I've been praying for perspective for the last 10+ days. I just want to be able to see that all of this consternation around Sophia, the house, the repairs to the house, etc. are of some value.
I've said before that I've had a few meltdowns. I've used a few obscenities too. My house is a mess and I have a to do list a mile long.
But this morning, instead of running (or sleeping), I got up and did my devotional. I prayed and I confessed. It is scary to think, under stress, how easy I can try to walk back in the old ways of my life. How quickly I can forget just how blessed we are. How right it feels to focus on me and my own misery.
And I do - you've read about it. You've written me about your own. There are many people hurting out there. We are all on our own journeys, in our own unique relationships with God and I don't think we give ourselves enough leeway for our emotions. And we certainly don't give God enough room to carry us.
I have put Him in a box. I have limited His power. I have chosen to follow tempting paths away. I have not given Him a chance to be big enough to handle my grief, anger and desperation.
Mostly because it's too painful.
And it will continue to be. There could be worse things ahead then what we have endured thus far. But then again, it could all be smooth sailing from here on out.
What is crystal clear to me today is that, the less I plan and the less I worry, the more joy I will find. It has been said that He only gives us enough strength for today, that's what I've got to live on. Just today.
Dave too, this morning, caught himself making a mental to-do list. He stopped and said "No, I'll just do this, otherwise I will get overwhelmed and won't do anything."
Is that the 10,000 or 10 foot view? Is that the way God thinks? Does He just take it day by day, even though He can see through forever?
Maybe, Jesus tried to steer His Disciples from eternal thinking a lot and I think that's because we just can't get it. Even if we knew what our tomorrow looked like, we probably would spent our whole today on changing tomorrow and miss out on what He has for us today.
There is an enormous burden we are carrying right now. But I take comfort in the fact that The Father provided someone to come up beside His Son, to help Christ carry His own Cross, when it grew too heavy.
We have a cross to carry but we do not do it alone. Nor do we have to carry it longer than today. It's just today. It's only today. As a friend, John Lummus, showed me through The Red Sea Rules, we only have to take the next logical step. And then another, till the day is done.
Whatever that next logical step brings, I will embrace it and know that my God is big enough to handle any problem or tantrum I can throw His Way. And He will give me the courage to wait on Him to provide the solution.
After all, He saved our lives this week. Literally.
That's perspective and today, that is what it means to live for Christ, to glorify Him. The next logical step.