Saturday, March 19, 2011

The halfway mark

Well - not too much, to be honest, has gone on this week. It has been a long, lazy Spring Break. A little trip to the beach with the cousins after chemo Tuesday and not much else since we've been back - nothing worthy of report anyway. That is the way we like it!

Tuesday was the halfway point in Sophia's treatment protocol. At one point in the clinic, I was greatly overwhelmed by how far we've come. I don't even feel like the same person I was on October 10th, 2010. I have been changed in so many ways. Sure, I still have some of the same quirks but my thought process about life, what's (or who's) important is totally different.

I still get annoyed when whining and unsafe behavior appears in my children, pretty sure that will never go away. And there are some other things I know that need to be worked on in my marriage.

But overall, we have been so blessed. So comforted by His Grace and mercy. So overwhelmingly loved by His people. There are still so many funny things that have and continue to happen. We are able to laugh and enjoy life like never before.

That is the funny thing about tragedy. It should teach you how precious good living really is. Many times I hold the moment in my hands, cradle it like a baby chick I'm afraid is going to jump and run away. Other times, it is just business as usual, being a stay at home Mom.

Now when I end my days, when I kiss my girls goodnight - their skin is softer than I remember it being before. They always looked like angels, but now they actually glow. I rarely look forward to them "just going to sleep" to give me some peace and quiet after a long day.

(Don't get me wrong, I still want my peace and quiet).

I enjoy them in a way I would not, if Sophia hadn't gotten cancer. How ironic is that? It took cancer for me to love my children more.

They were treasures before. Now they are priceless.

I don't know if I was a very good Mommy before - I certainly have my doubts. But one thing is for sure - cancer has made me a better one. I was a pretty good wife before, but now I don't need my husband to prove it to me. We better understand our value to each other, in ways that would not have been possible before.

We are only halfway through. I could not have guessed 26 weeks ago I would feel this way. And I cannot imagine what the next 23-24 hold. I pray they will continue to be as healthy as they have been - which has an enormous impact on how we are doing on any given day.

When Jesus told us not to store up our treasures in things that decay - I get it.

I am also beginning to understand what Paul wrote in Romans 8:26 - about how The Lord works everything for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I'm starting to see life as beautiful again. Thank you Lord.


Suzanne C said...

Thank the Lord for you, Amy....and for your beautiful family. Love, Auntie, Suz

The Kemps said...

I came across your blog googling "mass behind eye infant," as a CT scan has reveled one in my only child, my 4 month old Logan. We're following up with the pediatric opthamologist today. I'd like to thank you for your honest expressions of frustration and love for the Lord. I'm trying to stay positive and enjoy every minute with my incredible son, but this is already a test of my faith. Thank you for sharing yours.

JANICE & JAMES said...

........"for such a time as this".... Your family's painful journey has reached the hearts of so many. Only Eternity will tell just how MANY have been touched by your struggles and victory and have turned to the only One who can deliver...Jesus Christ, our Lord! Hugs to you all! When we get home, come by for some candy kisses!!

Janice and James