Thursday, December 20, 2012

God Gets Your Human

It is fairly common for me to be of two minds lately. This dichotomy of mind and spirit has existed for quite some time.  It has manifested itself at various times, in various waysBut the most common is when I get mad.  The difference between what I consider the "normal" Amy and the "angry" Amy is striking. 

Lysa TerKeurst calls it coming unglued in her latest best-selling book of the same name.  That is an appropriate way to describe what happens to me - like my true self departs my body to run to a safe place.  I had a Bible Study leader tell me that people usually fall into addictive patterns because of H.A.L.T (hungry, angry, tired or lonely.)  Unfortunately, my addictive response is to explode.  It is so ingrained in me to lash out in a negative way - to slam a door, tear something up and/or scream and yell - that I have really struggled with how to make these behavior obedient to Christ.

It reminds me of what Paul writes about in 2 Corinthians 12:7 - I was given a thorn in my flesh, as messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Doggone it if I am not my own thorn - my anger is the flame that Satan inflames to torment me.

***Hear me - I'm not saying "The Devil Made Me Do It."****

(I used that excuse one time when I was about 10 and got the worst lecture from my father - until I became a teenager.)

No, my rage, is something squarely in my control.  I don't have to let it go that farBut if I really open up here, sometimes it feels good.  That release of pent-up emotion feels stabilizing, even though in the long-run it completely destabilizes my relationships.  After I have an outburst, I feel...balanced.

I know that is not how God wants me to be and I have prayed for 5 years that He would change me.  He has yet to answer that prayer.

I chalk that up mostly to sanctification being a process.  There is a method to it that takes time.  It's a marathon, not a sprint.  The times I get really angry have become fewer and farther between for sure in the last 5 years, but this last week reveals an uptick in the occurrences.  That has me concerned.  So, as I've been confessing and praying about them, God works on me from the inside out.  

God is teaching me that I need to ask for my eyes to be opened to see challenges as opportunities to give Him more room to work.  I need to see challenges as my teachers, not as excuses to go off.  I need His love to cover that flood of emotion that hits me when I hit the emotional brick wall.   To confirm the Lord has me right where He wants me, in this spiritual growth spurt, I received two encouragements in 3 hours time.  First, was Lysa TerKeurst's Facebook status update the other day:

Jesus came and gave all so that we wouldn't have to live our lives based on how we feel in the moment.  We can live our lives based on truth.  Often those two things are different.  And the more I understand that and determine to let truth reign my heart in, the more peaceful I am.

Then, in an email from my dearest friend Gindi Vincent, I read this wisdom, summing up my situation from her perspective:

Hi, welcome to a brand new country and culture and make sure your kid’s cancer is still gone and have a new baby and homeschool your kids and leave your friends and family, and oh yeah, Merry ChristmasCut yourself some slack sister, this is a brutal transition. God gets your human – I love you. 

Reading and re-reading those words, I heard Jesus saying

I get you, Amy.  I get that you are human because I am too.  Although I am also God and your behavior should separate us - it doesn't.  That is the most amazing thing about Me and My love for you.  Nothing can take you out of my Hands - I love you that much.  I promise you that I'm helping you, even when you don't feel it.  I am changing you, just give me more room to show you how.  I am redeeming your worst moments and will use them to bring others to me.  Just give me some more room to show you how.

Just give me some more room.

If you are struggling with a pattern of behavior that you just can't kick - something that you've prayed about but doesn't seem to be getting any better, remember those wordsGod gets your human(ity).  He is the only One who really does because He  is human too.  And because He is, He has the power to help you, it just takes time.  

So give Him more room to work.

1 comment:

Gindi said...

Love how you can transform a little conversation into a beautiful point about our Gracious Heavenly Father and Lord - sweet friend, praying for you today and always.