Do you think God sees you in your everyday life? Do you think He cares what you are going through? Do you wonder if the small details go unnoticed? And if He doesn't hear or see the small things, does He really get involved with the big stuff like cancer? Does He really answer prayers?
These were just a few of the questions I felt coming off a mother I spoke with last week in the hospital, whose son was diagnosed with a rhabdomyosarcoma in his hand. She was under so much stress, so new to this process and had been told resolutely at one time that what her son had could not have been cancer. She told me through the initial process, she had such faith and was so strong and now........?
She is in the process of mourning and it creates a lot of doubt.
I have felt that way so many times over the last 10 months. Adrift on a sea of worries, concerns of big and little - wondering just where God is. Did He see me? Was He really my El Roi? Did He care? Was He really my Good Shepherd showing me and our family the way out of this?
It still lingers. It is a hard feeling to get over and in the midst of all the "doing" we caregivers handle, the sadness about our situation sticks. I feel a lot of anxiety this morning that I hope to pray out. I suspect Tuesday will feel like this for a long time - it is my Pavlovian effect.
But I read something yesterday as part of a new study I committed myself too. I am tired of focusing on myself, so I looked up the reading plans on my Bible App and found one on God's Goodness. That is just what we need to focus on when we are discouraged, hurting, anxious, in pain and bereft. His Goodness, His Grace, His Mercy and ultimately how He will rectify all the wrong in this world.
The verse I read was Psalm 9:12.
He remembers. He does not ignore. He KNOWS what is happening in your life, down to the finest detail.
Whether that scares you (it does me a little) or brings you peace (it does me a lot), it's the Truth. He is always with us, at the beginning, in the middle and through to the end.
Pray these families understand that He is there. Pray they will feel His care for them. And pray The Lord will remember and move on their behalf.
Sophia Vogel (5, soft tissue sarcoma behind left eye) - Completed her treatment protocol!! It was rough going this last time, but she has recovered well. Going in for counts to see if she needs any "blood boost" today and pray for peace in her heart and mind about this and in general.
Anna Grace Dennis (7, cancer free from brain stem tumor) - Pray she will recover before school starts from her mono-like symptoms!
Rylee Beard (5, Will's tumors in bladder/abdomen) - Completed 2nd to last chemo yesterday, both mother and daughter are exhausted. She will get her blood counts checked this week and next, with her last chemo round of her protocol on the 16th!
Holden Underwood (1, ALL/MLL) - Started inpatient round last Wednesday, pray for his health, his peace and good rest!
Matthew (5, Rhabdomyosarcoma) - Finished his last inpatient chemo round last week and doctor believes he is in remission. That will be confirmed through his scans in October. Pray it is!
Aiden McSpadden (2, AML relapse) - Bone Marrow tests last week and started chemo up again. Pray for the strength and heart of this family, they are reeling from being in remission and having to start this process up again.
Brennan Scurlock (1, neuroblastoma) - Had multiple scans and tests last week, including bone marrow. Please pray for conclusive results and wise choices on the next phase of his treatment.
Kristina Barrett (9, sarcoma in lungs and arm) - Continue to pray her tumor doesn't grow/shrinks as a results of the current chemo she is on.
Mark (10, rhabdomyosarcoma in left hand) - Currently in the staging process to determine full course of treatment plan. Getting 2nd opinions shortly and hope to make a decision regarding surgery and treatment. Pray for peace as this family was living overseas as ex-pats and will now have to shift to homeschool plan and such a radical change in their lives.
Gabbie Howe (12, brain tumor - type TBD)- Gabbie had surgery at St. Jude's yesterday to remove the tumor, which was in the same place as Anna Grace's. They were able to get all the tumor and she is recovering well! Please pray for a clear diagnosis and treatment plan, peace f or the family and God's glory to be shown to all through this time!
Mark Ochoa (2, Wilm's Tumor)
Tristan Smit (3, ependymoma)
Ruel Bobet (20, stomach cancer)
Addison Marshall (18, ALL)
Courtney Pette (16, lymphoma)
Natalie Fraker (4, astrocytoma)
Hudson Kadlecek (4, lymphoma)
Patton Jones (3, Burkitt's Lymphoma)
Wyatt (2, ALL)