The Last Post

I've been coming to this post for awhile.  I'm taking inventory of most everything in my life - or at least that's what my friend/counselor Pastor Andy tells me.  It's true.  When my Dad died, it shifted my foundation and I don't understand the full impact of it yet.  It's a big adjustment in uncountable ways.  Big probably isn't the most effective word to use right there, but I'm not always as eloquent as I would like to be. 

I will say it is another order of magnitude of inventory-taking from the season right after Sophia's diagnosis.  Poignantly, my Dad died the day after Sophia was given the all clear.  He got to see it.  Thank You Jesus.

After writing a blog for 7 years, I've come into agreement with God: it is time to move on.  I'm entering into a unknown season, one where I don't share everything God gives me all the time - at least not on an easily accessible public forum.  It is going to be hard for me, as I enjoy the gratification of knowing I've helped people, encouraged them in their faith and (more than a little selfishly) the praise that comes with writing a piece people like.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and when people click "like," comment, email or tell me in person they like what I wrote, it makes me feel pretty darn good, productive and.....deeply fulfilled. 

Writing is a gift God has given me, a gift that touches me at the deepest level.  There isn't anything wrong enjoying the praise that comes from being a useful tool in His hands.  It's just time to have the courage to say Yes to Him using this tool in different and new ways.  It's time to seek His approval alone for a little while.  Does that mean I won't share?

No, I'm on social media (probably too much for some folks) so I will continue to document my family's antics, adventures and the events we experience that move the Kingdom of God forward.  I'm too much of a people person to keep totally silent.

There is an element of discipline and obedience required to go deeper into what the Lord wants to do in and through me.  I've got to be taught to teach.  Also, in order to finish some of the projects He has entrusted me with and will bring to my doorstep in 2016, I need to put this down.  I know I haven't written much lately and didn't quite persevere with #2015TheYearofPrayer like I wanted.  Still, this blog occupies my mind and heart in a way that doesn't leave enough space for the work He wants me to do now.

I read this verse during my quiet time this morning - which put me in a wonder-filled mindset at the timing: For loving God means obeying his commands.  Moreover, his commands are not burdensome, because everything which has God as its Father overcomes the world.  And this is what victoriously overcomes the word: our trust.  Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, CJB/NIV)

What is coming is not burdensome, just as this blog has not been so, only the opposite.  It's always been a precious outlet.  It's now time for me to take up my Cross in a little different way - to switch shoulders, if you will and trust Jesus more to carry the load.  I treasure those of you I've told about this change, who received it with grace and humility.  Thank you for letting me know how you've enjoyed reading.  I know that's only  15 of you, but still. 

We are all coming to the end of 2015 - headed into a new year, but more than that; it is a fresh start to lay down what we might have carried for too long, plans we've made that aren't producing the sweetest fruit.  It's time for us, as the People of God, to seek, without any timidity, our purposes and destiny in Christ.  We must press in to overcome the barriers and distractions of this world - to step out from behind the curtain and show the world what He has done, is doing and will do through a Church who loves Him, is learning to love itself and wants to others well.

(Not) Incidentally, a couple weeks back, the Lord gave me "my" word for 2016.  If 2015 was Prayer - 2016 is Love.  I thought that word was just for me until I spoke to my friend Wynter this morning and she got the same word!!  The Lord is setting this world up to see what His ultimate display of love really looks like in His People - His United and Unified Church.  The time is short to do it, so we have to do it NOW.

What I've always tried to do on this blog is answer the question, "What does faith look like in real life?"  So: what does God's love look when His people breath it in and out in every moment of life?

Well, the Spirit has given me 2 verses this year - one for my ministry life and one for my personal life.  The ministry one came much earlier in the year, the personal one only since my Dad's passing.  It is the personal one, Psalm 116, that gives me the idea on how to help people understand the reality of what God's love looks like:

Be at rest, once more, O my soul, 
For the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord have delivered me from death,

my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I just have to tell my story of how good the Lord has been to me.  It's that simple.  It's all you have to do, too.

How has He been good to you?

How has He delivered you from death?

How has He dried your tears?

How has He held you up when you were about to fall?

Ironically, of course, you would think this medium would be perfect for that!  But not in the coming season.  I need to craft my story through alternative means and wait for Him to show me how to share it with the world.

I hope you've felt through these sometimes silly, sometimes desperate and sometimes searching posts that I love Jesus and I love you.  I hope You've seen His marvelous power to destroy the shade of death over the lives of my family and friends.  I hope You've seen how He is teaching me to love myself, by drying my tears over Sophia and thereby giving me permission to cry about other things - including my Dad.  I know I've felt like I've hit the concrete so hard so many times, but in reality, He cushioned, or even broke my fall - even pulling me back just in time.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you laughing and crying with me and listening to my thoughts. Thank You for serving me with your companionship.  I do hope it's made a difference in Your walk with Christ.  He is so close - He left it all to come to us and be not just WITH us, but One of us.  He knows you and He knows me.  He doesn't miss a thing and that's a very good thing.  

Don't stop seeking Him, ever.  Keep getting closer, even if it is uncomfortable or scary.  Even (and especially) when others don't get it.  He is as close as your breath but even closer - as close as the blood pumping in your veins.  I know He wants to do marvelous things through you, and me.  We are all in this together.  By trusting what He has done and how He is demonstrating it through us, we do overcome everything this world throws at us.

Keep in touch!  I will.

amysvogel@hotmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/awvogel 

https://twitter.com/amywvogel

I am Mary

Last week, I had to prepare a talk about who I was in the Bible.  It was an assignment for my Bible Study class in which I had to pick the person from Scripture I most identified with, in terms of life and ministry.  I asked a few friends for an opinion, but I didn't necessarily relate to the characters they mentioned.  I think that was more of a case how they related to me.  So, I decided I would pray about it.  I thought I should ask Jesus Himself.

Good idea, huh?  Go to the source.

So, I was praying but not much was really coming.  After the experience I had a few weeks ago when I was touched by the love of the Father (which you can read about here), I was praying a couple of days later.  I was listening to music and on my knees, feeling like I was at His feet.  That's when I felt/heard/realized the Holy Spirit spoke:  You are My Mary.

After I was able to get up off the floor, a long time later, as the weight of this download pinned me prostrate, I was able to process.  It was an identity shift, it moved the fabric of my own personal universe.  I've always thought of myself as Martha - I think most women nowadays too.  I've always been proud of that because Martha, despite her obvious misconception about what Jesus would do for her, she made the turn.  In John 11, she is all the way, on board.  She knows He is the Messiah.  She declares her belief in Him, her belief in Him as the Savior in this world and the next.

Now, He's changed my name.

Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, was perhaps the first official female disciple.  It is remarkable because Jesus choosing her in Luke 10:42 gives us a greater understanding of what the Kingdom should look like.  Paul echoes that in Galatians 3:28 when he writes, There is no male or female, Jew or Gentile, slave or free, in Christ Jesus.  It was completely counter cultural, an upset in the societal order for Jesus to call Mary as a Disciple.  BUT HE DOES.  

It is clear He meant business with her because her role was just as critical to Him personally as well as missionally.  You see, Jesus not only anointed Mary with His authority to minister to others - but He let her minister to Him.  She anointed Him for burial with her dowry, 3/4 pound jar of spikenard oil.  He let her minister to His heart.  He let her care for Him!  Wow.  What a shift for her too, I bet.

I feel both humbled and wholly empowered to do what He is calling me to do, knowing He is with me.  He has put His mark, His stamp on me and will show me the way to accomplish what He wants to do through me.  It's Him and it's Me.  It's a remarkable feeling, a new level of freedom.

In closing, I'll share the opening of my talk, a little imaginative story-telling.  I went on to explain Mary's call and how I relate to her in more detail but I'll have to post that another time.  Just want to leave you with the possibility of what our God can do for you too, as you seek Him and all that He has to give you. 

A long time ago, there was a woman.  She had a sister and a brother, whom she lived with in a small village, not far from the main town in all the land.  They were not rich but they had enough.  One day, a celebrity teacher and his entourage came to their house for a visit.  It was a huge honor to her host and they knew it.  Her sister, the master hostess, began the preparations for a feast for some 20 people.  Even though they were of low to moderate means, her sister knew how to stretch it.  She was an expert on how to create much from little.  Yet, she often wears herself out in the process.

The motley band of the teacher and his buddies were in the main living room.  They were having a great time, telling stories from the road, laughing and teasing each other; and listening to the teacher explain in deeper detail what his plans were.  It was magical and this young woman was pulled into it.  It was not the typical place for a woman to be, as in those days and still today, some people said a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  Truly, that was where her sister would have preferred her to be.  Still, this woman was different.  She would rather been soaking in the presence of this celebrity, this teacher of renown.  She wouldn’t have been pulled away unless by force.

In her heart of hearts, this woman loved the teacher from the start.  There was a special connection to him she could not put a finger on.  It was not necessary physical, as he wasn’t striking or devastatingly handsome, as many popular men even now have to be.  His charisma overpowered her.  It wa his wisdom, his focus that drew her in.  The shape and color of his eyes – the depth of his soul shining from them – it captivated her.  His words made her feel different inside.  She was uncomfortable but not in a bad way.  It was as if some long dead part of her was coming alive, was waking up from sleep as she listened to Him.

It was love that drew her in.  It was a more complete, sacred, holy feeling than she’d ever experienced.  It radiated from him.  He seemed to have a special eye for her too, not just because she wasn’t doing what was expected of her.  She was hungry and he knew it.  More than that, he had the food to feed her.  He admired her.  He saw her devotion and her sweetness.  He saw she cared for him, cared what he had to say – not because she could get something from him, like so many around him.  She wanted what he came to give.  She loved him for who he was, not just what he could do for her.  Their bond was unique and it stood out.

As the woman sat rapt, she did more than listen.  She internalized what he was saying.  She believed him with her whole heart.  The way he talked about his father was so unusual.  The way he talked about their God so unique.  She was completely present in the moment and felt like she could stay comfortable in his presence forever.  In fact, she was so lost in what he was saying, she didn’t notice her sister passive-aggressively berating her to their guest!

She shrank back, fearful of what he will say.  Would he reject her?  Would he send banish her back to the kitchen with her sister?  Would she have to settle for an ordinary life?  After hearing him teach, after sitting so comfortably in his presence…the idea of not being with him, of not being part of what he was doing, was unthinkable. If he told her to, she would go back to the kitchen, but she dreaded it.  She silently prayed to Yahweh to help her to stay where she was.  She wanted what the teacher had and she wanted her life to change.  She wanted freedom and she knew he was the way to it.  He was different than anyone else she’d ever met. 

A word from him would change her whole life.  So she held her breath.  She felt like she was on the teetering edge between life and death.  It all depended on him, on his decision.  He wielded authority like no one else, which is why her sister went to him.  When he walked in the house, he became the head.  He was head of this house, now, too. 

Her future would begin or end with his word.  So, she sat there and awaited her fate……

Help Me With My Half-Belief

I went to a Book of Acts level house-church service last night.  That's the only way I can describe it.  Last week, a dear, sweet sister-friend of mine gave me a couple of books she felt would really speak into me during this season of my life.  She was right-on.  As I read them, I became aware that I needed her and a few others to pray the Father's tender love into me.

(As I texted her this morning - I would have needed that gentle refilling anyway.  I didn't realize how much I was weary in doing good.  The signs were there but my Dad's death showed me with alarming clarity that I was doing so much in my own strength.  The wound was there.  My Dad's passing just made the hole that much larger.)

So, we set it up.  No one really knew, even Sarah and I, what to expect.  When you turn everything over to God, He shows up in totally unexpected and fantastic ways.  It was better than we could have imagined even if we'd tried.  For me personally, I was able to grieve in the comforting arms of my heart family (everyone needs people like this....where you can be totally walls down...it is what Christianity is really all about.)  I entered into the story of Mary and Martha meeting Jesus after Lazarus' death.  I went there with all the pain and anguish of losing my Dad, which I'd not really touched deeply since he passed.  They laid loving hands on me as I cried on their knees.  Sarah anointed my head with pomegranate oil as I washed Jesus' feet with my tears.

Following that (there was so much more to come even though that release would have been enough), I was knocked over by the power of God so I could receive the light and warmth of the re-filling/overfilling of Christ's love for me.

After that (yes, still more), they prayed the heaviness off of me: those burdens I've carried for 3 long weeks (and truly longer).  THEN AFTER THAT (yep, still more), we took communion together.  It was just otherworldly.  I have never experienced the Body and Blood of Christ in a way that literally changed me from the inside out.  Warmth spread over my chest in a physical reflection of His love.  I could breath more freely than I have in weeks (and possibly ever). That feeling has yet to leave me and I pray it never does.  Jesus showed me, in a physical way, His burden is SO MUCH LIGHTER THAN MY OWN. (Matthew 11:27-28).

Then (still going) we laughed and praised and danced and celebrated in the joy of the Lord like total IDIOTS.  My cheeks cramped and my abs are sore today from laughing so hard.  We continued to pray and share until it was finally time to go home.  I fell asleep with the lightness and warmth in my heart and a smile on my face.

I know that's a long story but I share it for one reason: to let you know what is possible with God.  When my friend Cindi and I were driving home, we were discussing her vision.  She (literally) saw angels around the crown molding in the room.  Sarah then, a few minutes later, saw the trumpets the angels held.  They didn't just see it with spiritual sight.  THEY ACTUALLY SAW THEM.

There's a part of our minds that wants to write things like that off, even though you know they are real.  You question what you are seeing and lean into it couldn't be real; you are making it all up inside your head.  Our flesh wants to write it off.  Why? A lot of reasons, but I think mostly because we don't want people to think we are crazy and it doesn't make sense.  The supernatural is hard to process because it is well...not natural.

What do you think would happen, though, if we stopped questioning so much?  Most people I know aren't prone to hallucinations.  They are rational and lucid, so experiencing things like what happened to us last night - can and does happen.  I have to wonder - what if it isn't our faith we have to suspend but rather our skepticism about God and what He will do? 

This is not a new question.  Eric Metaxas recently released an excellent exposition on the miraculous (simply called Miracles.  I highly recommend).  C.S. Lewis explored their possibility in one of his books (also simply titled Miracles, which I'm about to read).  Believing in the supernatural wonders of God is not a new question, but it is the one us Western-educated people seem to struggle with the most.  We find the struggle in Scripture, too, of course.

It's the same question Jesus posed to the father of the possessed boy in Mark 9.  The Complete Jewish Bible translates verse 23 as:  What do you mean, 'if you can'? Everything is possible to someone who has trust!  Eugene Peterson's The Message puts that verse like this: If?  There are no 'ifs' among believers.  Anything can happen!

The father responds with faith - or rather what I would call half-faith. As Cindi and I talked last night, a thought came to me.  It isn't really unbelief or true doubt.  We can't imagine what is possible because we've never seen it.  Even though Scripture tells us to walk by faith and not by sight, we are still very, very visual creatures.  Really I should say sensual; by which I mean we experience this world through our 5 senses.

Yet, God consistently asks us to step out of what we can touch, taste, see, hear and feel.  For those that do, we are rewarded with richer, fuller faith.  He did say those who believe and don't see would be blessed (John 20:29).  The Lord God made us for tangible experiences, even as He is intangible.  So, in faith, or should I say, by faith alone, we are to trust when we step out into blank space, He will catch us by providing the foundation to land on.

It's hard.  I know.  Even seeing what I've seen, it is still hard to come out of my own head.  I want to know what to expect.  I want to know what He is going to do.  That's just not the way He works.  So, it is easier to stay in my lane, expecting nothing or (worse) what has happened before.  This is the Creator we are talking about though.  If no two snowflakes are the same, why would His answers to prayer be the same?

I looked up the Greek word in Mark 9:24 for "unbelief."  A lack of belief isn't completely accurate - it is better to say lack of faithfulness or "want of faith."  The boy's father clearly had enough faith to come to Christ, so for that reason alone, I can say he clearly had some faith. 

Still, his challenge, and the challenge to us, is to believe in God's choice of the way to work, rather than our own understanding or choosing of the way things work (Proverbs 3:4-5).  The Lord set the laws of the universe into motion and, generally speaking, works within that known order.  However, He doesn't have to - or more realistically - our knowledge of the laws that govern our existence are still (even with all the advances and technology) impartial at best.  If anything, our discoveries show us how little we actually do know.  

So, Jesus is asking the father - and us - to stop limiting Him.  Stop expecting to know what He is able to do.  Stop trying to guess how He will work, or worse, tell Him what He should do.  He wants us, as His children, to humbly come, expecting He is going to do something - and it will be better and more complete than what we could dream up.

I close with the boundaries of my limits being pushed.  Here's my version of Mark 9:23: Just come with Me.  Just go with what I am doing.  I can do anything.  Do you believe Me?

And after last night - this is my new response: I believe Lord....help me stop half-believing and fully trust You can and will do abundantly more than I can ask or think or expect.

2015: The Year of Prayer....I've missed a few weeks.

So, it's been awhile since I posted on this year long journey to document my life in prayer.  I just counted back and I guess this is Week 38.  It feels like an ocean of time has passed since the last time I thought to write.  I tried last week Tuesday and it didn't go very well.  I don't even really have the mental fortitude to journal.

The truth is, I hit a wall.  My Dad died.  Prayer was/is about the only thing I could/can really do "well," because the Lord is the most consistent voice in my head.  Every other input is all messed up.  My emotions are all over the place.  I'm either not hungry or starving.  My mind starts to spin on all sorts of weird ideas and there are some nights when sleep completely eludes me.

In short, things are off-kilter in my life.  I feel unbalanced and destabilized.  A good visual here is my desk....it's just a mess.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the calls, comments, emails, texts, cards, hugs, meals and condolences we've received.  I'm not capable of taking it all in or talking to everyone, but I am so grateful...Please know that.  We have so much to do to help my Mom get organized and the details of death continue to roll along.

The reality is starting to set in.  Friday it hit me hard.  I took some notes in the middle of my anguish (in the middle of the night) and to look at them is painful.  I don't include them because they are too personal and intimate, and would be at the very least, awkward for you.  It is a painful place we are in.  Saturday hit still harder when, in starting to clean out Dad's office, I found a file with my initials on it.  There were a few letters in there, one from in the last five years that starts, "Dad, our pastor encouraged us to write a note to the people in your life that mean the most to you....."

That's as far as I got.

In the middle of this mess is a life still to be cared for.  Something is pushing me through.  It's being a a wife and a mom, even if the person in those roles is a little nutty in certain moments.  It's being a daughter and a sister.  It's being a prayer warrior and friend.  It is who I am to just keep going but I'm pretty dang tired of going. 

We are still being held, kept close to the side of our Shepherd-Father-Comforter.  He is ever-present.

My spirit/soul/mind and body have been craving The Word, so I went and bought myself a couple of Bibles last week (which is crazy because I already have a lot but I figure it's a good investment).  One of them is a One Year Bible and part of this morning's entry, Psalm 77, really encapsulates how I feel.  The Psalms, I believe, were inspired, written and included because the Lord wants us to know He created, understands and gets the range of human emotion.  Bonus for me, this was written by Asaph, my personal favorite Psalm writer (although David is pretty good too.)  I like Asaph because he usually echos my voice as a person and a writer.  Asaph writes what I think.

We have a long way to go but we have a God who specializes in being in it for the long-haul.  Thank you for your prayers, keep them coming.  My Mom, my brother, myself and our families need them now that the dust is settling and the real work of grieving begins.  Love you.  Hug, Friend.

 Psalm 77 - For Jeduthun. Of Asaph.
 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.  When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.  I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah.

You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.  I thought about the former days , the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night.  My heart mused and my spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject forever?  Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful?  Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" Selah.

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."  I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.  Your ways, O God, are hold.  What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.  The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.  Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.  Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.  You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

The Words of God

I have no record of the best artistic piece I've ever created.  It truly was a miracle, primarily because I possibly have a negative amount of hands-on creative ability.  My house looks decently decorated because I can arrange photos and think up ways things look nice together.  But vision and design - and the hardest part - implementation of that vision and design - allude me completely. 

Maybe that's why I liked this little playdoh statue I made so much.  Not only was it actually pretty
good, but it dealt with words, specifically, C.S. Lewis' creative interpretation of how the Lord spoke the universe into being.  We know those first words - LET THERE BE LIGHT - from Genesis.  Lewis, in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew presents that "speaking" in a most unique way.  He intimates that Aslan - the God/Christ figure in his Narnian universe - sang creation into being.

In the darkness something was happening at last.  A voice had begun to sing…it seemed to come from all directions at once…Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself.  There were no words.  There was hardly even a tune.  But it was beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard.  It was so beautiful Digory could hardly bear it. (p. 62)

Creation starts not truly with words our ears could hear but in tunes we can feel; tones and notes so beautiful you think you might actual die from the experience of hearing them.  My brilliant clay sculpture was my version this Great Lion singing, with his wide, ferocious mouth forming a "O," that one Sunday night in Bible Study, ten (or more) years ago. 

(This was before the days of smartphones, dear children, so I couldn't document it.  I know it hurts your head to think of the dark, dreadful and seemingly complicated days your parents grew up in, when they didn't have easy access to everything.)

It lives on in my memory and, of course, in my pride.

Perhaps that is why I acquiesced to my mother's wish for a doctor in the family when I chose my major in college: Pre-Med.  Creation, especially the intricate ways the human body works together (99% of the time without us even being aware it is WORKING) is completely fascinating.  It's beautiful, exquisite in it's rhythms.  It is marvelous and majestic that I sit here breathing, thinking and typing.  It ranks as one of the most fantastic miracles of all time.

I'm a little philosophically poetic today, for some reason.  I digress.

The Words of God - and truly the Living Word of God (the Logos...that is Jesus Christ Himself) - are very important in our spiritual development.  Just over a month ago, as I was reading the first chapter of John, when the Lord bubbled something up in my spirit about the words He speaks into our lives.  All of these words come from THE WORD, meaning Christ, via His Spirit. 

Parenthetically - it is important to note all words we receive, from natural or supernatural sources, should actively be held up against the light of Truth - the full context of the Bible - as well as experience and feeling.  Sometimes that's obvious and sometimes it requires playing hide and seek for awhile until you get the confirmation.  Either way, that's fundamental Christian living - the balance of biblical knowledge and spiritual experience. We are people of Spirit and Truth, after all.

Back to beginning of August - I'm reading about Christ as The Logos and I get an idea we should be asking more regularly for God to speak - and speak specifically - in a word we can understand.  It's not a foreign idea, I've been asking for rhema words of knowledge and wisdom for awhile, but this was the first time the idea of these words having a category came to me.

Picture an org chart: Jesus is at the top as the Ultimate and Final Revealed Word of God but underneath Him are 3 subsets of words we can be asking Him for: creation, incarnate and resurrection words.

When I prayed on this idea (and you pray on it too, again, confirmation is key) the thoughts started to percolate some more.

Creation Words are those words God speaks into you/your life that create something out of nothing.  For instance, where a calling did not exist in your mind/heart/life before, suddenly it is there.  Or maybe where there were no funds in the bank, you receive an unexpected check in the mail.  Even more dramatically, where there no baby in your womb yesterday, now you are pregnant.

Creation words bring beauty and hope.  They spring up from nothing, just as our universe sprang up from the mouth of God all those millennium ago.  Where there were was no light, dirt, rivers, mountains, birds, mosquitoes, bananas or even people before, now there is.  Cool, huh? 

Incarnation Words are those words that help us know more about Jesus - Who He is and what He does.  We find a lot of these words in Scripture, but I believe He can give us more.  You could probably describe your best friend in 3 words but would that encompass all he or she really is? 

Incarnation words also tell us who we are in Christ.  They reveal more of Him and as a result, more of our identity and ability as Christians.  They are words we are to lean into when we start to slip or get confused or even as the enemy tries to trick us into believing lies.  They are words we can stake our faith on, and in fact, as in the case of Philippians 2:6-11, they are doctrinal.  Stay with me....

(Finally, of course) Resurrection Words are those words of desperate hope, faith and peace only Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, can speak.  These are words that bring dead dreams, emotions, situations and, yes, even people back to life.  God alone has the final word on everything, so it stands to reason, if He wants something living that is dead - He can and will do it.  The Resurrection of Jesus is what gives our faith credibility and power.  If it didn't happen, our faith is smoke.  BUT IT DID HAPPEN!!!  As a result, we can count on things coming back from the brink of death and beyond, when that meets His plan and purposes.

These are words we can't speak ourselves.  We don't have the capacity in our humanity.  It is only the divinity given to us by faith that makes these kinds of words possible - even desirable - to us.  They move us forward and bring light into our darkness - just as the WORD's First Word brought light into the void. 

I see there are other categories of words I haven't touched on (or experienced yet).  Another I thought of while typing: Salvation Words.  Those are words that save what is lost, make the broken whole and complete.  These are the words that bring wayward children home, rescue us from our slimy pits and put a fine robe on us so we can go to the party hand in hand with our loving Father.  I definitely think that ties into the Person of Christ - into Incarnation - because Jesus' name means The Lord Saves....to the utmost.  His life and death prove it. 

I don't know what kind of word or words you need spoken, prayed or even sung into your soul today, but I pray you get them.  I pray He changes you with these words, by the power of His Word, in Spirit and (of course) in truth.  He delights to give them.  I think He is talking constantly and we are the ones who have to slow down, turn down the volume of our thoughts enough to hear Him.

He is there for the having and these words are here for the taking.  I hope you don't pass them up!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 27

Have you ever read something in Scripture, but never fully, truly believed it?

Have you ever, for years, wished for something to be true but it never rang that way inside your soul?

Have you ever looked in the mirror, knowing God loves you but never deep down, felt it?

Yeah, me too.

Nothing about praying a lot or leading people in prayer or knowing the Bible really well or consistently hearing from the Lord or having a deep well of hope, purpose and meaning completely erased this nagging sense of doubt in my mind and heart.  When I would read the verses about being dearly loved, treasured, purified, whole, beautiful in the Bible, I didn't completely accept it for myself.  I'm being as blatantly honest as I can.  I've been journaling for weeks now about how I knew the Lord wanted to rid me of these deep-seated insecurities.  It's been a good 4 months of full consciousness of this nonsense (for I've known it was nonsense for the last 11 years since I came back to Christ).  But still, my thoughts about myself never quite matched God's thoughts about me.

It wasn't just that, though, either.  My thoughts about who I was never quite lined up with anyone else's thoughts either.  That's why I have always been uncomfortable when people compliment me -  on anything.  I am literally struck dumb and my response comes out feeling painfully awkward and inadequate.

That's the word - inadequate.  For most of my life, on and off, I have felt I'm in no way up to the task - whatever that task is.  That's spilled over into my perception of my physical self too.  (I know I've written about this before, even last week.  See, it's been on my mind for a long, long, long time).  Culture grossly inflates the idea that you aren't good enough and then add in the efforts of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy....well, I just didn't believe what others said.

I've had moments of fleeting freedom.  Multiple times, I set my face like a flint against this insecurity but it never lasted more than a few days.  I knew the end of it was coming, though.  I've witnessed and participated in too many miraculous works of God lately to think He wasn't going to set me free from this.  I just had to wait on the right time, when everything was lined up in His order. In our Wednesday night regular prayer meeting, it was.  

It didn't start that way, for the first 45 minutes, I was leading the prayers.  But it ended with me on the floor being prayed over...and stuff getting prayed out.  It was a most holy and interesting experience.  I'm tempted to get on my face now, I am still so humbled by it.  Thanks to the gifted and Holy Spirit-led ministrations of 9 friends family members, all that insecurity, all that inadequate feeling was removed from my soul and body.  I didn't thrash around, I never lost control of my mental facilities - I was a willing and able participant.  I contributed to the process because I knew it was time for all this double-mindedness to go.

For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind...For being as he is a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), he is unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything he thinks, feels, decides.

The Apostle James wrote that in the first part of his letter (James 1:6,8).  It describes who I was when I thought about myself.  40 years of hesitating, dubious, uncertain thinking about agreeing with God about me was healed.  It was really a miracle hour for me, a long time in coming.  Even (and especially) church leaders need to be prayed for and poured into.

This is not the end of the story - I still have to walk this truth out.  I have to stand firm against the wiles, tricks, illusions, imaginations of the enemy, the influence of the world and even when my own negative self talk rears its ugly head.  I have to remember to walk down a brand-new neurological path.  I can't go on auto-pilot down the same-old worn trail of self-doubt.  I have to remember the word the Lord left with me after that intense session was "Today you will be with Me in paradise."  The real truth of it is, I'm already there but not yet completely.  It's the now-not yet principle of eternal life in Christ.

(Read what I have to say about that idea here.)

The difference now verses before prayer on Wednesday is: the hole that was filled with insecurity and doubt is now filled with truth and faith.  I am secure in Him and I believe it.  I am not perfect and I am indeed more dependent on Him than ever.  But real freedom comes from dependence and obedience.  I can actually point to the area of my body where all those ugly feelings and thoughts were housed and know that place is now cleansed and cleared.

It really was a miracle.  That's the currency God deals in if you let Him.  He doesn't want His children to suffer, especially under the weight of any other yoke than His.  Every burden we would put on our own shoulders (or others have put on us) is too heavy.  Ella says that now when she tries to pick up a basket or bag.  She tries, puts it back down and looks at me.  She says, "Too heavy Mama."

We need to look at our Heavenly Father and say the same.  

I finally put this burden down.  I know and believe the truth of who I am....and when you know the Truth, you are free indeed.

2015: The Year of Prayer, Week 26

If you went to church with me last week, you might have seen me trying hard not to come apart during this song. Never heard it before but sometimes, the Lord comes upon me unexpectedly like that.  When that happens, your very spirit shifts.  Like tectonic plates moving around, an earthquake happens - in your soul, mind, body and ultimately in your life.

This song is called "Good Good Father" by Housefires.  I've listened to it about 49 times (that's 7 times per day if anyone is counting) in the last week.  To the point where my husband, every time he sees me with my earbuds in and tears streaming down my face says, "You are listening to that song again."

Deep within me I have been unsettled for most, if not all, of my life.  I've struggled against insecurity in every imaginable way.  It drove to me success in business but that's not a good thing I realize now.  Over two weeks ago, I woke up one morning and had enough of insecurity - especially about the way I look - running roughshod over my heart and mind.  I just got sick of living from that place anymore...by myself.  I don't want to think badly of myself or steel myself as I go to look in the mirror.  I want to see and feel the connection to how others see me.  My body image issues are only just a symptom of a much deeper problem: I don't love what God created....me.

Yet, that is the core of this song.  It is the crux of our new life in Christ.  It is what the Apostle Paul was saying in Romans 8 (I think I need to memorize the whole chapter): Don't live the old way.  Live the new way, bought with a price and it lasts forever.  Please God, not just yourself or anyone else.

One of the things that struck me as I've listened to this song so much is......this must be what Jesus' prayer time was all about.  You read over and over and over again that He often escaped the crowds and His Disciples to go off to "lonely places" and pray.  (That's probably from the King James version).  And I've always wondered.....

What did Jesus pray about when it was just Him and His Abba?

Jesus came to meet His Father to remember Who He was and to be Beloved.  The world, even His closest friends, ran roughshod over His heart and mind too.  So, when it was just the two of them, Father and Son, I have no doubt it was not just face-to-face like Moses.  There had to be a deeper connection.  To me, Jesus' personal "quiet time" as we like to call it had to have been the most contemplative heart prayer ever.  I believe it was the real-time, whole-self integration of Him and God.  When I listen to this song....it defines for me Jesus' personal prayer life....and I realized this week it can be my personal prayer life too.

Jesus prayed all kinds of prayers - He is our model for prayer after all.  And I lead a church prayer ministry, which is continuing to grow and expand.  I pray often for others and with all different types of prayers.  But more and more, in my own early morning time, it is VERY contemplative.  Sometimes so much centering is going on, I fall asleep...till I hear someone else wake up (then sort of scramble to look like I was "in prayer" and not just knocked out.)

(Come to think of it, I wonder if that time when Jesus was asleep on the boat during that really bad storm was after some centering/contemplative prayer....I look forward to asking Him about that someday.....among many other things!!)

My guess is Jesus needed this prayer time as much as I do because it is the only way to recharge after pouring out.  And He lived perfectly!  I don't.....AT ALL. I love the way Paul describes it in another letter,

 For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim or blurred reflection of reality as in a riddle or enigma, but then, when the perfection comes, we shall see in reality and face to face!  Now I know in part (imperfectly) but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood, by God. (1 Cor 13:12)

We know imperfectly, in part, incompletely.  During this year of prayer, I keep coming face to face with that fact nearly every week (if not every day).  There are major limiters to my knowledge, gifting, love and ability.  Yet God, Who is Perfect Now, knows me perfectly now.  There is no shortage in His knowledge, even though there is shortage in mine.  I believe that better than anyone else ever has, Jesus lived from this place, when He walked the earth, of being fully known and loved by God.  And I've been living from my short-hand knowledge, not the fully, free-flowing script of God's love.  All my attention has been on how I come up short, not the completeness of the God I serve.

But no longer.  I no longer choose to live from the place of my lack.  I don't want to pray in a grasping, unsure way.  I want to rest and let it flow as it comes - whether that is in word, song or just silence.  What keeps getting me though is that God's love is perfect....all of His Ways are perfect.  And His perfect love loves us completely even when we are completely imperfect!

It's love so undeniable I can hardly speak.
It's peace so unexplainable I can hardly think.
As you call me....deeper still.
Into love...love...love..

Courtesy of Rev Christian Washington

Some folks turn their noses up at contemplative prayer practices, saying they are only about the individual.  I agree when contemplation doesn't turn into conversion, conviction or connection with others.  I think Jesus went to those lonely places in His heart where He could open Himself up and let all the weights, cares and burdens of being the Messiah fall away - and as they fell, He was fully restored and empowered to live His mission.  It was after that communion He could walk with such power, forgiveness, strength and humility.  He could do the Father's work because He had the Father's heart - for Himself and others.  Such is the place I want to learn to live from.....that I'm starting to learn to live from.  Soaking up the goodness of my Good Good Father and going back to that well whenever the need arises.

What if we all started to live from that place? 

You are a Good Good Father...
It's who You are.
And I'm loved by You....
It's who I am.

It's a revolutionary thought.  If we stopped trying to do what Jesus did, never quite measuring up and rest in being fully known....then we could really let Him work through us.  It wouldn't be hard, stuff would just happen.  It's promised that way.

You are perfect in all of Your ways....to us.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

Come Into The Light

When your sins weigh heavy upon you, come to Me....Man's tendency is to hide from his sin, seeking refuge in the darkness...But I am the Light of the world, and my illumination decimates darkness. - Jesus Calling, May 20th Entry, Sarah Young

As a writer, I sometimes have holy jealousy when someone writes something so moving.  When I read this entry, what stood out of me was that word decimate.  So often I think darkness is part of me, it lives and breathes around me.  I spent many of the first 10 years of my life of faith "fighting" the darkness - my flesh, the world and, of course, the enemy. 

There is absolutely a time and place for that.  I still have to confront those dark corners and spaces of my soul that are not surrendered to the Lord.

Yet what Sarah Young wrote here is the absolute truth.  God's light decimates the darkness, of us, the world and the evil.  Darkness can't overcome light....not even close.  Jesus calls Himself the Light of the world in John 8:12, so I opened that chapter and started reading.  I was reading from The Living Picture Bible, which I actually bought for my girls.  The language is really good, and it is in story form so I can read without getting distracted by verse numbers.

This chapter is especially meaningful because it starts with the redemption of a wayward, broken woman.  I can identify with that in more than a few ways but the clincher for me is (always) verse 9-11:

And the Jewish leaders slipped away one by one, until only Jesus was left in front of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers?  Didn't even one of them condemn you?"  "No sir," she said.  And Jesus said, 

Neither do I.  Go and sin no more.

Well, I tell you, I sat on my couch and bawled.  I have tears in my eyes now reading it again.  It never ceases to floor me that the One who had every right to condemn this woman for her sins.....to condemn me for my sins...did not.  HE IS NOT THE ACCUSER.  We don't have to fight darkness and condemnation because He has already won the battle.  Through Christ's victory on the Cross, proved by the Resurrection, there is NO condemnation in Him (Romans 8:1).  It just isn't part of His DNA.  He affirms this just a few verses down, You pass judgment on me without knowing the facts.  I am not judging you now; but if I were, it would be an absolutely correct judgement in every respect, for I have with me the Father who sent me.

BUT HE ISN'T JUDGING US!!  Do you hear that???  He did not come to punish.  He doesn't come into our lives to do anything but free us.  I wrote these words in my Bible: He is the Truth-Teller.  Even when we don't want to hear it...The more we position and surrender ourselves - even (and especially) when we don't want to or don't understand - the more we listen to HIM....the more free from lies and darkness we become. 

I kept reading John 8 and Jesus hits the bottom line from verses 34-36: You are slaves of sin, every one of you.  And slaves don't have rights, but the Son has every right there is! So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free.

He said this because freedom, infinite amounts of it, are available to us in His way of salvation- the ongoing process of walking with His Spirit, of staying close to His Word and living fully free in His Father's grace.  When we get this twisted, it turns into control and legalism.  When humans try to re-define who Jesus is and what He said to do, people get hurt and think God wants to punish us.  You might have experienced that in church and I am terribly sorry for it.

Or maybe you have actually done something, repeatedly, that you know does not please Him (haven't we all??).  So, you run.  You hide.  We stay away because we are afraid of what He will do to us.

In those corners, those closets, those cramped hiding spots, you stay enslaved to darkness.

That is not what God the Father, Christ the Son and Redeemer the Spirit want.

Those three want you free.  They want you walking in the light of life, never walking in darkness again.  Jesus is the light of the world.  You can walk free in and with Him now and forever.

You split the sea so I could walk right through it.
You drown my fears in perfect Love.
You rescued me and I will stand and sing,
"I AM A CHILD OF GOD."

I am no longer a slave to fear.  
I AM A CHILD OF GOD.

Those are lyrics from "No Longer Slaves" by Bethel Music.  When you come out of your hiding spot, the Son sets you free to be His brother or sister.  He makes His Father your Father.  It is a miracle, but it is true.  You get a new identity.  But many in our churches don't live into that identity.

Many in our pews and chairs are still in the dark.  They have never fully stepped into the Sonlight of their new identity because the dark is all they've ever known.  It's true it might hurt to surrender.  You might have to let some habits, even relationships go. 

Think of it this way: when I've been in the house for awhile and step outside, I have to close my eyes for them to adjust.  Some days here in Houston the sky is so clear and the sun is so bright, it actually hurts my eyes when I go outside.  But that pain only lasts for a moment and I realize I'm warmer and more comfortable than I was inside.  The sun drenches me in promise and life.  Our bodies need sunlight to survive.

Our spirits, souls, minds and yes, even our physical bodies need Sonlight even more.  We have a chance every day to sunbathe in the Light of the world.  When we do, He will liberate us more and more.  We have to come out of our darkness, coming close so His lovelight can surround us as we walk this earth.

It's the only way to peace.  He is the only way to be purified, cleaned up from the inside out.

It doesn't matter if you've never said the sinner's prayer or have been a saint for 50 years.  There is an opportunity today to walk farther into the light.  Come into it.  Take the hand His offering, letting Him pull you up and into His arms.

Better yet, grab someone else's hand and let Christ pull you both close together. 

Step outside with me.  I promise the weather is fine.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 19

How do you hear from God?

That maybe the second most asked question in the history of religion, right behind Does God exist?

It is not an unfamiliar search for the answer, either, as every new Christian has to figure out the way God speaks to them.  The key to hearing Him, though, is faith.  Believing He will speak to you.  Frankly, if you never believe He speaks or take the time to listen...He will be speaking but you will never hear Him!

The next question is: What do I do when God speaks to me?  That's an easy one: you shut up and listen....then do what He tells you (or at least begin the work of how to obey...but you should obey!)

This week has been about re-examining if I hear from God and how.  The end result is: Yes, I do hear from God and I can trust that I do.

The most common way I hear from Him is through His Word.  That is the fail-safe.  You can never, ever, ever go wrong when you read The Word!  A (good) article I found on hearing from God says this about hearing from the Lord through Scripture: In order to actually "hear" from God, we have to know some things about God's character. We have to develop an understanding of who God is, and the way he does things. Fortunately for us, all that information is available in the Bible. The Book goes into a lot of detail about how you can expect God to react, what kinds of expectations he has for us, and most specifically, how he expects us to treat other people.  (Read the article in its entirety here.)

When we know God, we will begin to discern His voice from the other influences "speaking" into us.  I've told my girls I typically know the difference between God's voice and my own not because it really SOUNDS any different but usually because the Holy Spirit tells me things I wouldn't normally think, say or do, in and of myself.

There was one situation a few years ago I went back to this week.  We were really struggling with a major life decision and I could get no peace about it in prayer.  Early one morning, I got on the treadmill in our garage.  I was running along, having this running dialogue (no pun intended) when I felt - more than heard - the question:

Do you trust Me?

Now, that is not something I would say to myself because the answer would quickly be "No."  There was something so solid in this "voice," in the question itself.  It was like 11 years ago, after being called a hypocrite, I first felt Him probing me to answer the question, "Who do you say that I am?"  Answering that question put me on my current path of faith.  It was the same voice as before - not said to make me feel bad; only asked to reveal the content of my heart.

Occasionally, God wants to reaffirm Who He is - not for His benefit but for ours.  After I picked myself up from the shock of nearly being thrown off the treadmill, I got down on my face and said, "YES, LORD.  I trust You!"  The difficulty of our circumstances was in no way changed, but my perspective was completely altered in a way that equipped me to walk in a manner worthy of my calling - namely walking full of peace and hope.

The voice of God empowers us.  It fills us with life so we can act in loving, caring ways...to do what Jesus did.  The voice of the enemy only tears us down.  You see, the enemy doesn't speak about things like trust, faith, hope, love, goodness, decency, purity, excellence.  Those are not things he wants for us!  Hello!  He is the father of lies!  So while he might lead with a little bit of the truth, you won't hear life in his words.  Evil is only about death.  The enemy and his agents make statements which leave us feeling condemned, hated, ugly, unworthy, guilty and shameful (to name a few).

This week has been another lesson of trust - trusting His voice over the voices of others.  I have had to dig in deep...lots of conversations in prayer - both voiced and silent.  It was an effort to confirm the direction I'm headed is indeed the right one.  I got shaken up and unsure.  In the first letter to the Corinthian church (which I've been reading this week) the Apostle Paul gives them an earful on how to operate in the Spirit.  Right in the middle of establishing how things should run in a church (orderly, as in, we should take turns), he writes,

...for God is not a God of confusion but of peace...(1 Cor 14:33)

If I'm walking around confused and out of whack, upset, frustrated and without a shred of peace - that's not God.  Even if the Holy Spirit has asked me to do something hard (and He has) - even when I have heartburn and can't see how this is possibly going to work out - His peace will override my flesh.  You know....that peace that surpassing all understanding?

This week was an exercise in confirmation that the Lord will never leave me.  He will not forsake me.  The truth of Isaiah 30:20-21 in full effect:  He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left.

In the midst of questioning, doubts and internal wheel spinning, there has been peace at the core of me.  My own internal compass is pointed in the right direction, even when other voices were telling me it wasn't.  He primarily used His Word (as it is the most reliable source) but I experienced other ways too: His people, His Presence, circumstances, dreams and visions.

They have all been in full effect this week!

All these verses I quote, all these promises in Scripture - they aren't just for me.  They are for every believer.  The Lord wants to speak to us. Hearing from God isn't rocket science but it does require risk.  The risk is: when you ask the Lord to speak, you have to be willing to listen.  If He speaks to me, He wants to speak to you too.  I've written about how 3 times my father has heard an audible voice from God (read that here.)  I have too - once.  But 98% of the time, I hear from God by the tried and true methods I've mentioned.

(Bob Mumford has a great book on this called Take Another Look at Guidance, if you want to dig deeper.)

Walking through this challenging week in prayer has lead me back to one certainty: God does speak.  I do hear Him.  He loves me and I love Him.  I know and can trust His voice.  Lo, He is with me to the very end of the age.  (Matthew 28:20)

Hearing from God is a learned skill.  I will continue to learn but He is faithful to teach.  The struggle this week was worth it as I am more secure in what He is doing in and through me.  

My ears are open - speak, Lord, for your servant is listening!  (1 Sam 3:9)

A Short (Monday) Meditation After I Turned 40

I had a wonderful birthday yesterday.  It was also Easter (or Resurrection Sunday, depending on what you call it).  Sophia told me on Saturday she felt bad for me because at church, everyone would be coming up to me saying, "Happy Easter," instead of "Happy Birthday!" I told her, in a moment of divine inspiration, I was ok with it because I was glad to share my birthday with the most important day in the history of the universe.

(I don't know if she internalized that or not, but I did.  I think most of the time, what I say to my kids is really for me, not them.)

I got lots of presents and blessings.  My husband really went all out and even wants to keep going.  He wants to take me out, just the two of us.  I got to find a sitter!  He has been incredible, despite just a few "old" jokes.  I can take it, although I've, truthfully, been waiting to be 40 for a long time. 

For whatever reason, I feel legitimate now.

This sounds egotistical, but I don't mean it that way....but I feel like my age has finally caught up with my experience.  I've felt like an "elder," for awhile, but now, I could really qualify to be one.  (I'm sure those of you over 40 reading this will get a good chuckle about that statement.)  I still can't run for president, but that's not on my bucket list anyway.

I have a really good feeling about 40. 

It was a parade of blessings yesterday: an incredible worship service, lunch at my parents and then pizza/movie night with our little motley band.  Even so, I slept poorly.  I woke up with a heavy mind.  I have had many cares to take to Jesus.  We have an incredibly busy week - Natalie is going to 5th grade camp but between the time she leaves and right after she gets back, she has a practice STAAR test, private swim lesson and 3 softball games.  That and I caught her up reading after lights-out last night, when she looked like she was about to fall over.

Dave is also traveling this week and I continue to circle Sophia in prayer on her academics, which she is making progress but not there yet.  My best friend is sick, I was under the weather a lot this weekend and Ella is full TWO YEARS OLD.  Add to that other struggles I'm interceding for at church and other friends, I felt like I am was carrying a mountain on my shoulders.

I keep adjusting my verb tense because when I got up for my quiet time this morning, the Lord had me do a simple exercise.  After confessing I was worried, He had me look into my heart and see those weights/burdens/worries as rocks.  Then He had me take each of those weights out, one by one, and put them in His hand. Then He had me thank Him for each of them.

I can't exactly explain how all this took place, but it was an exercise for me directly "cast my cares onto Him because He cares for me."  I actually used my hands, acting it out, rather than just visualize it.  It was very powerful and I know this because I'm completely at peace now.

The thanksgiving part sealed the deal.

Gratitude and praise open the doors of our hearts wide for God to come in.  He is the Prince of Peace after all, so when we make room for Him to come in and sit, we quickly find He changes the atmosphere of our heart from fretful to peaceful.  That spills over into our mind and emotions.  Instead of viewing my day/week in terms of all I HAVE TO DO, He wants me to sit quietly in His presence.

In Matthew 6:34, Jesus specifically commanded us not to worry.  He didn't tell us or make a good suggestion, it was a full on - general to His troops - direct order:

Therefore you shall not be concerned about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be concerned for itself. A day's own trouble is sufficient for it. (Aramic Bible in English)


My translation?  Quit projecting your anxiety over your whole week.  Stop looking so far ahead. Be present in this moment, in each moment, because that is where I am.  I am with you and will help you but you have to stay focused on Me.

Oh, the intentionality of the ministry of being present!  So simple in theory, yet so hard in application.  Worry takes our focus off of what is happening now and puts it on what might happen later.  The Lord wants us zeroed in on this present moment, on His Presence in this present moment.

Easier said than done, it certainly does take practice.  He reminded me to practice it today.  My prayer is this then: This first day of my next 40 years will be marked with more peace because I am focused on His Presence.

I could pray about the next 40 years, but I won't.  That would be disobeying a direct order.  He said to focus on today, so I will.  The next 40 years will take care of themselves.  I hope you, too, can learn from this and make today about.....today.  Monday is going to be a good one!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 5

^. There was a distinct theme of living this reality of #2015theyearofprayer.  I had no idea it would be like this but 5 weeks in, I can say it boils down to one idea in two thoughts.  The Lord calls it pruning.  I call it a roller coaster.

This past week has been intense on the inside.  On the outside, I have seen a lot of wonderful things happen.  I have been a vehicle for His Kingdom movement.  But inside, I have felt nothing but insecure.

It came up over and over and over again, in all kinds of situations.  Several times I didn't feel humbled (which I know to be good) but nearly humiliated by virtue of just being aware of my own internal dialogue. Other times, that internal dialogue got so vocal, it actually came out of my mouth in very unloving ways aimed at others.

At the same time that I'm experiencing the reward for my faith in months prior, I'm also looking inferiority in the face. It looks just like me. Oy Vay, Lord.

Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Well, I tell you what Ms. Roosevelt, You Are Right!  I consented to feel inferior....all by myself.  It is tough to look into the mirror of our own souls sometimes.

This week has been a real head-trip, y'all.

The flesh must be disciplined.  That's what pruning really is: discipline.  It is learning to walk in self-control that comes from the power of the Holy Spirit and not self-directed will power.  It is a chance to let God take the garbage out and put in real treasure.  That's what insecurity is, by the way, GARBAGE.

Pruning is good because the purpose is to produce MORE fruit.  You can't produce God-levels-of-abundance without regular clipping.  Good gardeners don't prune on a whim or for pruning's sake.  The best are like botanical surgeons.  They know what they are doing; which areas to clip and which ones to leave alone.  Broken, diseased and rotting limbs must be cleaned off for new, healthy branches to grow. If you leave the bad limbs on, withered, puny fruit results. Good fruit comes from good, healthy, whole vines.

Jesus, The One True Vine, called us His branches.  He plainly states that He will prune us.  Why?  He prunes us in order that WE CAN PRODUCE MORE FRUIT.  (See John 15:1-3).  It's not for harm, it is for gain!  For more!  For greater!  He presses our good measure down to make room for more, to be filled to overflowing!  (See Luke 6:38)

It's Pretty But Some Pruning Required

That puts God's internal work these past few weeks into perspective for me.  And our God never wastes anything, even the stuff He prunes off.  It is all preparation for the next phase of life to be lived and fruit to bear....for His glory, our good and for the good of those around us. PRAISE GOD!

Our job is to keep our eyes in the right place.  If you were a patient on the table, you wouldn't watch the scalpel in a surgeon's hand.  So, as the branch of the vine, you don't watch the pruning shears in the Gardener's hand.  You keep your eyes on His face and your mind on the impending result of the pruning.  That's called the harvest.  I was reminded about two specials verses regarding the harvest this morning:

• Luke 8:8 - Still other seed feel on good soil.  It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.
• Galatians 6:9 - So let us not grow weary of doings what is good; for if we don't give up, we will in due time reap the harvest.

The harvest requires patience and perseverance to see.  If we are careful to trust Him, it will be more than we could ever expect or hope for.  As Pastor Andy Cunningham told our church yesterday during his sermon, God operates in parason.  It's the Greek word for abundance and it means over the top, almost wasteful, excess.  I was struck by the word, struck by my need for this.

Like Mary breaking open the jar of nard and pouring it over Jesus - an act of excessive abundance - the Holy Spirit will return the favor when we submit ourselves in worship and reverence to what the Lord needs to do in (and through) us.  He is not a miserly God.  He doesn't pay us what we deserve, or just a 15% tip on top.  No, He is a God who gives in ludicrous fashion.  He gives oceans of life to deserts of dry bones.

It is always more than enough because it is not just physical or spiritual or emotional.

You see, the Lord only gives in WHOLE-NESS.  In Hebrew that word is shalom.  He gives to every part of us - spirit, soul and body.  He is a complete God, so His gifts are for the whole of us.  He is making me more whole as He prunes off the dead weight.  Even though this week was tough, I know, over the next 60 days in particular, I will find myself getting lighter.  I will learn, in even deeper ways, how to walk in His easy, unforced rhythms of grace.  The Lord is preparing my family and me to receive more.  I'm in agreement with that process, so much so, that the last 2 mornings I've prayed the prayer at the end of this post, which comes from one of my go-to resources Prayers That Avail Much. I think I will keep praying it over the next 60 (now 59) days. 

I don't like to hype it too much, but after the first day of praying it, I saw fruit start to blossom in my house - PRAISE GOD!  Small victories, but victories none the less.  The prayer section is aptly titled: To Bear Fruit.  You are welcome to join me in this prayer and I look forward to what will happen as we watch and see how He does answer it in each of our lives!

Lord Jesus, You chose me and appointed me to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.  Then the Father will give me whatever I ask in Your name.  Father, You are the Gardener.  You prune every branch that bears fruit, so it will be even more fruitful.  

The Apostle Paul said to be filled with the fruit of righteousness and that he desired that fruit might abound to our account.  Therefore, I commit myself to bring forth the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.  I renounce and turn from the fruit of the flesh, because I belong to Christ and have crucified the flesh with its affections and lusts.

A seed cannot bear fruit unless it first fails into the ground and dies.  I confess that I am crucified with Christ: Nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me.  And the life that I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me.  Father, I thank You that I am good ground, that hear Your Word and understand it, and that the Word bears fruit in my life - sometimes a hundredfold, sometimes sixty, sometimes thirty.  I am like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth fruit in its season.  My leaf shall not wither, and whatever I do shall prosper.

Father, in Jesus' name, I thank You for filling me with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding that I may walk worthy of You, Lord, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of You.  Amen.

Scripture References: John 15:16, Philippians 1:11, Philippians 4:17, Galatians 5:22-24, John 12:24, Galatians 2:20, Matthew 13:23, Psalm 1:3, Colossians 1:9, 10