My Fascination with Bible Study

If there has been one consistent theme in my walk as a Christian, it is this: I love to study the Bible.  There are a few folks I know that don't quite get this, but others that do.  Once I started, really dove into Scripture, there was nothing that could compare.  Early in my re-started walk, an atheist friend asked me,  "If you were stranded on a desert island and could one have one book, which would it be?"

I immediately said, "The Bible," and he looked at me as if I'd suddenly grown two heads.  With his eyes agog, he asked me why and I said, a little sarcastically, "Because it's fascinating.  And it is really 66 books in one so you never get bored."

Probably not my best attempt at soft evangelism, but it was and is the truth.  I love reading the Word because it never fails to inform, inspire and restore my trust.  Even in the hard sayings, I know if I stick with it long enough, the Teacher (that is, the Holy Spirit) will let me in on a little understanding.

This morning, as I finished my long reading of Mark last week (read about it here), I went ahead to John.  That's not the easiest Gospel to dive into.  In the past, I've found the beginning of it....challenging.  What stood out to me were these verses: John 1:1-5, 9-11, 14, 16-18.

I'm reading from the Complete Jewish Bible and NIV Translation side-by-side, and in the CJB, those verses stood out like never before because they were set apart in context.  I'd never seen these verses standing on their own, only lumped in with the rest.  Being a somewhat visual learner, this was a huge help because I can now see that these are not only a prologue to John's Gospel but seems like an early church creed, or statement of faith.

I wrote them out like that at the bottom of this post if you would like to read it as I did.  Of course, I made some notes too - musings really.  Perhaps these words were created to fight heresy, like Gnosticism, that denied the complete deity of Christ (which the Church still fights in evangelism of Jehovah's Witnesses today).  Certainly these words build faith and would have reminded First Century believers, both Jews and Greek, of who Jesus really was.

Not just a great teacher or moral system adviser.  No, Jesus said He was God-incarnate, which is arguably the most important doctrine of our faith (the Resurrection and Atonement for sin rank right up there too.)  Without Him being God, His words, His actions lose their weight and importance.

Indeed, to strip Christ of His Deity is to strip the Christian faith of hope. 

John the Baptist's story is interwoven with these verses, calling out who he was, too.  John 1:7 calls him a witness.  He was a prophet, a prophet's dual role is to bear witness to God and bring forth His message.  That applies to every believer, really.  Our jobs are to bear witness to the Light of the World, as revealed in the Person of Jesus Christ and proclaim His Word.

We are to be witnesses and messengers; to live, not for ourselves, our own path, or our own gain.  We can't just keep the benefits of Light on the inside.  My favorite theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, called that way of being a Christian cheap grace.  Knowing Christ is to prompt us to live for the demonstration of the love we've found.  We've been delivered from darkness, once blind but now we have sight.  It comes at a cost to our own desires, dreams and understanding, which is why Bonhoeffer called the true way of following Jesus costly grace.

This creed from John, as I'll call it, is meant to help us not just worship and serve Christ for our own benefit (although we do benefit from it, spiritually, emotionally and mentally speaking.  Another theologian, John Piper, wrote about this 20+ years ago, in his book Desiring God.  He called it being a Christian Hedonist and I really like that idea too.)  But yet, we can't hid our light under a bushel (NO!)  We have to let it shine. 

Our lives are meant to respond to love, to put God's love for us into action. We are meant to align the rhythm of our lives to movement of Christ's redemption being revealed through the ages.  All of Creation is set up like this.  The Creator set the systems of night and day, weather, the water cycle, the seasons, into place.  They take their cues from Him. 

As should we.

This statement of faith I found in John 1:1-18 is very conservative doctrine.  To me, that's good.  Doctrine should be conservative.  Still it allows for love and how we express that love to be liberal.  I believe love should be liberal, out of the box, radical.  That's who Jesus was - fully centered vertically and fully expressed horizontally.

It is this kind of meditation, this high-level thought process that keeps me coming back to the Bible.  There is deep, core-shaking truth found through out.  It is the Truth expressed, the last revelation of the Father.  It is brilliant. And that's why I am fascinated with Bible Study.

Deep thoughts for a Monday, Labor Day 2014, huh?

In the beginning was the Word, 
And the Word was with God, 
And the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning.(v.1-4)

All things came to be through Him, 
And without Him, no thing made had being.
In Him was life
And the life was the Light of Mankind. (v. 5, 9)

The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.
This was the true light, which gives light to everyone entering the world.
He was in the world - the world came to be through Him - yet the world did not know Him.
He came to His own homeland, yet His own people did not receive Him. (v. 10-11)

The Word became a human being and lived with us,
And we saw His Sh'kinah (glory),
The Sh'kinah (glory) of the Father's Only Son,
Full of grace and truth. (v. 14)

We have all received from His fullness,
Yes, grace upon grace.
For the law was given through Moses,
grace and truth through Jesus, the Messiah. (v. 16-17)

No one has ever see God, but the only and unique Son who is identical with God and is at His Father's side - He has made Him known. (v. 18)

Taking Him as He Is

I read something today that keeps churning in my mind.  As I well know, no matter how many times you read something in the Word, a fresh revelation is waiting to jump out at you. 

I was reading from Mark 4.  Following an intense few days (or maybe even weeks) of teaching, Jesus wants to go across to the other side of the Sea of Galilee.  He had a divine appointment with a demon-possessed man He needed to keep.  However, before He gets there, Mark records a seemingly innocuous detail in verse 36:

So, leaving the crowd behind, they took him just as he was, in the boat.  (CJB, emphasis mine)

I began to wonder, what condition was Jesus in?  Surely, He was exhausted because a few lines later, we find Him passed out cold in the middle of a hurricane-like storm.  The ship is about to sink, so the Disciples wake Him up.

I would too.  Heck, when the toilet overflowed on Sunday night and I found water filling my bathroom, I screamed for my husband.  (I don't think I actually screamed but he will tell you I did.)  I can only imagine if I was in a boat that was about to sink, my reaction would be as, or more, panicked than the Disciples.

So, Jesus, being the One who commands the winds and the waves, told everybody to CHILL.

And everything in Heaven and on Earth did just that.  Then the Disciples really got scared.

You see, they didn't blink an eye when He said they were going across.  They didn't have any provision.  They didn't ask Jesus to stop so they could put together a little snack bag. There was no committee to plan what they needed to be well-stocked for the journey.  They just got in to go to the other side.  The point, from His commission in Mark 3:14, was to be with Him - first and foremost.  I think they'd seen enough of His flow to know they would be taken care of.

I've been on that lesson plan for awhile.  (It's a lifetime course.)  I know enough of Christ's flow to know He will take care of me/us.  I've been bee-bopping down the road with Jesus, letting Him have control of my agenda, teaching me what my ministry will be about and trying to just going with the flow, as I learn how to be like Him.  I imagine the Disciples were doing the same; for better or for worse.

Except now, things have gone from bad to worse.  They fear they are about to drown.

Maybe they were tired from all the crowds chasing and pressing into Him.  Maybe they'd gotten so used to extra-ordinary provision, in seeing Him work miracles and wonders before their eyes for awhile, they got complacent, desensitized.  Maybe they were lazy.  Maybe they didn't really get Who they were dealing with. 

Maybe.  But I tend to think those Twelve Dudes were just human.  (See my earlier reference to my panic when a toilet overflowed.)

When gale-force winds are assaulting you, or what feels like an earthquake of your circumstances, you run to Jesus to do something.  And He does.  However, it isn't always calming the winds and the waves.  We usually say He calms in the storm in us.  That's what we ask for, because it seems like the most Christian thing to do because we know some things just have to be endured.

But what if we are expecting too little by thinking that way?  What if we are terrified He will do something really crazy amazing (and then we really have to make a serious change) so we just ask for inner peace?

It keeps bringing me back to this question: Who do you take Jesus to be?

My answer isn't near big enough.  I've seen miracles, but I often default back to asking for and answer I can see myself; a solution I can understand (or even come up with).  I know this because I would ask for the same thing The Disciples did:

SAVE ME, LORD!

But that isn't what He did.  They didn't ask for Him to control nature, but He did.  He groggily rebuked the wind with 3 words.  And it became dead calm.  Before, they were about to be swamped and now, they didn't even feel so much as a gentle breeze on their skin.  Nada.  Nothing.  Zip.  Zilch.  No wind, not even a whisper.

That's the kind of power we need to start expecting to work in us.  In our Churches.  In the world.

In these dark, perilous times, He is calling the Church to turn to Him and rely on Him to take us where He has appointed for us to go.  By His power.  By His Might.  By His Resources. On His time, no matter what our perception of how things should be.

One of my favorite commentators, David Guzik, wrote this about Mark 4:36,

We must take Him as He was. Not as we wish Jesus was.  Not as others may present Jesus.  Not as you might see Him in the lives of others.

I'm glad to know the Disciples seemed to be even more afraid of Christ after all this went down.  I appreciate their humanity because it let's me see myself in the story.  My head might have exploded at this point if I were on the boat (wouldn't that be a nice Scriptural antecdote...."And one of the Disciple's head exploded"?).

They looked at each other with tea-saucer-sized-eyes and ask: Who is this Dude?  Who is this Guy we are with?  Incredulity Abounds.

As gentle as He is, as the Lamb of God slain before the foundation of the world for our salvation; He is also the Lion of Judah, ready to roar His Kingdom into full prominence.

Take Him as He is, however that means for you today.  Let Him do His work (i.e. His plan, not yours...make sure you know the difference).  Don't get scared because He is in the boat with you.  He has promised you will make it to the other side and even greater work will be done once you get there.

The One the wind and waves obey has made these promises.  He will keep them.

Wednesdays of Wonder - His Kingdom is Come(fort)

I'm reading (more than) a few books right now.  One in particular, Simply Jesus by N.T. Wright, is compelling.  It's not an easy read, but a very good one if you are striving to understand and take seriously Who Jesus is and what He came to do in our world.

Wright makes (more than) a few good points.  I think I've found something quotable in every chapter thus far and I'm only halfway through!  (I'm trying to finish it because the ladies at the church library would like their book back.....)

When I read the following passage this morning, it struck me why I do these posts.  These lines, from Chapter 11, page 141, frame it all,

But suppose, just suppose...there were a god like Israel's God.  Suppose this God did after all make the world.  And suppose he were to claim, at long last, his sovereign rights over that world, not to destroy it... or merely to 'intervene' in it from time to time...but to fill it with his glory, to allow it to enter a new mode in which it would reflect his love, his generosity, his desire to make it over anew...

Perhaps these stories (of Jesus)...are...the sort of things that might just be characteristic of the new creation, of the fulfilled time, of what happens when heaven and earth come together....Because if they did, it might mean that a living God really had established his sovereign rule on earth as in heaven and was intending to let this rule grow...putting an end to the fantasy of human sovereignty, of being the master's of one's own fate and captain of one's own soul....(emphasis mine).

This book is both enlightening and challenging - forcing me to look beyond the simple explanations of the Gospel, in order so the Lord can have His rightful place in my heart and life.  It reiterates for the point of life: living for who God is, what He wants and letting Him do it. The way God does things, the way He demonstrates His rule, is not the way we would.  We'd bang a gong when a quiet whisper gets more attention.  The Lord works through complete strangers to bring us the kind of comfort we need, at just the right time. 

The experience my Dad had a few weeks ago, on Mother's Day, highlights the principle: on earth as it is in heaven!  The Lord is as interested in our healing as His glory, because our healing is a demonstration of His glory.  It shows the world His Kingdom has indeed come!

We are to be witnesses that the Kingdom has indeed come, whatever form it takes; so we can continue to live in the hope, excitement and expectation of seeing the final fulfillment of it.  We have faith to know that even when we can't see with our eyes, we can see with our hearts.

That was the experience my Dad had on Mother's Day, just a few weeks back.  The way God shows up is never the way we expect.  That's because He is God and we are not.

Sanctuary at my Dad's church

Enjoy today's post - courtesy of my Dad - David Wakefield.  It has encouraged me and hopefully will you too!

At our Mother's Day service during the pastoral prayer, I felt, more than saw, a presence to my right.  I had my eyes closed but could feel the presence sitting right next to me.  I could tell the presence was looking forward, towards someone a couple of rows ahead.  As I prayed, the presence remained. I opened my eyes but the presence was not there so I closed them and the presence was there.

After our communion, I noticed a woman a couple of rows in front of me really weeping.  

Following the service, I approached her and told her about the presence I felt, thinking the presence was looking at her.  She responded with, "Oh, I just know that was my mother, who died a year ago"

That is our God - nothing confusing about it.  The Holy Spirit Himself sat right beside my Dad and made sure he knew it, so my Dad could comfort someone in need.  He sent Himself to be with the woman, for comfort, for healing.  He will do the same for you.  Maybe He already has....

A Tale of 2 Marthas (or How to Meet People Where They are)

Martha is a famous Bible person of interest. She is sister to the raised-from-the-dead Lazarus and Mary, who anointed Jesus with oil (nard.)  She has quite the reputation, usually known for upbraiding THE SON OF GOD, for crying out loud.

Women down through the centuries can relate to her 1st recorded experience with Jesus, in Luke 10:38-41.  I mean, who hasn't had a sibling/family member/relation/friend or person-in-general sitting on the couch when they should be helping you as you slave over...say a big holiday meal?  Who hasn't thrown or wanted to throw a hissy fit when they didn't?

My family will confirm I have thrown said fits.  It feels good in the moment.  But the moment passes and then everyone is uncomfortable and looking at you out of the corner of their eyes like they should put the knives away.

Oh yes, I've been this Martha.  

We know what happened - Jesus spoke the truth in love.  He didn't condemn her, but He did correct her.  He pointed out she was doing all this work for her own pride and that someone should recognize the awesome job she was doing.  And if they didn't, she would MAKE THEM NOTICE.  Ok, Jesus didn't SAY that exactly.  That's just what I hear when I read their interaction.  

No, Jesus the ever-gentle, ever-wise Savior points Martha back to the right path.  He leaves it to her to get on board His grace train.  He meets her where she is but He challenges her to go deeper with Him.  He has no intention of leaving Martha the way He found her.

The 2nd time we meet sweet Martha, in John 11:1-44, she is in a much more tender place.  Not just because her brother had just passed away but I think because clearly that first reproof by Christ changed her to the core.  She had Jesus in her house and that's definitely got to rub off.  Now, she is the one meeting with Christ, declaring who she knows Him to be.  I've also been this Martha (to the praise and glory of God!)

But yet again, no matter how far she'd come in faith, Jesus met her where she was.  

And His intention was still the same: He was not going to leave her the way He found her. 

Every experience we have with Christ, no matter the form, is meant to conform us into His image.  It could be a word from the Word, gift of the Spirit, vision, dream, sermon, healing, prayer or conversation with your best friend.  When Jesus is in the middle of it, when we are talking about Him or to Him, we will not be the same afterwards.

I think that is important to remember for those of us who might be a little farther down the path of faith.  Perhaps you've been ministering for days/weeks/months/years and no change seems to be happening in the life of the person you are loving on.  You could be in a church that is just stale or lifeless.  Maybe you are so frustrated with their choices, you'd like to take them by the shoulders, giving them a good shake.

Or you could have already walked away.  Whatever the case, I think it is important to remember we are only the vehicle to show them God's grace.  We are not the grace.

It is the Holy Spirit who does the redeeming work and everyone is at their own pace with Him.  Everyone is at a different point, no matter how long you've been walking together.  I'm fortunate to be walking with someone who operates in a much higher flow than I do and yet, she still meets me where I am.  She still loves me for who I am and she challenges me to experience more and more of God every minute. 

We are all pilgrims on God's Highway; some of at the station and some of us speeding ahead.

Our challenge as children of the Most High is to love people where and when they are, not expecting them to rise to your level.  God stooped down to Earth, so we must bend to meet them.  Still, we must trust that when we do that, emboldened by the Spirit of the Lord, He will use us to change them.  Jesus met Martha in her house and on the road but never time did He leave her there.  He wrapped His arms around her and said, 

Come with Me.  I will teach you.  My Father is your father and My Spirit is your guide.  We will teach you the most excellent way of living on Earth so Heaven will be made known through you.  You are safe, loved and there is so much more I can show you when you surrender to my leading.  Join Me.  Come with Me!

Stay with that relationship and keep surrendering to the assignments God puts in your path.  He will work it out, He will make grace abound.  Don't give up because you never know when the harvest will explode in front of you. God's timing is always right...and right on time.

The Bride (or It's all Really About Being Ready) - Priest vs. Warrior, Part 3

Our "job", as Christians, is not difficult to understand.  We are to follow Jesus, where He goes and on His terms.  We start growing in that meaning and purpose from the moment we are saved.  The more effort we put into surrendering to that purpose, the faster we move into the fullness and abundance He wants us to have.

That's our work; to believe, trust, hope but most importantly, to love.

We follow Christ - as priests and warriors; ready to serve Him and ready to stand firm in our faith against the forces of evil seeking to prevent us.  We explored those "garments" in the first two posts (see here and here.)  Now, in this third and final installment, I want to throw out another set of clothing I never given much thought to - until yesterday.  It was a very cool download to get.  It is an outfit we are all familiar with in some way:

The Wedding Dress.

One of my favorite newlywed memories is my husband slapping me on the back mere minutes after our nuptials, calling out the large H-shaped sun burn on my back.  He announced he'd married a Honda.  Everyone laughed.  Me, I smiled.  (Swimming with stingrays in a t-strap bathing suit before wearing a halter dress is not the best decision I've ever made.)

Another wedding memory: I loved everything but my dress.  I'd had it made and we had a destination wedding, so when I did my final fitting, there wasn't enough time to make changes or buy a new one. It wasn't ugly, it just wasn't me.  I was also heavier then I wanted to be, heavier than I am now, in fact, after 3 kids.  And I have better hair now.

But I digress.

Regardless of my lack of fondness at that time for my body or the dress hung on it, I was still a bride.  I went to great lengths to get ready.  It lived up to the hype.  It was by far the best party I've ever been to.  I've got written confirmation from a lot of the guests this is true. 

More than that, there is something so special, really sacred, about being a bride.  The "getting ready" portion is preparation for the next stage of your life.  Just as putting together a nursery puts you in the mindset of being a parent, putting on your wedding attire gets you in the mindset of being a wife or husband. 

Have you ever thought about that?  Did you know Jesus doesn't see you as a warrior or priest?

Did you know that Jesus sees you as His BRIDE?

It's kind of a heart-stopping realization for me.  Rather a game-changing moment if you really sit with that idea for awhile.  It brings the Cross into a little different focus.

Collectively speaking, the Church is His Bride (see Eph 5:25).  I don't think it is too far of a stretch, though, to think of ourselves wearing wedding-type clothes; and not just any old dress will do.  It would be the best, most beautiful kind haute couture you could envision, but better.  Our "Christ" wedding dress is formed and fitted only for you.  Our King works in high style and dressing His Son's Bride would be no exception. Psalm 45:9, 13-15 gives a little more detail: 

The Bride glittering with golden jewelry...
Her wedding dress is dazzling,
lined with gold by the weavers; 
All her dresses and robes are woven with gold.
She is led to the king,
followed by her virgin companions.
A procession of joy and laughter! A grand entrance to the king's palace!

I told you my wedding was the best party I've ever been to, but the wedding feast of the Son of God?  No comparison.  Jesus, in His magnificent mercy, takes our old, filthy rags of sin and our old works and throws them out, to be burned up.  Then, He washes His Beloved pure, clean and puts on the most incredible garments, embroidered with eternal gold and everlasting jewels (see Col 3:12) and presents Her on His arm to a raucous group of revelers living it up for eternity.  Awesomely romantic, I'd say!

Today, on this earth, in this life, we are warriors and priests.  We get our hands dirty with/for God.  But we won't have to get dirty anymore when Jesus comes again.  We won't need that armor or those priestly garments.  There will be nothing to fear and no one to serve because it will all be taken care of.  Sure, we will have work to do, but it won't be like now. We will be in complete connection, as a Bride in communion with her Bridegroom. 

Only joyful work on the day of the Wedding Feast of the Lamb!

Until that happens, we need to keep our wedding dresses pressed and ready to wear. We have to be consecrated for it.  The short definition of consecration is simply: be ready to wear that dress.  Keep it clean by separating ourselves from the things that would spoil it: sin, most especially.  We need to submit and surrender constantly to putting Jesus first.  It is part of our purpose and meaning to be consecrated.

The pure Bride for the perfect Groom. Jesus talked about it in Matthew 22 and 25, as well as Revelation 19:7-9 has some pretty descriptive verses about the wedding feast:

...the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

Consecration is the key to being "dressed and ready" in faith.  We have got to be comfortable in whatever clothes Jesus asks us to wear in a given moment. If the Bible tells us anything, it's to be about Him and Us.  No other should come between (which is why the model for marriage is the same.)  No sin, no person, no thing should interfere in our relationship.  This applies individually as well as corporately.

It's an amazing way to operate.  To daily prepare ourselves, like a bride, for Christ's return.  We need to be like the virgins in Matthew 25 who were ready with their oil to light the way.  We take it by faith and in confidence that He will return (John 14:1-3).  We also take it by faith He not only loves us but is IN LOVE with us.  He wants to marry us!

It's not just about strength or service, it is very much about love and the resulting relationship from that love.

Hopefully this series has helped you put on and keep on various aspects of our Christian faith.  I'm still learning to be open to wearing what the Holy Spirit picks out for me, rather than deciding for myself.  It is a process we are all growing into, so enjoy it.  Ask for help and most importantly, remain with Him.  He will always show you the right thing to wear.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Are you struggling already, so early in 2014?  Are you lonely, sad, frustrated, guilty, shamed, fearful, anxious or in agony?

Do you think this season/situation/circumstance you are in, dealing with and/or facing will last forever?

I had those same thoughts a year ago.

A year ago a baby was born, 10 days ahead of her due date and 5 days ahead of my scheduled c-section.  Labor came on suddenly, no idea why and all of a sudden, we found ourselves in the hospital.  The worst was yet to come because when she came out, her lungs weren't ready.  She couldn't breathe well and the nurse knew it right off. So, we kissed her goodbye and they rushed her to the NICU.

For Eight Long Days we held vigil over her, me in body representing her family and others in spirit through prayer.  This beautiful, unexpected, precious gift from God fought for her life.  He promised me she would be out on Friday but I didn't tell anyone that because I didn't know I could believe those kind of promises.  I didn't know if she would always struggle.  I didn't know for 6 days when she would come home.  It was agony to not be able to hold her.

It was so painful.

But on the night of the 7th, the healing the Holy Spirit started on the moment of her first breath was complete.  I got word early that morning how well she was doing, a remarkable turnaround from the the day before.  She came home right on time - on His timing. You can read the details here.

Yet now.  But God.  

What a difference the Lord can make in just ONE year.  What a whirlwind first year of life she's had.  I hope it means she will have an adventurous life.  My neighbor told me she would complete our family - that God knew we needed a 3rd child even when we didn't.  She was right.  He was right.  I thank Him every time I see Natalie and Sophia play, kiss and dote on her.  I thank God every time Dave picks her up.

She is the treasure of our lives.  And to think, a year ago, she looked tiny, vulnerable, alarmingly beautiful, even especially medical-d up:

And now today, she is vibrant, lively, opinionated, hilarious, determined.  The picture of health - 90% of kids her age.  Still as beautiful as the moment I laid eyes on her.

You might feel as vulnerable as she looked in that first picture.  God sees you there.  He also sees you as you will be, like she is now - healed, whole and completely in Christ.  He will take you through your own struggle, your next year or season of life. Wait on Him.  Trust in Him.  Hope in Him.  

Expect Him to be with you.  Be confident your struggle will not always be like this.

This is God’s Word on the subject: 'I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.'

That's from Jeremiah 29:11 in the Message.  It is as true the day she was born as it is today.  It's just today I can see the reality of it.  Give it time, dear friend.  The Lord will come through, just as He did for Ella Grace.

God is In Control

Our understanding and experience of God's sovereignty develops counter to all power-based and piety-based assumptions regarding God's effective rule.  We quit spinning our wheels on utopian projects and dreams.  Following that, we begin to realize that if God's sovereignty is never canceled out by the so deeply sin-flawed leaders ('kings') in both our culture and our church, we can quite cheerfully exult in God's sovereignty as it is being exercised (though often silently and hiddenly) in all circumstantial details of the actual present.

This passage is from Eugene Peterson's introduction to 1 & 2 Kings in The Message.  I'm reading through the Bible in this translation and Peterson's introductions to the books move me nearly as much as the Scripture verse itself.

Who needs to hear what he is saying this morning?

I do, for sure.  In a world/culture/environment where God seems at best ignored and at worst mocked, I needed a reminder The Lord is still The Lord.  When sin is shopped to young and old on every street-corner of our lives - whether physical, online or in the media, it is far too easy to think satan is getting his way.  It is easy to slip into complaint mode, to wonder where God has run off to and feel like you are praying futile prayers that will come to nothing.

When I read the Bible, I am reminded of two things. 

First - humanity has not changed very much since the beginning of our creation.  Oh, we can point to technology, physical differences and genetic mapping as proof of our "evolution" as a species.  While we may not be throwing our babies into literal fires anymore, the same issues that happened back in Genesis (and other ancient writings) are still happening today.  Dysfunction reigns.

Or does it?

That goes to my second point.  When I read Scripture, I am also reminded while humans are still human, God is still very much God.  He is large and in charge.  So large in fact that our natural minds and bodies cannot comprehend the way He works.  We spend far too much time trying to figure out His plan when He would rather us just go with it.  I think that is why we have a tendency to ignore Him or write Him off because we cannot see/hear/touch/feel what He is doing so much of the time. 

Just because He is working in the background doesn't make Him any less powerful or effective.

The Bible provides a lens, a scope of perspective on human history that reminds me God is always the King of Kings.  Christ is ever and always on the throne, no matter how bad things get down here.  The enemy would like us to focus on the evil.  It delights him when we do.  He knows he will lose ground when we start purposefully zeroing in on the good, God's good.  He loses his power of illusion and distraction when we turn our eyes to Jesus.

I'm not saying we shouldn't work for righteousness and justice.  Let's start ministries, bringing about Jesus' mission from Luke 4:18-19.  Let's take the Great Commission from Matthew 28 seriously.  We should continue to pray and petition and work towards His ends being made real.  Rather, when those efforts seem thwarted or nonexistent, we don't have to be discouraged.  We don't have to sink into depression at the state of affairs of the world.

It's bad, yes.  But God is always good.

In eternity, I think we will understand that evil is just a drop in the bucket.  It doesn't compare with the enormity of love in the universe.  Love is the fabric upon which existence is made.  If God is love, and He is, the awful (and it is) that seems overwhelming in the natural doesn't hold a candle, even if satan would like us to think he is God's equal.  Where He is, that's where we are.  Nothing can separate us from Him.

I know that's a leap of faith, but The Holy Spirit makes the leap possible.  We aren't Pollyannas or ostriches with our heads in the sand.  When our eyes are trained on God rather than circumstances, we are viewing things as they really are.  That deep, constant, abiding reassurance we are loved isn't just a feeling.  It's the truth - Christ in you, the hope of glory! 

Nothing that happens here can take that away.  No ineffective government or even willfully disobedient leaders can change that.  We can joyfully say,

Christ is King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

Put that thought to the test today.  Ask Jesus to show you His sovereignty.  Maybe you start small, or maybe you go big.  Either way, Jesus is in the business of showing His people He is the real deal Holyfield.  You can and should put God to this kind of test.  Don't be afraid.  He is waiting to show you just how in control He is.  He will grow your faith to believe Him for bigger and bigger things.

It's what our fathers and mothers in the faith, as seen in the Bible, did.  Let's follow their example.

I Over-Think Myself Right Out of My Calling

I think about faith in Jesus a lot.  You've probably clued into that given the content of this blog.  There are times when I'm going deep - really deep - and find myself in rabbit holes.  I'm wondering if my last post didn't end up being one of those and I could probably find 10 more that would fit in that category too.  Perhaps "rabbit hole" should be a new search label....

The problem with being in a rabbit hole is that I'm over-thinking things.  When I'm in deep, I burden myself with rules, guidelines, parameters and boundaries.  I start structuring a way to be like Christ instead of giving His Spirit the opportunity to mold me.  I start hammering away on my to-do list, rather than being gently spurred down the right path.

I realized this as I read a meditation on the Methodist lectionary for last week by William Willimon in Christian Century.  It's pretty unusual for me to be reading that, given I don't have a subscription and I have at least ten other items on my docket to finish.  But I grabbed the latest copy while I waited on the Olders during choir practice.

**CUE SOUND OF 2x4 SMACKING ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD**

I've read books of Dr. Willimon's and proudly bear a family connection to him, (as insignificant as it is).  You see, my cousin was a Methodist Minister and encountered him numerous times while she was in school at Duke.  Those "lofty" references aside, I really like him.  He is real, honest and his writing smacks of truthful and Truthful communication.

If you would like to read the whole of his thoughts - you can find them here (after subscribing and it is worth doing).

It was Willimon's treatment of John 1:29-42 that pierced me.  He reminds the reader that John the Baptist's "job" wasn't huge by the world's standards.  We in the modern Church might secretly think John was down right lazy.  We are expected and expect people to do now, but John was always meant to be (just) a witness.  He was called to testify to Someone greater than himself and that was what he did.

Why do I expect to do more?

In thinking about the future, I wonder where the Spirit is taking me.  When/What/Where/How/Why dominate a lot of my unregulated thoughts.  As a result, I try to make faith harder than it is, which honestly sucks the joy out of it.  I try to do when I should be waiting, watching and responding.  My calling is the same as John the Baptist's. 

I'm called to be a witness to the Truth of Christ and to testify about that truth every chance I get.

That doesn't mean I stand on a street corner.  My street doesn't get enough traffic for me to make a dent that way (plus I would mortify my husband.  Oh and the children need to be fed).  I'm in a love story with Jesus, which is full of MIRACLES!  People need to hear about them so they can be drawn in to their own love story with Him. 

Contemporary Christian Music Artist Mandisa won not one, but two Grammies last night (for her latest song and album Overcomer.)  She wrote today about why she wasn't there to receive the awards in person, (go here for the full entry).  This line struck another the same cord in me that started twanging last night,

I can’t force my morality on anyone else. What I can do is live my life in such a way that reflects well on my Savior, stand firm in my values, and do all of these things in love. 

Our "job" is to be a living witness.  As Eugene Peterson writes in Romans 12: in our every day, walking around lives.  We don't have to keep trying so hard.  Isn't it exhausting to have to DO all the time? 

I know we must feed orphans, comfort widows, visit prisoners, free captives and preach to the lost, but we shackle ourselves with burdens we were never meant to carry when we focus so hard on the DO.  We don't have to have outwardly amazing gifts to make a difference because His love puts those on the inside.  The world doesn't have to see us as long as they see Christ in us.

When we testify to Him, hope is tangible. 

We don't have to overthink our faith.  We just have to be ready to joyfully live it.  The Holy Spirit will work out the rest.  He will assure the results are good because He is good.

If you are struggling with faith being hard, maybe you're in a rabbit hole too.  Walk backwards a bit and you will find Christ patiently waiting.  He loves you and is waving you back, light in hand, to the straight and narrow path.

We may yet be called to be big and global in our service but in the mean time, let's try to "just" be witnesses.  Let's try to "just" testify with our merciful words and loving deeds.  Let's walk around focused on God's love, which helps us love ourselves and others the right way.  We will never fail to point everyone back to Jesus when that happens.

Jesus Would Have Been a Great Mom

At my church, our pastor is preaching a sermon series on defeating fear and walking on water.  Those two are definitely related.  Once you defeat fear, then you can walk on water.  But more on that later.

The text Christian, our pastor, is using comes from Matthew 14 - the dramatic scene of Peter getting out of the boat, walking to Jesus, focusing on the wind/waves, sinking, crying out, being saved and then walking back to the boat with Jesus.  It's an extremely powerful message delivered by a guy who is full of power.  My (older) kids are enjoying it as well.  They are 10 and 7, so that is really saying something when you are keeping their attention long enough to get the message!

Last night, Natalie and I read Matthew 14:30 in her Jesus Calling for Kids devotional, which is the verse where Peter sinks into the water.  We started talking (and laughing) about Christian's demonstration of what Jesus says to Peter.  He does it like this, if you can picture it: 

Oh (slap) ye (slap) of (slap) little (slap) faith (slap), why (slap) did (slap) you (slap) doubt (slap)? 

Hopefully you get the idea, because I think it is a very valid interpretation!  We all need to be mentally/emotionally/spiritual smacked occasionally to remind us Who is in charge.

Yet, the version I've had in my head is a little different.  I asked her if she wanted to see it, so I showed her this:

(Jesus grabs Peter's hand and pulls him into a bear hug.  Then he says into his ear,) Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?

After my demonstration in which I was Jesus and she was Peter, she said, "Yeah that seems more like a Mom way of doing it."

I laughed because she is right.  I have learned (the hard way) when my children are hurt or fearful, the reminder of my teaching goes down better when they are in my arms.  The comfort I give when they need it most drives home the point that I love them, but also I was right.

We have it on our Family Rules board: Hugs > Words.

As I read my own version of Jesus Calling this morning and fear/anxiety/worry was (once again) addressed, it hit me.  When I am scared and overwhelmed by life, I need a safe place to rest.  The comfort that comes from being wrapped in my Father's arms, even especially when I'm wrong, produces a greater level of trust.  That trust grows into assurance, which then produces confidence. 

When you have confidence in Christ, you will not doubt His ways and commands.  You will fear-less, or maybe not at all.  Defeating fear is necessary to walk in a victorious life of faith but it also leads to walking in power.  When you are confident in who you are and Who is caring for you, there is very little - if anything - that can stop you.

That leads to evangelism just by living.  It leads to a Jesus kind of life, where we set captives free to find their own purpose in Him.

My ministry, at the moment, by any account, is teeny-tiny.  Eternally important, but my main service is to the 4 people in my house.  I'm not worried about it, as I know if/when I'm faithful with them, the Lord will grow my territory.  At this stage of my life, my main job is to be a Mom.

(In fact, Sophia asked me yesterday when I was going to get a job and I told her I already had one - being a mother.....Not sure she was impressed.)

I have dreams beyond this house but the most important thing I could ever do is make sure these 3 smaller people know the Lord and are equipped to walk with Him when they fly the coop.  They need to be empowered by the Holy Spirit, all in for Christ because it is a dangerous world out there.

This is My Jesus-kind of life.  The funny thing is, Jesus is a much better Mom than I am.  When I rest in the comfort of His arms, opening up for Him to work, even when He has to remind me to have faith, He is changing me.  He is growing fruit and deepening the roots of love between us.  I am learning from Him and in the process He lifts my burdens, no matter how silly or serious they are.

From that assurance, I am empowered.  I don't fear what is coming because I am resting in Him.  My girls see that and I hope learn to do the same.

Jesus would have made the best Mom.  Instead, He is choosing to work His grace through me and make me a better one.  It is in those bear hugs of His Presence, in His Word and out on the waves, that it happens.  He empowers me to do great things, like raise 3 girls who love Him.

He whispers to me not to doubt, to trust, to love Him and He will never steer me or my family wrong. 

So, I do.  A little faith is all that is required.

Inviting Grace In

The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.  He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed.(Isaiah 50:4)

I had a really interesting experience yesterday when I was chatting with some folks.  Wait, I wasn't chatting.  Actually, I was standing there, listening to them talk.  It was a little surreal because I don't just blend in, but I seemed not to be there to them at all.  They carried on a whole conversation without even the slightest hint I was standing there.

At first, I got mad.  I spent fifteen minutes fuming.

Yet, this morning I realized: I wasn't supposed to be there.

Six weeks ago, I wrote about knowing when there is grace on a situation, when God has you there to do a specific work (and knowing when He does not).  You can read that here.  In that post, I said:

One of our Christian culturalisms is that we have to serve EVERYONE who crosses our path.  We feel compelled to pray for EVERYONE, or at least those we encounter on a regular basis.  We have to do something for everyone in our life, because that is what God expects.  I'm here to argue the point, that is definitely NOT what He expects.

It is crystal clear to me there was no grace on that situation.  Those two people were engaged in a conversation that I had no part in.  But I still just stood there, like a kid not being picked on the playground, kicking the grass (literally).  Oh, man, I'm embarrassed to admit that.  I wanted to be included, even though I had no place in it. 

It's ok not to minister to everyone, especially when my energies should be directed elsewhere.

Still, there is something else I didn't do.  I didn't pray while I was standing there.  As I look back, I see the big, gaping hole that was me.  I could have been filled with the Spirit, but instead I stood there confused and empty.  If I had just taken a second to say,

Lord, why am I here?  Should I be?  If I'm supposed to be, can you show me why?

In not doing that, I missed the point!  Perhaps it wasn't my mission, but if it was, I didn't give grace a chance to enter into the situation.  There was no grace on it, but I didn't invite grace in either.  I feel like I missed an opportunity to participate in a work the Lord is doing in the lives of two people.  As the verse from Isaiah states, I have a learned tongue.  I know about the Lord.  I know of His desire that no man should perish.  I get up early in the morning to talk with Him and He works out His truth all day long in my life.

If there was a cosmic rewind button, I'd go back and do it over again.  I'd pray and see where it goes from there.  There still might have been no point in me being there, I still might have gone unseen.

But maybe not.

So, I repented of this latest Homer Simpson DOH moment.  I also asked for another opportunity to bring a word to sustain these two weary folks.  I gathered that much from their conversation, they are both very weary.  The least I could ask for is another chance to speak His life into theirs.  If He wants me a part of what is happening, He will bring about that opportunity, I'm sure of that.  If He doesn't, I'm confident that will be clear too.

I'm thankful, though, that grace is available wherever I am.  I don't walk into this world alone, God is with me everywhere I go.  I'm grateful for the reminder to invite Him into any and every situation, no matter what's happening inside me or others.  He is a gentleman, though, so He isn't going to push His way in.  As I encounter so many who need His kind of refreshment, I must be aware of when His Spirit is moving and respond.

Thanks for your patience, Lord.  I'm still learning and I'm grateful You are God, faithful to teach me everyday of Your goodness and grace.

Going a Little Farther - Part 1 - No More Plastic Fruit

Oh, the fruit of the Spirit.  What we are all told to desire but the hardest thing to get our hands on.

Something struck me when I was reading through Galatians about all this fruit.  It was a Homer Simpson moment (DOH!) but I realized the fruit of the Spirit is absolutely nothing like the fruit of the flesh.

Stay with me, I promise this isn't too remedial.  (Well, I hope it isn't).

Paul lists the bad, the result of living out of our flesh, which I quote from The Message,

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: reptitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrolallable additions; ugly parodies of community.  I could go on.  This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know.  If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.  (Gal 5:19-21)

*OOF*  Anyone else take a hit in the gut?

For so long, I thought if I could just avoid doing these things, my life would be on earth as it is in heaven.  Like snapping a rubber-band on my wrist and when I thought (or did) these types of nasty things, that would cure me.  *SNAP*  *SNAP*  *SNAP*  I'm red and raw but back on track.  I'm damaged, but forgiven, so I won't do those things ANYMORE!  Guilt and shame are the key to holiness, I told myself; the best way to keep the skeletons of my sinner's life in the closet.

You know where I'm going with this.

Nowhere.  Nowhere there is abundant grace and good fruit, anyway.  All this rubber-band-snapping isn't getting me any real fruit, it's all plastic, made in China.  What's the difference then?  Paul lays out in the next verses:

But what happens when we live God's way?  He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.  We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.  We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.  (Gal 5:22-23)

When you compare the lists of the fruit of the flesh to the fruit of the Spirit: they are not opposites.  The good gifts God gives have nothing in common with avoiding the disease and pestilence of the flesh.  They aren't not just the opposite, they don't exist in tandem - but they are supernatural, meaning otherworldly or CAN'T BE FOUND ON EARTH.

You see it's not about the production, but the process.  I don't can't manufacture.  If I could, I wouldn't need the vine.  Oh, but I do, I so desperately do.  I don't need a rubber-band, I need a Savior. 

So back to the beginning I go.  Living God's way is.....abiding, staying with Him.  Not in front, but behind - right behind.  I have to stop trying to do the things only God can do.  No more trying to get more and more grace by sinning more - or avoiding sin altogether (good luck with that).

I believe I am the new creation and I live in His love.

That makes me want to love, so I live in and out of THAT place.  I am not constantly at war with my "old man" Paul so readily describes in Romans and 1-2 Corinthians.  I don't want to go back to the corpse of my old self.  Gross.

I'm a new creation, with new things being created in and for me.  I am not a sinner saved by grace.  I was ten years ago, but no longer.  I'm a victor, walking in the triumph of Christ. 

One might ask, "So, how do I do this without all the rubber bands?"

Answer: Repetition of your belief.  By constantly repeating "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."  Over and over and over again, in constant acknowledgement of who He says you are, what He says you are worth.  That's putting on the mind of Christ, your helmet of salvation.  It's the Word that gives you the wisdom to live His way (and the forgiveness when you don't).

You want fruit?  Well, faith is the Miracle-Grow to make it happen.  And the Word is the water needed for growth.  Don't try to live by anyone else standards, just live in Christ.

When we stay close to Him, fruit grows with no effort, other than what it takes to surrender.  The more you surrender, the easier it gets.  The first couple of times is hard, but I promise the more you do it, the easier it gets because you see clearly He knows the better way.  What He brings forth looks, smells and tastes so much better than anything you can produce on your own.

Plus, He heals the scars from all the rubber-band snapping and you can enjoy the process instead of exhaustively toiling in it.

He will teach you to prefer the things of heaven, the way of agape.  It takes practice, so work at this versus keeping all those rules.  Stick your nose back into the Holy Spirit's shoulder-blades, and trust He is leading you to cleaner, fresher air and right living.

Knowing Where the Grace Is and Where It Isn't

I'm becoming aware of a (good) pattern going on in my spiritual life.  I'm finding that there are times I need to act and times I don't.  I don't have to meet every need I encounter, I'm not really built to.  I'm not meant to evangelize to everyone, pray for everyone or serve everyone.  There is a time and a place for me to be, with a person to serve there, so that's where I need to pour in my effort.

It's kind of freeing really.

I've been made aware of this pattern because I am positioning myself to be more responsive to the Holy Spirit.  I'm not saying that to say, "Look at me!  I'm awesome!  I'm positioned to be used by God and you aren't!"  I'm just being real with you that God is doing some extraordinary things right now and it is only because I'm bending down low enough to move out of His way.

One of our Christian culturalisms is that we have to serve EVERYONE who crosses our path.  We feel compelled to pray for EVERYONE, or at least those we encounter on a regular basis.  We have to do something for everyone in our life, because that is what God expects.  I'm here to argue the point, that is definitely NOT what He expects. 

Much of what we do in God's name is because we are trying to show God how much we love Him, or we are trying to show everyone else we are good Christians.  Jesus doesn't ask us to prove our love to Him or anyone else.  He tells us to REST in His love because otherwise we do a lot of things in our own strength; exhausted and ineffective, to say the least.

Through some very wise counsel and watching someone else do this the right way, I see my efforts to "share the Gospel" in every single situation wasn't bearing much (if any) fruit.  Some people stubbornly just did not respond to it.  I mean, how dare they!  I'm trying to lead them to the Good Life and they are repulsed by me!  I ended up making things worse by trying so hard.  Maddening really - because aren't I supposed to be "great commissioning" everyone?

No, no I'm not.

Some people's crosses are not mine to bear.  They are meant for others and I'm just standing in the way.  We have to be available, yes, but that other person has to be willing to receive what we are offering.  It's taken TEN YEARS for this light bulb to go off in my head, but I'm not letting that get me down.

When I confessed what I was doing or trying to do was not God's assignment for me, He put a grace on that situation.  It's incredible, I confessed and He still blessed what He didn't have for me.  I don't think I should do that all the time, but when I stopped trying so hard to love, love stopped being so hard.

Sophia is encountering a similar situation, God bless her.  She has such a heart for the kids in her class.  It hurts her that some just can't stay out of trouble.  She wants to share Jesus with them and has asked me repeatedly what she should do to help them.  Before this epiphany of going where God's grace is, I would have told her what to do.

We talked and prayed about it last night and again this morning.  She has such a need to do, it is so hard for her to wait on God's timing.  (Amen to that.)  There are some situations I just want to smack people upside the back of the head and say, "Don't you get it!  God loves you!!"

Yah, that's not agape, Ames.

I told her about what I'd been learning: when there is no grace, when there is no "God Assignment" for you, don't go.  For you, friend, I'll sum it up this way.  If the person is not all of the following things, let it alone:

1. Receptive to what you have to say;
2. Faithful to pay attention and;
3. Available to you.

Jesus sums it up in Matthew 7:6 when He says,

Don't waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don't throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you. (NLT)

I told her if she tries to "help" them learn about God's way when they aren't ready or interested, she is just going to be wasting her breath.  If you think about it, it's true.  Unless God has prepared the soil, and we are ready to throw out the seed of His word (by being right with Him) the seeds are going to fall on rocky ground or get snatched away.  In both cases, no harvest is going to come.  (Come to think of it, Jesus said that too, in Matthew 13).

Maybe you've gotten frustrated with a particular "ministry" situation in your life.  It could be time to step back and evaluate whether God's grace is on it.  Maybe it isn't your "job" to minister to this person.  Maybe you are trying to force it or do what you think you should.  Or maybe you need to ask Him if He wants you to go in a particular direction before you rush headlong into something He hasn't prepared for you.

The Lord makes His path clear to those who seek it.  When you ask Him where He wants you to go, He will show you if you are listening/watching/paying attention.  When you see someone ready, go for it!!  But wait until they are.  Most importantly, keep focused on your relationship with Him and you will never fail to eventually do the work He has planned for you.

If you are interested in a little more Bible Study on this concept, check out the following verses:

• Proverbs 9:8
• Proverbs 23:9
• Proverbs 26:4
• Matthew 7:5 (be right with God first before pursuing anyone else)
• Matthew 10:13-14
• Matthew 18:5
• Mark 6:11
• Luke 9:5, 48
• Luke 10:10-11
• Acts 13:51
• 1 Thessalonians 4:8

Expectations of God

It isn't like I expect a miracle.  Because I don't.

Yesterday, I heard these words.  I choke on tears right now, just thinking of the exhaustion in them.  A child of God so worn-down by her circumstances, she can no longer expect her heavenly Father to do the things only He can do.  I'm not judging, I'm hurting because I've been there.  I've been in that lonely place of praying for something so big for so long that you only get echoes of your own voice back.  In those seasons, your faith becomes a wounded bird, wanting to fly but too broken and weary to keep trying.

I'm in the middle of a spiritual revolution and there is a lot of tumult.  Lots of churning, burning, misdirection and misunderstanding.  One day, I'm awesome.  The next day, I'm like Wolfman in Top Gun saying,

We went like this, he went like that. I said to Hollywood, "Where'd he go?" Hollywood says, "Where'd who go?" 

Where is the Lord in the lives of others with problems much bigger than mine?  If I'm learning to expect big, big things of God (again), why aren't others?  I don't expect to understand why He does it when He does it, and who He does it for. Understanding isn't always part of the package.  If me, of all people, can believe strong (again), why can't I or those I pray for get a little bit of meaning in the struggle?

The easy pat answer is because we all have our own journeys to walk with the Lord.  We are all at different places in our faith.  He has a plan tailored individually to each one of us and it is something that cannot be rushed.

I despise Christian-ese like this, when we seek to explain the unfathomable mysteries of God in ten words or less; but there is truth in them.  (They just may not be the best thing to say at the moment).  Still, it isn't the whole truth.  We can't make the Lord of the Universe do what we want when we want Him act.  We can't alter His way, no matter how good or bad we are.  Nothing stops the rolling tide of redemption.  He is the God of miracles of the Bible.  He is that same God, but it is hard to expect that all the time.  Why?

We get tired.  We get lazy.  We get distracted.  But mostly, praying for a miracle when it takes a long time to show up gets really old.  Here, we miss that Jesus operates on the scale of ultimate, not passable.  What we think will meet our needs is withheld from us because He has something so much better. 

The ultimate is what we should expect.  When it gets hard to believe in that, others need to do it for you.  I'm learning (again) when someone else can't believe in miracles, I can for them. The Lord can grow our faith through the faith of others, so I'm not going to give up believing I will see miracles of Biblical proportions.  I've heard Him whisper many times in my heart, "Oh, ye of little faith."  If He has whispered that to you, know He isn't saying it in reproach or condemnation.

He loves us too much to let us keep going the way of little faith.  The Holy Spirit only speaks in the love of the Son in the grace of the Father.  He doesn't push, cajole, fuss or fume.  He is not a cosmic toddler throwing a fit when we don't do what He wants.  He waits patiently till we are teachable to His ways.  He is infinitely more patient than I. 

Hear the words of the great worship leader Asaph, my favorite Psalmist, from #73,

When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence.  I'm still in your presence but you've taken my hand.  You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.  You're all I want in heaven!  You're all I want on earth!  When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful...I'm in the very presence of God - oh, how refreshing it is!  I've made Lord God my home.  God, I'm telling the world what you do! (21-25, 28 MSG)

I want to challenge you today to expect more from God.  I know what I'm asking is hard and or maybe impossible.  This might be a season of praying for the same thing and absolutely nothing has happened for days/months/years.  I get it, really, I do.  Don't stop praying.  Keep seeking more from God.  Don't think that what you've gotten so far is all you ever will get. 

It won't always be this way!!

Believe He has good gifts to give you - way better than what you are thinking.

Believe in His power, but more importantly, His love.  No matter what your mind and heart tell you, go out on a limb of faith.  That's where all the fruit is.  He may have to prepare you for what He's got planned.  You may have to confess your unbelief.  Either way - His presence will refresh you and give you the strength to believe in miracles.

It is our faith that saves us, dear friend.  Depend on it with your life and you won't be sorry. 

A New Rhythm

I've been going through some changes.  The genesis of all of it has to do with something that happened to me 10 days ago.  It wasn't an experience with God I'd ever been told about.  I didn't know it existed.  It does, right there in Scripture and for 10 years now (or more) I've completely missed it!  But after I got over the initial shock and discomfort, I went ahead and dove into the deep end of the pool.  I let "God do the thing that only God can do."*

He opened my eyes to a new way of knowing Him, of Him living in me and, of course, the freedom of meeting Him there.

He baptized me in His Holy Spirit.

There are some of you out there mentally giving me a high five/fist bump/side hug right now.  Others are saying, "Wha???"  Still others are saying, "That is way too far out there for me, only crazy emotional charismatic people talk like that!"  I'm in no position to convince you of the truth of this experience.  I'm only saying that I know in the pit of my gut what has happened to be true.  I am at the starting line of a new course of the race of faith. 

I love it.  I love how the Lord, in just a short period of time, has opened by eyes, mind and heart to know and love Him more.  It's more than that - I'm more capable of knowing His love.  Yah, I know that's out there.  I know what I'm saying maybe weird and uncomfortable.  The fact that my intellectual mind can even move my fingers to type these words is a miracle of His power.

The other evidence, which may only be apparent to me at this point, is startling.  I'm not ready to go into details, but I thought I knew this faith thing pretty well.  Oh, my pride!  The Lord in His mercy showed me there is ALWAYS more of Him to experience.  Of course, doubt crept in afterwards, the work of the enemy who is stripped of his power over me even more and now I know it.  Makes me all the more determined to let the gifts and fruit be made manifest in my life.

Further surrender, more submission, more relinquishing of myself.  In that, there is more awareness to the way to live and move and have my being in Him.  I am open to the rhythm of His Spirit - directing me and taking me further away from a life full of shame and guilt and duty; into a life of peace and (spiritual) prosperity.  I am further anchored, no, rooted and grounded in His love.  It's awesome.

It's not a rebirth.  It's not a resurrection.  It's not salvation all over again.  This is new, y'all.  Full Gospel stuff.

There is a catch (isn't there always?)  I have to be available and I have to practice being available.  There are times in the day, I'm finding, where my old habits kick in.  Things of the natural start to grab hold of the blessings of the supernatural.  That's when things start to go sideways because I close up shop and just want to go to bed.  I get tired, y'all.  My endurance to stay at this new level of faith is being built up, so in the process, I backslide into my own strength.  

Still, because I have more of Christ-in-me, more of the hope-of-this-calling, I turn back to Him sooner.  I'm learning faster.  I'm hungering more.  I'm less faith-less.  My mind and body are now completely subject to my spirit - which is, more than ever, connected to the Holy Spirit.  It is so cool.

Please pray for me.  Pray I will not get lukewarm or lose my passion for The Passion of Christ.  I want to flow in response to God's leading, not force my way or try to push through.  I'm strong, I'm really good at pushing through.  Yet, when the Spirit says rest, I want to rest.  When the Spirit says let go, I want to let go.  When the Spirit says get up and go, I want to....you get the idea.  What God-the Holy Spirit says, I want to hear...and respond to immediately. 

It is Him that I'm chasing now, more than even the good and glorious gifts He gives.  More to come!

*Quote from St. Augustine

What We Are

I'm sitting here after a long day.  A long good day.  We spent all day in the town central of San Marino.  If you don't know what town that is, google it.  It's awesome.  First - a long drive through the Marche region.  Then - lunch over looking the Marche region.  Then - multiple hours of shopping over the Marche region.  Then - home through the Marche region and blissfully tired.  Not my ideal day but it was my Mom's ideal day and that makes it so much the better.

I've said before my kids are great travelers.  And while they are slightly greedy, I really do appreciate how good they are, even on trips to visit multiple jewelry stores, etc.

As I rocked the baby tonight, I recognized even though the last 12 months have been very tumultuous and extremely stressful, I'm truly thankful.  Next week, it will be 12 months to the day I realized I was pregnant with Ella Grace.  She continues to testify to the glorious work of Christ Jesus in the midst of my selfish life.  His plan will be established, no matter what mine are.

We are a family of five.  I am so proud of that.  Proud enough that I took a picture of what I consider a reflection of what I never asked for but what was freely given.  All 4 of us girls were watching "Puss in Boots."  (Perhaps not the best first movie for a 4 month old, but she really enjoyed grabbing her sisters' hair more than the movie.)

On the left is the wonderful older sister - totally driven to please (most of the time) and one who truly values the meaning of family.  On the far right is the willful middle child, blessed by the Lord's hand with full healing from cancer   and full of love for people she doesn't know.  Then in the middle is the 3rd child whose first 8 days on the Earth were scary but full of promise.  All of their potentials remain to be seen.  But when I look at this picture, something strikes me.

I am so happy.

That fluffy baby on my lap is the crowning point of it all.  We have been through so much.  That full head of hair that I just styled into pig-tails on Sophia this morning means so much.  That strong, proud look on Natalie's face after having to endure her family in such dire straights is nothing short of miraculous.  It's more than I can take.

This blog is so much more for me than for you.  It is a document of my life.  But I hope our existence on Plant Earth reminds you that Our God is a God of love.  He loves you.  I know this because He loves me. God's plans, no matter how contrary to my own, are so much better.  It is but a glimpse of Heaven.

I might not have a very good explanation for why I believe what I believe.  I might not be able to argue the rights of God over man perfectly.  My reasoning for being a Christian may not trump your reasoning for being what you are.  But the older I get, the less I want to convince you.  The the older I get, the less I want to argue.  The older I get, I just want to show you and love you.

I hope God gives me and my family the opportunity to love on many, many, many people.  And hopefully through many ways, so they know He is the way.  I don't doubt He can work through every single one of my relationships.  He already has.

We are not perfect, but this picture, of nearly all of us bathed, brushed and ready for bed shows, shows there is a God who loves you.  I only know that because of how He has loved me - and continues to do so, even as I wander and stray as a wayward sheep is likely to do.

The Good Shepherd knows His Sheep.  And I am thankful we are all in His flock.

Stand Up - Marriage Series - #1

You ever get one of those emails that send you reeling back in time?

I got one last week.  It took me back about 5-6 years - when things weren't so happy in our house.  We were busy setting up careers, having kids and establishing a life.  Our marriage got a little lost in space.  That space of exactly 4 hours (give or take) between when you get home and when you pass out.  In those hours, you drain out the remaining dregs of your energy getting dinner on the table and kids to bed.

It doesn't matter if you are on fire for God or you haven't given Him the time of day in years.  No one is immune from obstacles and marriage is one of the enemies favorite things to throw under the bus.  Indeed, those with the strongest of faith are often attacked on their home turf most frequently.  Why?  Because it's so hard to fight there.

The details of my marital struggles aren't as important as the commonality of them.  Every person I've ever known who has been married has, at one point or another, hit a wall.  (And if you haven't yet, trust me, you will.) Decision-time: Do you stay or do you go?  Ours happened between year 4-7.  No, it wasn't all 3 years, but serious growth was required on all accounts.  Until that happened, it got real ugly at times. I've seen a few things in other marriages too. 

Enough to know there are key essentials to making a marriage work, God's way.  It requires hope, faith, but most importantly the choice to keep loving, even when other choices look a lot easier.  I hear it's like when your kids are teenagers, you just have to hold on to the belief the foundation you laid will hold.  And you know what Jesus said about building the right foundation.  Feel free to weigh in, I don't have a lock on things.  After (only) 11 years of marriage - I know I still have A LOT to learn.

Step #1 - STAND UP. 

In the church, we are taught to be meek and mild and have turn-the-other-cheek-till-it-hurts kind of humility.  But nowhere in Scripture can I find where it says we have to relinquish our dignity to submit in God's name.  Jesus was NEVER undignified.  He is the most courageous person to ever walk the face of the earth.  

What I've often encountered in the process of marriage struggles is things get nasty.  We let the little irritating things develop into comments and arguments that terribly wound our spouses.  We get to the point that all we want to do is hurt them because we are hurting.  Our expectations, our dreams have been dashed on the rocks of reality.  Someone has to pay.  

I remember this phase, the all out hostility and you are just flabbergasted that someone who says they love you can treat you this way.  Just evil.  

But it's part of the process of transformation.  The ugly has to come out before the goodness can be put in. 
 
If you are the one being attacked - you must make a switch to righteousness and stand there.  You may feel beaten down, but you aren't supposed to be treated like dirt.  This is a Jesus and the Money Changers situation. We can stand in love and we say No, You Cannot Treat Me This Way.  I'm not going to allow it anymore.  I can and will be available when things calm down, but for the moment, I gotta separate myself from this onslaught.  

Even if you are being unjustly attacked, use the weapons God gives you.  1 Corinthians 13:4-5 is a good place to refer to: Love is patient and kind.  It doesn't dishonor others, isn't self-seeking, isn't easily angered and doesn't keep a record of wrongs.

Andy Stanley, in his book Enemies of the Heart writes these simple, but wise words:

If you're a Christian, you aren't expected to treat others the way you've been treated by others; you've been called to treat people the way you've been treated by your Father in heaven.

The bottom line is, you don't engage until you can do it in a way that reflects love, or at the very least, grace.

And I think it goes without saying (but I'm going to say it anyway), you can't be the perptrator.  You can't be the one slashing and burning the matrimonial bridges.

It's not about getting what we deserve or making someone pay for how they hurt us.  We have to learn to love without the emotional dependency.  When you reach the point of understanding it is not about your husband (or wife) saving you, but rather about growing in the sacrificial love of Christ, the war becomes much less interesting.  When peace is the goal, winning the battle loses its appeal. 

It will take awhile.  I don't know how long and it's never just a one-time occurrence.  But the more you stand up for the things of God, the faster the walls of pain seem to come down. And always be praying - for yourself, your family and for your spouse.  When you do - God intervenes.  He makes reconciliation possible. I've known couples to divorce and remarry when they let the Lord in!

But since we don't want it to get that far....here's what we will cover next time.  Because standing up makes the next step possible.

Surrender.