So, I just wrote what feels like a long justification for my current lifestyle of stay-at-home-Mom. It's unusual that I should feel a need to justify my actions or current situation, but I think there is more to it. In fact I know there is. Over the last 18 months I have come to grips with not being productive like I used to. I mean, I used to be REALLY successful by all accounts. Now, I ironed for 90 minutes for no one to really notice or say thank you. But, strangely, that doesn't bother me. You see, whether this thought is original or not, I was given a gift while running this morning. The thought gift was one that I am not a nobody in God's Kingdom or Economy. You see, He has me just where I need to be right now - to stabilize and encourage my family and friends. This SAHM thing can be a real grind, especially during the summer. And 2 days ago it was. I have wanted (and blogged about) throwing in the towel and giving up.
But that was not to be. Nor am I a typically negative person all the time, although I do like a good pity party. I've had my fair share since I've transitioned home but I'm sure that's pretty normal. And The Lord has been showing me, throughout this time just how valuable what I'm doing right now is. Through people, messages, His Word, He keeps telling me to Honor Him and be fulfilled. That's the secret to abundant life.
You see, 3 times in the Old Testament He states that He will show love and blessing to your descendants - even to a thousand generations (70,000-100,000 years depending on how you define a generation), for those who keep His commandments. He makes big promises and only He is big enough to keep them. And not one of those lives, in His mind, is unimportant. None of those lives are lived in obscurity. I've been reading a book by Beth Moore about the life of the Apostle John, who lived in cultural obscurity for years while his contemporaries and other anointed Apostles garnered all of the attention. Peter and Paul mainly took the spotlight but John outlasted them all. And Beth states that in the time he spent walking with The Lord in relative silence, The Lord rewarded him with a gift no one else has matched. His gospel, his epistles and of course, the book of Revelation. John has definitely made a name for himself - although he certainly didn't live to see it all.
You see, in our world, Brad Pitt and Michael Jackson are celebrated, but truthfully, their impact is minimal in the face of eternity. People 100 years from now will not remember them, although they maybe vaguely influenced on some level. Maybe even 50 years from now - maybe even 10, these guys face the slow fade into anonymity. It can be crushing to an ego and I don't doubt John probably struggled with this. But he persevered and was given the inspiration to write revolutionary words about Our God and King. No one can argue the impact he has had on the world and our faith.
So, rewinding a bit. What does me ironing for 90 minutes have to do with the Apostle John? In the long range scheme of things - probably everything. I could be setting an example for my children and nieces what a faithful Mommy (& hopefully Proverbs 31 Woman) looks and acts like. But I do know that some how, God will use my faithfulness in the little things to transform this next generation into a group of women who will change the world. They also, like me, may serve in cultural obscurity. No matter what I hope for my books & studies, they may just be written for His glory.
The point is, it's worth that. He is worth my all in everything I do, no matter how mundane the world thinks it is. He is worth it, not just because He promises to bless my children's children's children but because He just is. Not just because what He did for me and my family on The Cross, but because of just who He is.
My point is - I am not a nobody. There is nothing I do that is not seen nor heard by Him and if it is good - He is glorified. That is why I am here, why I was created and in living for that purpose - my life seems more full and more abundant than even the world's wealthiest wealthy can imagine. Obscurity does not exist in His world. He knew me before the foundation of The World and He formed me in His image in the dark places of my mother's womb. There is nothing more important than that. And I pray for those who don't know it. Have mercy on them Lord that they think things or people can fill Your perfectly shaped hole in their heart.
But in the end - Thank you Lord that I am in this place, today. I don't know what tomorrow brings, enough worry for it's own I'm sure, but I know I can trust myself in You. And trust you with the thousand generations You will bless because of my decision to follow you.