Well - I've been awake since 5 am. Sophia had her vitals checked and I got in bed with her. I snuggled up until she realized it was me and not Dave. She refused to sleep with me and wouldn't let me touch her. So, I had to switch places with Dave.
You are probably thinking I wasn't happy about this. You would be right! She has been preferring her Daddy more and more in the last 24 hours, which is great because he is wonderful. I've tried not to let it bother me, but every Mommy will eventually take it personally. I did so just packed up and headed down to the chapel to let them sleep.
The chapel here is peaceful and, of course, all clear. So, The Lord and I had a chat. Ok, really, I bawled. He listened. I said out loud all the awful things I'd been keeping in or not wanting to admit. I went where I usually do not let myself go. I told Him I didn't understand, I couldn't. I have never walked through a trial like this. But at the same time, I couldn't even express what several of the Psalms say. I tried, but the words "Where are you God???" just wouldn't come out.
Because I know where He is. He was there. He is here right now. He is not only everywhere but really and truly here with me. I admitted that too. How could I not when every part of my mind, heart and spirit knew it to be true?
How that all works, I don't know. I confess my mind does not comprehend many things about this God I worship, but He often bypasses my mind and goes direct to my heart. I have had experiences I can not explain away or deny; this morning was one of them.
When I finally settled down enough, I opened my devotional that I've talked about on here before. I'd read through it Sunday morning but it had zero meaning. It was about responding to trials and sufferings. How funny God! I got the message today.
The reading was 2 Thessalonians 1:1-4. This set me off again because it spoke to me personally, as well as how I felt about all of you yesterday. Every single person praying for us is growing in faith and love. Unbelievable! How can I not rejoice in that? I felt like Paul felt for his readers. But also felt like he was writing to me. I was encouraged and humbled and also reassured this trial is for my benefit, rather than harm.
The devo ended with Micah 7:7. I'm telling you, God tailor made this devotional for me, for TODAY. I could not imagine a more appropriate verse than that for what we are going through. We are waiting on results, but more than anything, we are watching for how God will work in this situation - how He will defend us, how He will use supernatural, medicinal and/or surgical means to heal our daughter. How will He do it? I gotta keep my eyes open.
I have often written on choices. If you wonder what faith in Christ is about, sometimes it is just a choice. Whether it is to keep loving someone who is unlovable or deciding to believe in the impossible - you just have to choose.
So that is what I'm doing. Choosing to watch for The Lord to bring Sophia's (and Dave's and mine and Natalie's) salvation, by any means.
P.S. I have met 2 Dad's of kids here on this floor. I don't know if this means The Lord is preparing me for what we will face through their stories or maybe they just needed someone to listen and I was there. But I am privileged because they let me pray for them. One is Holden - who is 9 months old with 2 types of leukemia and the other is Elena Murphy, 11 years old, who has 3 malignant brain tumors. Both are enduring chemo and Holden had a very rough night last night. (We are next door to him so we heard.)
As you are lifting up Sophia, add these precious lambs please. Lord - make their situations beautiful too!!