I have been accused as being a "deep thinker." I don't really agree because most of the time, I would consider I'm in the shallow end. I mean, it took me forever to figure out what Paul was saying when he wrote in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
In that passage, in my opinion for a long time, there is a lot of do-do. (Forgive the pun).
But one day it clicked, mostly because I realized I was living a life exactly like Paul's. I want to do the right thing and sometimes do, but most of the time, I choose the easy or comfortable way - I find Jesus said it better when He said "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." (Mark 14:38 & Matthew 26:41)
To be honest, my desire to know more, to feed these spiritual gifts of mine (or precious little pets I like to think of them - after the dinner roll in Tommy Boy), leaves me feeling like I know less about God than I used to.
I struggle with theology. I wrestle with doctrine. I search for a Word from God every time I read the Bible. I want it and when I don't get it for awhile, I am left feeling farther from Him.
This is not the way it is supposed to be. And it isn't always the way it is but when I start stacking the number of spiritual light bulbs I'm getting on any one given day - I feel guilty and ashamed that I'm not a better Christian.
There are days when I feel like the more I hunt after knowledge, the less I get.
Woodrow Kroll says about the Apostle Paul, "He didn't focus on what he didn't know; he focused on what he did know. And what he knew for sure was God loved him and God had saved him. God had a future for him."
God doesn't want me to constantly beat myself up about the fact that I am (not yet anyways) John Wesley status. It might even be possible that John Wesley was never John Wesley status.
He wants me to seek after His pearls for sure, but He never wants me to get discouraged when I don't FEEL like I'm not finding some earth-shattering way to exegete Scripture every day.
In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if swimming out to the deep end intellectually is something I might do on occasion. Maybe He just wants me to remember what I do know about Him. So I made a list:
* He loves me.
* He saved me from myself.
* He saved my husband from himself.
* He has a magnificent plan for us.
* He has blessed us in every way possible.
* He will honor me.
* He will always be with me.
* He is in control.
* When I obey, He will bless me.
* He is the author of my story and He has just begun to write.
Ok, that list is a lot longer than Woodrow's but that is the core of my faith. It's Him, it's always about Him and when I let that be, things of eternal magnitude happen. So, Amy, stay in the shallow end sometimes and enjoy basking in the sunlight of His glory. He is taking care of the rest.
What about you? What do you know about God?