I am Mary

Last week, I had to prepare a talk about who I was in the Bible.  It was an assignment for my Bible Study class in which I had to pick the person from Scripture I most identified with, in terms of life and ministry.  I asked a few friends for an opinion, but I didn't necessarily relate to the characters they mentioned.  I think that was more of a case how they related to me.  So, I decided I would pray about it.  I thought I should ask Jesus Himself.

Good idea, huh?  Go to the source.

So, I was praying but not much was really coming.  After the experience I had a few weeks ago when I was touched by the love of the Father (which you can read about here), I was praying a couple of days later.  I was listening to music and on my knees, feeling like I was at His feet.  That's when I felt/heard/realized the Holy Spirit spoke:  You are My Mary.

After I was able to get up off the floor, a long time later, as the weight of this download pinned me prostrate, I was able to process.  It was an identity shift, it moved the fabric of my own personal universe.  I've always thought of myself as Martha - I think most women nowadays too.  I've always been proud of that because Martha, despite her obvious misconception about what Jesus would do for her, she made the turn.  In John 11, she is all the way, on board.  She knows He is the Messiah.  She declares her belief in Him, her belief in Him as the Savior in this world and the next.

Now, He's changed my name.

Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, was perhaps the first official female disciple.  It is remarkable because Jesus choosing her in Luke 10:42 gives us a greater understanding of what the Kingdom should look like.  Paul echoes that in Galatians 3:28 when he writes, There is no male or female, Jew or Gentile, slave or free, in Christ Jesus.  It was completely counter cultural, an upset in the societal order for Jesus to call Mary as a Disciple.  BUT HE DOES.  

It is clear He meant business with her because her role was just as critical to Him personally as well as missionally.  You see, Jesus not only anointed Mary with His authority to minister to others - but He let her minister to Him.  She anointed Him for burial with her dowry, 3/4 pound jar of spikenard oil.  He let her minister to His heart.  He let her care for Him!  Wow.  What a shift for her too, I bet.

I feel both humbled and wholly empowered to do what He is calling me to do, knowing He is with me.  He has put His mark, His stamp on me and will show me the way to accomplish what He wants to do through me.  It's Him and it's Me.  It's a remarkable feeling, a new level of freedom.

In closing, I'll share the opening of my talk, a little imaginative story-telling.  I went on to explain Mary's call and how I relate to her in more detail but I'll have to post that another time.  Just want to leave you with the possibility of what our God can do for you too, as you seek Him and all that He has to give you. 

A long time ago, there was a woman.  She had a sister and a brother, whom she lived with in a small village, not far from the main town in all the land.  They were not rich but they had enough.  One day, a celebrity teacher and his entourage came to their house for a visit.  It was a huge honor to her host and they knew it.  Her sister, the master hostess, began the preparations for a feast for some 20 people.  Even though they were of low to moderate means, her sister knew how to stretch it.  She was an expert on how to create much from little.  Yet, she often wears herself out in the process.

The motley band of the teacher and his buddies were in the main living room.  They were having a great time, telling stories from the road, laughing and teasing each other; and listening to the teacher explain in deeper detail what his plans were.  It was magical and this young woman was pulled into it.  It was not the typical place for a woman to be, as in those days and still today, some people said a woman’s place was in the kitchen.  Truly, that was where her sister would have preferred her to be.  Still, this woman was different.  She would rather been soaking in the presence of this celebrity, this teacher of renown.  She wouldn’t have been pulled away unless by force.

In her heart of hearts, this woman loved the teacher from the start.  There was a special connection to him she could not put a finger on.  It was not necessary physical, as he wasn’t striking or devastatingly handsome, as many popular men even now have to be.  His charisma overpowered her.  It wa his wisdom, his focus that drew her in.  The shape and color of his eyes – the depth of his soul shining from them – it captivated her.  His words made her feel different inside.  She was uncomfortable but not in a bad way.  It was as if some long dead part of her was coming alive, was waking up from sleep as she listened to Him.

It was love that drew her in.  It was a more complete, sacred, holy feeling than she’d ever experienced.  It radiated from him.  He seemed to have a special eye for her too, not just because she wasn’t doing what was expected of her.  She was hungry and he knew it.  More than that, he had the food to feed her.  He admired her.  He saw her devotion and her sweetness.  He saw she cared for him, cared what he had to say – not because she could get something from him, like so many around him.  She wanted what he came to give.  She loved him for who he was, not just what he could do for her.  Their bond was unique and it stood out.

As the woman sat rapt, she did more than listen.  She internalized what he was saying.  She believed him with her whole heart.  The way he talked about his father was so unusual.  The way he talked about their God so unique.  She was completely present in the moment and felt like she could stay comfortable in his presence forever.  In fact, she was so lost in what he was saying, she didn’t notice her sister passive-aggressively berating her to their guest!

She shrank back, fearful of what he will say.  Would he reject her?  Would he send banish her back to the kitchen with her sister?  Would she have to settle for an ordinary life?  After hearing him teach, after sitting so comfortably in his presence…the idea of not being with him, of not being part of what he was doing, was unthinkable. If he told her to, she would go back to the kitchen, but she dreaded it.  She silently prayed to Yahweh to help her to stay where she was.  She wanted what the teacher had and she wanted her life to change.  She wanted freedom and she knew he was the way to it.  He was different than anyone else she’d ever met. 

A word from him would change her whole life.  So she held her breath.  She felt like she was on the teetering edge between life and death.  It all depended on him, on his decision.  He wielded authority like no one else, which is why her sister went to him.  When he walked in the house, he became the head.  He was head of this house, now, too. 

Her future would begin or end with his word.  So, she sat there and awaited her fate……

My Eyes Are On The Storm

There is a storm raging in and around me.

I can't help but see it.  There are so many needs, it seems everyone in my life is going through something and needing the Lord's mighty intervention.  There are winds gusting to hurricane-force in some of those situations.  There are waves crashing over the heads of my beloved ones.  The threat is real. The storm of circumstances, of trials, persecution, suffering and life in general can be overwhelming.

This morning, I began by asking for the Lord to make me of one heart and mind with Him so I could pray as He would have me this morning.  So, as I sat, I was moved to pray for protection.  I named everyone I could think of, including people I don't pray for on a regular basis.  I started with those closest to me and worked my way out.  I just let the names roll off my lips without hesitation. 

It seems protection of His faithful ones was on His mind.

This does not feel like a huge, mountain-moving prayer but I see how the enemy wants to discourage, disrupt and destroy the people of God.  He wants us to gaze into the bleakness, keep our eyes on the hail of fiery darts that he rains down on this whole earth.  Even if some of the people I'm praying for aren't very close to God, the last thing satan wants is for them to move in His direction.  The best way to do that is by distraction, and he uses whatever means to do that.

Jesus quieted the storm.  He spoke, the wind and waves obeyed.  It was His power, filtered through His love for His Father, that enabled that word - QUIET - to be effective.  Yet, I know from personal experience, He does not always speak that word into our circumstances.  The storms of life are not always quieted because we need to see the storm for what it really is.

You see, when it FEELS like chaos reigns, when it FEELS like you are about to drown....when it FEELS like this storm will never be quieted....that's when a question forms and rises to the top in your soul.

WHICH STORM ARE YOU FOCUSING ON?

There is more than one storm raging and I realized it this morning.  I was/am listening to a song that has been my anthem for over 2 weeks now; it's called Gracious Tempest by Hillsong Young and Free.  I started listening to it the week of receiving His touch of love I last wrote about.  And as I was praying simply for protection, I realized why.  We need to be protected from focusing on the wrong storm.


Surround me like an ocean.

Your love is crashing over me.
It's surging like a raging sea.
Immerse me in the wonder of Your love.

A downpour of unending grace.
Consuming all my reckless ways.
My sin submerged, Your Love has saved my soul.

Your love is like a storm.

This song presents the storms of our lives from a totally different perspective.  The poetry and anointing of it, I can not deny.  In the middle of the YouTube video, the singer reads a portion of Psalm 116.  Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

I don't know exactly what your storm looks like, and I know some are worse than others.  Yet, the challenge, as you get up to face it today, is not how to endure or survive it.  It is a choice to ask the Lord to change how you see it.  Rather than see the circumstances consuming you, look to Jesus and see His consuming love for you.  The Father doesn't go back on His promises.  He is faithful to complete what He started.

The Israelites saw a raging storm around them once.  They were the waves of salvation and deliverance, keeping them safe across the Red Sea as they escaped Egypt.  They witnessed the great love of God for them, making a path in the midst of what surely looked like a raging storm.  The Lord didn't quiet those waves, but He did hold them back.  Exodus 14 details the whole situation and it is no different in our case thousands of years later.

Nothing in heaven or earth can change who you are to God.  You are His Beloved, His treasured possession.  He longs to keep you safe, and in many ways He is doing that in ways you cannot even fathom, much less see. But you do have a choice - you can choose which storm to look at: your circumstances or God's love for you.

I know that may seem like the most impossible statement, which is why I'm praying protection over your eyes.  I'm praying they won't get pulled off the outpouring of God's grace on your life.  I'm praying He will protect your sense of direction and purpose.  I'm praying He will extend His mighty arm over you and all that seems to be swirling around you.  I'm praying you will be rescued and delivered today as your turn your eyes upon Jesus.  The things of earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

I hope you can take a moment today to soak in the eternal truth of this song....it has transformed the way I see my circumstances and I know it will do the same for you. 

 

2015: The Year of Prayer: Week 34 & 35

After many long years of being uncomfortable with the moniker of "Prayer Warrior," I think I get it now...in a way that allows me to wear it with (holy, humble) pride.

I love God and I love His people.  I know He can do great things because He already has - in the big sense of Creation and Redemptive History - but also in my own life.  He saved my life from a selfish, self-absorbed pit.  He restarted my marriage.  He gave me purpose and meaning.  He saved my daughter from cancer.  He saved my other daughter from complications during birth. 

He still saves us daily - but not only that...He moves us forward into being more complete people  We love more and better.  We are full of joy and then some.  We are grateful for everything and understand how blessed we are.  We serve cheerfully.  I'm not saying this to brag, only to show you where I am on the map, compared to the complaining, ungrateful, easily angered greedy woman I was before Jesus got a hold of me.  He changes us....for His glory and our betterment.  He is that kind of guy.....that kind of God.

He has saved me in mind, body and soul and continues to reveal the path of life when I seek Him. And even sometimes when I don't!

It's a daily practice for me to think on those such things.  Yet, it isn't just the knowledge that God is good all the time (and all the time He is good) that makes me a prayer warrior.  It isn't something unique or special about me that makes me want to - even drives me to pray, worship and experience Holy Spirit in my spirit and in His truth.

The thing that makes me a prayer warrior is the same thing every Christian has: faith.

It is belief in the finished work of Jesus.  That reality changes the game because you can't have faith in faith or faith in yourself (or anyone/anything else).  What makes us Christians is being saved by faith IN CHRIST, not our own deeds (See Acts 16:31).  It is the trust and hope in Who Christ is and What He completed in His birth, life, death and resurrection that gives us eternal life as well as the power to live abundantly in the here and now.  I don't do it, He does.

That's the thing that makes me step into the spray of this fallen life, into the jacked up culture and assaults of the enemy.  It is Jesus.  Maybe I have "the gift of faith," the Apostle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 12.  Maybe I've just seen enough that I can't deny the goodness and power of God.  Maybe when I see someone sucking in the quick-sand of life, I have the urge to give them a taste of Living Water.  Maybe when I know I've made a choice for something, our Gracious Lord built me to go all in.  Maybe I am just stubborn.

Maybe it is all of that and more.

Either way, I know what I've got that makes other people call me that "Prayer Warrior."  The light bulb went off Wednesday morning while reading a book by Francis MacNutt simply called Healing (highly recommend).  On pages 103-104, he describes an experience where he and his foundation put up $50,000 to make a short film to demonstrate the power of healing prayer.  His friends felt he showed extraordinary faith in risking so much money when, during filming, there is a chance no one will be healed and the project a total flop with his reputation unraveled  He writes,

...I was surprised that they thought I had extraordinary faith, because I think that my faith is very ordinary.  When I pray I usually have no special sense whether or not the person I am praying for is going to be healed; in my own eyes I lack the special "gift of faith" connected so often with the healing ministry....what they were actually saying, though, was that I had chutzpah. (That's a Yiddish slang term meaning something like "nerve" or "brass," "extreme confidence in action."  Hispanics might call it "huevos" or Italians "meatballs."  You get the point.)

I believed that we should risk all the finances we had and "go for it," assuming that God wanted to show people of good faith the kinds of healing that I ordinarily see.  Seeing faith as chutzpah will set you free.  In this view, faith isn't an extraordinary version of what you believe...As John Wimber used to say, "Faith is spelled 'R-I-S-K.'..The faith lies in setting out on the journey, not in being sure of exactly where we are going.  We believe that God is faithful, provided we do what is in our power - and that is to pray....

The summation of this passage, plus reading The Circle Maker earlier this year and then seeing the movie War Room Tuesday night left me fired up.  I am embracing my alter ego of Xena Prayer Warrior Princess, one part of me I've slightly embarrassed about for a long time, out of fear of false-pride.  It's time for me to step into believing, trusting in and praying the truth of Hebrews 4:14-16 from The Message:

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

Confident is who I am.  Bold is how I operate.  Although not in myself, in my God. I don't have to have a 100% win ratio because, in faith, God wins every time.  His sovereignty isn't just a good idea, it is the absolute truth.  It stake my claim and my life on it.

It's time to get to praying and more.  Be bold with me, friends.  Embrace the chutzpah the Lord has given you, your faith is rightly placed.  You don't have to worry about the results because I am sure the Lord will bless our attempts.  His love and grace cover a multitude of sins.  I'm counting on that and on you to join me.  

Let's pray the Kingdom of God, on Earth just as it is in Heaven!

The Words of God

I have no record of the best artistic piece I've ever created.  It truly was a miracle, primarily because I possibly have a negative amount of hands-on creative ability.  My house looks decently decorated because I can arrange photos and think up ways things look nice together.  But vision and design - and the hardest part - implementation of that vision and design - allude me completely. 

Maybe that's why I liked this little playdoh statue I made so much.  Not only was it actually pretty
good, but it dealt with words, specifically, C.S. Lewis' creative interpretation of how the Lord spoke the universe into being.  We know those first words - LET THERE BE LIGHT - from Genesis.  Lewis, in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew presents that "speaking" in a most unique way.  He intimates that Aslan - the God/Christ figure in his Narnian universe - sang creation into being.

In the darkness something was happening at last.  A voice had begun to sing…it seemed to come from all directions at once…Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself.  There were no words.  There was hardly even a tune.  But it was beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard.  It was so beautiful Digory could hardly bear it. (p. 62)

Creation starts not truly with words our ears could hear but in tunes we can feel; tones and notes so beautiful you think you might actual die from the experience of hearing them.  My brilliant clay sculpture was my version this Great Lion singing, with his wide, ferocious mouth forming a "O," that one Sunday night in Bible Study, ten (or more) years ago. 

(This was before the days of smartphones, dear children, so I couldn't document it.  I know it hurts your head to think of the dark, dreadful and seemingly complicated days your parents grew up in, when they didn't have easy access to everything.)

It lives on in my memory and, of course, in my pride.

Perhaps that is why I acquiesced to my mother's wish for a doctor in the family when I chose my major in college: Pre-Med.  Creation, especially the intricate ways the human body works together (99% of the time without us even being aware it is WORKING) is completely fascinating.  It's beautiful, exquisite in it's rhythms.  It is marvelous and majestic that I sit here breathing, thinking and typing.  It ranks as one of the most fantastic miracles of all time.

I'm a little philosophically poetic today, for some reason.  I digress.

The Words of God - and truly the Living Word of God (the Logos...that is Jesus Christ Himself) - are very important in our spiritual development.  Just over a month ago, as I was reading the first chapter of John, when the Lord bubbled something up in my spirit about the words He speaks into our lives.  All of these words come from THE WORD, meaning Christ, via His Spirit. 

Parenthetically - it is important to note all words we receive, from natural or supernatural sources, should actively be held up against the light of Truth - the full context of the Bible - as well as experience and feeling.  Sometimes that's obvious and sometimes it requires playing hide and seek for awhile until you get the confirmation.  Either way, that's fundamental Christian living - the balance of biblical knowledge and spiritual experience. We are people of Spirit and Truth, after all.

Back to beginning of August - I'm reading about Christ as The Logos and I get an idea we should be asking more regularly for God to speak - and speak specifically - in a word we can understand.  It's not a foreign idea, I've been asking for rhema words of knowledge and wisdom for awhile, but this was the first time the idea of these words having a category came to me.

Picture an org chart: Jesus is at the top as the Ultimate and Final Revealed Word of God but underneath Him are 3 subsets of words we can be asking Him for: creation, incarnate and resurrection words.

When I prayed on this idea (and you pray on it too, again, confirmation is key) the thoughts started to percolate some more.

Creation Words are those words God speaks into you/your life that create something out of nothing.  For instance, where a calling did not exist in your mind/heart/life before, suddenly it is there.  Or maybe where there were no funds in the bank, you receive an unexpected check in the mail.  Even more dramatically, where there no baby in your womb yesterday, now you are pregnant.

Creation words bring beauty and hope.  They spring up from nothing, just as our universe sprang up from the mouth of God all those millennium ago.  Where there were was no light, dirt, rivers, mountains, birds, mosquitoes, bananas or even people before, now there is.  Cool, huh? 

Incarnation Words are those words that help us know more about Jesus - Who He is and what He does.  We find a lot of these words in Scripture, but I believe He can give us more.  You could probably describe your best friend in 3 words but would that encompass all he or she really is? 

Incarnation words also tell us who we are in Christ.  They reveal more of Him and as a result, more of our identity and ability as Christians.  They are words we are to lean into when we start to slip or get confused or even as the enemy tries to trick us into believing lies.  They are words we can stake our faith on, and in fact, as in the case of Philippians 2:6-11, they are doctrinal.  Stay with me....

(Finally, of course) Resurrection Words are those words of desperate hope, faith and peace only Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, can speak.  These are words that bring dead dreams, emotions, situations and, yes, even people back to life.  God alone has the final word on everything, so it stands to reason, if He wants something living that is dead - He can and will do it.  The Resurrection of Jesus is what gives our faith credibility and power.  If it didn't happen, our faith is smoke.  BUT IT DID HAPPEN!!!  As a result, we can count on things coming back from the brink of death and beyond, when that meets His plan and purposes.

These are words we can't speak ourselves.  We don't have the capacity in our humanity.  It is only the divinity given to us by faith that makes these kinds of words possible - even desirable - to us.  They move us forward and bring light into our darkness - just as the WORD's First Word brought light into the void. 

I see there are other categories of words I haven't touched on (or experienced yet).  Another I thought of while typing: Salvation Words.  Those are words that save what is lost, make the broken whole and complete.  These are the words that bring wayward children home, rescue us from our slimy pits and put a fine robe on us so we can go to the party hand in hand with our loving Father.  I definitely think that ties into the Person of Christ - into Incarnation - because Jesus' name means The Lord Saves....to the utmost.  His life and death prove it. 

I don't know what kind of word or words you need spoken, prayed or even sung into your soul today, but I pray you get them.  I pray He changes you with these words, by the power of His Word, in Spirit and (of course) in truth.  He delights to give them.  I think He is talking constantly and we are the ones who have to slow down, turn down the volume of our thoughts enough to hear Him.

He is there for the having and these words are here for the taking.  I hope you don't pass them up!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 27

Have you ever read something in Scripture, but never fully, truly believed it?

Have you ever, for years, wished for something to be true but it never rang that way inside your soul?

Have you ever looked in the mirror, knowing God loves you but never deep down, felt it?

Yeah, me too.

Nothing about praying a lot or leading people in prayer or knowing the Bible really well or consistently hearing from the Lord or having a deep well of hope, purpose and meaning completely erased this nagging sense of doubt in my mind and heart.  When I would read the verses about being dearly loved, treasured, purified, whole, beautiful in the Bible, I didn't completely accept it for myself.  I'm being as blatantly honest as I can.  I've been journaling for weeks now about how I knew the Lord wanted to rid me of these deep-seated insecurities.  It's been a good 4 months of full consciousness of this nonsense (for I've known it was nonsense for the last 11 years since I came back to Christ).  But still, my thoughts about myself never quite matched God's thoughts about me.

It wasn't just that, though, either.  My thoughts about who I was never quite lined up with anyone else's thoughts either.  That's why I have always been uncomfortable when people compliment me -  on anything.  I am literally struck dumb and my response comes out feeling painfully awkward and inadequate.

That's the word - inadequate.  For most of my life, on and off, I have felt I'm in no way up to the task - whatever that task is.  That's spilled over into my perception of my physical self too.  (I know I've written about this before, even last week.  See, it's been on my mind for a long, long, long time).  Culture grossly inflates the idea that you aren't good enough and then add in the efforts of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy....well, I just didn't believe what others said.

I've had moments of fleeting freedom.  Multiple times, I set my face like a flint against this insecurity but it never lasted more than a few days.  I knew the end of it was coming, though.  I've witnessed and participated in too many miraculous works of God lately to think He wasn't going to set me free from this.  I just had to wait on the right time, when everything was lined up in His order. In our Wednesday night regular prayer meeting, it was.  

It didn't start that way, for the first 45 minutes, I was leading the prayers.  But it ended with me on the floor being prayed over...and stuff getting prayed out.  It was a most holy and interesting experience.  I'm tempted to get on my face now, I am still so humbled by it.  Thanks to the gifted and Holy Spirit-led ministrations of 9 friends family members, all that insecurity, all that inadequate feeling was removed from my soul and body.  I didn't thrash around, I never lost control of my mental facilities - I was a willing and able participant.  I contributed to the process because I knew it was time for all this double-mindedness to go.

For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind...For being as he is a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), he is unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything he thinks, feels, decides.

The Apostle James wrote that in the first part of his letter (James 1:6,8).  It describes who I was when I thought about myself.  40 years of hesitating, dubious, uncertain thinking about agreeing with God about me was healed.  It was really a miracle hour for me, a long time in coming.  Even (and especially) church leaders need to be prayed for and poured into.

This is not the end of the story - I still have to walk this truth out.  I have to stand firm against the wiles, tricks, illusions, imaginations of the enemy, the influence of the world and even when my own negative self talk rears its ugly head.  I have to remember to walk down a brand-new neurological path.  I can't go on auto-pilot down the same-old worn trail of self-doubt.  I have to remember the word the Lord left with me after that intense session was "Today you will be with Me in paradise."  The real truth of it is, I'm already there but not yet completely.  It's the now-not yet principle of eternal life in Christ.

(Read what I have to say about that idea here.)

The difference now verses before prayer on Wednesday is: the hole that was filled with insecurity and doubt is now filled with truth and faith.  I am secure in Him and I believe it.  I am not perfect and I am indeed more dependent on Him than ever.  But real freedom comes from dependence and obedience.  I can actually point to the area of my body where all those ugly feelings and thoughts were housed and know that place is now cleansed and cleared.

It really was a miracle.  That's the currency God deals in if you let Him.  He doesn't want His children to suffer, especially under the weight of any other yoke than His.  Every burden we would put on our own shoulders (or others have put on us) is too heavy.  Ella says that now when she tries to pick up a basket or bag.  She tries, puts it back down and looks at me.  She says, "Too heavy Mama."

We need to look at our Heavenly Father and say the same.  

I finally put this burden down.  I know and believe the truth of who I am....and when you know the Truth, you are free indeed.

2015: Year of Prayer, Week 24-25

For it is God's will and intention that by doing right (your good and honest lives) should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons. (1 Peter 2:15, AMP)

This morning, I started on Psalm 34:8  (Taste and see the Lord is good!)  But in weeks like the last couple, it gets real easy - too easy - to move from a position of grace to a position of anger (righteous, justified or otherwise).  I ended up in 1 Peter 2 because the Apostle references Psalm 34:8, as he is instructing Christian believers (I tend to think they were probably Messianic Jews; his words apply to us Gentiles too.)  He is helping them understand how to act in a time when their faith was a liability in the eyes of the world.

These last 10 days make me think our faith looks like a liability to some now too.

Between the shooting at Emanuel AME church in Charleston 10 days ago, or the ruling by the Supreme Court on Friday morning making same-sex marriage legal nationwide, it seems more than ever as Christians, we need to not only KNOW the right way to act to please God and draw others to Him......but do it. 

(Of course that means we will apply that to life differently, so grace and love must be the rule in every situation...especially in the family of faith.) 

One of my very good friends got a word from the Lord about 2015: RAPID.  Now is the time, there is probably not many more moments to waste if you are on the fence about making Jesus front and center in your life.  I'm not a harbinger of doom, but based on some of the commentary I've seen on social media....in the United States being a Christian may start doing us more harm than good.

But there is lies the challenge and what Peter was saying.  Jesus is either a stumbling block or a stepping stone (1 Peter 2:8).  He is either going to trip you up or raise you up.  He will either cause you to fall on your face or He will turn His face upon you (Num 6:24). 

In the case of Dylann Roof killing 9 brothers and sisters in Christ during a prayer meeting on 6/17/15, Christ was obviously a stumbling block.  But for those believers left behind, He was a stepping stone to lift them up to show what is possible with Christ.  Last Sunday, our pastor preached the quintessential message on this and in it, showed the video where Roof was confronted by several of the victim's family members...and they forgave him.  The clincher was the last lady to speak.  She was actually there, a witness to his crime....and she only spoke forgiveness.  Here is that video:

What is impossible with man is possible with God.  Forgiving the man who you watched murder 9 of your church family members less than 48 hours afterwards is impossible, short of the indwelling and overflowing of the Holy Spirit.

To the other major event this week, I'm not going to say much about same-sex marriage, other than I don't agree with it.  I have prayed and sought the mind of the Lord repeatedly on this issue and my heart is never changed.  However, I don't have to agree with a lifestyle to love someone.  In that same vein, as children of God, we don't have to be on the same side politically to worship Christ together.  The Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives trumps every human institution and affiliation.

Our cultural system accepting and even promoting the LGBT way doesn't shake me.  What causes me concern is when it starts to affect our ability to freely live our faith.  That's where this is going, in case you didn't realize it.  Christians who support gay marriage will eventually feel the squeeze on their faith, just as those of us who don't agree with the ruling. 

My prayers (and the prayers of others) for the last 2 weeks (even longer really) have been for the Body of Christ.  We have got to put aside our doctrinal, denominational, political and self-serving issues and come together.  Revival is here and if anything gets in the way of you loving a brother or sister in Christ, it is time to sweep that leaven out of the house.  

Peter's words in his nearly-2000 year old letter are so critical to us now.  We must conduct ourselves properly, not according to our own understanding.  We must lean even more heavily into who the Lord has revealed Himself to be.  We must love the brotherhood - the Christian family - taking pains to make sure we don't give unbelievers any more ammunition not to come to Christ.  We have tasted and seen the Lord is good.  We KNOW HE IS.  It is time to demonstrate that to the world so they, too, will see He is good.

I know this doesn't sound much like a record of my prayer journey but it is.  This is a post for me.  This is me pouring out my heart to God.  This is me going vertical.  This is what is on my mind.  I am not perfect, nor will I ever be on this Earth (praise God, I will be in heaven!).  It is convicting to look back on my day yesterday and see how many times I failed to reflect His heart especially when emotions and hot-bed issues are involved.

So, I repent.  I ask for forgiveness.  I ask the Lord to create a right spirit in me, not one of my own making, but right in His eyes.  I don't want to be known for anything other than my faith.  It speaks the loudest, through the actions of my life and my character. 

It is a challenging business being a Christian.  I pray for me.  I pray for you.  I pray for all of us.  We are heading into perilous waters.  But I know the One who walked on the waves.  And so did Peter, which is why he could tell us how to live, even as he was walking it out too (pun intended). 

Let my heart reflect Yours, Oh, Lord.  Help me.  Help us, Your People. Help our nation and our world.  Let us become more aware of Your Presence.  Let us experience....let us taste and see and live for...the glory of Your Goodness.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 23

I HAVE LOVED YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE.  Before time began, I knew you.  For years you swam around in a sea of meaninglessness, searching for Love, hoping for hope.  All that time I was pursuing you, aching to embrace you in My compassionate arms.

     When the time was right, I revealed Myself to you.  I lifted you out of that sea of despair and set you down on a firm foundation.  Sometimes you felt naked - exposed to the revealing Light of My Presence.  I wrapped an ermine robe around you: My robe of righteousness.  I sang you a Love song, whose beginning and end are veiled in eternity.  I infused meaning into your mind and harmony into your heart.  Join me in singing My song.  Together we will draw others our of darkness into My marvelous Light. (Scripture: Jeremiah 31:3, Isaiah 61:10, 1 Peter 2:9)

This is the Jesus Calling entry for today.  I laid down before the Lord, asking Him to clear my head, my heart, renew a right spirit in me.  I have a big day ahead and it has been a big week - of good, but challenging things.  It has been both beauty and pain, but the beauty has (always) won out.

Before I opened my devotional, I simply asked for Holy Spirit to speak: on any subject; with nothing off limits.  That can be a pretty dangerous prayer, or at least my secret fear of condemnation told me so (because I am a sinful saint).  But there was no rebuke.  There was no reproof. In prayer this morning there was no correction, conviction or anything else.  It was something even more powerful:  Love.

This June 14th entry is my story, my testimony.  As far back as I can remember, I searched for purpose, value and meaning, although I couldn't articulate that until much later in life.  A few weeks back a friend spoke to this longing, letting me know the Lord was with me even when I was that little girl in the yellow dress.  She told me to go look for a picture of myself in a yellow dress and I found it in one of my Mom's photo albums.  The year was 1981, I think, and it would be my 6th birthday party.  At that point, we were living in Indiana or Kentucky.  (Yes, I used to wear glasses and have really short bangs! Stupid 80s.)

Either way, the Lord spoke through my friend to tell me - even then - He was with me.  Now, this morning, as I surrendered, He'd already prepared this Word for me: I was with you even before the foundation of the world.  It isn't enough for Him to just let me know He was with me at 6.  No, He was with me before.  Before....Before anything.  I can let go of those private dark places, inviting His marvelous Light in because He is safe, I am secure in Him.  I am Chosen.  I am Wanted.  I am Beautiful.  I am Treasured.  It's unbelievable I have been all of those things before I ever took a breath!

Love is the most humbling force in all the universe.

That's this week: how hiding keeps us from all the Lord has for us: in our hearts, minds, spirits, relationships and circumstances.  Opening the door to let His light shine on those dark places is the best thing we can do.  We have to acknowledge and recognize, and then live in the ultimate truth of our faith: He is first and foremost a God of kindness and forgiveness, full of mercy and abounding in steadfast love - rather than this strict taskmaster, waiting to condemn us.

We only condemn ourselves.  We only punish ourselves when we don't choose Him.  He is not willing that ANY man, woman or child should perish.  All the bad things that happen are not His doing.  This is a fallen, jacked up world and there is a thief whose whole goal in life is to steal, kill and destroy God's creation.  He is especially violent towards the ones who choose Christ and seek to make His Kingdom a reality on earth.  

Knowing that reality is (more than) half the battle.  The 2nd half is remembering Who and Whose we are.  Today is about that remembering, which for me happened after spending the first 29 years of my life choosing myself over Jesus.  But He had His moment.  One day, He turned my eyes and heart to Him and He has never given me up.  How could I go back?  With the revelation of this kind of Love for me, I could never go back (permanently) to my old ways.  Holy Spirit has me and He is never letting me go.  He reminds me of that all the time. 

He is the Just Judge and there will come a time when we all have to answer for what we've done.  We know it, deep down - Christian or not.  There are many other paths to choose, many other ways to go, but Christianity is the only one whose foundational stone isn't us, it is Love.

Christianity is not complicated but it's hard.  It's hard because we don't want to give up our own understanding of things.  We don't want to stay in the lines God sets - although He sets those boundaries up for our benefit.  I know!  I struggle all the time with this!  That's when reminders like this come up.  That's how I know Scripture is real, how God still speaks.  The proof of this is in the evidence of my life.  My life song is not a dreary, hopeless dirge.

My life, as imperfect as it is, is a song of praise.  It is a Love song Jesus and I are singing together.  It is a melody He mixes and blends with others that drowns out the call of darkness.  I am a Bride, waiting for Her groom.  I am no longer an orphan, a widow, a forgotten one.

And I don't want you to be either.  He has loved us all with an everlasting love.  He is drawing each of us further and further into His strong, warm, comforting arms; wrapping us in the bear hug of His chesed - His loving-kindness.  

He is singing - can you hear the song?   He wants to sing to you - your very own song.  Listen for it today.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 16

I opened my Bible this morning, kind of a shot in the dark, to John 6 - where Jesus walks on water, then declares (more than once....quite a few times actually) He is the Bread of Life.

This is one of those I AM statements which has been hard for me to grasp.  In fact, in the ensuing text, the statements Jesus makes and questions those statements raise are hard.  They were hard to hear for His Disciples and they are hard to hear now. But in light of the last 9 days, I'm starting to really get it.  You see, this week in prayer has been about miracles.  Our worship leader called that out on Tuesday of last week and they became real the very next night.

People delivered from the grip of sin and the enemy, filled with the Spirit of God.  Lives changed.  Love, healing, grace on full display.

It's one thing to hear about it and be amazed.  It is another thing entirely to be a participant in someone's healing - to be a witness.  If When you have the privilege to be a part of it - when you have surrendered the details and outcome of the work to the Lord and then just let Him do it....it changes you and your prayer life FOREVER.

It has not been hard to ask the Lord to do miracles in people's life in the last 9 days.  When, like in Acts 2, you are filled with awe....asking for big, bold things doesn't seem as hard anymore.  It makes your prayers (or at least mine) more specific, targeted and centered on the will of God.

No more lukewarm prayers.  It's time to ask Me for what you really want.

God gave me that word last Thursday morning.  I'd been dancing around asking for something really big for maybe 10 years.  I've known I'd been lacking in faith for it the last 2.  Last Thursday, He finally put me on the spot.


It was what Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker, "If Jesus were to meet you face-to-face and ask, “What do you want Me to do for you?,” what would you answer?  What would you dare to ask of Jesus….and have the confidence that it is something He wants to accomplish in and through you?

(No coincidence there I start teaching this premise of drawing circles in prayer on Sunday.....)

Very early, as I lay in bed that morning, I humbly but boldly asked God for the thing I most wanted Him to accomplish in my life.  I'm waiting to see the reality of it, but because it is His will (and I've seen His will accomplished innumerable times in my life, especially in dramatic ways here recently) - I KNOW THE ANSWER IS ALREADY YES.

The timing of reading John 6, like the time and place of Jesus' declaration He is the Bread of Life, is significant.  He is at a place where they needed faith, not miracles, to believe.  15 weeks into this journey and it feels like I'm to the place of assured faith and the miracles are the icing on the cake.  Maybe it is has taken this long to prepare me (although I don't always feel prepared or very capable of doing what He asks of me).  Maybe I'm finally full enough - on His Bread, His Way, His Nourishment - instead of depending solely on my own.

I do know one thing: Prayers are my legacy.  A lot of people don't feel like you are doing very much when you pray, but I want to assure you.....you are doing the most powerful thing in the universe.  When you pray about something or someone - especially when you pray in the Spirit - you are literally shaking the foundations of the spiritual atmosphere around you.  You are making room for the God of Heaven to come and make His Home on your plot of Earth.

I don't just pray, I expect God will continue to do bigger and betters things.  Not just because I've seen the miraculous in the last week.  But because I am, my family is, nothing short of a miracle.  It took many months/years for the miracle to be revealed.  We are living stones representing the grace and love of God.  Jesus has given/is giving me (and us) more than our fill, more than our share of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical blessings.  He has given us the entire package - Himself.

With Him running things, we will never go hungry.  Whoever believes in Him will never be thirsty.

Who else, in the history of the world, has dared to make such an audacious, bold, impossible declaration???  No One!


I'll leave you with this....maybe you are in a situation where your faith is sagging or you've prayed for something for years and it is like a big empty hole in your soul.  Take that prayer back to God and really listen.  Ask for eyes to see how He is filling you and answering that prayer.  Change your position (from sitting to on your knees....from on your knees to on your face on the floor); change the place where you pray.  Change something in your atmosphere, so you can be given a different perspective on what and how you are praying.

The Bread of Life will meet you there.  Jesus will satisfy you.  He promised and He never goes back on a promise.

Maybe you are my friend who doesn't pray, doesn't believe in God.  I ask you to give Christ another shot.  Don't lean into what you already know about Him or what you've seen of Him in the lives of others.  Really open yourself, not for a minute or a day, but for longer than you ever have.  Give the Lord some space, reserve a chair for Him at your proverbial breakfast/lunch/dinner table.

I'm praying you will experience Him in a way(s) that change your life - your eternity - forever.

He has yet to disappoint me.  I've thought He had but looking back on those moments of doubt, they were clouded by fear and uncertainty in my situation....not in God.  Keep praying, He will not delay.  My refuge and strength...I will not fear.  He promise is true.....ALWAYS.

2015: The Year Of Prayer - Week 13

"Understanding will fail, but trust will keep you close to Me." - Jesus Calling

Our friend (and pastor) spoke out something on Saturday.  He is very rational, very analytical.  Doesn't mean he isn't spiritual, but there is always a part of him that maybe just a wee bit skeptical.  I can relate.  I think that is why the Lord put us building a church together, we think alike. I seek to grasp things with my heart AND my mind.  I want to dig deeper, to grasp......to understand it all.

If I don't understand something, I'm pretty likely to be a little dubious about it.

However, there have been times in the last year, including just this week when The Lord said to just go with it.  "Don't over think things, Amy, just trust Me."  This was echoed in the Jesus Calling entry from a few days back.  God doesn't ask you to be comfortable, He asks you to obey.  And when you obey the Lord, you are blessed.  When you trust, your heart is made pure. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matt 5:8)

This is going to sound a little weird, but....understanding is not always required.  When we walk around saying we will trust God when we understand Him, or what He is asking of us, that is just not how it works.  We are missing out on the fact that the Lord is a mystery.  THAT IS WHAT MAKES HIM GOD.

If we understood everything about Him, He would be exactly like us.  And who wants to worship that??

Several times this week, I've been challenged in my need/desire/want to process it all - to make it all fit in my skull.  When you are dealing in the supernatural, it won't always fit.  (More often than not, the really good stuff of God won't ever fit.)  I think the Apostle Paul was getting to that a little bit in 1 Corinthians 13:8-10,

Love never ends, but prophecies will pass, tongues will cease, knowledge will pass.  For our knowledge is partial, and our prophecy partial; but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass.

Rather than grasping it with my mind, He wants me to hold it in my hands, with my fingers open, so, like sand, the goodness can stream out.  There will be a time when it will all make sense.  Our brains, in their glorified state, will be able to handle all God gives.  I figure in heaven we will probably be able to use 100% of our consciousness, versus now, the majority of that usage is under wraps in our subconscious.  Basically, it will all be clear in heaven, whereas on earth, a lot of times things are clear as mud.

It is for the really good stuff that we need faith.  We won't need faith in heaven, we will be face to face with God.  The partial will pass because we will be in the Presence of the Perfect.

Simply, you don't have to have faith for what you can see. But, if I am being honest (I am trying to be), it is not easy for me to let go and go.  I am very close with people who can do that.  They operate heavenward on a consistent, regular basis.  I seem to be the one who has feet of clay and stay that way.  I maybe far too grounded for my own good!  I can go up but I always come down.

I hear from the Lord but often, I have to wait.  I have to stop my mental rambling, be still and listen.  I have to let it settle.  That can take seconds or sometimes days.  I don't evangelize people in the grocery store.  Not that I haven't, I actually tried yesterday and failed miserably.

(Funny story: the cashier's name was Evageline, which means Good News.  I thought it would be a talking point.  Maybe she was turned off by my loud, screaming toddler.  Either way, it went nowhere. I wasn't discouraged though.  Practice makes (closer to) perfect.)

I will stop and pray for people when the Spirit leads me too.  I am not ashamed of the name of Jesus and I can argue apologetics with the best of them.  But my usual, ordinary flow is in the every day miracles.  I don't hesitate to ask for the big ones, but those take less understanding and more faith. We all have to be worked up to that.

In God's Kingdom, for right now in this season anyway, I'm mostly here to back others up.  I am to support them in prayer, carrying them as necessary.  I am to help my husband and teach my children.  He has so changed my life (and me) that while I still love "the strokes" from others, He is removing my desperate need for it.  Why?  Because strokes are for us and they require understanding.

Glory is for God and that doesn't require us understanding one bit.

God's love doesn't require understanding to experience.  It requires a humble heart.  It requires a pure heart.  And it requires faith.  That's what I am in for and I am willing to bet, the less I lean into my own understanding and acknowledge His ways, the straighter my path will get.  (Proverbs 3:4-5)

Let me know how you are doing on your own prayer journeys.  I'm sure they've been exciting this year and will continue to be!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 11

What a week.  Full of power, glory, joy and sorrow.  No middle of the road this week; just the the full cult of the Christian personality and experience.  Not to mention, spring break began, so it's been busy life+++.

Up and down.  It is the reality of life, especially when you are digging into prayer.  This week has been about 3 themes:

1. Playing chicken with the enemy is pointless.  I will always flinch unless I let Christ stand in front of me.  After facing a persistent mental struggle, on Monday night, He gave me this verse about it: "Woman, no one here condemns you.  Neither do I" (from John 8).  It was like He was saying:

Amy, you are forgiven, so stop dwelling; stop circling the loop of your sin in your head.  Stop condemning yourself.  Don't stay in the place of 'I did wrong.' You confessed so trust that My forgiveness is Absolute.  Also remember my Truth is Absolute and that is what you live by, not how you feel or even sometimes what you think about.  When you don't reject what the enemy says about you out of hand, you are playing into his hands.  I will never forsake you, I promised! And I keep my promises.  Because of that, lift your head up.  Go and sin no more because you are in Me and that will never change. 

With that kind of message, how could I help but feel? It was a restoration of mind and soul-purpose. I fell asleep Monday night with a smile on my face. Literally!  I've been doing everything (including prayer, praise, work, parenting, being a wife, laundry, driving....literally everything) with renewed excitement and vigor ever since.

2. The Lord will connect the dots, just trust and wait because it is coming before you realize it.  When I look at all the progress in my own spiritual life, as well as the life of my church, it is simply mind blowing.  In what feels like years but is really months, He is starting to make to break down walls and kindle the fire of revival in our city.  He is doing it in such a personal, loving way.  It is almost like He has us in the nursery, caring for us like a mother of a baby.  One day soon, we will be invited into a "Big Kid Room" but until then, our job is to explore, to play, to learn about Him and His goodness.  He has to prepare all of us, His timing is perfect, so we will be satisfied with where we are, knowing more is coming.

When it does come, we will be ready.  Not because we will be independent but because we have learned to be so dependent on Him.

3. Praying big and praying hard is sometimes very, very hard.  Last night before I went to sleep, I was continuing to read The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  It was more than a little prophetic when I read these words, 

If you can trust God when the answer is no, you're likely to give Him praise when the answer is yes.  You need to press in and press on.  By definition, praying hard is praying when it is hard to pray. And it's the hard times that teach us to pray hard.  But if you keep praying through, the peace that transcends understanding will guard your heart and your mind.  So sometimes the answer to our prayers is no and you'll never understand why.  But here's some good news: What we perceive as unanswered prayers are often the greatest answers. (p. 124)

When I got up for my 3 am prayer-fast-listening time, I discovered a text from a mom whose little boy has been on the edge of eternity.  We'd been praying for a miracle, no lie. It was going to take a miracle to save him and we've been asking for the last month - asking in faith, believing God would do it.  I'd had visions of him as a teenager, walked his hospital room in the spirit and thrown my stone of faith against the Goliath of cancer.  Just last night at our URPrays meeting, we were still declaring in confidence God would do it.

The text from his mom told me Jesus took him home Tuesday afternoon.  From 3 - 4 am this morning, all I did was cry.  All the Holy Spirit (and my husband) did was hold me as I cried.

This morning, I received 2 other pieces of bad news, seeming more "Nos," to other big prayers I'd been praying.  Yet, none of this shakes my faith.  I know I don't know it all. On my face in the wee hours this morning, the Lord impressed 2 Scriptures on me: John 11:35: Jesus Wept; and 1 Corinthians 13:12: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror...Now I know in part.

I feel free to weep, to mourn with my friends in the loss of their child.  I carry a heavy heart for another friend who lost her daughter, leaving her young grandchildren without a mother.  I am burdened for the young couple whose baby will live for less than an hour after she is born.  I am wounded for them all and I know I don't know what to pray. 

Yet, I know someone else who was wounded for us, for our healing.  It is by His stripes we are healed.  Whatever form the healing takes, that is up to God.  That stings to say, but it is true. My job is to pray, the Lord's job is to answer, however He chooses.  I will continue to bring my friends to the Wounded Healer of Galilee, secure in the knowledge that what I don't know, He does.  His love covers them, much more than mine can.  Mine is limited, His is not.  My knowledge is incomplete, His is full.

His tender mercies are new every single morning.  For me.  For You.  For them.  I'm counting my life on it.

Mark Batterson also writes: Work like it depends on you.  Pray like it depends on God.

I'll do both, for myself, my friends, my church, for others He brings into my path.  My prayers will not always be answered the way I think, but I know He will answer.  I know He will work it all out for our good and His glory because we love Him and He loves us.  Love covers a multitude.

I'll end with a simple prayer, as that is about all I've got today.  Sometimes simple is exactly what we need.

Dearest Lord, I don't always get it.  I am not tall enough to see what You see. So, I will just trust that You do see.  You see my pain and the pain of others. You know that pain, so please carry it for them. Don't let it overwhelm them. Let Your light shine on and in them. Heal what needs to be healed, still.

But most importantly, Lord, help us. Keep doing what only You can do.  Thank You for Your peace that surpasses all understanding and please continue to pour it out, multiplying its effects on our lives.

I love You, Jesus.  I don't understand but I trust You.  Thank You, I lift up Your name because You are worth it. Amen.

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 7 - A Recap So Far

No longer be conformed to the image of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...Romans 12:2 (my version)

The pruning continues, but a change is in the wind.  You see, in talking to my friend Leslie, I realized I've been focused mainly on the areas the Holy Spirit has been cutting off.  Those hurt, so it is easy to put your attention on them.  Pruning isn't fun and has, at times, brought out the worst in me.  But that's only part of the story. 

You see, when you snip off the "bad," leaves/stems/fruit/blooms, the way I understand it, there is more nutrition for the healthy part of the plant.  I'd already had in mind to write a short synopsis on the fruit that is blooming and this idea was confirmation.  I don't do every thing well and I am facing challenges.

But in the current analysis, these struggles are "light and momentary afflictions," especially compared to what we've been through and what is coming.  God's mercies are abundantly new EVERY MORNING, PRAISE GOD.  We keep getting chances to start over and as my pastor likes to say, If you are still breathing, there is still hope. Not all the fruit is ripe but there is joy in seeing it grow and change color.  This process is able to take place because the bad is coming off and the good is getting more time, attention, care and feeding. 

So far in the Year of Prayer, strange and wonderful things have been happening.

I'm more intentional about my prayer and spiritual life.  I have more joy in it and I have more of a hunger for God.  My hands are staying cleaner, my heart is turning more and more to the Lord instead of others.  My eyes stay open longer each day (some days that is literally).  I am more easily able to let go of the things of this world, the enemy and the flesh - to pour into the Spirit. 

I'm centered in on what God wants as my priorities: my marriage, my children, my church and those currently in my sphere of influence.  I am better able to love them, be there for them, have compassion for them and treat them as the Lord desires me to treat them.

My (older) children are beginning to really see what it means to live for Christ in a world that increasingly doesn't.  They are experiencing the goodness of God for themselves, in their own struggles.  They, too, are growing to bear fruit.  (I know because of their desire for God, their little sister will also find her place in His Kingdom when she is old enough.)

My church is growing - physically, spiritually and emotionally.  We are seeing miracles as He builds up this Body of Christ to do the work He has specifically assigned for us.  Our hearts are being knitted tighter together, in preparation for the work, challenges, trials and rewards yet to come.

I'm writing every single day.  That's new for me and it is really cool to know I don't have to be a slave to a word count, but I do need to walk in faithfulness to these gifts He's given.

We have more peace in our lives.  We have more favor.  We have more blessings.  We are being made aware of how we are currently conformed, yet still needing conformation to the character, love and work of Christ.

The Year of Prayer has not been without its fits and starts but fear, frustration, sin and stress are being replaced with faith.  There have been some pretty major dust ups and failings, but I am not discouraged.  I know each day is an opportunity to see God's hand.

Now it is Lent.  This is always an intense season and I'm looking forward to it like never before.  It has a beginning and an end and some of the testing and trials going into this season will end with it. I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm looking forward to looking back.  Easter Sunday (my 40th birthday...which makes me feel legit :)) will be around Week 13, so I'll try to do another recap then.  In the meantime, stay encouraged.  The battle isn't over but it is already won.  With that victory comes freedom and the chance to do something really great - something God will make sure that lasts.

Let me know how your year is going and keep going.  We are seeing the fruit begin to bud and only more is yet to sprout!

2015: The Year of Prayer - Week 2

This last week has been interesting, to say the least.

A lot has happened, but when doesn't it?  I can't recount everything, I'm not a great journal-keeper (yet) per say.  But a lot of stuff has come up.  That's not unusual when seeking to grow closer to the Lord.  Truly, the last thing the enemy wants is for us to go deeper in God.  He wants to STEAL. He want to KILL. He wants to DESTROY.

But if he can't do that, his favorite weapons are to make you sick, busy and tired.

I've been all three for the last 7 days.  As a result, this week 2 has been a s-t-r-u-g-g-l-e.  Not that I haven't had victories, but they have come at a cost to my physical and mental operation.  I haven't slacked on prayer, but the scope of my prayers has been much more narrow than normal.

On top of that, the Lord chooses this last week to repeatedly tell me, through trusted sources, I am in danger of my priorities going askew, if they have not already.

Y'all - I'm a stay at home Mom.  Other than Christ, the first people I need to minister to are my husband and children.  Everything else is icing on the cake and, praise God, the icing is THICK. I've got lots of irons in the fire.  But a week of being sick has shown me just how much I prefer the icing over the cake.  I've been VERY frustrated with all the people and creatures in my house.  That's not new, I was once "Angry Mommy," but the last (nearly) 7 years have cleared a lot of that out.  I am not who I was but you could say this week I have been "VERY easily slighted."

When Mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy.  So, I'll just be straight with you - no one has been very happy in my house this last week.

I knew what the source of all this frustration and irritation - as well as sickness - was from: something was clogging the channel of me and God.  Theologically speaking, that's called sin. The only way to deal with sin and clear the air is to confess. I confessed A LOT.  But no matter how I tried, I could not pray it off.  I was trying so hard to love the folks inside these four walls like I knew I could (and do).

It has just been so much easier to love those who don't live here!

When your heart is jack-knifed on the freeway of communication, you need outside help...spiritual/emotional/mental Jaws of Life, if you will.  That's why this faith is communal.  We are meant to be in relationship with each other as well as God. We need each other to breakthrough the muck and the mire, clogging our relationship pipes. And sometimes, it takes a complete stranger.

Enter in the man from Uganda.  His name is Dr. Dennis Sempebwa and he spoke Saturday at First Presbyterian Church in the Museum District.  You can read more about his ministry here.  He is totally legit, with all the credentials needed to convince a worldly person he knows what he is doing, but all the surrender to the Holy Spirit needed to really minister in power.

I went with a couple of close friends, one who'd already heard him speak in November.  We prayed, worshiped and Dr. Dennis spoke for a few minutes to tee up what he did next.  He simply started to call people up and pray over them. I waited as long as I could before going up but I was jumping out of my skin. I knew this was my opportunity.

A great prophetic word about my high and holy purpose on the earth coming my way!!

That's not what I got. I got a heart-gut check and an opportunity to be free of 12 years of frustration, irritation and expectation of how my life should have gone, what my marriage should be like and how my kids are supposed to act.  This was DEEP work.  Work so deep I couldn't get there without help.

The Lord healed me of much of this over the last few years, but Saturday morning, He pulled it up by the root.  When I stood before Dennis, he told me I was full of faith and desperate.  What a combination, not one I expected.  He said he saw me as the woman with an issue of blood, suffering for years.  He said that moment was my breakthrough.

He was right.

As he and his team continued to pray over me, I fell to my knees.  The Lord prepared me for that and as I sat there huddled over, my tears ran against gravity, up into my hair line.  I cry a lot of times when the Spirit has fallen, out of pure joy and emotion in His presence.

But this time I mourned.  I sobbed.  I wretched on the floor.  I got it all out.

After all of that - Dennis spoke another word.  It still makes me smile because I'm a writer.  He said this was a new chapter in my life.  The last 12 years are finished, over, I have nothing to fear because he has always been with me.  I should have been a mess, my life should be a wreck, but it is not because of grace of God has always been with me, even before I knew it was - even as a little child.

The whole thing was as real as real can be, a thin place where the Lord met me, ripped out all that hatred and malice buried so deep (which He'd been working all week to bring to the surface) and replaced it with His tender love.

All I can say is this new chapter is called Easy.  He showed me the truth of Matthew 11:28-30, even in my favorite translation of it - the Message. 

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

That line "unforced rhythms of grace" is on a custom-made bracelet I wear every day.  Yet now, I wear it on my heart.  I can love my family like I'm supposed to (and truly do) because I see with truth-eyes how easy God's love for me is.  It's not hard.  It's not meant to be a struggle.  I'm not meant to force myself.  I'm meant to rest, to abide, to trust, to believe.

I'm meant to respond to how easily God loves me.  In that response, I easily love them.  

That's a pretty incredible story, I realize, but sometimes the Lord uses dramatics to get our attention, deal with our sin and change us for the better.  The challenge now is to keep living in that truth - seeking the Presence of God ESPECIALLY WHEN I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

You see, the love of God is just a heartbeat, a deep breath away.  When I feel those frustrations welling up in me again, I know I'm over-thinking things. I know I've stepped out of the Lord's shadow and all I have to do is step back into it. Nothing more difficult than that.  My natural state is no longer ANGRY AMY, so I don't have to be.

I've already messed it up. I've already yelled at Natalie and Sophia and gotten irritated with the dog.

It didn't take me long, though, to get my peace back. I acknowledged it, said I was sorry and accepted the forgiveness of grace that falls as a result.  Step back under the cover of His Wings.

It is a new chapter of easy dependence. I'm looking forward to seeing what Week 3 holds!

Operating from God's Abundance over My Own Lack

A friend of mine asked me today how often I blog.  Well.....

Let's just say I'd like to post more.  I've got a lot to say, but not enough time to write, especially as I've been working on my book, revamped and retitled The Jesus Rule.  Plus, there was that little jaunt to the Middle East for a week with my husband and then I had to recover from jet lag....

At this moment, I'm eating a lean cuisine snack I found buried in the back of my freezer (because I need to go to the grocery store) amidst a desk cluttered with papers crying out to be organized, bills needing to be paid and Girl Scout forms to be completed.  The baby is asleep before school pick up (and we go to said grocery store) so instead of all that, I decided I would rather write this post, time or no. 

It's that, but I've also been processing this new/not new precept the Lord has been trying to teach me.  I guess you could say I've learned it some measure in my own life, but the Holy Spirit is trying to teach me how to live it, by faith, for others.  It isn't new, truly, it is the foundation for every abundant life in Christ.  It is the principle the Apostle Paul calls out in Philippians 4:19,

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.  - Philippians 4:19

In 5 very different, very active scenarios, I've had the opportunity to very actively apply my faith.  It is that faith that believes He is the God Who supplies all my needs, so He can do it for others if I ask Him to.  As I've stayed with those the Lord brought into my life, I've seen the Hand of God, sometimes before I've even asked for it.

It has proven out two things:
1. The Lord knows what we need better than we do.
2. His methods are far more specific to meet those needs then what we know to ask for.

Before the most recent situations came to my attention and involvement, I had a dream I got pregnant, had the baby and immediately got pregnant again.  Meaning I would have five children!  In the dream, I bawled when I found out I was pregnant with the fifth.  I kept saying,

I can't handle any more, Lord!

That I'm now engaged in 5 different ministry activities is not lost on me.  It was a prophetic dream because that's the way I've felt a lot of times in the few weeks since these "God Assignments" have been offered.  When you step out in faith, you get more than you can handle because Jesus wants you to give it back to Him to handle.  He ALWAYS gives you more for the purpose of teaching you absolute dependence on Him and His resources.  I.E.: You are not supposed to do it by yourself!

This all started after Labor Day.  I was challenged by a friend at church to notice, engage and pray for the "invisible" people in our lives.  So one Tuesday, I pulled over (sans children) to talk with and pray for an older man who was panhandling. His name is John Lindsey and the sign he carries tells a lot of his story.  His need was/is money.  Social Security covers only half of what he needs to live, plus he has major medical issues.  We talked for awhile and I prayed for him, including claiming Philippians 4:19 for him.  In addition to the money I had in my wallet, I gave him my card.

During our conversation, I told him my church could help and I was confident we could.  The funny thing is, as I walked back to my car, I had a desperate, empty feeling in my gut.  I'd given him what I had, including my access to the Lord, including asking boldly for the Lord to meet his needs.  Now what?

I was confronted in that moment by my utter lack of ability to help John.  I was not in a position to support him beyond what I already had done.  I was very discouraged, when I expected the opposite to be true.  Aren't you supposed to feel good when you help someone?  I thought so, but I was mistaken.  Sometimes, a situation is too big, too complex for you to solve.  Here was the lesson to be learned.  I was so used to being able to help people out of my own resources and make a difference.

But, in this assignment, I was not going to be the one who made the difference.  I had to let Jesus be out in front on this one - not Amy.  If it was truly to be about Him, He had to do the work.  I had to ask and then I had to let go and let Him do it.  I had to acknowledge my very real lack of supply and to call on God's.

I had to trust the Lord would care for him.  So, when I got back to my car, that's what I prayed for. Ultimately, that is what happened, as after a few weeks later, he called me.

To make a long story short, My church did help him.  I've been keeping in touch and able to put him with a few other resources.  It's not anything earth-shattering, but it is helping, praise God.  I'm finding being an usher for the Kingdom of God is most often in the small details.  It is in being willing to be used by God for the betterment of someone else, so they will see His glory.

It is about trusting God, not myself.

In the other scenarios, I almost feel I am wearing my old recruiting hat - trying to match people up with the right Kingdom resource to help them get better and closer to Christ.  It is laughable, but enjoyable too.  We often think of ministry as focused, to one particular group of people.  I'm learning about all sorts of different resources, building up my knowledge and preparing for the future.  I know the Lord will use that at some point, but for now, my job is to learn.

Sometimes He gives me what to pray about and do.  Sometimes that discernment doesn't come so I rely on Peter's words from Acts 3:6, I have no silver or gold, but what I have, I give you.

In those moments, I give what I know - my access to Christ in prayer.   It doesn't seem like much - when we pray for someone.  But in those moments, I have to trust it is what the Lord would have me do - to introduce them and their needs, so He can take over providing.  And if we stop reading there, we might miss the enormous impact of that supernatural introduction.

That's not the end of the story though.

After Peter speaks those words, he heals a man crippled from birth.  Peter presented his power in Christ, to heal and restore, and that is what happened.  It happens still.  I believe the Lord is gently preparing me, you and the American Church at large to witness and perform those types of miracles.  It is already happening everywhere else around the world.  When we give what we have, when we rely on Him, trust Him to fill in what feel like gaping chasms of need, He will and miracles abound!

I'm not sure how, I'm not sure when but I believe He will meet your deepest need.  He has more than enough for all of us, so I pray we start asking for it.  We don't receive because we don't ask - as the Apostle James so wisely pointed out.  And don't just ask for the obvious, not just for the safe.  Ask for the big stuff, for the miraculous.  Ask for His perfect and pleasing will of healing, redemption, restoration and salvation in the lives of people you know.  

Let's see what happens when we start, asking in faith, not hedging our bets.  God loves it when His people go out on a limb.  He loves to shower blessing when His people seek it from Him, from His overflowing stores houses of Heaven.  Let's not just pray

If it is Your will....

But rather

We want Your will, Lord!

Ask Him to supply our needs and do His will in us and around us in remarkable ways and watch what starts to happen!