I've often been a person who is thinking several steps beyond the present moment. I guess it's taken awhile since I did the Book Study Heart Whispers in the fall to really get what it means when she discusses one of the spiritual disciplines--"live in the moment." You see, I don't often JUST think ahead, I often think (or if I really want to admit it wish) I was somewhere or someone else. I'm sure the mothers of small children out there can sympathize, but the other facet of it is, sometimes I just can not believe this is my life. I don't say that in a negative way, I just have a hard time comprehending it all. I have a problem believing that God would bless me in all the ways that He has. With a wonderful, handsome husband, 2 beautiful children, a great adventure as well as personal health and vitality.
I guess what I mean to say is....I know me. I know who I am and it's really not that much different than I was 10 years ago. I'm still a kid, how can I have kids? Maybe I'm not the only out there who thinks occasionally, I really am not qualified for all this. I take it all for granted, take it out on the ones I love, who is this person? DOES NOT COMPUTE all the time.
My Mom said one time that sometimes she looks in the mirror and wonders who that old lady is looking back at her. It's kinda the same thing. "How in the world did I get these beautiful girls and why don't I love them that way all the time?" is a question my brain OFTEN asks. Sometimes reality stinks and sometimes it's too good to be true but I can't always "get it." Too often in the shallow end.
And then there is the ugly part that sometimes wishes for "better." In my heart of hearts, especially before I came back to Christ, I would often envision a "better or other" life. I know there is no better. As a dear friend told me once, there isn't "Mr. Right" there is "Mr. Right Now." And that's true of a lot of things. I could be better or worse in the next minute, but all I have is "Amy Right Now."
So, where does this leave me? It leaves me in the midst of prayer for God to dispel by "disbelief." It's not unbelief, it just not living in reality. I don't live in the moment with my full heart. Good or bad, better or worse, I just don't always embrace the situation. The next step (well, prayer) is that God will give me the wisdom and courage to honor Him, no matter what the situation. That I will consciously choose His way over my own way, even when I think I'm justified.
But first things first. Step #1--I gotta get where I don't covet a "better" whatever it is. That's what it boils down to. If I am not present in my reality, I am wishing for a better one, whether I admit it or not. I am disengaged and you can't do The Lord's work if you aren't plugged in to what He has given you right now. Through Him, I have asked for change.
Step #2 Dear Lord, show me in every moment how to live like you, speak like you, think like you; so all that's left in me can only glorify You.
In the end--Reality doesn't bite. It all boils down to one truth: God put me here for a purpose so in clinging to that, I can press on towards the goal--which is Christ. Love it and jump in, let go of my agenda and get on with Christ's. There is only joy in that!