Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hearing from God

We have a long history of hearing from God in my family.  I've heard God's audible voice once about 7 years ago.  I will save the details for another time, but I assure you it wasn't in my head.  My parents have both heard God speak out loud - my Dad three times that I know of.  The last time was in January, 2 weeks before the girls and I came to the States to get our visas.  He was in bed, being quiet and still when he heard a female voice say, "I'm coming home."  (The other 2 times have been a male voice, so this was definitely "different," as if hearing God's voice isn't different enough!)

Initially, he thought it was his mother telling him HE was the one going home - literally to Heaven.  But eventually he worked out it was about Ella being born in the States - because she would need the extra care we could so easily get there.  He says that experience wiped all of his worry over us away.  He knew she would be fine.  (That story is here.) 

(When I asked my Dad if I could share that story, this is what he said,

Not at all on the hearing from God.  HE IS There and WILL HEAR YOU, sometimes even letting you know He is working, most times with His more important agenda.
I'm so thankful I have a man of faith as my father - one I can talk to about spiritual things!)

I'm used to hearing from God when I listen, usually in my heart and mind.  Lately though, I haven't been able to nail down any real time with him.  It's started to get me feeling out of sorts. The more time you spend listening for God's voice, the easier it is to hear.  Of course, the reverse is true.  The less you focus on God, the less you hear from Him. That's where I am.  I know it.  I don't like it.

I think about my schedule in Houston - I had loads more time to myself.  Our lives here are non-stop from sun-up to sun-down with no real time to still my mind and open the ears of my heart.  In an effort to figure out how I'm going to remedy this, I started thinking about what God's voice sounds like.  And I came to an interesting conclusion.

Even though I haven't been listening, I still know God's voice isn't going to make me feel bad.

Which got me to thinking that if I'm feeling really bad, really guilty and ashamed of not having the time in this season to dig deep in the Lord, whose voice am I actually listening too? 

I think about how I haven't talked to my best friend in a month.  Is she sitting in Houston being mad and holding a grudge about it?  No - she understands.  Just as God does.  He understands even more than she does because He sees what is going on.  So, who am I listening to?  Whose in my head making me feel so bad?

The enemy.

He's crossed battle lines to get here.  He's worked hard to stay hidden and plant the seeds of his evil desire.  His number one goal is to keep the Lord and me apart.  He doesn't want me seeking God, he wants me to feel awful but not do anything about it.  He is the ultimate Accuser, still dragging me back to court for crimes of which I've already been declared innocent, including this one. DUH - I just wrote about this in March!!

If you, too, have been wondering whose voice you have been hearing, here is what I have on the background of my computer:

I'm not listening to satan anymore.  I'm not listening to the lie my Heavenly Father is angry with me and won't forgive me because I can't/won't/haven't made time for Him.  I'm just going to have to catch up with God in the snatches of time available.  I can't grade myself against my past because that's exactly what satan would like me to do.  Christ freed me from that many moons ago and getting stuck in shame is not part of the plan of redemption.  He will find me when I seek Him, even if it is only for 5 minutes at a clip.

If you are struggling in the spiritual, ask yourself how that voice you keep hearing makes you feel.  Ask if that voice is keeping you from God or driving you to Him.  Then decide if you are going to keep listening.  Chances are, you won't want to anymore.

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