Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Divorce through My Eyes - A Guest Post

This weekend, I had the honor of spending time with my family - especially my nieces.  Our oldest, Madison (who is one of the big reasons our family is so close), is 12.  She is getting so grown up, so fun to talk to and interact with!  Not that she wasn't before but now it is just.....different.

And we have even more in common now.  We are both blossoming writers.  I have a few years ahead of her, but she has the advantage.  She has an opportunity to be taught how to write and not just fly by the seat of her pants like her Aunt.  ;)

Madison's parents are in the process of a getting a divorce.  We are very proud of the way both girls have handled this situation.  They are both happy, well-adjusted and seem to be doing fine.  But Maddie provided us a glimpse into her heart on Friday night.  She read a piece she wrote for one of her classes about the moment, over 3 years ago, when her parents announced to her and her sister, they were divorcing.  I asked her permission to share it with you.  It is so poignant and, to me, explains why anything and everything should be pursued to save a marriage.

I know some marriages cannot be saved.  I know it.  But divorce means something has come between a covenant between 2 people and God. It means long-term pain. It means bitterness.  And most of all, it means loss of love.

You will see, from Maddie's experience, this situation goes deep.  Real deep.  She says she still feels this way sometimes.  Her parents' divorce marks her for the rest of her life.  But I pray she doesn't let it define her.  She is a brilliant writer and I hope to share more of her writings in the future!

Here it is, please leave your comments for her - I know she would love to hear what you have to say!

I could feel the intensity in the room.  "Is there something wrong?" I said as my parents stared me and my sister down as if we had 3 eyes.  

"Maddie, Ryan, could you please sit on the couch?"  Sure, we both said.  

I could tell he (my Dad) was trying not to tell; he was trying not to cry as he clenched his fists.  He was also extremely tense, and his eyes were red.  On the other side of the room, my Mom was pacing back and forth.  She was also unusually tense.  And she had red eyes but never cried.  When we sat down, she said there was something that they had to tell us.  "Okay," my sister and i both answered.

Then they said it.

UGGGGGHHHHH!  Divorce.  I hated that word.  I remember my parents' exact words: 
This has nothing to do with you girls but your dad and I are getting a divorce.
All I wished at that point was that, hopefully, it was just a really bad dream.  But no, it was all real.  My parents basically put their wedding rings away in a dark place just like my feelings.  In which I know they wouldn't do intentionally.  Honestly, it felt and still does, like someone put 100 pounds of bricks on each of my shoulders.  It felt like one of those movies where it seems like you are in slow motion but everything around you is moving at a million miles per hour.

Just to get out of my head - once you are the victim of the crime of divorce, your life changes forever.


Divorced, and happily remarried.... said...

Divorce HURTS!! (Even when necessary.)... the scars are lasting, but can be overcome... the children suffer the most... even when they wanted it to happen... divorce hurts...

angie said...

Sweet Maddie - such truth and innocence in your words. Know that your family is prayed for and your heart as well! Keep writing!

Sandy said...

Oh, Maddie, how well you have expressed yourself!

I have never walked in your shoes, nor do I envy you your walk, but you have done such a lovely job of describing your feelings.

I wish that every couple getting ready to say their marriage vows could read your words and think about the lives that they might change, if they decided to break that marriage covenant.

Keep up the writing!