Thursday, September 15, 2011

Where we go from here

I can feel it - almost like I can feel rain (ok, no I can't feel that.)

There is no denying that we are different.  I am different.  We are thinking and acting differently.

I felt for several weeks after the results that I had to keep busy.  That I was scrambling around because I didn't want to face the magnitude of my emotions.  It's been 3 1/2 weeks since we got the results and in that time, we've discussed some important family issues.  We laid some groundwork for how we wanted to move forward.

The odd thing is what God has done with that.  He has given us purpose and planning and a desire to bless others that I've never had before.  And I'm not just speaking for me (although I can't truly speak for Dave), it just seems like we have better things in mind than we did a year ago.  We want to do more, be more for others.

We are starting out small, but the relief and excitement I have over the choices we are making is enormous.  Perhaps because we now have the time to, but also because there is a sense that we should be giving back; or paying it forward so to speak.  There is a sense of anticipation, of something on the horizon.  Maybe it's because Sophia was on T.V. and I'm starstruck by the attention to a little girl (and the people around her) who so clearly deserve it.  But I feel like that was just the beginning.

Whether it's with Team Sophia, my writing, at Dave's work, how we are involved at school and in the community - it just feels special, different.  Psycho-analyze it all you want, I think it is The Lord unlocking the gates and telling His little horsies to run free in His wide-open spaces.  Find out what makes you happy, find out where you can communicate my love - try lots of different things.  It's ok, you've been cooped up long enough - it's time to dive in, make a splash.  For so long, I was so exhausted, most things outside her treatment (and those things involved in it as well), felt like another boulder added to my load that was already more than too heavy.

Now, my hunger to have people know God's love like we have is tremendous.  I have a voracious appetite but I'm not sure at which end of the buffet to start.

Dave has been saying for weeks like it feels like Christmas and Spring Cleaning, all rolled into one and I am finally on board with that. Pray we use our time, energy and finances wisely.  Pray we listen to the still, small voice and not go off in a direction He would not be pleased with because that's the last thing we want to do.  Pray we will wait for His answer on how to channel our enthusiasm. 

We have been so comforted, we want to really make an impact in comforting others.  Pray we will know how!


Gindi said...

Well little horse, RUN! How wonderful to feel the weight beginning to lift. I remember that sensation. Laughing with you as you play in the ocean of His love today.

The Kemps said...

Love the description of Christmas and Spring Cleaning all rolled into one. Your journey has indeed changed not only you, but others, like me! May you continue to show others what you've learned and we all continue to grow with you!