Friday, January 14, 2011

Hide and Seek

Two realizations this week:

1. I hate being tired.

2. I hate being sad.

And this week has been the week for both. I have received glorious news, but also news that others are not surviving. It has certainly been a mixed bag - and now that I am at the end of this week, the emotional roller coaster has left me jerked around and worn out.

I read a blog post by a dear friend (who at the moment wants to remain nameless), addressing the same feeling I have.

The Why?

Why, Lord, is it necessary for cancer to return, after it has been already been beaten back, to steal the life of a mother of two, when her oldest hasn't even reached the teenage years?

Why do some people, incredibly selfish & self-serving people, get so many chances only to waste them?

Why does evil prevail, crime continue and love struggle to take root?

This is the deep end of the pool - to face suffering and cry out. Often, we don't hear the answer. Not that there isn't one, it is just our ears aren't tuned to that frequency at the moment. Only time can prepare us to see and hear what The Lord is doing.

Fortunately, He doesn't leave us clueless.

I have taken solace in two verses this week: Luke 8:25 and John 12:24.

In the first, Jesus has completely stunned His Disciples by calming the gale-forces surrounding them. It is a very Disciple-like response that these guys would be so awed by His Power, even though they just heard Him preach the most earth-shattering messages to thousands.

But in the middle of a perfectly still sea - He looks at them and asks them where did they put their faith? In Him or what they can see with their eyes?

It is a valid question, and one I hadn't realized He was asking me, till just yesterday. I always thought, reading this before, He was scolding them for their well-known density. But, I believe, He was just as in awe at their misplaced faith, as they were in awe at His power. He wanted them to look AT HIM, not just what He is doing.

Or, in my case, what results I was not seeing from His Hand.

The second verse is incredibly comforting, especially in the midst of suffering. It is along the lines of taking up your cross daily. It is not only a call to die to yourself, but sometimes, to literally die.

I read the book Same Kind of Different As Me this week. This verse was quoted when, after a long, terrible battle with colon cancer - one of the author's wife dies. Her death prompts many to come to The Lord and pour out their love on the homeless of Fort Worth. I'm ok with death. I know she is in a far better place. But reading about her anguish was more than I could bear.

And there Jesus was, right in the middle of this week that has been about glory and suffering, great news and bad, asking me:

Do you want to be found?

It is clear the question I must answer is if I want my faith to have eternal significance or do I just long for the momentary comfort?

This is the deep end of the pool. And I'm a good swimmer. But part of me wants the momentary comfort - I don't want everything to have eternal significance. I want, I need a break. He gets that. He understands I'm only human and I need the storm to cease once in awhile, for sanity's sake.

But I still have to answer.


Anonymous said...

What a powerful word. And one I need to hear this week. Thanks for sharing your soul. Missed your call, will touch base soon & explain where I've been. Love to you all.

Julie said...

It is impossible to comprehend all of it. I keep trying, with no success. I am learning that it is all about faith and relying upon what we know to be true about God, rather than on our feelings. Unfortunately that is so hard, especially when things go horribly wrong. So glad for your good news!

Anonymous said...

My heart really goes out to you and your family.... As I read all of this I must say, even as hard as it truly may be and those times when you just want to throw in the towel and give up, WE CAN'T!! That's what the Enemy would love for us to do... And so far you have come a long way!! Too long to turn back now! What God brings you to, he'll lead you thru. The Lord puts in my spirit to say that's why in his Word He says for us to fight the Good Fight of Faith! Never give up! It's a Good fight because His Word says We already WIN! God has already defeated Satan thru Jesus at Calvary!!! And the Lord says to be of Good cheer for I have overcome the World...
The Israelites that Moses led in the Desert for fourty years couldn't see the Promise Land because they couldn't get pass their circumstances and felt like God had brought them out of Egypt into the Desert only for them to die! When infact He had delivered them from slavery out of the hand of King Pharaoh! They had forgotten all of the Great & Powerful Works HE performed to deliver them bondage and instead they complained for years only to then decide to go back to Egypt to be captured into slavery once again!!
The same goes for all of us today! We can either choose to walk in the path of God's PERFECT Will which is Victory and receive all the Promises that Jesus died to give us by Faith or we can do as the Israelites did and never experience what God has already planned for us since before the foundation of the World.... We MUST continue this walk of Faith and also talk in Faith with what his Word says already belongs to us! BY HIS STRIPES WE WERE AND ARE HEALED! Jesus has already redeemed us from the Curse of the Law which is Sickness, Poverty, & the Power of SIN! For His Word says that the Righteous shall live by Faith AND NOT by Sight! No, it's no easy walk in the park to do this and can be very challenging at many times, however I'm still learning and growing in this by renewing my mind in God's Truth in his Word and keeping my tongue in line with it likewise... When one goes years of talking and believing one way and then have it changed is in itself a process and by no means happens overnight! I've heard a lot of faith messages from different evangelists on Christian TV and thru my Pastor at church and I'm still fighting the Good Fight of Faith! I want to live and do it GOD'S way and that's to call things that BE NOT as though they WERE and IT SHALL COME TO PASS! Keep speaking His Powerful Promises over yourself and your loved ones and then watch GOD honor your Faith and Faith talk and walk by bringing his Word to pass in your life for all the World to see his GLORY thru YOU.... First receive it Spiritually(by getting His Word deep down on the inside of you until it becomes all of you from inside to out...)then you'll be able to receive it PHYSICALLY! For ALL the Promises of GOD are YEA & AMEN(SO BE IT).
BTW, the Older generation of the Israelites who wandered in the Desert for fourty years were killed off for their disbelief and rebellion while the younger generation lived on to see the promise land that God gave them to enjoy! A land flowing with Milk & Honey... It was Joshua and Caleb with their descendents who belived in their Deliverer and because of their obedience was able to go thru to the other side, Praise GOD! The Right side of Almost...
Never give up and keep Hope alive in HIM!! JESUS died to give you LIFE and Life in abundance! Be not moved by the World and what you see or feel, BUT be moved ONLY by the True and LIVING Word of Almighty GOD!=))))
I will continue to lift up your family in my prayers and trusting God's Perfect Will be done!!! Much Love from your Sister in Christ!=-)