I've come close to losing it once or twice. I realize those times of stumbling are because I've allowed my circumstances or my feelings about a circumstance determine my view of the Lord. I'm not talking about doubt, because I think doubt is healthy. Doubt is a question that has an answer.
Losing faith - like a balloon slowly leaks air - is not an issue with God. It is a human condition, like pain or suffering. God never loses faith in us, but I can lose my faith in Him when I begin to see the world through the lens of what He has done for me lately.
I faced that one more time yesterday.
You've read here about how I have prayed, for months now, for Sophia's "spot" to be gone. That spot is the only evidence, besides her port scar, she ever had cancer. I know the Lord has removed that spot. I prayed and I believe that to be true.
But that darn spot showed on the MRI. It is still there. Why?
I don't know. I don't believe the doctor's know and they continue to keep saying it might always be there. I know I have a choice on who and what to believe though. So, I'm choosing to believe her complete healing has happened already and there will come a day, dear friends, when NOTHING will show up on those scans. There will be a day when that spot is gone.
Yesterday wasn't that day and I'm fine with that. Actually, I'm more than fine because I've passed the point of believing what I can see only with my eyes. I am not letting evidence in the natural world dictate my beliefs. I'm not letting the world tell me what is or isn't true because that is God's job. He is the Truth, so I'm not going to falter this time.
My faith is not in what He has yet to do.
I can say with certainty part of this process the last few months has been to get here, where I'm not devastated when my prayer doesn't seem to be answered. The Lord used this time to "grow me up" beyond believing in Him solely on the basis of results. So, when I stand here and tell you that spot is gone, even though it still showed up on the MRI yesterday, I know it doesn't make sense.
I know it isn't logical. I know what I'm saying does not compute.
Faith is as faith does. Or believes.
My faith is in God and His love for me, His promises, His character. My faith is not in what God seemingly does or does not do. It was a painful transition to make but made easier because my heart has been so filled with His love. That's where I've camped out since last fall and I've realized something very important. The goal isn't Sophia being N.E.D. (no evidence of disease).
What matters is whether or not I believe what God has told me even when the circumstances don't line up.
The scan looks like it contradicts God's promise of healing. But I tell you it doesn't! I (now) believe that God's Promises trump what we can see. That is what the writer of Hebrews calls the essence of faith - believing in what we CAN'T SEE. It's the reason why God's way are SUPERnatural. They are higher, way higher, than what humans can comprehend.
As real as those scans are, and I cannot deny they are real, to use Reverend Sheepdog's words again, they do not have the last say on Sophia's life. That's God's business. As His child, my business is to be about my Father's business - so I will:
This is an issue/situation that is going straight up to Him. Thank you to my precious friend who sent that to me via text yesterday. I don't know all of God's reasoning. I don't always understand His timing or His ways. So until the day I do, I'll keep sending things up the line to Christ, Who is completely willing and able to handle them. The burden leaves my shoulders when I do that. That's what the Psalmist and the Apostle Peter say is casting my cares onto the Lord.
Besides, I know too much about God to lose faith in Him now.
I hope you were not disappointed by the results after praying with me for the spot to be gone. If you were, I hope this perspective helps. I'm going to pledge to keep praying until such a time that He makes the supernatural reality known here in the natural. I hope you will too and I want you to know, every prayer said for her/us is beyond precious.
Thank you so much, even though that feels completely inadequate. My faith is encouraged by your prayers. Love you dearest brothers and sisters in Christ!