This morning, I showed up to run with my group. I was the only one because I didn't check my email last night and with the whole tropical storm going on, we moved it to a safer, less 90% chance of rain day - Thursday. However, I'd been up since before 4:30 am When Sophia had to tell me about a dream she had.
I was in a very bad state of mind walking back to my house.
I'm a grown woman crying because none of my friends showed up to run. Ridiculous. And not because they didn't warn me ahead of time, but because I failed to check. Which made me feel even worse.
The rational part of my brain loudly commented that I sounded like Natalie when she is tired and upset. The irony hits me in the back of the head now. There are really such things as genetics.
But, there is a purpose in this rant. Realizing I sound like her (or she like me) made me think about her. She has been complaining lately her younger sister gets all of my attention. She is right - Sophia just started school, has been exerting her new found powers of big-girlness to ill effect a lot and has generally been a time suck for me. Natalie is more or less self-sustaining but Sophia still requires a lot of care. Natalie can entertain herself but Sophia needs someone to help her play Bingo.
It hurts. Hurts her and me to know she has to complain so loudly to get my attention. It's frustrating for us both. But it is easy to fix.
One of my favorite passages to twist around and pray is Deuteronomy 29:4. That passage is talking about how the Israelites, without God, were deaf, blind and dumb to the glories of His presence and the dangers of the world.
But Christ is not a no show. He has not left me without eyes to see, ears to hear and a mind to understand. He has gifted me with His Holy Spirit, Who pours wisdom into me on a daily basis - who stands in the middle of the road and won't let me walk down the wrong path.
He shows up for me all the time. So, I will remember:
- His benefits
- He satisfies me with good things
- He heals my wounds
- He forgives my sins
- He makes the way plain
- He covers me with grace and compassion
- He works righteousness and justice in my life
- He is slow to anger and abounding in love.
I'm not going to be a no-show for Natalie. I'm going to abound in love for her and remind her just how precious Mommy, Daddy and Jesus think she is.
(And I will also check email the next time a running day falls on during a tropical storm watch!)