation, but before Christmas, I got freed of that for good. I just stopped doing it unless it was obvious it wasn't going to mess with my head (and body).  Today, waiting on that release paid off.  It is glorious here in Houston and I was just so joyful as I jogged along. No strain and no negative self-talk because I was where I was supposed to be.

Then, I started listening to a song by NeedtoBreathe called "Keep Your Eyes Open."

As I neared my car, the Lord opened the lyrics up to me. It was Him speaking the words into my heart - continuing to instruct me how to walk with His Light Yoke on.  I included the video for it at the end of the post.

'Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You'll never make it to the great unknown
Till you keep your eyes... Open, my love.
 
So show me your fire, show me your heart
You know I'll never let you fall apart
If you keep your eyes... Open, my love.

The key to not getting tripped up by my own weakness is to keep my eyes open for God's strength. His Love is more powerful than any other force, it holds our bodies together. God's Love keeps the planets in orbit. He delights in His creation and we are a big part of that.

There is no shortage of seeing Him at work, seeing His strength manifested in my life and the lives of others. It is easy to see when I keep my eyes open. It only gets hard when I look at myself, to my own strength to do the things He wants to do.  

So, to close this week out, keep your focus on the strength of God. Keep your eyes open for what He is doing and when He is doing it.  And keep praying. It is early in the year yet friends, there is still so much more to see!!!

What Limits Your Faith?

The Lord gave me an idea for a post series, I'm calling "Questions of Faith."  Some of them are questions we have of God, but some of them are questions God has of us.  Today's entry is the What.  The When, Where, How, Why and Who come a little later.

It's right to start with this question though: What limits our faith?  With all that is possible with God, proved in Scripture and being proved around the world in other nations (especially for those Christians under terrible persecution), why aren't we seeing more of that here in the United States?  Why aren't miracles happening on mass scale and wonders beyond belief part of our every day lives?

Let me address that first: we are.  The United States has as many miracles and wonders happening as in Africa or Asia.  I truly believe that.  I can't accept the notion miracles aren't happening here because I see them every day.  I'm not delusional.  Truly, I see what God is doing, I pay attention and it is the truth.  I have a miracle living in my house in the body of an 8 year old girl.  The fact that I'm sitting in this chair, with the faith to write this post is a miracle.

The lie, the illusion is that the American Church is dying or already dead.  The news is that we are so broken, so hopeless, we can't ever grow again.  We won't ever experience revival here in the States because we are too far gone down the road of division and submission to culture, rather than Christ.  Wouldn't the enemy love us to just keep promoting that slime, like it's the truth?

In the natural, I see what is happening.  I see the decline, I see the wrong motives we've had for the last hundred years.  I see that our seminaries no longer teach the inerrancy of Scripture and major denominations are splitting over issues whether we should follow the clear commands of Scripture.  Yet, I also I see (and am part of) the most spiritually rich information era ever on planet Earth.  And I don't think the Lord plans to waste this time, when people have unlimited resources to come to Him.

Yes, it's bad in the natural and will get worse.  But that doesn't mean it's all over.  His mercies are new every morning.  

Sunrise means another chance

The Bible clearly outlines a principle called The Remnant, in both the Old and New Testaments.  Here is the Apostle Paul calling it out in Romans 11:5,

But what is the divine response to him? "I HAVE KEPT for Myself SEVEN THOUSAND MEN WHO HAVE NOT BOWED THE KNEE TO BAAL." In the same way then, there has also come to be at the present time a remnant according to God's gracious choice. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works, otherwise grace is no longer grace.…

Point being: it isn't up to us who is part of that remnant.  We don't get to determine who is right and who is wrong - God does.  And He does it based on His revealed Word and in the Person of Jesus Christ.  What gets us all twisted is we think a remnant means a tiny number.  I don't.  I think a few million would do just fine.  IF....what?

If we would take the governors off our hearts.

A governor is something used to limit speed on a car.  The car would go much, much faster, if the engine were allowed to do so.  I most recently saw this in Abu Dhabi, where the governors kept the taxis from going over a certain speed - I'm sure to promote safe driving.  

Governors are good, they can promote order.  But in a life of faith, they create a dependency on what is, what we already know, instead of what can be.  We don't experience more of God's miraculous workings here in the American Church because we've been living with speed limitors on our faith.  Those things put in place, to create order, but instead have held us back.

Don't get me wrong, order is a good thing, but not when it comes at the expense of quenching the Spirit's work.

If we would only take off the governors of our faith, we would see a speed explosion of revival.  This victory is only going to be won when we praise God, not just for what He has done or what we know of Him, but Who He says He is and all the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical implications of that revelation.  

The lack of praise of His name is one of the major reasons - if not THE major reason - for the decline of the American Church.

But friends, we are making a comeback.  There is an awakening happening, in the Baby Boomers, in Generation X, Y, the Millennials. People of over age, race, ethnic orientation - they are all looking for authenticity of faith and are coming together to make it happen.  They are coming together for the purpose of praise, to be overcomers by the Blood of the Lamb and their testimony of what God has done....which leads us to think out of the box of what God will do when we trust Him more fully.  

The walls are coming down because they have to.  Those walls of long held tradition and separatism are being unmasked for what they are: division created by the enemy. Our part is to want to be a part of what God is doing; to not miss out on this great chance to be apart of something, not only bigger than us, but a revival more intense and immense than any ever seen.

It is God's grace that seals the deal, but He is not going to turn anyone away who seeks His face.  2 Chronicles 16:9 promises, The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

You just have to be brave enough to ask yourself - what is holding me back from more of God?

Are you too busy?

Are you too tired or sick?

Are you too anger (and bitter) because your prayers haven't been answered the way you wanted?

Do you carry a grudge against someone?

Do you want more than you need?

Do you have problems too big for Him to solve?

Has everyone let you down, including God?

Has your family always been bad, so you can't be any different?

Has it just always been this way? 

If we want to be released, as individuals and the Church at large, we have to be willing to be adjusted.  We don't make these adjustments, God shows them to us...when we ask the question.  Even if it is a doctrinal issue or teaching which could be holding you back; it must be tested in light of Scripture.  If it is truly from God, it will hold up under the microscope of His truth.  If not?  Well, then welcome to the new.

There are two reasons why we aren't seeing more of God: fear and pride.  Those are the deepest roots and the hardest to pull up.  And Fear and Pride are the enemy's favorite weapons, the evil twins of Goodness and Mercy, meant to be our companions.  (See Psalm 23).

Our constant pursuit of God is not only about what we think is right (pride) or what we can handle (fear).  There is a much deeper work the Lord seeks to do in us, through His very own character, forming us into His Son.  Praise does that - it radically changes who we are on the inside to line up with who God is on the outside.  

All of the New Testament was written to redefine what we think is possible.  Christ's whole mission was to prove what is possible with God - and the possibilities are limitless, just as He is.  He came to set us free, restore our sight, deliver us from the pit (Psalm 103:3-5).

Is there any reason to limit our faith, to keep the governors on?

We can see an explosion of the speed of transformation.  We have to be willing to let Him take the blinders off by asking the question.  Regardless of whether it is our expectations, experience, knowledge - or anything else - those don't matter to God.  He can and will show us - when we are willing - what is possible.  He did it during His life, after His ascension, over the last 2,000 years.  He is still doing it today.  

He isn't going to let our Church perish, even if He has to prune us down to a size He can work with.  

But that is His business.  Our business is to desire Him, to desire our eyes to be opened to His work.

If your life is rough or if it lacks a certain luster, it maybe time to have a serious conversation with your God, to ask Him what is keeping you from experiencing all He has for you.  I ask that question nearly every day.  I want to see the goodness of God in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13).

You will never feel more alive when you step off the cliff of what you know into the wide, opens spaces of God's love, mercy and grace.  You may feel like you are falling, or sinking, at times, but trust me - He will pick you up - raise your head up to see His face.  Just keep focused on Him. It is so much better than staying comfortable and (seemingly) safe in what you know.

Let this song sink into your soul.  Then ask Holy Spirit to take the limits off and release your faith.   No limits.  Release Me, Lord.