Sunday, April 7, 2013

Can I Really Ask God for More?

This started as a question in my heart as I texted my friend this morning about how the enormity of an upcoming international flight with 3 kids, one of which is still pretty new, is sinking in.  It hit me last week when I was coming out of Macy's, after buying a much-needed luggage set.  I was pushing the stroller, pulling the suitcases behind when it occurred to me that in little more than a week, I would be doing this with 2 additional kids, their stuff and a car seat+base.  We don't have to schlep all of that very far, just to the check in counter, but I started to feel a little claustrophobic.  Maybe that was a premonition of the plane ride.

I remember seeing a mother with 3 small kids in the airport one time, thinking she was by herself.  She looked so weary, so run down.  Then her husband walked up and he, too, looked pretty stressed.  They had so much stuff!  I looked at Dave and said, "I never want that to be me." 

I need to stop saying those kind of things.  Because now I am what I feared to become. 

I'm not saying my kids are going to be the issue.  My older girls are EXCELLENT travelers, they are super helpful and independent.  I anticipate they will continue to be.  But the thought of a 7 hour flight to Amsterdam, then making the connection for a 2 hour city hopper to Bologna, factoring in feedings and diaper changes and my own lack of sleep - I must confess: I feel against the ropes.

Add in the voiced concerns of my husband, mother and friends - I'm trying not to totally freak out.

That's where this question comes from.  Can I really ask God to bless a situation I put myself in?  He has been SOOOO good to us, in very obvious ways over the last 3 years especially.  Can I really go back to the well and ask Him to make our journey peaceful and amazing?

I know I CAN.  But will I?

Then I hear the words of Jesus echo in my mind.

Oh ye of little faith.

That's me alright.  After all I've seen, all I've experienced, all I know, I'm back here again at the whim of my feelings.  I know this is the line in the sand.  I know the Lord is asking me to step over that line from fear and anxiety into belief, by the power of faith.  I know I can't see what is coming but He can and He is trustworthy.  He loves me.  He cares for us.  He doesn't want my baby to scream the whole trip as I secretly fear she might.  He doesn't want me a limp noodle, impotent from the stress.

What He wants is His daughter standing strong because of what she already knows He can do.

So it's time to decide.  Do I lean into the Lord, trusting not in my own understanding?  Do I acknowledge His ways yet again, knowing in the process He will set my mind at ease and my future in line with His will?  Do I confess my fear and obvious lack of faith, so I can find the freedom of His peace that surpasses all understanding?

Or do I keep going down this road lined with fear, looking for any port in the storm that will help me deal with my anxiety?

You know what my answer is, of course.  But it's easier said than done.  This is just a small part of what He is teaching me right now, what I will write more on later.  He is teaching me He wants to give me so much more than I can even imagine, and I already have all the faith I need to ask for it.  I need to praise Him in advance for what I already know He is doing.  He wants to give me so much more of Himself, but I've got to stop hedging my bets and pray for the result I want, without fear, not just for "His Will." 

Because I use that as a cop out when something big is on the line.

Maybe you are in a similar situation and don't know if you can really go back to the well of faith one more time.  Here's my advice: Just do it.  Confess your fear and lack of faith so you will be cleansed.  Then He will give you the eyes to see just how much bigger He is than your circumstances.

And I'll be over here working on taking my own advice.

No comments: